Mom pales and reaches for her cup of coffee, downing the rest of it. To spare my parents the details, I pretend Eliza didn’t even ask me a question. “Why so late? I mean, you’re already two months pregnant. We saw each other before and you didn’t tell anyone. Besides Margo. And why aren’t you excited? You’ve been bummed about everything lately.” You’d think she’d be excited over the wedding and now having a baby but she left everything for Mom and Dad to do, not giving much input.
Eliza looks up at Mom and shifts in her seat uncomfortably, pushing her blonde hair behind her ear. “The last two times didn’t work out, Phoenix.” Blue eyes just like my father’s hold mine and I see the sorrow hidden within them. “I don’t want to get overly excited about this one, okay.”
I nod and we fall into silence as everyone finishes up their brunch. I can’t say that I know how she’s feeling, but I know that the one thing Eliza wants is a big family of her own some day. I feel her hurt over not having an easy ride down that road and I wish I could make it all disappear, giving her a life full of joy. It’s what any brother who loves his sister would want. Seeing a person you love in pain sucks.
An hour and a half later, MacKay and Luna haven’t shown up yet, and the mechanic says the car is good to go. I stuff my family into my car and drop them off at the auto shop. Noland stays behind, deciding that he’d rather spend the day with me.
I stop at a store to stock up on some things, and when we’re passing through the family planning section it seems to get Noland to start a conversation with me. “Hey, um, you won’t give me shit for telling you something, right?”
“Depends on what it is,” I say half-heartedly as I swipe a box of condoms off the self. Noland doesn’t speak so I look back and see his sunken expression. Shit, what the hell happened to him? “I’m joking. What it is?”
“It’s nothing.” He shoves the shopping cart down the aisle with a blank expression on his face. Why must I be an asshole sometimes? I love messing with my brother. I just choose the wrong moments.
I grab the side of the cart, making him stop. “It’s not. Tell me.” His eyes look everywhere but at me. “Noland.”
He sighs. “I’m going to college in September,” he confesses, scratching the back of his neck.
I nod for him to go on. Mom and Dad are really proud that he got accepted to the four schools he applied to. He’s set on going to Brown and I know that also makes my parents happy; having their baby close instead of in another state like the rest of us chose.
“I don’t have any close friends and I’m fucking lonely.” His eyes meet mine before looking away, ashamed. “And don’t forget the fact that I’m a virgin who is attached to my dog.”
I already know all of this. My family doesn’t have secrets. Well, except for Eliza’s.
Hearing Noland talk about this though, looking ashamed for how he’s feeling makes my heart actually ache. Noland doesn’t really like people and people give him shit for that. And don’t forget Mystique. I’ve heard my brother being called a faggot so many times because of how much time he spends with her. I would be in jail if I didn’t have self-control. I hate the assholes he goes to school with. I hate that they can’t treat him like a normal person just because he gets angry quicker than a regular person.
My brother is a goddamn good person to have in your group of friends yet no one sees that. The girls are dimwitted and snobs. The boys are fucking pussies.
Not one of them deserves my brother’s friendship, to be honest.
“Who cares if you’re a virgin,” I start, forcing him to look at me. “So many guys your age are.” He raises an eyebrow in a ‘yeah right’ kind of way. “I’m serious. Their lives are really busy and stressful so they don’t have time for sex. Ask Mackenzie. Most of the guys on our floor in the freshman dorms were virgins. Once they tasted the college party life, well, that’s a different story. Look at the people who save themselves for marriage. Do you see them complaining about being virgins.”
“Those religious girls at my school act like sucking dick and having anal are not a big deal because there is no real sex involved. But clearly there is. And I’m just a loser that has yet to hit first base with a chick.”
“Jesus.” I look around to make sure the woman at the end of the aisle didn’t hear that. “Do you want to screw a hooker or something? I don’t know what you want from me.”
Noland looks at me, incredulously. “You just offered your baby brother a hooker.”
“According to you, you’re a man.”
“Whatever. I just wanted to…I don’t know…talk to someone. I’m starting college and I’m freaking out over the possibility of actually having sex some day and I know it’s going to be horrible.”
“Everyone’s first time is horrible. I couldn’t even last five seconds before I was coming.” Embarrassing to think about, but it’s the truth. My first time was so horrible that once I was actually inside of the girl, I panicked and couldn’t hold it in. My cock was definitely not used to the new feeling. I ran to the bathroom like a little pussy and had to clean myself up before trying again.
“But you screwed a virgin. I bet she didn’t even know what was happening. I’ll probably find a nice girl that screwed a whole village and that’s good for her but not for me and my never touched by a female dick.”
We walk down the aisle and head for the freezers.
“I really want to know if Mystique is doing okay, too!” And there it is. I knew he would start freaking out over not hearing anything yet. “She’s always here for me and I’m not allowed with her. She could be hurt. She can’t be hurt, Phoenix. She can’t.”
I grab a case of beer from the shelf and add it into the cart. “She’s fine. Trust me. The vet would have called if something happened.”
“I just feel bad. She’s getting neutered because I’m going to college. I can’t take her with me. And you know Dad would become a breeder. Everyone loves Shih-Tzus.” Noland rolls his eyes. “Did you get chips and dip?” He drops the topic faster than I can blink. Yet another thing we’re used to. “Are we almost done? I’m hungry.”
“You just ate.”
“All that sex talk is making me hungry.”
I can only imagine his appetite after he starts having sex. Ordering a pizza after a nice, long fuckfest is one of my favorite things to do. “Order a pizza and have them deliver. We’ll make it before they arrive.”
Noland stops short and balks at me. “I don’t want to talk to anyone over the phone.”
What is it with people not wanting to talk on the phone? No, seriously, there needs to be a study about this because everyone around my age hates talking on the phone. Our parents had to do it for us when we were younger. Now, we have to be adults and make our own appointments, order our own food, be social, etc.
Thank God for apps.
I hand Noland my phone. “Use the app.”
He sighs in relief and takes my phone.
When we’re putting the bags in the car minutes later, Noland smacks his forehead. “Shit. I forgot to order the pizza.”
“Are you kidding me?” He was on the phone the entire time I was putting everything on the conveyer belt. The little shit always makes me do all the work.
“I was going to order it but then I was checking reviews for the place and then I was caught up in a one-star review stating that the pizza was already eaten from and–”
“Noland.” He looks at me. “Order the pizza and don’t do anything else.”
“Okay. Sorry.” He starts thumbing away on my phone, looking up only once to ask me what toppings he should get. “Meat lovers?”
“I guess. Wait! No. Luna hates the meat. Get half meat lovers, half veggie lovers.” She won’t have to pick out the meat. Hopefully, that’s okay.
Noland smiles as he orders the pizza and I swear if he mentions her boobs in the next five seconds, I’m stealing my phone back and ordering the damn thing myself.
“All done.” Noland hand
s me the phone and I make sure the order went through. He ordered an extra cheese pizza and a chocolate chip cookie cake. “You’re paying, right? I don’t have anything on me. And…you offered…”
This is not uncommon.
***
“Stop staring at my boobs,” Luna says, narrowing her eyes at Noland. “Loki wants the attention.” She hands the puppy over to my brother and they start playing with him on the floor then her eyes land on me before she says, “He’s so clingy. But he’s cute.”
“So are you,” I tease, picking up another slice of pizza.
MacKay has eaten to his limit and is sprawled out on the couch, handing Luna her water whenever she wants a sip but doesn’t want to move to get it. They were home by the time we came back. Luna had a few streaks of dirt on her cheeks, her thigh-highs were switched for the new panda pair I got for her birthday, and she was trying to find the best way to wear her hair without having her sound processors get in the way. I told her to throw it up in a bun and leave it. I’m surprised she actually listened to me.
“I’m not clingy,” Luna protests.
“I meant cute.”
Luna rolls her eyes. I chuckle when I see the corners of her lips turn up slightly. She grabs one of Loki’s toys and throws it at Noland so he can give it to Loki.
“This little guy would have so much fun with Mystique. Next time, I guess.” Noland looks at his phone for the fifth time in two minutes, and exhales when the screen doesn’t light up.
“Mystique should be waking up right about now, right?” she asks my brother. “Want to bother the vet’s office and call?” She wiggles her eyebrows and smirks, looking way too sexy for such a playful expression.
Shit, would it be rude to take her upstairs right now?
She’s fucking hot and I honestly don’t care if she hates hearing it because I want to tell her every chance I get. She’s heard nothing but rude things from the guys she knew back in California. You don’t treat a girl like Luna, or any person in general, like shit. It’s common fucking courtesy.
I’m really thinking about leaving post-it notes all around the house just complimenting her on random things because she deserves to smile all the time. The way her eyes light up put the stars to shame.
Noland’s whole face brightens as he swipes his phone off the coffee table full of empty pizza boxes. Loki runs circles around him trying to get the toy from his hands but Noland waves it around, out of reach.
The call goes through and the vet’s assistant tells Noland that Mystique is awake and that everything went fine. His biggest fear was of her being put under, and knowing that she’s okay puts him at ease.
“We can pick her up when we head back home.” He picks Loki up and wiggles his ears. “Did you hear that? Your future wife is fine.”
“Seriously. You already arranged his marriage,” Luna deadpans.
“Uh, yeah. We all know you got him so you can be closer to me so it’s a given.” Noland winks, and Luna looks so serious that he loses his enthusiasm. She chuckles when he looks offended.
“I don’t believe in marriage. My dog feels the same way.” She reaches for Loki and grabs his front paw. “We don’t need to be tied down. Right?” He jumps onto her lap and tries to lick her face.
“Why don’t you believe in marriage?” I question.
All my life I’ve heard my sisters planning their future weddings. It’s what they lived for. They obsessed about finding their prince (this was before Margo knew she wanted a princess instead) and used me as their mannequin during dress-ups to be their groom. I shit you not my sisters were fucking psycho. All girls who plan gigantic weddings at a young age usually are.
Luna pushes Loki’s head out of her way so she can see me. “My parents are awesome examples as to why marriage is bullshit. They’re not in love with each other. Not since I became deaf at least.”
“You can’t honestly believe that you are the reason for a failed marriage.”
MacKay sits up beside me. I see him tense up from the corner of my eye.
“I do believe it. I put them in debt because they wanted me to hear again. They worked more than they had to to keep us fed, and they never saw each other. Our family broke because they didn’t want to have a non-hearing child.” Luna’s eyes move over to MacKay before coming back to me. “Everyone pitied me when they found out what happened, and that made my family work harder to get me back to normal. That meant spending more money on translators and speech therapists. I’m pretty sure my family wished I could’ve died instead of becoming deaf. Sure as hell would have saved them money and the heartbreak.”
I do nothing but stare at her with an open mouth trying to find words. Hearing that makes me want to turn back time and become her friend when she really needed one so she could never say or believe those words. “You are normal, Luna,” I finally say.
She doesn’t seem to hear me. “But whatever, I can’t change the past. I just grew up with the consequences.”
“And you got me out of it,” MacKay proclaims. “I’m one lucky bastard.”
Luna nods but doesn’t say anything.
A vibrating phone that also flashes LED lights letting Luna know she’s receiving a call, fills the silence. Luna looks down at her phone sitting on the floor, and I see her shoulders sag in defeat. She holds it up to us. My maker appears on the screen. Her eyes pin themselves on mine. “Speak of the devil. Did Mac tell you that my own mother tells me I look better with my hair down and my arms by my side? Meaning she doesn’t want me signing around her. It’s ‘confusing.’” She declines the call, and I assume sends out a text.
“Is that why you’re always hiding? Looking down and avoiding people besides Mackenzie?” She’s not doing it so much now. When she moved in a month ago, her eyes never looked up and she rarely smiled. She’s stepping out from behind the wall she created. I still don’t understand how she let her family treat her that way. Her own mother made her embarrassed of being deaf then having the privilege of hearing again.
I’m reminded of Luna’s old Facebook picture. The one where she said she was lost because she didn’t fit in with the hearing or the deaf kids. MacKay changed that.
“Yes. Because he’s the only person who understood me when I couldn’t even understand myself,” Luna’s voice cracks as she looks away. “I just wanted someone to talk to me when I didn’t feel like listening to them. I was drowning in that house.”
Loki’s whimpers bring her attention back to him. All three of us watch her pet Loki with slow, sad strokes. He must feel it because he drops his head on the floor and looks defeated too.
“How long did it take until you got your surgery?”
Luna’s hand stills. Mackenzie rests his elbows on his knees and drops his head like he’s in pain. “Two months but I had to wait four weeks after the surgery so I could get the all clear to turn the implants on.”
Three months of silence. And knowing that her family doesn’t know sign language, I can just guess how communicating with a six-year-old went. That’s why she avoided answering the question when I first asked.
“That sucks,” Noland blurts out. “So you can just turn the thingies off when people annoy you?” He points to his ears, raising his eyebrows curiously. Sound processors, Noland. They’re called sound processors not thingies.
“Yeah but I usually just take them off so I don’t come off as a major asshole.”
“Hm, can you turn them off so I can test it?”
“No,” I answer for her. “Noland, you–”
“Sure.” Luna shrugs her shoulders and raises her hands to her ears. She waves a hand for him to test whatever he wants to test.
I’m about to tell him that Luna can read lips when MacKay shakes his head at me. I question him silently but he gives me a look saying, just let it happen.
Luna’s eyes are zeroed in on my brother’s lips. I watch in complete satisfaction as my brother embarrasses himself by saying, “You have great tits. I’ve wanted to blurt
that out for a while now and that seems rude but holy shit it’s really hard to concentrate because you’re so close to me. Your family is fucked up for making you feel anything less than perfect. I couldn’t care less if you were ugly as fuck, I’d still want to get to know you. I mean, I’m glad that you have a nice face and a tight, little ass but if you didn’t, so what.” Noland shrugs. “I wish we went to school together. You would’ve made it less lonely. People suck, right? Why is life so fucking hard for us?”
He lets out a big breath then smiles and lets Luna know that she can turn the sound processors back on. She does and they stare at each other in silence. It’s the longest time I’ve ever seen Noland not look away from someone.
“We let people make it harder,” she answers.
The tips of Noland’s ears turn red. “You read lips really well, don’t you?”
Luna nods and then hops up onto her knees, crawling over to him. His eyes almost pop out of his head when she straddles his lap and wraps her arms around him in a hug. “Am I making you uncomfortable? I don’t usually hug people.”
“No, this feels good.” Noland wraps his arms around Luna, and I’m left with no words because his eyes are bright and happy. They remind me of the day he got Mystique.
“Um, Noland?” Luna questions.
“Yeah?”
“Is that a boner?”
“Yeah.”
For the love of God why must he always be honest? I sit up and give Noland a death glare. “Stop it. Think of sports or something.” This is weird.
“Eh, I guess you earned a boob grab,” Luna interrupts. “You have permission.”
“What?!”
“She’s not talking to you, Phoenix!” Noland quips. “Shush.” And then his hand is disappearing under her shirt and ohmyshit his eyes get even wider, and Luna shivers.
“What the fuck is happening?” I whip my head to MacKay. “What the fuck?”
“It’s her body,” he acknowledges. No shit it’s her body. My brother is touching it. I feel like breaking his fucking hands right about now. “Let him enjoy his first boob grab. Don’t be a dick.”
A Sky Full of Secrets Page 16