by Aiden Bates
“Well, get a move on, son. Dinner’s been waiting,” Dad said, interrupting my thoughts as he headed toward the breakfast nook in the kitchen.
“Right. Of course,” I answered hurriedly, following in behind him.
Dinner had been recently made, plated, and served, in expectation of a guest who arrived precisely at eight o’clock and didn’t dawdle. Pork chops, a baked potato each, and a side of green beans that had more or less come straight out of the can. It was an old standby for these dinners. It wasn’t anything fancy but it probably tasted amazing to someone who’d spent most of their formative years surviving off of MREs, so I didn’t begrudge him the simplicity or efficiency of dinner.
‘Simplicity and efficiency’ characterized the dining experience at Dad’s in more ways than one. There wasn’t a lot of dinner conversation, again, probably a consequence of someone who’d gotten used to wolfing down food as quickly as possible. Back when Jason was alive, when we did host family dinners, Jason and Dad would eat superhumanly quickly, and then Jason would happily keep up most of the conversation almost by himself. Now he was gone, it had become clear to me that family dinners usually consisted of me talking to Jason, Jason talking to me, Dad talking to Jason, Jason talking to Dad, and Dad and I sort of communicating through Jason. Without the conduit through which we always related… Well, I loved the old man, but it still sometimes felt as awkward as having dinner with a total stranger.
Dad was well and truly done, and I was still struggling to finish. Truth be told, I was still feeling like my guts were tied in a knot and I didn’t have much of an appetite to speak of, but I didn’t want to let anything go to waste. So, I gingerly picked at my food while Dad sat opposite me but turned to the side, nursing a beer.
I eyed a piece of porkchop, trying to gauge whether I could stomach it, when Dad broke in again.
He cleared his throat, as though he were going to make an announcement. “How’s work?”
I startled briefly and looked up, but Dad hadn’t moved from his position. He just swirled his beer bottle around and kept on staring at the stovetop.
“It’s…” I searched for the right words, confused at this sudden attempt at small talk. Good? Fine? None of those seemed accurate exactly, but I didn’t want to go into too much detail about how my day had gone. “Tolerable,” I said, settling on a descriptor that satisfied me.
“Tolerable,” Dad repeated, before he huffed and smiled, albeit very slightly. “Sounds about right.”
Needless to say, I couldn’t tell him what I was working on even if he’d asked me. He wouldn’t ever ask me, and I wouldn’t ever ask him. His work was almost as classified as mine and we both knew better. To be honest, I doubted he would ask me to go into details about work even if I had the most public, civilian job possible.
Still, you could talk about some things, if you were careful. And Dad attempting to chat with me seemed too novel a thing to disregard. Between how little we talked and how little we could say to each other, there wasn’t a lot of fodder, so I came out with the last thing we’d sort of talked about at lunch.
“Weren’t you trying to fill that drill sergeant position? How’s that going?”
“Well, it’s definitely going,” Dad said, seeming a tinge sardonic at something private he didn’t seem intent on sharing outright.
Ah. I understood after all.
“You’ve been interviewing, then.” Clearly, he had, and clearly Roman was a competitive enough candidate, but I was trying to sound somewhere between not-interested-in-Roman and interested-in-Dad. “Have you found anyone yet?”
Dad was decidedly not a fan of shots in the dark, saying one thing to mean another or ambiguity in general, but it didn’t mean he didn’t understand those things. He turned his head toward me for the first time in the conversation and narrowed his eyes slightly, as though he meant to say I should have known better than to try and pass off the question as anything but curiosity.
Still, something about him softened unexpectedly.
“Maybe. Maybe not. Not if you’d rather I hadn’t.” He punctuated his statement with more beer, and then eyed me in apparent expectation of my reaction.
“Sir?” I asked, a lot more uncertain and off-guard than I usually allowed myself to be around Dad. I couldn’t help it; I thought I was hallucinating or maybe having a stroke. Once I was certain I’d heard what I heard, I shook my head quickly. “No, sir. I think I better stay out of that—I mean, er—I wouldn’t ever ask… Well, what I mean is, I don’t think I should have any input on this. This doesn’t have anything to do with me.”
“Good,” Dad said as though I’d gotten the answer right in one try. “Carpenter’s not the sharpest crayon, but luckily, we don’t need him to be. His service record is unmatched and he’s a cohesive unit member. He’ll be a good drill instructor, but just the same, stay out of it and steer clear.” Dad didn’t blink as he stared me down, waiting for acknowledgement.
“Yes, sir,” I agreed, if only to make him ease off the staring.
That had been an order, I thought as I washed up after dinner. Everything was. But why bother? If Dad was convinced Roman would be good at the job, why would he be concerned I would interfere somehow? I wouldn’t, but that wasn’t really what confused me.
Dad wasn’t somebody to put his personal life above professional considerations. Papa’s leaving was all the proof anyone needed of that. So, if Dad was so concerned with preserving Roman’s ability to do a great job from my interference, why say he wouldn’t hire Roman if I asked him not to? I wouldn’t do that either, but why even bring up the possibility?
The only real explanation I could think of was the simplest but also the most wildly unanticipated. Maybe he was just concerned that Roman being around would interfere with me? Was Dad… Was he being protective?
On his porch, reaching the third and final step down to his front yard, I tasted the words in my mouth, summoned the courage, and impulsively turned around.
“I love you,” I blurted out quickly.
“Hmm,” Dad grunted, and then he sharply dropped his chin before closing the door and locking himself back in the house.
I wished for the third time—fourth? Fifth? Was it just a continuous loop running in the back of my head these days—that Jason was here. I wished Dad had been clearer about how he felt, if he felt it. I wished I could call Papa and not have to re-introduce myself as his son.
I wished I’d had just a normal day at work, and I wished I could work on my simulator all day without having to have a normal day at work. I wished I didn’t ache. I wished I wasn’t an omega, and I wished other people didn’t wish I wasn’t an omega. I wished I hadn’t run into Roman, but I also wished I’d stopped to talk to…
No. Nope. None of that.
Only one of those wishes was going to come true. Pointless to waste time wishing, otherwise. So, I got in my car and headed home to my hot water bottle and my Blankenship.
5
Roman
After the interview, I’d pretty much assumed the only response I’d hear from O’Rourke’s office was ‘thanks, but no thanks.’ Once we’d got to talking, things had been better, but it was still clear from the onset that history was always going to be sitting between us. I was optimistic that maybe, possibly, O’Rourke wouldn’t be that way. He’d always seemed like a man who valued fairness. Well, inasmuch as someone who specifically got paid to kick your ass and make you into a soldier could ever be fair. So, I was surprised when I got a call from O’Rourke’s secretary, inviting me back for a second interview. I tried to tell myself it still could fall through, but it was hard not to feel hopeful about it. If Sarge could overcome everything in our past, maybe I had a chance.
I was set to head back over to O’Rourke’s office at the end of the day today, and I was getting ready to dive into the shower when my phone pinged.
Roman, your ass better be at Coda tonight. It’s Silas’s birthday party.
Oh. Right. I remembered
the group text Garret had sent out to everyone last month planning something special for his husband. It was out of character for Garret. Well, for the old Garret. He was trying, and if he was, that meant I needed to as well. Regardless of what that meant for the rest of the guest list. Silas and Teddy were still close. No way he wasn’t going to be there. Ugh. Yesterday was still so fresh. It was going to be a shitshow, for sure. Still, a promise was a promise.
Hold your fucking horses. I’ll be there. No way I’d forget that. Well, that wasn’t a lie. Now that he’d reminded me, no way I’d forget.
Once I’d gotten myself dressed, I hopped in my truck to head over to O’Rourke’s office. If nothing else, if this meeting actually did go to hell in a handbasket, I’d have an excuse to get absolutely hammered this evening. I wasn’t really sure what to expect. With O’Rourke, that was sort of the name of the game. He didn’t like anything better than catching someone off-guard and knocking them on their ass.
Unlike last time, I was taken directly back into O’Rourke’s office.
“Sir,” I said, snapping to attention once again. O’Rourke didn’t reply. He was behind his desk, looking intensely at some documents, but once he was done, he leaned back and gave me a small smile.
“At ease, Sergeant Carpenter. Please, take a seat.” He gestured to the seat directly across from his.
I did as he said, and then braced myself for a peppering of more in-depth questions than those we’d spoken about during yesterday’s grill session. If those had been his warm-up questions, I hated to think about what he was fixing to ask now.
Instead, he just smiled again and slid the thick sheaf of papers he’d been reviewing over to my side of his desk.
“Thank you for coming to meet with me. Job’s yours if you want it, son.” He nodded toward the stack.
“What?” I blurted.
O’Rourke must have anticipated I would be stunned that this was less of a second job interview and more an immediate job offer.
“Carpenter, you were a good grunt, and you’ve got an exemplary record. You’re a good soldier. You don’t need me to tell you that.”
“Right…” I said.
“And, if I’m honest with you, there aren’t a lot of qualified applicants chomping at the bit to get up at the crack of dawn to go scream at a bunch of recruits every day. You want the job, I think you’ve got as good a chance as anyone at making a go of it. I don’t see much sense in beating around the bush. Sign and it’s yours.”
I felt a knot of tension I hadn’t even known I was carrying loosen in my chest. Sarge wasn’t the type to fool around. If he said I had it, he meant it.
“There’s just one thing…”
Shit. Wasn’t there always? I braced myself, honestly having no idea what it was he wanted to ask of me. “Whatever it is, I’ll do it, sir.”
O’Rourke’s eyes narrowed. “Bold of you to agree to it without knowing what it is I want. Well, bold is a nice word for it, anyway.”
I’d never been much of a strategist. I shrugged. “Whatever it is, it won’t be a problem.”
“Even if it’s staying away from Teddy?”
I paused, my breath catching in my throat. What was O’Rourke getting at? Teddy could hardly stand being in the same room with me. Yesterday, he’d been off like a shot just as soon as he could.
“Look, Roman, I know you two have a history. Good lord, any alpha with a nose could have told back then. You two weren’t nearly as slick as you thought you were. But here’s the thing. You’ve been gone for a long time, and things have changed. Teddy’s got a good career. I don’t have to tell you what kind of uphill battle he’s had to fight to get taken seriously at SynergyNow.”
I nodded. There were plenty of omegas in the Army, if you looked at the nursing staff, assistants, and the mess staff. Teddy wasn’t ever going to be doing anything like that.
“And he doesn’t need any distractions. He needs to stay focused. So, you need to keep out of it. Understand?” O’Rourke’s tone somehow got even more serious than usual.
“Uh, yeah. I mean, sir, of course, sir,” I answered. I couldn't help feeling this was all unnecessary, but if that’s what Master Sarge needed, I could do it. Besides, there’s no way I was going to refuse or raise a fuss about this.
O’Rourke looked like he didn’t quite believe me, and for a minute there was no noise other than the occasional shuffling footsteps in the hall. He looked me over one more time before nodding firmly to himself just once.
“Good. I’m glad we got that out of the way.” I’d expected him to go on, but it seemed like that conversation was over, so I picked up a pen on O’Rourke’s desk before taking a deep breath and signing the paperwork. Four more years. Just like that, with a few signatures. It’s startling how easy it was in comparison to all the work it had taken for me to get back here, to this place.
I slid the papers back over to O’Rourke, who traded them for the biggest damn stack of manuals and binders I’d ever seen.
“Sir, what are all these?” I asked.
“Those, Carpenter, are the manuals you need to memorize.”
“Memorize, sir?”
“Yep, that’s right. Monday morning, four-thirty. Be here. There will be an exam you have to pass based on all these.” O’Rourke tapped his knuckles on the pile of books. “Pass that test, and you’ll be clear.”
I thought about what Garret had mentioned before. “But, sir. What about Fort Jackson? Don’t I have to go through basic again?”
O’Rourke shook his head. “No, son. I talked to the powers that be. Based on your previous experience, so long as you pass this test, you’ll be home free. If you think you’re up for it, that is.”
I couldn’t believe it. Fort Jackson was… Well, an experience, to say the least. I hadn’t really been looking forward to weeks of running my ass off and getting shouted at like a grunt. But that test was no joke. School had never been my strong suit, and now I was going to have to cram all this stuff in three days in order to be ready for it. Still, there was no looking a gift horse in the mouth. Master Sarge had asked a favor for me in not having to do basic, no way in hell I was turning it down.
O’Rourke gave me a small smile and sent me on my way with my armful of books, my heart feeling like it was pounding out of my chest. I was so thankful for the opportunity, but I was damn sure I was going to fuck all this up. I had the job, and that felt like such a load off my chest compared to where I’d been a few days ago at the doctor’s office, but still I felt the pressure of living up to O’Rourke’s expectations of me.
I reached my truck, and then struggled to get the door open with my armload before dumping all the manuals into my passenger seat. Jesus. Five hundred pages of Army-issued training manuals. Not exactly light reading. And I had to memorize all that procedure and policy for the test. As I drove out of the base I thought about O’Rourke’s comments about Teddy, and it dawned on me that those two things may not be unrelated to each other. What O’Rourke did to trade the basic for this exam may have been a boon for some people, but O’Rourke knew me. He knew who I was and what my strengths and weaknesses were. Going to basic would be hell, but he also knew it was something I could do, had done in the past. Passing this exam though? That seemed like a hell of a lot more work. This wasn’t an advantage for me, not really. It felt like some kind of vengeance, a test and a punishment rolled all into one. And the only thing I could think of that O’Rourke had to punish me for, was Teddy.
After the rest of that school year and summer together, things had gotten hard for Teddy and me. It wasn’t a surprise to anyone when Jason decided to join the Army. Following in his dad’s footsteps was the most natural thing in the world. Jason had always been a leader, steady and strong for everyone, including his little brother when Sergeant O’Rourke and his omega had called it quits. So, when Jason had come into homeroom one day saying he wanted to enlist, it had been pretty much expected. I hadn’t really thought how or if that would affect me unti
l I’d gotten home that day and talked to Silas.
We hadn’t been talking about Jason, not directly. Just about the O’Rourke brothers in general. I’ll never forget what Silas said. ‘I’ll tell you one thing. Teddy is going places. Isn’t anything going to stop him.’ I’d known that. It was one of the things that had attracted me to him from the beginning. Teddy was so focused, so brilliant. I’d always known he was going to do something amazing. Silas had continued talking about how Teddy’s dad was a slave driver and that Teddy was probably going to go off to some fancy college. Then Silas had said that Teddy would probably try to get me to go as well. And that’s when I’d felt everything come to a screeching halt. Like I said, I’d always known that about Teddy. It seemed impossible to expect it of myself. No way I was going to be able to cut it in college, let alone the kind of college Teddy needed to go to in order to reach his potential. I didn’t want to disappoint him, and even as shallow as I was back then, I wanted to be something, do something that would make him proud. From there, it wasn’t difficult to see that maybe the military could offer me something. Like Jason.
I’d told Teddy, expecting him to be happy. Instead, he’d seemed concerned, angry I’d chosen the same path as everyone else around us. He’d told me he was worried, and like any eighteen-year-old in love, I’d made him two promises. I’d promised him that after my first tour we’d get married, and I’d promised him that, so long as I was there beside Jason, I’d keep him safe.
And I’d failed. I’d failed him on both counts. So if this was what Logan O’Rourke needed to get his pound of flesh, well, I’d be the first person to say I deserved it.