Ohmygod, what if he wants to take that next step; labeling us.
No one said anything about girlfriends! Stop that right now, Luna!!
“Do you need help?” I ask, pointing to his tie.
He clears his throat as he nods swiftly.
I step into his personal space, his eyes following my every move. I want to know what he’s thinking, what he sees when he looks at me. Does he notice the light layer of makeup I’m wearing or the fact that I haven’t stopped smiling yet? He’s like a satellite placed into orbit and I want to examine every piece of information he collects.
“Your eyes don’t look sad.” He licks his lips and shakes his head like he said the wrong thing. “They’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You look fantastic.”
I try not to blush. Hearing compliments from him makes me feel like I’m a teenager again, crushing on someone you know you’ll never have a chance with but you can still dream. He makes me want to keep dreaming; wishing on every shooting star that I’ll get noticed, possibly even loved.
And saying that to myself is petrifying.
I make sure his tie is straight then I pat it softly when I’m done. “You look handsome. Probably hotter than all the groomsmen.”
“When we get there, say that again so the guys can hear you.” He steps closer, his hands resting on my hips. His minty fresh breath hits my cheek when he says, “The last time you wore heels this high, I couldn’t stop thinking about your legs.” He drops his head down until our lips are almost touching. “Do you remember Club Therapy?” I nod. God, I nod and I feel heat shoot through my body as I remember what he did to me against his car and what he promised me when we got home. “I can’t wait for this wedding to be over so I can show you exactly what you’re doing to me right now.”
He leans forward and our lips touch in a soft, sweet kiss for the second time today. It’s kisses like this that remind me of the fairy tales I read as a child, eyes gleaming, thinking of someday kissing my prince. I lived for that.
He can be, Luna. He can be your prince.
Phoenix takes a step back with a goofy smile on his lips. “We should go.”
“Yes, we should.” Before I start hyperventilating over the mere thought of falling in love with you.
The forty-five minute drive to the hotel in Newport where the wedding and reception will be is quick, the time spent asking Mac why he never told us what he was really doing on the computer. We thought he was sex chatting or something. Phoenix and I would think of the weirdest things when we were on the roof, staring at the stars, telling them our secrets.
Mac didn’t want us to think he was becoming addicted. He did have to lose some money along the way. He felt bad that he was wasting money while I was broke most days, having to ask him for twenty bucks for the rest of the week, not taking a cent more when he offered vigorously.
I told him not to worry about it. I rarely eat out so twenty bucks was all I needed. Being home and raiding the fridge is a different story.
“Okay, we need to agree on something,” I say, tilting Loki’s head up when we arrive at the hotel. “You can’t poop in random places. If you need to go, come annoy me. I’ll get the message.” He barks and stands on his back paws, looking out the window. I unclip the seatbelt, stopping midway when I find Phoenix’s eyes on me. “What?”
“You talk to him like he’s a human.”
I shrug. “He needs to learn now or else he’ll be a hard dog to train in the future. And he’s taken with me. I don’t think he wants to get me mad.”
Phoenix nods and unclips his seatbelt. I think I hear him say, “I know how he feels,” but I can’t be certain. His back was to me and it wasn’t loud enough. I look into the backseat at Mac. He shrugs and squeezes my shoulder before opening his door.
Phoenix rounds the car and opens my door while I try to get a good hold on Loki. He holds out his hand for me like gentlemen do in the movies.
I take it and step out of the car.
My smile is back full force and I don’t even care if I look cheesy. Then something gnaws deep in my chest when I look down at our joined hands; it hurts thinking of having to let go. Even for a second.
This is how it starts, isn’t it? Falling for someone. It’s all in the beat of your heart, the weight you feel on your chest, the flutter in your stomach that shoots throughout your body, and the fact that you don’t mind looking dumb with all the cheesy smiles.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this before.
Actually, I know I never did.
I’m falling for him. Me. The girl who believes in magic but not love.
I’m reminded of a poem that has stuck with me by a poet I admire:
as children
we were fascinated
by magic
as adults
we fear love
at what point
did we forget
they are the same thing?
What Phoenix is doing to me…it’s magic.
I look up at the sunlit sky. Thank God I can tell you my secrets because voicing them out loud makes me want to die.
I’m…falling for him. Slowly but surely.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Phoenix
Eliza’s wedding is everything she didn’t know she wanted. Having it take place outside by the lighthouse was perfect. The hotel has an outdoor area for weddings, and Mom planned it beautifully. Judging by the look of awe on all of my sisters’ faces, they think the same. We’re surrounded by Narragansett Bay and we have an amazing view overlooking Newport Bridge. The wedding photographer is having the time of her life now that the wedding is over and the reception has started.
The number of wedding guests is just enough not to make the newlywed couple feel suffocated. My sister always hated big weddings. She’s not much of a people person and feels uncomfortable being around people she’s not close with. I ask if she’s okay that Luna is with me, and her exact response is, “I did see her boobs. I think we’ve bonded quite nicely.”
Jacob chokes on his champagne when Luna decides to walk up to us in that moment, looking like a deer in the headlights. “Sorry.” Luna turns around to leave but I stop her and drag her over.
Eliza chuckles as her eyes drop to where my hand is. Jacob does the same. They are so annoying.
I clearly know that Luna’s pressed against my side and I’ve got a vise-like grip on her hip. They don’t need to bring attention to it. I’ve learned that Luna doesn’t overthink things when you don’t bring them up. Small touches and a quick peck on the cheek or lips is your friend only if you don’t put too much pressure on it.
After the wedding was officially over and we got ready for the reception, I’d find myself touching her any chance I got. She’d either be talking to MacKay or one of my family members and she wouldn’t notice until someone stared at my hand on her body like it was a sinful thing to do. I can’t help it if she looks fucking gorgeous in that dress. The light piece of fabric that flows around her legs shows thighs, hiding the back, and fuck, her tattoo pops out making her look like some hot model walking down the runway. Just looking at her makes me want to reach out and run my fingers over every inch of her skin.
Looking at her is like looking up at a sky full of stars. You don’t know what you’ll see today, but you know it’ll still be breathtaking.
Don’t even get me started on her smile. It’s as beautiful and rare as a shooting star. I wish she’d smile more. Replace every star with a smile; being seen light years away.
Someone clears their throat and I blink away thoughts of staring up at the sky, the stars replaced by Luna’s smile. I feel the empty space beside me. I look around for the beautiful girl I was currently holding. “Where’d she go?”
Eliza crinkles her nose, as her hand lands on her protruding stomach. “You made her uncomfortable with the way you were staring at her.”
“I wasn’t staring.” Shit, was I staring and I didn’t even know?
“Last tim
e I saw someone with that look was when I asked Eliza to marry me.” Jacob looks at my sister like she’s the goddamn universe, and I feel uncomfortable just standing here.
“Were you looking in the mirror to see that look?” Jacob turns love-filled eyes my way, confused. He doesn’t understand what he just said. “Never mind. Welcome to the family. Get all the sleep you can before this little one comes.” He pulls me in for a man hug then I kiss my sister on the cheek, and give my future niece or nephew a light rub.
I find my mother, father, and siblings scattered around the place talking to family. I look around for my date. I finally spot her with MacKay, Blake, and Noland; Mystique and Loki by their feet, growling at each other.
Blake is in the middle of a conversation when she waves me over frantically. “It’s perfect. He turns twenty-three in July.” Oh, god. Please tell me she’s not– “Phoebe!” Blake throws herself at me, giggling into my chest. She’s the youngest of my sisters, sadly a year and a half older than me so I’m subjected to the younger sibling abuse of name-calling. She has called me Phoebe since I was nice enough to play dress up with her at the age of eight when all my other sisters didn’t want to spend time with her. “I hear you’re going around the world! You have to go see the Phoenix constellation. It’s your biggest wish.” She stumbles in her heels, slightly intoxicated. Maybe ‘slightly’ isn’t the right word. “The meteor shower. In July. You always wanted to see it.” She takes a huge sip of her drink. I really want to rip it from her hands before she ends up facedown in her own vomit. That usually happens when her boyfriend isn’t around to keep her busy. Poor guy wasn’t invited. Mom doesn’t like him and neither does Eliza.
But since we’re on the topic of meteor showers, Blake’s talking about the July Phoenicids. It’s a minor meteor shower that peeks around July fourteenth and it’s said to have at least one meteor an hour. It just so happens to be on my birthday.
It’s fate, isn’t it? For twenty-two, okay let’s be realistic and say eighteen years because I didn’t know jack shit about stars until the rough age of four, I’ve wanted to see the constellation that I was named after. I want to see what my grandfather last saw, something he talked about profusely with my father before he died.
I have to see it before I die.
Luna looks up at me, fascinated. I’ve mentioned wanting to see it but I may have downplayed how badly that want really is. Usually whenever I tell the girls I’ve been dating about my love for stars and all things involving the universe, they tend to zone out so I’ve learned to give the important information and ‘fanboy’ over everything when I’m alone. Yes, I fanboy. Don’t get all judgy. Girls do that shit all the time over fictional people in books. I at least get excited over real things. No offense fangirls!
“You have to see that before we come back,” Luna encourages. “Do we need to kidnap you before the trip is over?”
“You’ll come see it with me?” I ask, my voice doing some weird shit where it gets all high and scratchy. The fuck. I clear my throat and snatch the glass of alcohol from my sister, downing the rest of it.
“Hey! That was…rude!” Blake yells, whacking me on the chest.
“You had enough, don’t you think?”
“Who are you, Dad?” She rolls her eyes but kind of tries to smirk and wink at Luna. She ends up looking like she’s having a mini stroke. “He’s always trying to keep everyone sober. That’s why he’s single. He’s no fuuuuun.”
“Yeah.” I grab her arm to steady her as she takes off her heels. “How about we get you set up in your room. Call it a night?”
My sisters are taking advantage of the hotel having a spa. They’re staying overnight and having a girls’ day. Mom included. Luna was invited. She hasn’t decided if she wants to participate yet. Dad’s sticking around to spend the day with Noland and me tomorrow, having father-son time.
“I’ll take her,” Mac cuts in. “Your mom is coming toward us.”
By the time I turn around and see Mom, Mac lifts Blake off her feet and walks off with her giggling loudly. Mom either doesn’t care or isn’t paying attention because she’s all smiles as she walks past her sons, straight to Luna. “You look lovely, dear. I’ve been trying to get a few minutes with you all day. I sense that I make you a little uncomfortable. I am terribly sorry if that’s the case.”
“Oh, no. No!” Luna looks at all of us, turning a little red. She still isn’t over the whole flashing my family her tits thing. She hasn’t brought it up but it’s obvious being around everyone who was there is taking its toll on her. She couldn’t even look my father in the eyes. I feel like a damn fool for not noticing earlier. “It’s not you. I just feel…you…I-I’m so sorry you had to witness that. I didn’t have my sound processors on that day. Being deaf has its flaws.”
Mom clutches her heart and looks a little sad. She’s been emotional all day. “I was a little taken aback, if I’m honest, but it is your home and you should feel comfortable doing whatever you want. Walk around naked if you must.” Mom smiles when Luna turns a deeper shade of red. “I don’t know if Noland mentioned this but he’s been learning some sign language and he’s thought me a few things. I’ve wanted to show you, if that’s all right?”
“Ohmygod,” Noland mumbles, dropping his head to his chest.
Mom raises her hands, and Luna watches. I can’t see what exactly my mother is doing but it is definitely making Luna fidget, trying not to laugh. “Noland said that’s how you ask someone out for coffee. Was that right? I’m still new to this. I’ll definitely try to learn though. It’d be nice, learning something new.”
Luna’s lips drop and her eyes start to get a little misty as she continues to stare at my mom. She’s about to cry and I don’t think my mom understands it’s because of what she just said; wanting to learn sign language. Luna’s family never had an interest in it and here is my family, trying to be nice but is just rubbing it in.
Mom looks over her shoulder, narrowing her eyes at Noland. “That better not have been insulting, young man!”
“It wasn’t,” Luna adds, blinking rapidly. “But, uh, I’d advise you not to do that again unless you want people to know that you’ve got ninety-nine problems but a bitch ain’t one.” A sad smile falls upon her lips. “I’ll be right back. Sorry.”
Luna doesn’t look up as she scoops up Loki and walks off toward the lighthouse.
“What kind of sign language are you learning?” Mom scolds.
“Come on, Mom.” Noland throws his arm around our mother and kisses her cheek. “It’s my mission in life to embarrass you.” He finally starts laughing, making my mother shrink in embarrassment.
“I’m going to mingle,” I say half-heartedly. “Margo and Rylan look bored.”
I don’t head toward my sisters though. Once my mother and brother get lost in conversation about respect, I follow the path Luna took.
The hotel is setup as a resort-style island so it’s not that hard to find her. We’re surrounded by water. She literally can’t go far unless she leaves or jumps in the water. Loki sits by her heeled feet, almost afraid to wander in case he falls in.
The flowy part of her dress flies with the wind, gracing me with a front row view of her legs. Her arms are crossed over her chest, occasionally rubbing her arms for warmth. I wish I had my suit jacket on me. I left it at my table when it started to feel a little hot.
“My mom didn’t mean anything by it,” I start. “Saying that she’d learn ASL.”
“I know. You don’t need to apologize,” she answers back, her voice soft, painfully sad. “It’s something I constantly think about. It’s my problem.”
She doesn’t turn or look at me so I move in front of her. With the glow of the setting sun, I can see her eyes are downcast, tears streaking her cheeks.
It’s when she looks down that makes me want to make her smile. It’s like she’s stuck and can’t move forward, seeing no future or having any hope. It’s like she’s sucked into a black hole, and I just w
ant to pull her out of it. It’s hard once you’re in a black hole. Nothing, not even light, can come out of it.
“But it isn’t your problem. Your family doesn’t want to learn something that would bring you closer. It’s not your problem, Luna, it’s theirs.” I grab her shoulders and rub my hands up and down her arms when she shivers. “Stop doing this to yourself. Some people are willing to learn. Others aren’t. We can’t change them.”
“I wish I could. I wish they’d at least try harder. My dad did it. They could, too. Just a few words. I’ll take anything.”
I lift my hands up until I cup her neck, lifting her chin with my thumbs. I hate to be the one that has to break it to her. “Sometimes wishes don’t come true.”
Her eyes meet mine and my heart breaks. I physically feel it crack into tiny pieces, slowly falling away as the tears run down her face. “I know. I’ve wished for so long to get my hearing back or to be normal enough for my family to accept me. How can that happen if I can’t accept myself? I hate this. I try so hard to be okay with who I am but I can’t. I hate this. I hate…being deaf!” She turns her head away from me sharply. “It changed everything and it made me believe in nothing.”
I run my thumbs up and down her throat, feeling how close she is to breaking down. Any minute she will burst into tears and I can’t handle it. I can’t handle knowing that she’s so torn because of something that she can’t change. I know that if I lost my hearing I’d go fucking mad. I’d probably do some reckless shit and get myself thrown in jail. But I’d have to learn to live with it and be around people who will be there for me, not tear me down. I would avoid all the negative shit this world has to offer and actively seek out the positive.
Luna needs to leave behind the dark cloud following her around. She needs to be reminded that she is enough. More than enough, actually.
A Sky Full of Secrets Page 23