A Sky Full of Secrets

by Briana Pacheco

  “Easter’s tomorrow.”

  Ian’s eyes turn to slits. “She’s a toddler and wanted a party today.”

  I step back so he can leave. “Okay.”

  “I’ll call you.”

  I look down and nod.

  He never tries to involve me in his life. It’s been like that for years.

  “Jesus, Luna, can you not look like I just killed your cat.”

  “This is my face, Ian,” I point out.

  “I said I’d call you.” Which he won’t. I know him. Having him lie to my face pisses me off more than it should. I hate him. I really hate my brother.

  “Don’t even bother. Talking to you is pointless.”

  Ian laughs dryly. “If only you’d understand that.”

  I narrow my eyes at him and fight back the urge to punch him because he’s talking about me being deaf. He will always find a way to make me feel like shit for this happening to me.

  “Fuck you,” I seethe, my voice starting to crack.

  “Goodbye, Luna.” He turns and walks out of the shop, leaving me throwing daggers at him with my eyes.

  I smell Mac before I feel him. He slips his hand through mine and asks me if I’m okay. For once, I don’t lie. “No, I’m not. I wish I had a different family.” I make my way back to my purse and pet Mystique before I turn to leave. Mac tries to get me to calm down but it doesn’t work. Words will not make this feeling inside of me disappear. “I’m going to find some asshole at a bar to screw. Do not follow me.” Because the girl you care about is not here right now.

  ***

  “Can I buy you a drink?” a guy asks, invading my personal space. He reeks of alcohol and I think he’d take my offer to meet up in the bathroom for a quickie but the moment I stepped foot in this bar, I just wanted a drink instead of having to deal with a man. My indecisiveness will always save me from making stupid, rash decisions.

  “No, thank you.” I flag the bartender down and signal him to make me another of whatever he gave me. The first one was on the house, I can afford the fourth. I don’t care about the money I’m saving for next week’s food. I am twenty-one years old and I want to feel something other than this sadness inside me. Sadness that my older brother always seems to bring out.

  The guy is still in my space, breathing in my face. “Are you sure?”

  “Hey, buddy, she said no. Go.” That voice.

  I look to my left, finding my roommate sitting beside me, nursing a beer. I can’t believe I didn’t know he was here but now that I do, I feel somewhat relieved.

  “Did Mac send you?”

  “I offered.”

  “Why?”

  His eyes land on mine. I look away so he doesn’t feel like he needs to answer that.

  The bartender hands me my drink and I down it in seconds. I barely feel the burn.

  I turn my body toward Phoenix and let the alcohol in my system do the talking because that’s what I need. I need out of my comfort zone. I need to be the girl I was before Wren Lowden entered my life. “If I wanted to have sex with you, what would you say?”

  Please, for the love of God, do not reject me. I have finally said something that I wanted to say. I can’t handle being silent right now.

  “Are you drunk?” I shake my head. The room starts spinning. Okay, I might be drunk. “Are you lying? Because you claimed to be drunk when you really weren’t.”

  I turn my empty glass around in circles. “Are deaf chicks not your type? I’ve been rejected a few times because of it so I understand.” I see Phoenix shift in his seat, his hand reaching for mine but I don’t let him touch me. “I haven’t had sex in two years. I need to fuck. Badly.” I hold his eyes. “Be honest with me. Please.”

  He’s silent for so long that my hopes of being enough, shatters. I can’t even seduce my roommate. I mean, it’s not like I really tried but still, I asked and he has not answered. “Come on.” He grabs my hand and makes me stand.

  I throw a few bills on the bar and we head out.

  Phoenix’s white Jeep Grand Cherokee lights up when he unlocks the doors from the key fob.

  “Where are you taking me?” I look up at him as he opens the door for me.

  “Someplace where no one will find your body,” he deadpans.

  Somehow, I manage to smile. Then the reality of that statement hits me full-force. “No one will even bother to look,” I whisper.

  My phone never blows up with texts or social media messages. I never get surprise calls because the people I want to hear from the most are always busy. The MacKay’s are the only people who check in with me regularly to make sure I’m okay. To the rest of the world, I’m a nobody.

  “That’s not true.” Phoenix helps me into the car and buckles the seatbelt when he realizes that I can’t. I’m stuck staring at the dash, tears pooling in my eyes. “MacKay will. I will. You’re a nice person to be around, Luna.”

  He doesn’t even know me.

  His hand lands on my thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze. It’s a squeeze that says ‘she’s crazy, just get her buckled in and bring her home’ and that’s all it takes for me to break.

  I let every emotion I’ve ever held back, out. “Please drive,” I sob.

  I kick off my pumps and bring my legs up, wrapping my arms around them.

  “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.” Phoenix reluctantly closes my door and walks over to his side.

  We drive in silence and I cry even harder until he touches me again. It’s a gentle squeeze and a soft rub that makes something inside me flicker to life.

  Because he’s so nice to me. Genuine.

  He reminds me of Mac. People like that are rare to find.

  They’re unicorns in my universe. Completely magical beings that somehow make me feel more than what I am.

  Chapter Seven

  Phoenix

  I grew up in a house full of women. I know that when a woman breaks down, you feed her and let her let everything out while you listen. Don’t you dare try to stop it. Physical pain will occur. So when Luna decides my car is the perfect place to break the dam, I get my ass in the driver’s seat and drive us back to the house. The only problem is I don’t have any fucking food.

  Don’t get me wrong, I try to offer a shoulder to cry on but that makes her sink even further into the seat. My hand falls to her thigh once again and well, I squeeze because I’ve learned that helps sometimes. I tell my dick not to get excited because it’s not that kind of thigh squeeze. Though I really wouldn’t mind if Luna has different thoughts and initiates things. God, I’m a fucking asshole for even thinking about this, about her, right now when she’s in this state.

  It’s the fucking outfit. It’s everything; her legs, her eyes, her hair that glows auburn when the sun hits it just right. Fuck, she’s beautiful and I’ve noticed. Ever since I first laid eyes on her coming down those stairs, I couldn’t stop looking. Believe me, I’ve tried but my eyes always find their way back to her.

  Luna doesn’t move my hand from her leg so I assume it’s comforting her. It makes the drive a little easier. When we’re five minutes from the house, Luna unbuckles her seatbelt, and I hit the brakes hard. I throw my arm out, pressing her into the seat so she doesn’t fly forward. It’d be my fault if she slammed into the dash, splitting her head open. “What are you doing?!”

  MacKay always fakes trying to jump out of my moving car, which honestly makes me so close to having a heart attack, and I will not let this drunk girl do it too.

  Luna wipes her face with her palms and shifts closer to me.

  I gape at her movements because she’s slowing lowering herself until her head falls onto the armrest between us and she’s wound into a tight ball. “Mac used to rub my back,” she sniffles. “Can you…if that’s okay?”

  The asshole in the car that appears behind me lays his hand on the horn until I let off the brake. When the car is moving again, I peer down at Luna. She looks severely uncomfortable but who am I to deny her one request?


  I bend my arm and start rubbing small circles on her back. The car is filled with our breathing, Luna’s becoming less nasally with every rub.

  I park my car in the driveway, both of us unmoving except for my hand still rubbing her back. I stop my movements but Luna doesn’t sit back up. I lean forward and brush back the hair falling onto her face. “Luna?”

  Mackenzie must have seen us pull in because he comes down the steps, running his hands through his hair.

  MacKay got a ride from my mother who insisted that she go grocery shopping for us while I hunted down Luna, which was easy because there was only one bar within walking distance. Mom’s car is parked beside mine, telling me that she and Noland are still here. I really hope we can get Luna inside without Mom seeing her in this state. Mom loves new people but she doesn’t quite like drunk people.

  MacKay comes up to my window, peering inside. “Is she passed out?”

  “Looks like it.”

  “Was she okay at the bar. No one bothered her?”

  “She took care of herself. Didn’t even know I was there.”

  He nods then pushes away from the window. “Thanks, man.”

  I close all the windows then hop out and walk over to the passenger’s side. MacKay opens the door, and all I see is black lace panties and creamy white thighs. I know I shouldn’t stare but I haven’t seen a woman like this in months. And I’m missing it. Like, adjust the front of my jeans because I’m uncomfortable miss it.

  “Dude, are you serious?” MacKay smacks my stomach and reaches for Luna’s skirt, covering her up. “Help me bring her in. Your mom is in the kitchen.”

  He manages to get Luna in his arms. The way he’s holding her hikes her skirt up, once again, revealing underwear. He wiggles his fingers, fingers which are a little too close to her pussy. “Um, what the hell are you doing?” I ask, disturbed.

  I know they had a thing back in high school but I do not need to see my best friend possibly finger his best friend.

  “Give me her skirt. It’s exposing her, right?”

  “Oh. Yeah.” Duh. I reach for the loose fabric and tuck it into MacKay’s hand.

  “Grab her heels and then distract your mom.”

  I do as I’m told.

  Walking into the house, Mom stops putting things into the fridge and looks over her shoulder at me. “Did you find Luna? Your brother said she got lost looking for food.”

  I throw a curious glance at Noland who is busy snacking on food meant for us not him. He winks at me. Mystique whines for his leftovers. He sneaks her some.

  “Yup. She’s in a food coma. Mackenzie’s bringing her upstairs.”

  “Oh, that’s good. I think. Is that good?” I assure her it is. She then tries to steer the conversation to how delightful Luna is, and I know she’s getting worked up over something that will not happen. My mom wants me to find a nice girl that I can start a family with. I say she can wait on that fantasy.

  Luna just lives here. We are not going to date, and I break that news to my mother. To be honest, I never thought about it. She’s MacKay’s best friend. His ex. I just think she’s hot and seems to be a nice person. Quiet but nice.

  Mom waves her hand at me to bring her the bag of groceries sitting by Noland. I sigh and hand it to her, telling her she doesn’t have to do this.

  “Honey, I am your mother. I will feed you even when I’m buried six feet under.”

  I don’t even want to think of my parents six feet under. I move away from her and sit by Noland.

  “So, big brother, did you hear back from any of the labs you applied to?”

  I shake my head and look down at Mystique.

  “Are you still looking?”

  When I moved here, I thought I’d find a job doing what I love. Everyone has dreams, and mine, well, mine is working for NASA some day. I have an astronomy degree that I plan to put to good use but as it turns out, there are not a lot of places accepting people like me at this time. This is how I’m stuck with a desk job, analyzing data for a company that doesn’t care about its employees until I can go back to school. At least I’m making money so I can further my education. Grad school will always be there.

  “Noland, why limit myself to a bunch of rejections right now when all I have to do is look out into the night sky to do what I love?”

  This might sound like something a chick would say, but there is nothing better than looking outside right before I head to bed to stare out at the stars. The universe as a whole is a magical place. It’s constantly changing and expanding. I can look out of my telescope tonight and not see what I saw the night before, the next day.

  I am what you may refer to as a nerd. I trick the ladies with this body and my name. I’m like a super smart, good looking nerd. Shit, I hope that doesn’t make me sound like an arrogant fuck. I geek out to everything astronomy related. Wanna talk dirty to me, bring up supernovas and the Milky Way. Throw in some physics and I’m done.

  There is nothing sexier than a woman who talks planets, stars, and galaxies with me.

  “You’re such a nerd,” Noland comments.

  “Don’t disrespect your brother,” Mom pipes up.

  Noland rolls his eyes and is about to pop some popcorn chicken into his mouth when he stops mid-way and turns his eyes to me. “You must have shit your pants when you found out Luna was moving in.”

  “Noland, language!” Mom reprimands.

  Poor dude, he isn’t her favorite son today.

  Back to the topic of Luna. “Why would I?”

  “Because her name literally means moon and you love that shit.”

  My brows furrow as Noland stares at me in amazement. “God, I’d become a nerd to sleep with her.”

  “We’re not sleeping together.”

  “Not yet.”

  Mom slaps her hand against the kitchen island and narrows her eyes at Noland. Then at me. “He doesn’t talk like this at home.”

  I’m about to defend myself when Noland surprises me and does it himself. “Don’t blame him, Mom. It’s Luna. I’m a new adult. My hormones are getting the best of me.”

  We stare blankly at him, astonished by his confession.

  “What? I’m just being honest.”

  “About what?” MacKay asks, joining us in the kitchen.

  “Fucking Luna.”

  “That’s it!” Mom kisses my cheek and squeezes MacKay’s arm before she stops beside Noland and grabs his ear, twisting it. Oh, man. Not that shit still. I am so lucky I moved out. Her ear twists are painful for all two seconds of it.

  “Ow, Mom!”

  “Get Mystique, we’re leaving. And you can forget about coming over here next week or the week after.”

  “But Mom–”

  “Pick her up and go to the car,” she seethes.

  Noland slumps as he stands, picking Mystique up. He waves half-heartedly at us then heads outside.

  “You don’t have to punish him for being a guy.” I kind of feel bad that he’s getting all this torture from her just because he spoke his mind.

  “I’m punishing him for using that language. He understands. I will not let him get used to it again.”

  I nod in understanding. When Noland starts throwing cuss words around, he feels like he can start getting away with other things. And doing that will ruin his progress. He’s been doing so good managing his temper.

  “Thanks for coming, Mom.”

  “Anytime. Now you boys behave. And make sure Luna doesn’t get sick.”

  Mom walks out, leaving us alone in the kitchen.

  “What the hell was Noland saying?” MacKay interrogates me.

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “No, seriously, I do so I can tell Luna.”

  “Are you crazy?” I actually like my brother enough not to get him killed.

  “She’ll never admit it but she loves compliments. So tell me. He thinks she’s hot, right?”

  I chuckle to myself as I walk into the living room. And then I
tell him what Noland thinks of her before I collapse onto the couch.

  After standing for the suit measurements and having to make small talk with Eliza’s husband-to-be’s friends, I just want to sit back, relax and watch my DVR’d episodes of The Big Bang Theory.

  ***

  I jolt awake from my peaceful slumber by something crashing against the floorboards in the hallway. I throw the covers off and stand, grabbing the first discarded piece of clothing I can find; boxer briefs, then I run to my bedroom door, discombobulated.

  I open the door to find Luna leaning against the wall, using it as her support as she walks, more like drags herself toward the stairs. Unfortunately, this happens all the time. That chick is not silent in the mornings. At all. And now I’m dealing with a hungover Luna.

  “Did you fall?” I ask, walking out of my room. “Luna?” My strides are double hers so I reach her in time to avoid the disaster that could have just happened. “Did you fall?” My eyes roam up and down her body, checking for any marks.

  Luna grabs onto my forearms, looks up at me with squinted eyes and whispers, “Coffee.” All I smell is the alcohol from last night on her breath and I’m not awake enough to handle that shit. Damn.

  I nod and she takes a step toward the stairs, losing her balance. I grab her arm and hold her firmly in place. She looks back, confused.

  “Come on.” I tug her toward me and walk her back to her bedroom. I check in MacKay’s room as we pass by. He’s half off the bed, his naked ass filling my sight. I roll my eyes and stop at Luna’s door.

  “Coffee,” she says, louder this time. Like, much louder than I thought it’d be. I’m pretty sure she popped something in my ear.

  “Jesus, I’m standing right here. I’m not deaf.”

  As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to jump off the roof and never look at Luna’s light brown eyes again.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  She squints her eyes again. She doesn’t act that hungover and that’s when I know why. She can’t hear me. If she could, she’d shush me. And probably slap me for the slip of me not being deaf.