by Aiden Bates
“So, how is being a drill sergeant anyway? You’ve listened to me complain about my job, so fair’s fair,” Teddy said, looking over the menu.
“What makes you think there’s anything to complain about?” I asked.
“Because everybody just loves waking up before the sun rises every day.”
I shrugged. “Eh, comes with the territory. It’s not so bad now I’m getting used to it.”
Teddy shook his head. “Now, that’s a lie.”
The waiter came and we ordered our food and drinks—a single malt for me and water for Teddy.
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
“Oh, like you could ever lie to me. Remember that time in school? Susan… What was her last name? Shannon? Susan…”
I rolled my eyes, already knowing where this was going. “Susan Samuels.”
“Susan Samuels. That’s right. She had the hots for you for ages.”
“Didn’t everyone?”
“Hush, you. You remember though. Susan Samuels cornered you before school one morning and tried to throw herself at you—”
“Again, who could blame her?”
“You’re not good at instructions for a soldier, are you?” Teddy asked.
“Alright, alright. Go on.”
“And Ms. Jennings wanted to know why you were late, and what was it you said?”
I groaned. “Didn’t you just tell me that you wanted me to be quiet?”
“And you told her…”
I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms as the waiter brought our drinks, when he was gone, I took a small sip, and then looked back at Teddy. He was waiting for me to continue. I sighed heavily. “And I told her that the hickey on my neck was from a mosquito bite.”
“In the middle of February,” Teddy finished for me.
“In the middle of February,” I agreed. I tried hard to scowl, but it must not have been believable if Teddy’s amusement was anything to go by.
Teddy laughed over his glass as the appetizers were put in front of us.
“And none of that bothered you at all, right?” I asked, teasing.
Teddy’s cheeks tinged, but he sniffed. “Absolutely not, I didn’t know you then, you were just this guy in school, so there was nothing to be jealous about.”
I tilted my head and waited. Teddy huffed.
“Fine. I wanted to claw her eyes out. Not my proudest moment.”
Got you.
“Mine either.” We settled into a lull in the conversation. Teddy and I had never needed to fill all the space with words, but it still felt…uneasy somehow. Teddy cleared his throat.
“So, now that we’ve established what a horrible liar you are, tell me about work,” he insisted. “Come on, I know there’s something.”
I couldn’t keep it in any longer, and I finally unloaded. The last few days had been stressful, and it all came out in a big blob. Teddy listened and nodded, when I complained about which grunts weren’t keeping up or following the rules and which ones were trying to push my buttons. I told him about the early mornings and the really detailed paperwork that made my eyes cross.
“Sounds like the old man’s got you working overtime.”
“What? Like that’s surprising?” I asked. “Shit, sorry. I sort of forgot he was your dad for a minute. You’re not going to spy on me and report back, are you?”
Teddy smirked. “Now, that would be telling, Roman Carpenter. But if you treat me nice, I might keep your secret.”
“Well, here I was figuring that taking you to the fanciest place in town counted as treating you nice,” I quipped.
“Hmm, I can think of some other things that’d be nicer.”
“Like?” I asked, wondering if there was something else Teddy would rather be doing instead. Maybe going to one of the bars? Maybe to the Arts Center for a play or opera. That sounded about as fun as dumping a gallon of fire ants down my pants, but for Teddy, I’d do it.
My answer was Teddy slipping his foot up the back of my calf. Oh. Alright. Definitely better than ants or opera or whatever I’d been thinking of. As he continued to play with my leg, our main meals were delivered.
The food was delicious, and though there were still some pauses in the conversation, they weren’t awkward. As the night went on, we both relaxed more and more into each other’s company, and the ease I’d always felt around Teddy before I’d gone off to war was still there, even if it was a little bit different.
After I paid the check, I drove him home, laughing as he told me about something that had happened between him and one of his friends at work, Naomi, and her response to some of the uppity alphas they had to endure day in and day out.
When I pulled up to the apartment building, I put the truck in park and just looked over at him for a minute. Teddy was still smiling, face slightly flushed from the evening. It was wild to think that just over a week ago this same drive had been tense enough to nearly choke me. Now, things felt easier. Right, in a way they hadn’t before. Still, something didn’t quite sit easy for me.
Teddy looked over at me then, and rolled his eyes. “We’re going to do it now, aren’t we?”
I nearly choked on my own tongue. “Sorry. What?”
“Oh, not that. Get your mind out of the gutter.”
“Says the man who had his foot crawling up my leg earlier.”
“Hush. Anyway, that’s not what I meant. I meant, we’re going to do this now aren’t we? You’ve got that look on your face like we’re going to talk about things.”
“We never really did talk before. Not really.”
“No?” Teddy asked.
“Nah, you just mainly yelled, and I just mainly didn’t say anything. I owe you saying some things.”
Teddy sighed. “Roman, really. We don’t have to—”
“Have you ever thought I might need to say this for me? For my own self-respect?”
Teddy blinked at me like an owl, and then shook his head.
“I didn’t do right by you then, and I know it. What’s worse, I knew it then. I’d listen to all the things Jason would say about Charlie, and I understood some of that. You know. I felt those things. About you, about us. It was just… I’d sit down and I’d try to write and I just couldn’t. You were… You were this perfect thing back home waiting for me, and I just didn’t want to spoil any of that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t want to make you have to bear the things I saw. I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t know how to pretend everything was okay. I thought, stupidly, it was better to not say anything than to fuck it all up by saying the wrong thing.”
“I just wanted to know you were okay. I missed you. Every day for a long time.”
I nodded. “I did, too. That was the worst of it. I read every one of those letters. I could tell you were disappointed with me as time went on. Even I’m not that stupid. I promised you two things, and in the end I couldn’t keep either of them. Jason…” His name stuck in my throat. I wasn’t sure how to continue, what could I say in the face of what Teddy had lost? “I let Jason…”
I cleared my throat and took a breath before trying again.
“It should have never been Jason. Never. After I’d lost you, after that, it just, it should have been me, Teddy. It should have. I couldn’t look you or Charlie in the face after because I couldn’t get that thought out of my head.”
“Well, for what it’s worth I don’t feel that way,” Teddy explained. “I’m not angry, Roman. I mean that. I was, then. But we were both so young. Neither of us knew what we were doing. When you came back, I was just so mad at you. You were acting like nothing in the world had changed between us, like things could just pick up like they had been before. You’d hurt my feelings, and I wasn’t really mature enough to deal with it. I didn’t react well. Looking back at it, I should have realized how shaken up you were coming home from war. I should have known it would take that toll on you. I’d like to think I’ve grown up a lot since then
.”
I nodded because I thought we’d both grown up a lot since then.
Teddy smiled a little. “On Friday, I thought I could just enjoy you, you know, like something casual. I’d forgotten how capable you are of making me feel things no one else can. I’m glad you came back, Roman. I’m glad I came back, too.”
It was strange to hear Teddy say those things about me. Especially now he’d seen the parts of me that hadn’t really come back, that would always be gone or different.
“Even with my, you know my…issue? Not that we need to be thinking about kids or anything like that right now. That’s not what I’m saying. It’s just—”
Teddy leaned over and firmly kissed me. I startled before sinking into it. After a few seconds, Teddy pulled back, his forehead pressed into mine.
“Relax, Ro.”
I took a deep breath, trying to do just that.
“But don’t get too comfortable,” Teddy added.
My face must have shown how puzzled I was. Teddy just chuckled.
“You promised to treat me nice. Come on upstairs and get started.”
And, really, who was I to refuse?
14
Teddy
I thought I’d take things slower this time because I wanted to make Roman feel less like a faceless alpha for my release and more like we were both participating in something mutually enjoyable. Even if I wasn’t sure I wanted anything serious with Roman, whatever it was I did want—fun and physical friendship—I decidedly wanted it with Roman, not just anyone.
“It shouldn’t have been you,” I said as Roman wandered around my living room.
“Beg your pardon?” Roman picked up a little glass sculpture of a cat that Silas had gotten me, which I usually placed on my side table for lack of anything better to do with it.
“Your brother gave me that, weirdly. Anyway, what I mean is you tiptoe around your guilt over Jason a lot. It shouldn’t have been you. That’s the point. It shouldn’t have been either of you. It wouldn’t be better if you were dead instead of him. You both left, you both should have come back. I’m sorry for the stuff you have to deal with since you’ve been home, but I’m not sorry you came back at all.”
Roman nodded thoughtfully and tilted his head like he’d maybe never thought of it that way before and could kind of, sort of see my point.
“It’s ugly,” he said, and shrugged.
For a moment I wrinkled my brow and took a few steps closer, thinking he was going to confide in me about how disfigured he felt after the incident. Maybe he wanted to share how it had made him redefine himself beyond his own body image. Maybe he was going to describe the struggle to find other things worthwhile within himself, the struggle to love himself for who he was, not just what he looked like.
“The cat. Like, what the fuck is wrong with it? It’s like its head is too little for its body. It looks crazy and plus, you’re not even that into cats, are you? What the fuck, Silas?” Roman bounced the cat sculpture in his hands. “I bet you someone gave it to him and he pawned it off on you,” he declared before placing the apparently crazy ugly cat back on my side table.
Why would I have thought Roman would internalize his physical change? As far as he’d be concerned, once I accepted it, it wouldn’t need to be mentioned again.
“Well, you’re not wrong. So, would you like to continue the tour of my apartment and critique other decorations I might have around the house? Or would you rather…” I searched for the right word, the right expression to convey what I wanted without it sounding like I was demanding. “Look, Roman. I don’t want to jump the gun. I jumped you last time, and I still feel a little weird about it, but…” Shit, how do I tell him I wanted him to take the lead?
“Don’t,” Roman said, shaking his head and dismissing my concern. “I told you. I don’t have any complaints. If you remember, I used to let you take the lead because…uh…”
“What? Because of what?”
“Well, in high school you were always talking about the patriarchy and the alpha hierarchy, which you adoringly called alpharchy, and I didn’t want you to feel like I was trying to…you know…” Roman puffed his chest out to demonstrate what he meant.
I almost laughed, but Roman was being serious, for which I was grateful. “Thank you, Roman. I appreciate it, but you don’t have to handle me with kid gloves either.”
“Kid gloves?”
“What I mean is, you don’t have to handle me excessively gently. I’m fine. You’re right. Coming on too strong can be kind of a bad look for an alpha but treating omegas like we’re fragile can be kind of patronizing. It’s a fine line, I get it. But you’ve mostly walked it perfectly, even when we were younger. You don’t have to worry about me. I actually kind of don’t mind it when you…”
I blew out a breath. Right, if Roman didn’t understand what I was getting at now, then I was going to have to say it. Watching him from beneath my lashes I mimicked the same gesture Roman had used. Except Roman actually looked impressive when he puffed up and stood straight. Roman smiled, and I imagined I must have looked ridiculous with my bad alpha impression.
“You like it?” Roman asked, suddenly interested.
“I might,” I replied coyly, deflating myself from the pose.
“This whole time, you haven’t minded my being a little more…” Roman took a few steps closer to me, tentatively, as if testing my resolve.
“Aggressive?” I shook my head. “Nope, not really. You. You, specifically, I don’t mind it with.”
“That’s a confidence boost.” Roman closed the distance between us and grabbed me around the waist.
“Good. It’s supposed to be. I’m glad you’re keeping up,” I said, flirtatiously goading him as I let myself meld into his embrace.
“Oh, I can keep up,” Roman remarked as he raised me onto my tiptoes while bending down to kiss me deeply. “I can keep up.”
From sweet and hesitant, the kiss built to something more ferocious, and soon Roman was pressing his mouth hungrily into mine. He started walking backward, not once breaking the kiss until we ended in my bedroom and he’d closed the door behind us. I thought he was going to take me straight to bed. Instead he pushed me up against the door.
“You still alright?” he asked breathlessly when we separated long enough to talk.
“Yeah. Alright is one way of putting it,” I agreed before I pulled him down into another kiss.
Pressed against the door as I was, it was easy to use it to leverage myself up. Without having to say anything to him, Roman immediately understood what I was trying to do, and he shifted his arms to support me as I hooked my legs around his waist. Picking me up, he kissed me again, and then took a few steps before unceremoniously dumping me onto the bed.
“Hey,” I said in protest. He smiled but otherwise took very little notice. Instead, he toed off his shoes, tugged at his belt, and took his shirt off, stripping as fast as only a military man could. Then, in nothing but his boxers, he crawled onto the bed and in the process, on top of me.
“Hello, there, stranger,” I said playfully as he nuzzled his way up my chest and finally planted his nose into my neck, inhaling deeply and taking in my scent.
“Long time no see,” Roman answered playfully but not so playfully that it hid the husky tone his voice had taken on.
“Can I help you?” I asked, my own voice going a little deeper and a little smoother.
“Yeah, maybe!” He suddenly pounced and started undoing the buttons of my shirt. I reached down to help him undress me, thinking I’d start with my belt and then I would undo my jeans, but Roman paused to bat away my hands with one of his while his other hand still worked at my buttons.
“Quit it,” he growled. “That’s my job.”
Alright. I grinned, and having nothing else to do, concentrated on kneading the well-defined muscles in his back, running my hands over his skin, familiarizing myself with the feel of him all over again, and then finally threading my fingers through
his hair.
Once he’d gotten me unbuttoned, Roman focused on undoing almost everything I was wearing waist-down until I was in nothing but my open shirt and my boxers.
He sat back on his heels and tilted his head down at me, letting his gaze run all over me, like he was trying to appraise and memorize every detail. Still, he seemed like something wasn’t the way he wanted, so he curled his hand around one of my calves and proceeded to guide it over the other one, trying to move me.
I took the hint and let myself be rolled over onto my stomach. From somewhere above me, a pillow was pulled down and stuffed under my hips, so I now lay prone and slightly bent over the pillow.
“Nightstand,” I offered.
Roman said nothing, but I heard him fumbling around in the drawer and closing it, so I knew he’d found what he needed. Then Roman pulled off my shirt, pulled down my boxers, and there I lay, my thighs falling slightly apart on the pillow, completely naked and completely on display.
“Now, there’s a sight,” Roman said, sitting back on his heels between my legs. He grabbed a handful of my ass and started kneading. The motion spread me open and put me even more intimately on view for him. It was both relaxing and arousing, so I wasn’t going to complain.
Eventually, he began kneading two-handed, and I moaned appreciatively as my muscles unknotted and as Roman began circling the slick pad of his thumb around my entrance and occasionally gently pressing inside.
“I’m probably ready for more,” I said, in not much more than a whisper.
“Probably. But I’m driving, remember?”
I was going to make some comment about how driving was soon going to prove an apt metaphor, but the bed creaked behind me. I felt Roman’s weight shift, and soon a warm, slick pressure at my hole wiped any thought I might have had completely out of my head.
It had initially taken Roman some talking into this when we’d been in high school and had first started messing around. By all accounts, it wasn’t the kind of thing alphas bragged about in locker rooms, so it wasn’t the kind of thing Roman had ever really thought about. Benny and I had whispered obliquely about it in the hypothetical at sleepovers and such, but I obviously had no practical experience with it until I suggested it to Roman. While he was uncertain about it at first, Roman soon proved himself a kind of savant in this arena; a talent I’d never gotten tired of.