“What about?” Reuben leaned on his hoe.
“Is something going on with you?” Judah tilted his head.
Reuben blanched. “What makes you think so?”
“Well, you almost put a nail in your hand the other day when we were repairing the cow’s fence. And you forgot to make a delivery to that English produce stand out on Route 608. That’s not typical of you.”
He gripped his hoe. “Everything’s fine. Just have a lot on mei mind.”
“Like?”
Reuben knew his brother-in-law was concerned, but that didn’t mean he had a reason to pry into Reuben’s business. “Just . . . stuff.”
“A maedel, possibly?”
Reuben slammed the hoe into the ground again, barely missing his toe. “Nee,” he said. “I don’t know why you’d say that.”
“Because usually it’s a girl that makes a man’s mind slip. I know it was when I fell for your sister.”
“Well,” Reuben said, tackling the ground again and making sure his foot was well out of the way, “I’m not you.”
Judah didn’t say anything for a moment. Then he said, “Esther wants you to come over for supper tomorrow night.”
Reuben didn’t respond. He’d planned to stop by the store and maybe wrangle a supper invitation from Emily tomorrow. “I’m busy. We can do it another time.”
“She’ll be disappointed. It’s been a while since you’ve seen each other, other than at church.” Then he added, “You can bring yer maedel if you want.”
Reuben was about to deny it again, but he changed his mind. Hadn’t he promised to commit fully to their ruse? And just because he was confused about his feelings didn’t mean he could go back on his word to Emily.
“All right,” he said. “We’ll be there.”
Judah grinned. “I knew it. Who is it? Esther will be dying to know.”
“Emily Schwartz.”
“Really?” He rubbed his chin. “That’s a surprise.”
“Why? Because she’s got thick glasses? And she’s klutzy? And she has a fascination with stars and planets?”
Judah took a step back. “What do stars and planets have to do with anything?”
He blew out a breath. “Never mind. Do you want me and Emily to come over or not?”
“We do, we do.” He shook his head. “You don’t have to be so touchy about it. We eat around six thirty.”
“Fine. See you then.”
After Judah left, Reuben stopped hoeing. He wiped the sweat off his forehead and frowned. He had been overly defensive about Emily to Judah—because he had thought those things about her in the past. He really was a shallow jerk, despite what she thought.
He knocked off a little early, showered and changed, then hitched up the buggy and went to Emily’s. She was locking up the store when he pulled up. “Hi,” she said, giving him a shy smile.
His heart skipped a beat as he climbed out of the buggy. “Hi.” He smiled in return. He couldn’t help it, seeing those dimples in her cheeks.
“What brings you by?” she asked.
We’re supposed to be dating. He paused. He was getting too caught up in the ruse. That had to be the reason he was having these feelings, and why he hadn’t been able to let go of her hand in the planetarium. And the feelings weren’t real because the relationship wasn’t real.
“Reuben?” She pushed up her glasses.
“My sister Esther invited us over for supper tomorrow. At six thirty.”
“Oh. How nice. Should I bring anything?”
He shook his head. “Knowing her she’ll have more than enough. She’s a great cook. Sarah, on the other hand, not so much. So I’ll pick you up at five thirty?”
“It takes an hour to get to Esther’s?”
It didn’t, but he had planned to drive the buggy extra slow. He needed to get to know Emily better—for the purposes of their fake relationship only. What better way than to spend an hour in the buggy together? But he couldn’t tell her all that.
“Um—”
“Emily, would you mind bringing in a couple tomatoes from the greenhouse?”
They both turned as Louwanda came out of the house. Great. He wasn’t in the frame of mind to deal with her right now.
“Oh hello, Reuben.” Louwanda gave Emily a knowing smile. “I didn’t realize we were having company. Are you staying for supper?”
Reuben didn’t miss Emily’s scowl in return. “Nee,” she said quickly. “He just dropped by to, uh, tell me something.”
“But we have plenty of beef stew.”
Reuben found himself hoping Emily would extend the invitation. When the awkward silence continued, he realized she wasn’t going to. “I have to get home,” he said, backing away a few steps. “I just came to invite Emily to mei sister’s tomorrow evening.”
Louwanda’s expression brightened enough to rival the morning sunlight. “That sounds nice. Very nice.”
Good grief, he had to get out of here. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Emily.”
“Ya, tomorrow.”
Reuben climbed into his buggy and pulled out of the Schwartzes’ driveway. On his way home he frowned. Why didn’t Emily want him to stay for supper? It was a prime opportunity to cement their false relationship in her mother’s mind. Now he wondered if she really wanted to go with him to Esther’s, or if she was just being polite.
He shouldn’t have held her hand at the planetarium. That had been a mistake. He wasn’t used to making mistakes when it came to dating, and dating Emily—even pretend dating Emily—was new territory for him.
But he couldn’t deny that a small part of him wished it were real.
Emily stirred the beef stew around in her bowl. She should have invited Reuben to stay for supper. She’d wanted him to stay. Which was why she didn’t ask him to.
“Emily?” Mamm looked at her. “Is there something wrong with the stew?”
She shook her head and took a small bite. Her mother made delicious beef stew, but Emily couldn’t enjoy it. She felt like she was drowning in guilt and confusion. She didn’t like lying to her mother, and she didn’t like the attraction she felt for Reuben.
Well, she liked it, but it also made everything worse. How was she going to get out of this? It wasn’t as if he was interested in her beyond their agreement. She hadn’t seen him all week until today, and her mother had been dropping subtle questions, and some not so subtle, about his whereabouts.
Now she knew for sure the reason he held her hand was to keep up appearances. That was all. They hadn’t known anyone at the planetarium, and it had been so dark inside, no one would have seen them. But she knew enough about Reuben now, and when he committed, he committed completely.
No, Reuben wouldn’t break her heart. She was allowing that to happen all on her own.
She choked down her stew and cleaned the kitchen after supper, telling her mother to go relax in the living room. After she finished cleaning, she went outside. But instead of looking at the sky in anticipation of nightfall, she sat down on one of the patio chairs and wrung her hands. She couldn’t geh on like this. Even if it meant her mother would go back to setting her up with Wayne.
Tomorrow, she would make everything right.
Something didn’t sit well with Reuben when he went to pick up Emily. Actually, nothing was right about this. It had been nagging at him ever since they decided to pretend to date. Even though they had started off with good intentions, the deception was wrong. Tonight they would have to pretend to be dating even though they weren’t—and even though he wanted to. It was growing more complicated by the day, and he was getting more and more uncomfortable with the lying.
In his mind there was only one way to fix this—take the chance and ask Emily to date for real. He came up with the answer in the middle of the night when he gave up trying to sleep. Then he went back and forth about the wisdom of the decision. What if she said no? He’d never been worried about being rejected before.
The door opened as soon as h
e hit the front porch. Emily stepped outside and closed the door behind her. He noticed she was barefoot. “Hi,” she said, looking at her feet.
A knot of dread formed in his stomach. “Ready to geh?” he said, knowing full well she wasn’t.
She shook her head. “Reuben, we need to talk.”
CHAPTER 6
Emily’s throat felt like it was stuffed with cotton. Why did Reuben have to look so handsome right now? His short-sleeve blue shirt brought out the color in his eyes, and he wasn’t wearing his hat. His brown hair was neatly combed, and so thick she wanted to run her fingers through it. But she never would, and it was time to face reality.
“I’m sorry for dragging you into mei mess,” she said, clasping her fingers together.
“You didn’t drag me into it. I offered to help, remember?”
She nodded. How could she forget the day he’d suddenly become so important to her? And now she realized it wasn’t because he’d saved her from endless matchmaking and the humiliation of a lie. He was important because of who he was. A kind, smart, caring man who didn’t deserve to deal with Emily’s deception.
She squeezed her eyes shut. She had to stay focused. She opened her eyes and said, “I’m not going with you to Esther’s. I’m going to tell mei parents the truth.”
His mouth dropped open. “Why?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do—for all of us.” She felt tears forming in her eyes. “I’m so ashamed,” she whispered. “I never should have started all this.”
“Emily—”
She looked up at him. “Danki for everything you’ve done. And I promise I’ll tell mei parents this was all mei doing. They won’t blame you for anything.”
“What about Wayne? You know yer mamm is going to geh back to her matchmaking ways.”
“And I’ll have to handle that.” She let out a bitter chuckle. “I guess that’s mei fault for not being firm with her. And I have to face Wayne sooner or later. I can’t avoid him for the rest of mei life, especially when I go back to see mei family at the reunion in Shipshe.” She looked at Reuben again, her heart aching. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.” She turned around and went into the house.
I’m not pretending.
Reuben stood on the porch, dumbfounded. He’d been prepared—at least sort of prepared—to tell Emily his real feelings. And then she dumped him. Not technically of course, but the hurt was genuine. He had half a mind to go inside the house and convince her not to say anything to her parents. That he would fix everything by dating her for real.
But obviously she didn’t want that. She was ready to face her mother’s meddling and go to the reunion and see Wayne. Wait, was that what happened? Had she changed her mind about Wayne? She never told him what happened between them. Had they been dating and Louwanda didn’t know it?
Jealousy twisted inside him, along with anger. Fine. If that’s how she wanted it, that’s how it would be. It wasn’t like he couldn’t find someone else to date. It wasn’t like there weren’t other women out there in Middlefield.
But none of them were like her.
“Hi, Reuben.”
He turned to see Andy walking toward him. The man was never in a hurry, always calm with a ready smile. Reuben gave him a short nod, then collected himself and met him at the bottom of the porch steps. He didn’t need to let on that he’d just been rejected by the man’s daughter before he’d even had a chance to tell her the truth.
“Louwanda said you and Emily were going to Esther’s for supper tonight.”
“We were.” Reuben shrugged, trying to seem casual, when inside he felt anything but. “Seems she changed her mind.”
“Oh? I’m surprised.”
“You’re not the only one,” Reuben muttered.
“Well, whatever’s going on I hope you two work it out. I tend to stay out of mei kinners’ business, unlike Louwanda, even though she means well. But I have to agree with her when she says you two make a gut pair.” He clapped Reuben on the shoulder. “See you soon.”
Reuben made his way to the buggy as he heard the front door of the Schwartzes’ house shut. Even Andy thought he and Emily were a good idea. Emily was the only one who didn’t.
He clenched his teeth as he drove home. The mix of pain and hurt squeezed his heart. So this was what it felt like. Had the girls he’d disappointed gone through the same thing? If so, this was the least of what he deserved.
“You what?”
Emily bit the inside of her lip as her mother’s eyes grew stormy. She pressed her palms flat on the kitchen table and looked at her father, who was drumming his fingers on his leg, a sure sign he was upset. And there was nothing she could do but take her lumps.
“I lied about Reuben and me. We’re not dating.”
“But you went out on a buggy ride.” Mamm’s voice raised. “He came over for supper. He invited you to his sister’s house, for goodness’ sake!”
“I know.” Emily curled her fingers into her palms. “And I’m sorry. He was helping me.” She told her parents about Reuben being in the store and overhearing her and her mother’s conversation about Wayne. “When we went on the buggy ride, we decided to keep up the ruse.”
“The lie, you mean,” Mamm huffed.
“Ya. The lie.”
“Why would he agree to do that?” Daed asked, his voice quiet.
“Because he’s also been getting pressure from his mother to marry.”
“So this is all mei fault?” Mamm shook her head. “Don’t blame me for your deception.”
“I’m not—”
“Because all I want is for you to be happy.”
“Is it?” Daed turned to her. “Or do you want the bragging rights of all yer kinner being married?”
“Bragging rights?” Mamm put her hand to her chest. “I don’t know what yer talking about.”
Daed pushed away from the table. “I’m going for a walk. You know what you need to do, Louwanda.” He left the kitchen and went outside.
“Andrew Schwartz, get back here . . .” Mamm turned to Emily, glaring.
This was unexpected. She hadn’t thought her parents would get into a fight over this. In fact, her parents rarely fought, especially since she and her siblings were grown now.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice squeaking. “I didn’t mean to upset you and Daed.”
“But you did.” Mamm kept her eyes on Emily until Emily thought she would wilt. Then without warning Mamm’s shoulders slumped.
“Oh, Emily. I’m so sorry.” She put her head in her hands. “Yer daed is right. This is mei fault.”
“Nee, Mamm. I’m the one who lied.”
“But I’m the one who pushed you to it.” She lifted her head and looked at Emily, her eyes shiny with tears. “I really do want yer happiness, but I’m afraid all I’ve done is make you miserable.”
She thought about the time she’d spent with Reuben. She had been anything but miserable. She touched her mamm’s hand. “It’s okay.”
“Nee, it’s not. I’ve been meddling and I shouldn’t have. Yer daed warned me, but I wouldn’t listen.” She clasped Emily’s hand. “I’m listening now. What’s going on between you and Wayne Jantzi?”
Emily breathed out a long sigh. “Nix, Mamm.”
“Then why don’t you want to see him? You’ve gone to great lengths to avoid him.”
“Because I’m embarrassed.” She pulled away from her mother. “I used to like him, when we were in school. And after we were in school. I always hoped we would be married someday, even though he’s rarely said more than a few words to me. And then . . .” She turned away.
“What?” Mamm asked gently.
“I decided to take matters into mei own hands. I asked him on a date when we were both seventeen. In hindsight I should have waited until he was alone and not eating lunch at Pamela’s Pantry with his brother and their friends.”
Mamm cringed. “He said nee?”
“Not only that, he laughed at me.
Said he wouldn’t date me if I was the last woman in Shipshe.” She sighed. “They all laughed at that one.”
“I don’t see why. That’s not even a clever response.”
Emily chuckled. Now that she was talking about it—something she had never done, with anyone—the whole thing seemed immature. But she’d nursed that hurt all these years. Wayne had been the only boy for her growing up. He was popular, handsome, and he had seemed nice, until that day. In many ways, he was like Reuben.
But Reuben was nothing like him. Her heart pinched.
“If I had known all that, I never would have mentioned it to his mother in the first place.”
“That’s the one thing I didn’t understand,” Emily said. “I know Wayne wasn’t interested in me, so why did he change his mind?”
“Uh . . .” Mamm’s face turned red. “As far as I know, he hasn’t.”
“What?”
“I was hoping I’d never have to tell you this.” She wiped her hand across the side of her kapp, but didn’t look at Emily. “I might have fudged a bit about Wayne.”
“Fudged?”
“I mean lied. I thought if you went back to Shipshe, I could find a way to get you two together. Wayne’s mother had a family recipe for banana pudding that I wanted to make for the reunion, so I wrote her and asked for the recipe. I casually mentioned that you were still single, and wondered what Wayne was up to. When Susanna sent me the recipe, she casually mentioned that Wayne was single too.”
“Does Wayne know about this?” Emily asked, her stomach twisting in a fresh knot of embarrassment.
“Nee, nee. As soon as you said you and Reuben were dating, I wrote her back and told her you had found someone.”
Emily leaned back in the chair. “Thank you, Lord.”
“Can you forgive me?” Mamm’s eyes were filled with pleading. “I know I did a terrible thing.”
“So did I.” Emily leaned forward. “Can you forgive me too?”
“Of course.” Mamm took Emily’s hand and squeezed it. “This calls for some raspberry pie, don’t you think?”
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