by A. J. Rand
Back in his form as the Archangel, he was a lot more intimidating than he had been in the human host. Past all the bravado I had been wearing like a shield, it finally sunk in that at any given moment, Gabriel could have squashed me like a bug. Any of these angels could. I wouldn’t go down without a fight, but I’m not sure how much damage I would mete out against the power that surrounded me.
I also realized I hadn’t done the Grigori any favors by letting them come home for a visit. Within the Crystal City, they were now eleven to tens of thousands of angels. Their belief in me must be pretty strong to put themselves in the hands of those kinds of odds. This whole thing took on a different level of meaning. I was sinking fast into the harsh reality of what I might be up against and it was almost too overwhelming to comprehend.
Gabriel nodded to the guards at the doors and they swung them open to allow us passage to the interior of the building. We entered––me, Chaz, Gabriel, the Grigori, and all the other angels that had met us at the Gate. At first glance, I didn’t think the hall could hold us all, and yet everyone kept filing in. There seemed to be room to spare.
It was like a processional, with Gabriel leading the way to the far side of the hall where a raised dais held seven very large and very intimidating angels sitting on Thrones, overlooking the rest of us. Gabriel went straight to the dais, and went down on one knee before the Thrones. As the other angels poured into the room and found places to stand, they too went down on a single knee of respect. Chaz started to mimic their postures, but I looked out of the corner of my eye and saw the Grigori still standing. I chose to stand with the Grigori. Somehow, I felt that to kneel before these beings was to acknowledge their superiority over me. They might be powerful, but I wasn’t feeling in the mood to be intimidated. Chaz stopped halfway to his knee, looked at me with uncertainty and stood back up at my side.
“Insolent.” That single word came from the female angel on the center throne.
She looked at me with distaste, and I wondered whether I should have played along until I had gotten the lay of the land. It was too late now. The angel in the center, obviously the leader amongst the seven Thrones, lifted her hand to allow the angels in the hall to come back to their feet.
“What is the word, Gabriel?” She decided to ignore me and go straight to her champion. That didn’t bother me.
“This is the one, Delphia. This is the incarnated Grigori, Ithane.” Gabriel spoke with respect to the angel in the center.
“So our assumptions were correct, then.”
“It would appear so.”
Her eyes narrowed, looking at the circle of Grigori behind me. “Why have the Guardians returned?”
The Guardians? Did she mean the Gate Guardians? Was that how Sariel had chosen the Grigori who stood at my side? They were all past Guardians of the Gates to the Crystal City?
“The woman, Yeshua, would not come without them.” Gabriel’s voice gave away a little of his frustration.
“She always was insolent, acting above her station in the hierarchy.” This was from the male angel who sat to Delphia’s left.
I frowned. Evidently my past self was as much a rogue as my present self. Maybe that’s why I was the way that I was. I would really have to learn more about this Ithane.
“This is more than insolence, Sardis.” Gabriel spoke with quiet dignity. “Sariel and Ke have returned her full power to her, though she knows not yet how to use it.”
There was a lot of mumbling among the Thrones. They weren’t happy about that little tidbit of information. Delphia narrowed her eyes and looked past me to the two Grigori Gabriel had called attention to.
“So you mean to try and see this through.”
There was an implied threat to her tone I didn’t care for. Obviously Ke and Sariel didn’t care for it, either. Neither one responded to the question. They made their intent clear without words. Delphia said nothing, but her gaze became thoughtful. She was staring directly at Ke. Her head tipped and a questioning look crossed her face. From out of nowhere, her laughter erupted to fill the hall. I jumped at the sound. For some reason, I got the feeling her amusement was not a good sign.
“Oh this is rich.” Sarcastic irony dripped into the tone of her voice. “You are bound to a human form.”
I watched the rest of the Thrones scrutinizing Ke, and judging the same for themselves. It left them all amused. I didn’t have to look at the Grigori to know he was unhappy about being the subject of their amusement. I could feel the angry embarrassment rolling off him.
Delphia let her laughter die down, and her look was speculating. “I guess it will remain to be seen as to how much of yourself you are willing to give to see this through, then.”
She looked back to me, dismissing Ke with her action. “And you, human. What are your intentions in this affair?”
I shrugged, deciding to play it straight. “I haven’t made up my mind yet.”
“Do you not realize what is at stake?” The female to Delphia’s right spoke this time. She seemed amazed that I wasn’t falling into their plans.
“I––”
Gabriel cut me off before I could respond. “She knows very little as of yet, Thyatira. And there is more that must be made known to the hosts that has happened since I left.”
I could have told them that much.
“Such as––?”
“The Morning Star has hosted, and yet has not made his move.” Gabriel frowned. “But he has sought out the human female to test her strengths.”
“This human female has a name––” I scowled.
“The trumpets have begun to sound.” Gabriel continued over the top of me.
“How many?” Delphia leaned forward in her seat.
“Four.”
More muttering was heard from the Thrones. Good. Let them be a little off balance for a change. I didn’t particularly like their attitude at this point. Even the Grigori had been less obnoxious.
Delphia sat back, looking thoughtful. Then she turned her look back to me.
“So, human, I guess it is time for you to make a decision.”
“Yeshua.” I said softly. “My name is Yeshua.”
Delphia shrugged. “Regardless––”
“Regardless, my ass.” I was over this whole thing. Chaz put a hand to my arm, but I shrugged it off. He probably saw the look on Delphia’s face turn cold and was trying to give me warning. I saw it too, but I’d had enough.
“You’re right. I do have a decision to make.” My voice was hard, and my expression could’ve probably matched Delphia’s in its coldness. “But guess what? Newsflash––it’s my decision to make. Not just how I make it, but when I make it.”
“How dare you––”
“How dare I?” I laughed, throwing her words back in her face. “I dare because I am an insolent human. I dare, because for all your supposed superiority and all your power, I have something you don’t. I have the free will to make my choice. I dare, because while you sit up here judging those you consider being lesser beings, and possibly condemning them into non-existence by your action or inaction, I care enough to realize that lesser beings or not, we were created with a purpose in mind. What that purpose is, I don’t know. But I do know that because we were created, we have as much right to existence as you do, and we have as much say in this whole thing as you do.”
“Don’t try to tell me what to do or when to do it.” I turned to push my way back through the angelic crowds. I was feeling pretty sick of being surrounded by all this compassion right now. If I didn’t get out of here, I might just haul off and sock the smug look off Delphia’s face. I didn’t know what repercussions that might have, but the thought in itself was gratifying. Before I left, I turned back again to Delphia
“You might want to think about something. Four trumpets have sounded. The fifth, whenever it may happen, will happen sooner or later. It’s not even a matter of if any more, is it? It’s a matter of when. The longer I take to make up my mind about w
hat I may or may not do, the better your chances are that I might just miss my opportunity to do anything. Isn’t that what you want? For me to sit back and do nothing and hope this whole thing will go away?”
“I never asked for this. I certainly don’t need this kind of headache. If you all had just left me alone, you might have been able to let this pass and I would’ve never been the wiser––and you would have had what you wanted. You dragged me into this. You want a decision? You’ll have it when I make up my mind.”
To their credit, not a single angel said a word. I left, dragging Chaz with me, and the crowd parted silently to let me through. I had no idea where I was going, but I needed to not be here until I had the chance to calm down.
Chapter 19
Sometimes life could be pretty unfair. Take right now for instance. I had just finished a job where I didn’t get a lot of sleep thanks to the whole creep beating the crap out of me every time I had tried. You would think a person in that situation would get a little rest and relaxation before the next gig started. But no, I have to deal with a bunch of creatures that want me to play Solomon to their Hundred Year War. Only, their war has gone one for a lot longer than a hundred years.
In the essence of fairness, after I had cooled down from my meeting with the Thrones, I had sepnt the rest of the day with the Grigori trying to learn how to deal with the overwhelming magnitude of the power they had thrust upon me. The argument could be made that none of these guys were playing fair with me. But we’re talking about me having to make a decision that doesn’t just involve a handful of people on a piece of land, it involves the whole human race. I owed it to humanity to at least give it my best shot. My best guess at this point is that if I had to be relied upon to save humanity, the world was in for a big hurt.
Maybe under other circumstances, I could look at my lack of control over the energy the Grigori had instilled in me as a lesson in patience and humility. But I didn’t have that luxury. It frustrated me to no end that I couldn’t grasp the concept of the energy and how to use it. Every flow I drew on was so much wild energy. Every weave I made came unraveled. Was it simply because I was under pressure? Well, what if I was in the middle of a big battle––wouldn’t that constitute pressure? I couldn’t afford to think of it in those terms.
Was it because the Grigori looking on while Sariel taught me to control the energy running through my body, calling out their individual tidbits of advice and whatnot weren’t so good at hiding their looks of disappointment and disgust with my every failure? Maybe, but I was pissed enough to call them on the carpet for that. Let them try to be in human form and deal with something outside of human comprehension.
All I really wanted to do was go back to my normal life. Well, okay, maybe my life wasn’t so normal in the first place, but at least it was mine. Right now it seemed everyone expected me to do what he or she wanted me to do. Had anyone ever asked, in all of this, what it was that I wanted? Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be so irritable and pissy about every little thing. That probably wasn’t true, but I took comfort in my small little piece of denial.
The angelic host had put me up in a nice little place with all the comforts of home––literally. The room I was in right now was an exact duplicate of my bedroom on earth. I mean, it was almost as though they had picked up my apartment and moved it up to the Crystal City for my use. It was identical. Okay, there were no piles of laundry at the foot of the bed, no stains on the rugs and furniture from the dirty and sometimes bloody messes that came naturally with my line of work, but it was the same. I guess it was sort of like being in a permanent dreamscape state. Everything was familiar, but with a touch of surrealism that left me feeling a bit out of sorts.
I certainly was not feeling at home by any stretch of the imagination. I also wasn’t feeling good right now. A splitting headache is what had called me from my sleep. Headache, thick tongue, unclear thoughts, heavy limbs with slow movements––all of the things that added up to a hangover. It had to be a side effect from running all the energy through my body. Great. I get juiced with energy, with none of the false euphoria that alcohol briefly instills, and I get a hangover. How fair was that?
So I did what I might have in a drunken situation––I decided to walk it off. Chaz was in the next room sleeping. That kid was a trooper. He had stuck by my side the whole time the Grigori had tortured and berated me, not saying a word. He even gave me small looks of commiseration and support. I’m not sure what I did to deserve someone like him wanting to hang out with me and share in both good times and bad. Maybe he was my reward for all the misery I had to suffer in this lifetime. He and Father David were the closest things I had to calling friends.
I slipped out the apartment door, feeling a little disconcerted that it led straight to a street rather than the dark hallway of the warehouse where I lived. I would give anything for my bike right now. Somehow I didn’t expect the angelic hosts would want me polluting their airspace with the toxic emissions from the tailpipe. So I just started walking.
The Crystal City was actually very beautiful in a dark, cold way. It was night time, or at least what passed for night in this realm. The night was only slightly darker than the day. The indigo light bathing the city was a constant. I wonder where it came from? It was sort of everywhere, not seeming to originate in any one place.
It did make me curious as to whether the angels’ moods were dictated by the absence of a true night and day. In the mortal realm they had a term for it––SADD––Seasonal Affected Depression Disorder. It usually happened to humans during the long dark periods of the winter months where very little sunshine appeared to give a break from the darkness. If angels really were beings of light, wouldn’t this constant depressive hue of indigo have a serious effect on their psyches over several millennia? Is that what made them into the cold creatures I was being subjected to now?
It was worth some thought. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? If the concept of as above, so below applied to the denizens of the Crystal City, then were the angels falling into darkness over the years because humankind was slipping down that slope? Or was humankind headed in the direction they were because the angels had slipped into the darkness first? Was humankind nothing more than a gauge for the temperament of the angels? Or were the angels moving further away from the light because their world imitated that of the mortals? It was a curious question. And one I would probably never have an answer to.
Detached from the pain throbbing an irregular tempo in my skull, I was only peripherally aware of my surroundings. I’m not sure why the angels even bothered with the illusion of night and day. They never slept anyway. They didn’t need to. All around me, everywhere I looked, angels moved through the streets of the Crystal City. Some flew while others walked. I don’t know why they bothered. If I had wings, I doubt my feet would ever touch the ground.
Most of the angels I encountered paid no attention to me. Others looked and glanced away. But there were those that offered stares, some cold and impassive, offering no clue as to what they were thinking, while others were openly hostile. I liked those the best. At least they were honest with how they felt. I could respect that.
But I also didn’t want to deal with it right now. All I wanted was some alone time. I tracked my way through the city without any clue as to where I was headed. Maybe at some level I did, but I certainly wasn’t aware of it and until I was there. By there, I mean that when I finally stopped to think, I found myself face to face with the Thirteenth Gate.
It really hadn’t been my intention to come here. Maybe it was because it was the only part of this weird place that had a sense of familiarity. It could be because it was the beginning and the end. Or quite possibly, it was the one thing in this entire place I could link to my life on earth. I didn’t know, and I really didn’t care. I was here, and in a very odd way, it brought me a sense of comfort. At least there were no angels around.
Wrong again. A movement across from the Gate caught m
y eye and I turned to see Ke sitting on a bench, staring at the Gate. He had been the one Grigori that hadn’t stuck around to watch my multiple failures during my lessons with Sariel. I’m sure he’d been told about them. After all, he was the champion of the Grigori and what they wanted. I could be that, too, or, if I decided, I could take on the position of his and their nemesis.
I was torn for a moment between slipping away before he noticed I was even there, and walking up to sit next to him. His eyes turned my way and the decision was made. I could have still walked away, but I chose instead to take the empty space on the bench.
We both stared at the Gate for a while. I’m not sure what was going through his mind, but I know there was nothing in mine. My thoughts were a cross between jumbled and numb. Nothing really came to the surface, but there was a bunch of stuff running around in there. One question leaped into the forefront of my thoughts and wouldn’t go away.
“Why?”
Ke didn’t look at me, but his tone was leery. “Why what?”
“Why do the Grigori care about what happens to humanity? The rest of the angels don’t seem to care.”
“They do care.” Ke said softly. “We all care. It is more that we have a different perspective on the dangers being faced.”
“So give me a little Grigori perspective.”
He frowned, working through a place to begin. “The angelic hosts are bound to the pattern, as are the Grigori.”
“Well you are part of the host, aren’t you?”
“Yes, but we have learned to think beyond the immediate and look to the future. We have learned to take possibilities into account, and calculate probabilities. We have been taught fear, and hope, where the rest of the hosts have no such concepts. Hope, as much of a powerful sounding word for beneficial possibilities, carries with it the negative connotation of the possibility that what you hope for will not come to pass.”