“Oh, Zeke.” Her eyes fluttered open. “Childbirth... changes a woman.”
He cupped her breast. “I know.” His voice was thick with need. “I like it. Let me light the lantern.”
“But—”
He silenced her with a kiss. “Please.” Without waiting for permission he untangled himself from her and stood. It wasn’t easy to leave her side when he was heavy with unsatisfied desire, but this might be the last time he made love to her, and he wouldn’t be denied any part of the experience.
Moving as quietly as possible so he wouldn’t wake Amanda, he lit the lantern and took a foil-wrapped package from the bottom drawer of his dresser. No matter how much he might want to give Amanda a brother or sister, he couldn’t ask Katherine to go through that.
He set the lantern on the hearth, and the glow illuminated the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. All that covered her was the small triangle of her panties, and soon that would be gone. He slipped off his briefs and knelt down beside her. “Katherine, you’re so—”
“Please don’t look too close,” she pleaded, spreading her fingers over her stomach. “I have stretch marks. And my tummy’s not flat like it was last summer.”
“Lucky you.” He drew her hands away and leaned down to kiss the faint white lines. “A warrior should show off her battle scars, not hide them.”
“You’re being nice.”
“No.” His voice roughened, and he realized seeing the stretch marks had created a different sort of frustration. He stroked his hand over her stomach, trying to imagine that she’d once carried Amanda there. “I missed everything about this pregnancy. I missed watching your body change, missed feeling the baby move, missed the moment when you opened your thighs and gave birth to our child.” He looked into her eyes. “Don’t hide the stretch marks, Katherine. I need to see them.”
Moisture sparkled in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry, Zeke.”
“It’s over now.” Yet as he eased away the panties covering her blond curls, he throbbed with the urge to start again, to plant another seed in her womb and watch the baby grow. Instead he picked up the packet from the hearth and ripped it open.
She watched his motions. “Zeke...what you said on the porch...about having another...”
He shook his head. “I was talking crazy.” He finished sheathing himself and moved over her. “Just let me love you, Katherine. It will be enough.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
KATHERINE DIDN’T THINK one night of loving Zeke would be nearly enough, considering it would have to last her a lifetime. How she ached for him.
He gazed into her eyes. “It’s only been two months. I don’t want to hurt you.”
She wanted him so much she could barely breathe, let alone talk. “I don’t...think you will. But if you don’t come to me soon, I might die.”
“Me, too.” He clenched his jaw. “But I’m going slow, just in case.”
As he slid partway inside, the pleasure of having his solid length fill her again was so intense she shuddered with joy.
Immediately he stopped, his breathing ragged. “Are you—”
“In heaven? Almost.” She cupped his face in both hands. “Give me all of you, Zeke.”
With a groan he sank deep.
“Yes,” she whispered as unexpected tears filled her eyes.
“I’m hurting you.” He started to withdraw.
She wrapped her uninjured arm around his back and her legs around his hips, holding him tight inside her. Her voice was choked. “Don’t you dare.”
“But you’re crying.”
“Because it feels so good. I don’t remember it feeling this good, Zeke.”
He looked into her eyes for a long moment. Slowly he shook his head. “I don’t, either.”
“What’s happened?”
He didn’t answer, just gazed at her with those knowing eyes. “Loosen up,” he murmured.
She relaxed her hold on him and he began to move. Oh, how he began to move. He spoke her body’s language fluently—stroking, shifting, pausing, speeding up, slowing down. He seemed to take his cues from her, yet she spoke not a word.
And all the while he watched her face, her eyes, until gradually he’d tuned himself so perfectly to her that she lost any sense of separateness. His breath became her breath, his sweat her sweat, his body her body. And always he coaxed them upward, building the momentum, tightening the tension.
She’d never shared herself with another as she was sharing herself now. When the moment came, raining wonder all around them, her cry of completion mingled with his, and tears spilled down her cheeks at the unearthly beauty of what they had created together. And she knew what he was trying, without words, to tell her. Joy and sorrow mingled in her heart as she realized that something had happened, and they might never have the courage to face it. They’d fallen in love.
* * *
DAZED BY THE POWER of the moment, Zeke wondered if he’d ever find the strength to leave the magical shelter of Katherine’s arms.
Then Amanda started to cry.
Beneath him, Katherine stirred. “I—”
“I know. She’s hungry.” He kissed the soft skin behind Katherine’s ear before reluctantly easing away from her. “Go get back in bed. I’ll change her and bring her to you. Then I’ll build up the fire.”
She sat up and reached for her panties.
“Don’t,” he murmured.
She glanced up at him and laid the panties aside.
“And leave the shirt off, too. I love to look at you.”
Her eyes darkened and he wanted to make love to her again, this very minute, but Amanda needed attention. As Katherine stood, her breasts moving gently with the motion of her body, he wished he were a better artist so he could draw her. But paper and charcoal wouldn’t capture her heat, or her delicious scent.
After a quick trip to the bathroom he picked up a squalling Amanda and cradled her against his chest. “Take it easy, Mandy. Your late-night snack is coming right up.” He was impressed with how efficiently he managed to change her diaper, even when she continued to wiggle and cry. In no time he carried her to the shadowy bed, where Katherine had propped herself against the headboard with a pillow. God, he wanted to climb right in there with her. “Which side?”
“Let’s start with the left this time.”
“Good. Then I can help you when you nurse her on the other side.” He laid the fussy baby carefully in the crook of her left arm.
“Thank you, Zeke.”
“No problem.”
Amanda nuzzled hungrily and Katherine helped her find the nipple.
Zeke stood there mesmerized by the sight of Amanda nursing. Now he knew the taste that little baby was experiencing. His mouth moistened. “I hope that I didn’t...um, take more than I should have.”
She smiled up at him. “No. I have plenty for her. But if you don’t build up the fire pretty soon, I’ll need some covers.”
“Oh!” He’d been so entranced and so filled with heat watching her nurse the baby that he’d forgotten all about the fire. “Sorry.” He hurried over to the hearth and soon had the blaze going again. Then he glanced at the blanket that had been tossed aside while they’d made love. Figuring he wouldn’t need it now, he folded it and laid it on a chair. He might not sleep much, but he planned to spend the rest of the night in his own bed, starting now.
He brought the lantern over and set it on the bedside table before climbing into bed next to Katherine and Amanda.
She glanced over at him. “This feels a little like being at home with her.”
He propped his head on his hand to get a better view of her. “You nurse her naked while a man watches you?”
She laughed. “Not hardly. I meant that I bring he
r to bed and nurse her there at night. But there’s no man.”
“Good.” He was pretty sure there hadn’t been anyone else in her life, but he liked hearing it all the same.
“And I wear a nightgown.”
“Why?”
She glanced at him over the top of Amanda’s head. “Because that’s the kind of woman I am, I guess.”
“I don’t think so.”
As she held his gaze, her eyes smoldered with passion. “You bring out a different side of me, that’s for sure.”
He needed to touch her, needed to feel her warmth, but while she was nursing Amanda, he’d use restraint. He slid his hand gently over her silken thigh. “Is it a different side, or the real Katherine?”
“I don’t know.” She sounded slightly out of breath. Then she looked down at his hand lying quietly on her thigh. “Zeke...”
“Don’t worry. I won’t do anything. But I need a connection.” And this made a powerful one for him—his sunbrowned hand resting against the creamy skin of her inner thigh.
“Oh.”
“Does my hand there bother you too much?”
“It bothers me, but in a nice way.”
He smiled at her. “Good.” He hoped she felt the way he did, aroused but under control. He lay with his palm absorbing her warmth as he listened to the crackling fire and Amanda’s little slurps and swallows. The baby patted her tiny hand against her mother’s full breast. Remembering the pleasure to be found there made Zeke’s mouth water and his groin throb. Control became a little tougher to come by.
When Katherine spoke again, her tone had become shy. “Nursing her has been a sensual thing for me. I’ve never admitted that to anyone.”
“I’m the perfect person to tell.”
“Yes.” She stroked Amanda’s cheek with her finger. “Wearing nightgowns and being proper is right for my apartment in New York, but I have to admit that being here like this...lying in bed with you while I feed her...seems even more right.”
His chest tightened. “Dangerous talk.”
“Don’t be scared, Zeke. I’m not going to do anything stupid and wreck your life.”
He chose his words carefully. He couldn’t tell her that he wanted her to stay with him forever. He couldn’t put that kind of burden on her. “I wasn’t thinking about my life.”
“Okay, I’m not going to do anything stupid and wreck all Naomi’s plans for me at the magazine.”
He lightly massaged her thigh, careful to keep his touch easy, both for her benefit and his. “We’ll figure things out.”
“I hope so. But I can’t help thinking that the best thing for Amanda would be for her to have both of us, all the time.”
The tightness in his chest moved up to his throat. He had to clear it before he could speak. “But that’s not possible.”
“No,” she said softly.
Zeke knew there was nothing more to say. Tonight was all he’d have. Silently he watched Amanda nurse, and when Katherine started to switch her to the other breast, he helped arrange it along with a pillow to support the baby so Katherine’s arm wouldn’t have to take all the weight.
He longed to caress the moistened nipple Amanda had just left, but he didn’t dare. He was maintaining a precarious-enough hold on his control as it was. Lying here next to Katherine was torture, but a sweet kind of torture, and he wouldn’t give up these moments for anything in the world.
He couldn’t decide which was worse, his physical or mental frustration. But his physical frustration would be satisfied once Amanda went back to sleep. His mental frustration seemed doomed to continue for a long time, considering that Katherine couldn’t run a New York magazine from the wilderness, and he couldn’t be happy in a world of glass and steel.
* * *
SOMETIME DURING THE night, Katherine heard a crack of lightning nearby and waited for the rush of rain that would surely follow. When it didn’t come, she snuggled against Zeke. Maybe the creek would go down enough for them to be rescued tomorrow. Not wanting to think about that, she reached for him and lost herself in the wonder of his touch yet again.
She awoke to a gray, misty light coming through the uncurtained window over the bed, and no sound of rain on the roof. Amanda and Zeke still slept. Moving quietly so as not to wake them, Katherine slid out of bed and put on her sweats, socks and shirt. Early morning had become her private time since Amanda’s birth. The baby generally slept through the dawn hours, giving Katherine precious moments to herself, and she’d become greedy for them.
She turned to look at Zeke lying peacefully in bed. She could also use this time before Amanda woke up to make love to him one more time. But they hadn’t slept much during the night, and if he had to get her and the baby back to civilization today, he needed his rest. She swallowed the lump in her throat. The moment of parting was inevitable, and when it came, she couldn’t be a wimp.
The chirp of birds outside the window beckoned to her. Tiptoeing to the door, she lifted the nylon jacket noiselessly from its hook before unlocking the door with slow, careful movements. She looked forward to a half hour on the porch all by herself to watch the sun come up and listen to the birds sing. Maybe it would help her come to grips with the decision she had to make.
Clean, cool air sifted into the room as she eased open the door, hoping the hinges didn’t squeak. They didn’t. She slipped outside, stepping onto the dew-covered porch floor. Her socks would get wet, but she didn’t care. She started to close the door behind her as she gazed out into the clearing.
She stopped in mid motion and her hand tightened on the knob. The Adirondack chairs she and Zeke had sat in the night before were lying out in the yard. The arm was broken off one of them. She tried to make sense of what she was seeing.
Had there been a terrible wind in the night that had picked up the chairs and hurled them off the porch? Surely she wouldn’t have slept through hurricane-force winds.
She glanced around. The birds still sang and the air smelled pure and sweet as sunlight slowly moved into the clearing, but the tranquillity she’d expected to find was gone. She stood on one leg and pulled off a sock, then repeated the process with the other leg. The boards were cold against her feet, but at least she wouldn’t get the socks all muddy while she went out to retrieve the chairs.
Stuffing the socks in her jacket pocket, she started down the steps toward the first chair. Not wanting to cut her foot on a sharp rock, she watched the ground carefully. Then she gasped.
Imprinted perfectly in the mud at her feet was a giant paw print. Torn between horror and fascination, she studied the impression of a heavy pad and huge claws that had punctured awesome holes in the ground. Sadie.
* * *
ZEKE WOKE UP WITH a vague feeling that something was wrong. He sat up and looked over at the empty space where Katherine had slept. Getting to his feet, he reached for his jeans as he surveyed the cabin in one quick glance. Katherine wasn’t there, although Amanda was still asleep in her bassinet.
Damn, he’d wanted to be the first one out the door this morning, but it had been an eventful night and he’d overslept. He’d heard Sadie on the porch playing around with his chairs about four o’clock, but he’d decided not to risk alarming Katherine by trying to scare Sadie away.
Fastening his jeans, he walked over to the door and opened it in time to catch Katherine staring out toward the edges of the clearing, her whole posture reminding him of a deer scenting a predator. He was pretty certain Sadie was long gone, but sure enough, the chairs were tossed in the yard as he’d expected.
“Good morning,” he said softly so as not to frighten Katherine.
She jumped anyway, whirling toward the door. “Do you see what she did?”
“Yep.”
“Zeke, I have to get Amanda out of here. That bear could rip the door off its hi
nges if she decided to. Or break through the porch window.”
“She could, but I doubt she’d decide to.”
“Why not? What’s the difference between that and what she did to your chairs?”
Leaving the door open so they could hear Amanda, he crossed the porch. “I’ve been wondering if she’d decide to come and play with those chairs.” He walked down the steps and stood barefoot in the cool grass next to Katherine. “Now I know I have to bring them in at night.”
Katherine gestured toward the upended chairs. “You call this playing?”
“Sure. If you’re a bear.”
She stared at him. “Then maybe if you’re a bear it would be even more fun to break into the cabin and maul the people inside.”
“Too much work. Especially considering that it’s the end of summer and she’s had plenty to eat this year. If it had been a lean summer and she’d learned that cabins have food in them, then she might try that. But last night she was just being curious. I haven’t had the chairs out there very long, so maybe this was the first time she’s noticed them.”
“You sound as if she’s almost a pet!”
“No, not a pet. That’s a dangerous fantasy some tourists have. I don’t.” He sighed. “Look, if it makes you feel any better, I have a gun in the cabin. I heard Sadie last night, and if she’d tried to get through the door or any of the windows, I would have used the gun.”
Katherine’s eyes widened. “A gun?”
“Yes. When you live out in the middle of nowhere like this, it’s a good idea to have some form of protection. I keep it loaded and it’s in the bottom drawer of the chest. In fact, if you want to learn how to use—”
“No!” She held up both hands and backed away from him. “I do not want to learn to use the gun. I don’t even want to see the gun.”
“Good Lord. It’s just a tool, like any other tool.”
“You can jolly well keep it to yourself, Zeke. What I want is to get my baby out of this place, where you need a gun to protect yourself from a prowling bear.”
His patience was slipping fast. “Damn it, Katherine, I’ve never had to use that gun to protect myself from a bear in all the years I’ve lived and worked in this area. I never expect to have to use it, but you seemed so spooked I thought you’d want to know it’s available.”
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