by Aiden Bates
“Just doing my job, Marcos.”
“It’s not your job to listen to me rattle off my problems, so thank you for that too. I really do hope things work out for you. You deserve it. You and Logan both.” He chuckled softly as he pulled away again. “The Sarge especially could use a little softness in his life. Shame that you weren’t around to butter him up back when I was in basic.”
“Soft isn’t the word I’d use for him. These days or any others, actually,” I admitted, feeling like I must have lost my chance at a soft, sweet Logan.
“Don’t be silly, Bennet. Pedro and I, we know you. If there’s anyone who can soften up the Sarge’s hardened old heart, it’s someone like you.”
Though we said our goodbyes, it was something I kept on my mind for the rest of my shift. Actually, Logan had shown me that soft side of himself, and I was beginning to accept that even if that was all I got from him, it was more than almost everyone else ever had.
25
Logan
My day was dragging on like clockwork at half speed. Since Bennet had returned to his apartment a few days ago, time had moved like cold molasses. Maybe because without him in my life, there was less to look forward to. Less to spend my time on. Or maybe, it was because every other passing moment left me thinking about him. Worrying and wondering—was he okay? Did he need anything—rent money, Chinese food, a back rub or a shoulder to cry on? More than anything, I wanted to make sure he was okay.
But as much as I might’ve wanted to be there for him, I knew I’d probably blown my chances at fulfilling that. If Bennet needed a shoulder to cry on, mine was probably the last on his list of preferred options—if I’d even made it on that list to begin with.
So who, if not me, was there to take care of him? I knew Bennet had family in Garret and Silas. Friends in Teddy and Mitch. But having people was one thing. Having an alpha to help him through his pregnancy was another. An omega was supposed to have an alpha to look after him, especially when carrying said alpha’s baby. That may seem old-fashioned in today’s society, but it was a belief I wasn’t prepared to dismiss just because Bennet said he was prepared to do this on his own.
I weighed my phone in my hand and wondered if I should call him or maybe text. I’d always been a pretty straightforward person, and Bennet knew that, so maybe there was a chance he was just waiting for me to beg him to come back. Or order him back. So maybe texting him was exactly the right thing to do.
I opened up a message to him, but then, as my thumbs hovered over the keyboard, anxiousness washed through me. What if getting in contact with him pushed him further away?
Exasperated, I tossed my phone into a drawer in my desk, grumbling to myself as I moved papers around. This whole thing had me out of my element. Completely above my emotional pay grade. But the mess I was in was definitely of my doing. I hadn’t been great at being there for Roland, and hadn’t done any better with Bennet so far. And if I couldn’t fulfill what the omegas in my lives really needed, then maybe it was for the best that society was becoming more accepting of their rights to leave me in the dust.
So what could I do for Bennet? I wanted him back. Plain and simple. I missed him. I missed his smile. The way he’d giggle when I tickled the soles of his feet when I massaged them. The small sighs he uttered when I kissed him. The way we worked so well side by side when doing domestic chores, when I managed to be there so I could stand by his side.
He said I needed to back up my promises with action, but what kind of action would achieve the promise I made to take care of him? To be there for him?
I didn’t know, but I knew I damn well had to come up with something, and soon.
“Sergeant O’Rourke?” The door of my office was popped ajar by a boot belonging to a face I knew well. Private James Young—one of my own recruits in a well-starched uniform and a straight-backed posture I distinctly recalled drilling into him by piling the base’s encyclopedias on his head until he could march with A-F balanced atop his skull.
“Come on in, Private.” I cocked my head to beckon him forward, then nodded to the chair in front of my desk.
He glanced down at it but didn’t take it. “Permission to speak, Sergeant? I’ll make it short.”
“Permission granted.” I raised my eyebrows and leaned back slightly in my chair, interested to hear what he had to say. By the end of his time in basic, James had been one of the most promising new additions to the Young family military tradition. His brothers, Nathan and Scott, had been exemplary recruits themselves. Both had made it to the rangers with honors—and even though his career was still pretty wet behind the ears, James had already blown both their records away.
Besides—if nothing else, catching up with one of my successes during my time at Fort Greene would take my mind off of worrying about Bennet. At least, for a little while.
“I’d like to establish an application for entry level separation, Sergeant,” James said abruptly, no tinge of apology or regret marring his baritone.
I blinked twice in surprise. “That’s unexpected, Private Young. You’ve got the right temperament for this, you know. Could go a long way in the military if you wanted to make a career of it.”
“I know. I’ve been incredibly lucky to be blessed with so much opportunity. I don’t mean to disappoint you.”
“You’re not disappointing me, Private,” I said in reassurance. “You’ve been a personal point of pride of mine since you completed basic training, you know.”
“Thank you, Sergeant.” James’s shoulders slumped slightly before I saw him catching himself, righting his posture immediately. All of those mornings with the encyclopedias seemed to have stuck. “It’s just… I’ve got an omega in town, you see. Just found out he’s pregnant.”
“Are congratulations in order?” I asked with care. Not every alpha met the idea of a baby on the way with the joy the occasion should have called for. I knew that well enough myself since I’d gotten Bennet pregnant. I knew the stress James might’ve been under.
But James didn’t flinch or falter. If anything, I thought I caught the hint of a smile shifting onto his lips. “They are, Sergeant,” he told me. “As big of an opportunity as my military career has been, I see this as no less of one. I want to be there for my omega through the pregnancy. I can’t stand the thought of missing a single moment—thus, my request.”
“I see. And you’ve thought about this, I take it?”
“Long and hard. The most important thing to me is to be there with my family. Wouldn’t miss it for all the medals and promotions in the world.”
I arched an eyebrow, concerned about where James’s head was at. If he’d thought about it, then he must have weighed his options with care. But wanting to be there for his omega through the pregnancy and being able to take care of the more practical side of things weren’t always possible. I knew that better than anyone.
“Sticking with the military means a steady job, Private. Stable income. Health insurance. A livelihood. Babies are expensive, you know, and we’re always sure take care of our own.”
“I appreciate that.” James’s gaze turned steely with confidence and determination. “However, I’d like to continue my request. My mind is made up.”
It was impressive, seeing an alpha as young as James being so certain about his future like that. I couldn’t say I would have done the same at his age. In fact, I hadn’t. I’d been so concerned with the burden of providing for a family, I’d never really given myself a chance to enjoy it.
As I met James’s gaze with a soft smile, I realized he was a braver man than I’d ever been.
“Well, you’ve been a good soldier, Private. I’m sure you’ll meet fatherhood with just as much composure and dedication.”
“Thank you, Sergeant.” That smile tugged at the corners of his lips again, this time mixed with relief. “I appreciate it.”
“And we’ve appreciated your service.” I reached into a drawer of my desk, pushing aside my phone to pull out th
e folder with the necessary paperwork. “I’ll get started on these forms right away, then. You have my recommendation behind you on this. I wish you the best of luck, Private.” My smile turned wry for a moment. “Babies are a lot of work. You’re going to need it.”
“You should see my omega.” James’s smile finally bloomed to full force. I’d seen omegas glow with the joy of pregnancy before, but here James was, an alpha with that exact same energy and light. “I’ve been incredibly lucky so far. Don’t intend on letting it run out now.”
I rapped my knuckles against the desk twice—knock on wood—then exchanged salutes with him in parting. But as James turned toward the door, I found myself calling after him.
“Do you know yet if it’s a boy or a girl?”
James paused at the door and shrugged. “To early to tell. Pretty sure the baby will be beautiful either way, though.”
“I think you’re right, Private.” I gave him a nod. “They always are.”
The form didn’t take long to complete. James’s name, rank, ID number, a few checked boxes and my signature were all that were needed. He’d have a few things to sign himself once the recommendation had passed through command, but at the end of it, he’d have his happy family and plenty of time to spend with them.
I placed the form in a basket for submission, feeling strangely wistful about the way my own life had played out. If I’d been able to make the same decision that James just had, I probably wouldn’t have ended up divorced in the first place. Probably would’ve been a better father to Jason and Teddy to boot. But if all of that had happened, I wouldn’t have met Bennet—at least, not in the context that I had. There would be no new little O’Rourke baby coming into the world. I never would have felt any of the things that Bennet had made me feel. That level of passion. Of emotional vulnerability. Of mutual care.
It was a shame I’d thrown it all away for the sake of a sense of security.
But as I stared down at my nameplate, at the careful stacks of paper and file folders that perpetually graced my desk… I felt a strange warmth filling my chest. A little flicker of hope.
Maybe I hadn’t thrown it away after all.
Maybe there was still a chance.
My boots carried me to Sergeant Major Walters’s office as a gentle tingling overtook my body. Not the kind that had signaled the heart attack that had left me benched all those years ago—although, I could feel my heart racing, strong and true, inside my ribcage nonetheless.
“Sergeant Major.” I stepped into the office, giving a lazy salute as Ross gestured for me to sit.
“Sergeant,” he said in greeting, checking his watch. “It’s off hours, you know. Clock ran out twenty minutes ago.”
“I’m aware.”
He held my gaze for a moment, something unspoken passing between us in a rare way shared almost exclusively between soldiers, exhausted grade school teachers and couples who’d had children together. When it finally broke, he reached beneath his desk and pulled out a bottle of gorgeous amber whiskey along with two rocks glasses.
“Best have a drink.”
“Agreed.”
I lowered myself into the chair in front of Ross’s desk, letting the silence between us be filled by the sound of the liquor sloshing. We clinked our glasses together, drinking the first pour outright before Ross tilted the bottle again, filling them for sipping at this time.
“So.” Ross moved his tongue over his upper lip, licking up a few stray drops of Scottish gold. “You’re finally ready to make the right decision then.” He cracked a smug grin. “About damn time.”
I only nodded in response. Ross knew me. Knew me better than I knew myself at this rate. This decision had been a long time coming, and it felt good to finally make it with confidence. Certainty. Dignity and pride.
In the end, he’d been right. My heart would end my career with the Army—just, not in the way either of us expected. But this way… It was better.
This time, it felt right.
“Was hoping you wouldn’t mind me taking a few of the recruits off base for the next few days while the paperwork processes.” I paused, waiting to add the appropriate title to the end of that request, but Ross had never been concerned about my correct address. Never had. And now he wasn’t twisting my arm, I could finally relax a little. Accept he’d been more than just a higher ranked official to me—he’d been a friend. A damn good one. The kind that had only ever had my best interests in mind.
“I think, given the records of your service here, I can justify approving that.” Ross nodded, smiling a little. “No one has ever been as good at drilling in discipline as you, Logan.”
He looked smug, but in a way that even I couldn’t hate.
All things considered, I was feeling pretty smug myself right now.
“And they never will be,” I replied, matching his smile with one of my own.
“So, what’s the field trip for? Can I ask?”
My smile broadened. “Oh, just a little grunt work. Shouldn’t take more than a day or two.”
“Well, we’ve got grunts in spades. I’d ask you to go easy on them, but…”
We clinked our glasses together again, finishing our drinks and laughing the way only old friends could. It was an unspoken toast to the end of something good—and the beginning of something better.
Something solid. Something stable.
Something that had been a long time coming—and something that would make me happy for an even longer time.
That was assuming I could pull it off, of course. But with a few of my favorite recruits and a few days of work…
We could manage. I was sure of it.
26
Bennet
I had to hand it to Dr. Smith. Despite the frantic fear my change of wards had sent me spiraling through, the new shift had its benefits. No more doubles, for one thing—and even though it was demanding, I had few enough patients that I could always get through all of my tasks in one day without having to rush.
I came home that night exhausted but feeling good about things for the first time in a long time. Yes, I was on my own now. Pregnant, high-risk, and a little afraid. But I had a good job. Health insurance. A steady paycheck and a workplace filled with people who wanted to help me. I had Teddy, Roman and Viola to spend the holidays with and visit whenever I felt I needed to. And I had Garret, Silas and baby Jason to keep me company here in Fort Greene. Also, with Silas’s support, I was even making plans to get my LPN once the baby was born.
It wasn’t the most exciting plan for the future, but it was a plan. Logan or no Logan, I still had a future.
I just had to get through this pregnancy first.
When I came up to the front door of my apartment, fumbling with my keys, I was so wiped I almost missed it. Almost—but not quite. There, folded into the shape of a little paper airplane on the mat, was a piece of paper. When I unfolded it, I noticed the Fort Greene Army base’s letterhead on the top of it. Beneath it was a simple message in Logan’s careful, elegantly masculine handwriting. Short and direct, but not exactly sweet.
Still, my heart skipped a beat as I read it, and then read it again, and again, this time for luck.
Bennet— Drop by my place when you’re free. Have a few things for you.
It was incredible, the way that fourteen words from Logan after days without speaking to him at all could still send my heart racing and leave my cheeks so flushed. I even felt a flutter in my belly, though it was just as likely it was the baby turning over as it was butterflies.
I’d been without Logan physically these last few days, but the note reminded me that he was never far from the forefront of my mind.
Even though I was supposed to be on my own now, starting a brave new life for myself, I doubt I’d ever actually stop thinking about him.
Besides—I was starting to regret leaving that sleeping t-shirt I’d liked so much. If he already had some of my things packaged up…
Well, I was going to have to
maintain some semblance of a relationship with him anyway. After everything we’d been through together, I couldn’t imagine Logan couldn’t be convinced to throw the t-shirt in as a parting gift.
It was late when I got to Logan’s place. Late enough that I knew I should have waited until morning, but the magnetic pull he had on me felt stronger than ever now I’d spent a few days away.
There was another paper airplane on his doorstep. This note was even shorter than the first one.
Bennet— Door’s unlocked. Come on in.
The first thing I noticed in the dim light of Logan’s living room was that it had been rearranged. The coffee table was absent now, and he’d picked up a soft-looking area rug for the floor in front of his couch to take its place. Logan’s twin armchairs, formerly on opposite sides of the room, were now side-by-side, illuminated by the flicker of the television. It was playing Teletubbies with the volume turned down, which should have been the first sign that Logan was up to something beyond just giving me back some of the things I’d left behind.
The second sign was a third paper airplane, tucked in the arms of a soft stuffed bear wearing army fatigues and a little camouflage cap. Its fur was silken, golden and gently curled beneath my fingertips when I bent to pick it up. There was a name tag on the chest of his jacket: Lieutenant Cuddles.
Cute. I couldn’t help but grin at that.
The third note was the shortest of all. It didn’t even have my name on it this time—just two words that must have been harder to write than all the others combined.
I’m sorry, it read.
On the floor a few feet away was a baby binky, resting in a way that made me imagine a little hazel-eyed toddler tearing through the house, dropping it absently as he giggled and ran. But it had obviously been placed there with more care than that, just like the soft flannel camouflage I found on the floor of the kitchen; the next marking point in a trail so carefully laid that it couldn’t have been meant for anyone other than me.