by A. J. Rand
“You must have been letting it that day, you seemed a little glazed.”
He never lost his smile. “Yeah. I was taking a rest day. We are allowed, but so many of the angelic host tend to forget that. They take themselves way too seriously.”
I laughed. “Really? No kidding.” Then I sobered. “So you weren’t there to keep tabs on me for the others?”
“Nope. I was there for enjoyment. But I did want to get an up close look at you. I wanted to see how you had come out of the whole ordeal of being dispersed into the web.”
I shrugged. “Another blast from the past of Ithane?”
He tilted his head. “You might say that. We had occasion to hang out.”
This guy wasn’t much like the other angels. He was more of a realist––more down to earth, if that was an appropriate description for an angel. I kind of liked him. Then a thought of Ke flashed through my mind and chilled any warm feelings I might be having. I had kind of liked him, too. Look where that got me.
“What’s the problem, child?”
“Child?” I laughed, the bitterness of my emotions bringing my cynicism out into the open. “I don’t recall ever having been a child. That would entail days of carefree fun and innocence. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what innocence feels like.”
The look he gave me was commiserating. He nodded sagely. “I do understand that feeling. More than you might think.”
I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat. I wasn’t dealing well with someone who agreed with me. I needed to snap myself out of this emotional state and resign myself to the task at hand. The thought made me suspicious.
“Are you here to make another play for the angels’ side of things in all of this?”
He shook his head. “No. They’ve botched it up enough on their own. Besides, is there anything I could say that would sway you in one way or the other?”
I laughed. “Probably not, but that hasn’t stopped any of them from trying so far.”
“They have cut themselves off from the very thing they are trying to protect.” The amiable angel seemed both sad and serious. “They match too well the people below, without even realizing how human they have become themselves.”
“As above, so below?” I asked. Thoughts of Erishkigal came back. “It is a lot like the CEOs of the big corporations, isn’t it? They sit up in their offices, disconnected from the people. Without those people, there would be no company, no production, and yet they give little or no thought to them except to think of them in terms being inferior––or worse, as only a number––not as the living, breathing, feeling beings they are.”
“In your decision process, how much thought have you given to the people below? How much thought have you given to them in terms of being living, breathing human beings?”
“A lot in some areas, maybe not enough in others.” I looked to the Tree. I had spoken to Sarge, and much in the sense to get the perspective of another human that was aware of the situation. But how much thought had I given to the millions of people whose lives would be effected by my decision, beyond the selfish thought that I didn’t want to be the one to make the decision? I was as guilty as any of the others in that.
“Follow your heart, Yeshua Star. It will never guide you wrong.”
I nodded with a wry smile, turning back to look at the angel. He was gone, just vanished without a trace. Could angels do that? I had only thought of them in terms of flying, or walking––not of disappearing into thin air. There I go again, trying to apply physical meaning to the non-physical. But he had given me a lot to think about. The problem was, I was past the stage of thinking. It was a luxury I could no longer afford. It was time for action. With a heavy sigh, I moved away from the Tree and headed out of the Garden.
My steps led me back to the apartment. I needed to find Chaz. He was right where I thought he would be. Arianna was there with him, looking even more miserable than she had in the Hall of Thrones. The cherub looked up with tears in her eyes and threw herself into my arms.
“Yeshua, I am so sorry. They made me do it. They ordered me to do it.”
I froze, my thoughts turning to ice. “What did they make you do? Who made you do what?”
“The Thrones,” she sobbed, holding me tighter. “They told me to make sure you and Ke got left alone a lot. They wanted you to have time to get to know him. They–”
Oh they did, did they? But I didn’t say it out loud. Chaz caught the look in my eye. It was my dangerous look, the one that glittered with promised retribution. His eyes grew wide. I loosened the cherub’s hold on me and dropped down to one knee, bringing me to eye level with the little angel.
“Listen, Arianna.” I used a finger to tilt her face to mine, making her look me in the eye. “The next time something like this goes down, I need for you to let me know. Don’t ever become like those unfeeling creatures that mess with people’s heads. Do you understand?”
She nodded, the tears still bright in her eyes.
“I’m not blaming you. My feelings developed of their own free will. No one forced me into feeling the way I do. Heck, I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now. Foolish? Certainly. Betrayed? Most definitely. But I wouldn’t be feeling that way if I hadn’t let my emotions go where they did in the first place. They only put the bait in front of me. I could’ve have chosen not to take it.”
I gave her a quick hug. It wasn’t something I knew how to do, so my actions were stiff. But I think she got the idea. I came back to my feet, turning my attention to Chaz.
“Look, kid–”
“You’re leaving.” His tone was flat.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Are you going to stop Ke?”
“That’s the plan.”
“Do you think––?” He shook his head. “Never mind, Yesh. I know whatever decision you make it will be the right one.”
“Thanks, kid. I’m glad that you’ve been in my corner.” I blinked rapidly, trying to swallow past the growing lump in my throat.
“It ain’t over ’til it’s over, Yesh.” He gave me a lopsided grin. “Don’t talk like it’s already over.”
I tried to smile, but it probably didn’t come out that way. “I’m a realist, Chaz. There’s not much of a chance I’ll be coming back from this one.”
“You’ll come back, Yesh. You’re not done yet.”
“What? You think I have more crap to live through?”
“Penance, Yesh. You haven’t finished making up for all your mistakes yet.”
My laugh was genuine. “Gee, thanks for giving me something to look forward to.” But I sobered. “Listen, kid. After I leave, have Arianna here take you to someone who can get you back to Earth. Don’t hang out here with these angels. No one deserves that kind of purgatory.”
Arianna was nodding, wide-eyed, as though I had just issued her marching orders. Good. She’d take care of him.
“Go to Father David and tell him––” I frowned. “Heck, tell him to get ready, Chaz. He already has a clue. Let him be as prepared as he can. Stand by his side, Chaz. You’re both going to need each other, whatever comes next.”
“Stop it, Yesh.” He snapped at me, but I could tell his anger was only a cover up for the pain reflected in his eyes. “Stop talking as if you’re done. You are not done. If you keep that attitude, you will be done. Isn’t that what you told me back when you found me? You made me fight for life, Yesh, when I didn’t want to live any more. Well, back at you.”
I had to turn away. The tears were starting to burn my eyes. Leave it to the kid to throw that back in my face.
“Take care, kid.” I said in a hoarse whisper as I headed toward the door.
“Back atcha.”
I allowed myself the luxury of a few minutes of wallowing before I sucked it up and picked up the pace, going to the one place I had to be. I felt a presence fall in beside me, matching me step for step. I didn’t have to look
“What do you want, Gabriel? Or are you my own pri
vate watch dog?”
“No. I am here on my own.”
“Of your own free will?” My laugh came out as a sharp bark. “That’s rich.”
“Yeshua––”
“Save it, Gabe. I’m heading down to do what is necessary.”
We were coming up the hill to the Thirteenth Gate. I could see it looming into view, my nightmare and my destiny all rolled into one. Even if it was my destiny, I can’t imagine it would ever be more than an object of my nightmares. When we reached the Gate, there was a moment of silence while we both stood lost in our individual thoughts.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to face the Archangel with a sigh. “I’m going to ask you again, Gabriel––what do you want?”
Gabriel’s face was twisted with emotion. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought it was regret. I didn’t know angels could feel regret.
“Yeshua, I do not agree with the actions of the Thrones and what they did to you.” He looked away. “I wanted you to know that.”
I sighed again, but deeper this time, taking a few moments to release my anger and all other emotions, blowing the air out slowly. “Gabriel, it has been brought home to me time and time again that humans have free will, while the angels do not.”
He nodded, but still wouldn’t look at me.
“Okay, so ask yourself this––If the Thrones have no free will, and have to act on following the flows of the pattern, does it not then stand that this was supposed to happen?”
He opened his mouth and then shut it again.
I nodded. “I know. What a concept. I would love to rant and rail against fate and the future, whatever other kind of mess is thrown at me. But the fact is, while they could’ve handled it in a much better way, all of this was meant to be. They did nothing that wasn’t against the pattern. They couldn’t have––they don’t have that capability.”
Gabriel nodded, but he still looked unhappy. “You are very generous for a human.”
I laughed. “Generous? No. I am very selfish. I keep trying to tell you all that, but no one seems to want to listen. But I am a realist, Gabriel. Whatever is meant to happen, will happen.”
Gabriel turned back to me, his look intent. “But don’t you see, Yeshua? You can change what is meant to happen.”
I shrugged. “Well I guess it’s a crap shoot then, isn’t it? No matter what I do, how will you all know whether it was meant to happen, or if I changed what was supposed to happen? My decision affects the outcome for all existence, as we know it. It sucks to be me, don’t you think?”
“From what I have seen so far, Yeshua Star, I could not have chosen a better champion for humanity than you are.”
“Thanks, Gabe.” That was quite the compliment, all things considered. My chuckle was lost with anything more I would have said as the flat, blank surface of the Gate began to churn with blurred, swirling images. “What the––?”
The pictures became more distinct, becoming forms instead of blobs. When they took the final shape, my blood ran cold. I was looking at one of the largest metropolis areas on Earth. In the background, flames and smoke were billowing like grey-black cotton candy from a tower. While I watched, I could see a plane circling in. It was too evident, from this vantage point, what its intention was. I held out my hand as though I could pluck it out of the air, but it didn’t stop the horror of what happened next. It slammed into an identical twin tower standing next to the first, adding more flames and smoke to the curling darkness that blanketed the sky.
The first tower began to collapse. I thought I was going to puke. All those people––
“It has begun.” Gabriel’s voice was hoarse with emotion and shock.
“But the other signs haven’t manifested on the physical.” I could feel the hysteria creeping into my voice. This couldn’t be happening. “How can this one show up before the others?”
Gabriel shook his head. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the unfolding nightmare of tragedy any more than I could. “It does not work like that. The other signs may show up tomorrow, or even years from now. It is enough that they have manifested in the ethers.”
My stomach churning, I squared my shoulders. “I have to go, Gabriel.”
“I will take you––”
I shook my head. “No. I have to do this on my own.”
“Yeshua, you don’t–”
“Goodbye, Gabriel.” Without looking back at the Archangel, I threw myself into the Gate.
Chapter 26
There are times when you take the time and think things through and then make the best decision you can with the information at hand. I had probably wasted a lot of the time I’d wandering around in a fog of confusion, whining the mantra of the victim in my mind, Why is this happening to me?
Then there are the times where you jump in with both feet to get wet and find the water is icy cold. This is compounded when you have grown so distrustful of those who might have tried to warn you that things might not be as they appeared. Those are the times when you look at your situation and realize you are in some deep shit. Not that the Angels had given me any real cause to trust them, but Gabriel had tried to extend the hand of, well, I wouldn’t call it friendship, but it might qualify as a hand of truce. I’m pretty sure that when he called out to me at the last, it was in warning. I should have listened.
Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Isn’t that the cyclic round of self-flagellation that strikes us when we realize we have made a big mistake at great cost? The stakes were pretty high on this one, and there wasn’t a whole lot to be done about it now. There should have been a warning printed at the bottom of the Thirteenth Gate, one of those “Objects in the rearview mirror may not be as close as you think” type of deals. I had thought that going through the Gate would be the same as I had arrived––just stepping through from one scene to the next. There I go thinking again. The Angelic Host had obviously neglected to give me the proper password.
As I tumbled through the air, all of these thoughts passed through my mind. Judging from the distance I had to go before I hit the ground, I probably had a couple of minutes. Then it would be a good solid, splat. I had to be tens of thousands of feet––miles above the Earth. As I keep trying to convince myself and everyone else around me, I am a realist. So I needed to get real. Gabriel knew I had thrown myself in Hair Kari fashion from the Gate. I guess I was going to find out just how much the Angels really cared about whether I succeeded in my task or not. He would either swoop in to spare me the inevitable end I was being faced with, or he wouldn’t. There wasn’t a lot of wiggle room on this one.
They say that when faced with death, a lifetime of memories will flash before your eyes. I didn’t have that many memories that I wanted to revisit. Since I had had so little real joy in life, I decided to take a moment to relax enjoy the last few minutes I had, if that’s how it was going to be. I had never been one to spend my life in worry, I just did. The one thing I’d always craved to experience was the feeling of flight. So be it. Here I was, miles above my impact point. If I could pass the issue of landing, I could at least try to enjoy the flight.
I closed my eyes, giving into the feeling of the air rushing against my face, cold and stinging, whipping my hair around. Spreading my arms, I gave in further to the illusion and felt them pushed upward in a fight against the force of the wind. It was exhilarating. The same thought crossed my mind as earlier when I saw Angels walking the streets of the Crystal City. If I had wings, I would never walk. This was the only true method of transportation.
Not one to give into make-believe, I allowed myself a flight into imagination. For one brief moment in time, while I was suspended in a free fall out of my control, I allowed myself to believe I really was flying, that I was in control with wings to carry me wherever I might wish to go. I felt a pull at my back and opened my eyes in a brief moment of surprise. My fall had slowed and seemed more under control. I was not just heading downward, I was moving forward, toward the smoke and destruc
tion, toward my ultimate destination.
“It’s good to know you’ve got my back.” I called out flippantly to Gabriel. I knew he’d caught me, saved me from my headlong plunge into foolishness. “What took you so long?”
To his credit, he didn’t respond. That was fine by me. I wasn’t much in the mood for a lecture. But I was still flying. Maybe it wasn’t under the power of my imagination, but I still allowed myself to indulge in the sheer freedom of it. I knew it would be like this. Having the fantasy become reality certainly didn’t disappoint me.
Just as the mirrored surface of the Gate had zoomed in to show the metropolis from a distance and getting closer, so we flew in, the haze of smoke and blurriness taking on the forms of buildings that reached upward like fingers into the sky. Gabriel took us on a flight path leading directly into the heart of blackness, the curling dark formless smoke that formed a catchall net to the surrounding city. Weaving in and out of the buildings in our way, we finally reached our destination.
The ground was coming up a little fast for my taste, but I trusted the Archangel knew what he was doing. I let my feet drop down, to catch the weight of my body as I felt the solid earth once again under my feet. Maybe I shouldn’t have been that trusting. Maybe Gabriel was trying to teach me a lesson for my foolishness. But I hit the ground at a solid run, the force jarring my entire body with the pain of impact. The momentum was too fast for my body to compensate. I stumbled and fell. Pain struck me from several places at once.
When I rolled to a stop, I took a moment to draw a few deep breaths. Taking stock by flexing various parts of my body an inch at a time, I assessed the damage. My hands were scraped and bloody. They stung like hell. I had a couple of bruised, if not broken ribs. My left shoulder was definitely bruised, and I shifted it around a little to make sure it wasn’t dislocated. Nope. I was good, relatively speaking.
My leathers were torn at the knee. Bringing it slowly into view, I saw that the knee was as bloody as my hands. I pulled at the torn edges of the leather. Damn. That was beyond repair. I wondered if I could bill the Angelic Host for a new pair? I tried to get to my feet. A sharp pain ran through my ankle and I almost fell again. Okay, maybe a sprain? I wiggled my toes. Yeah, it wasn’t broken. But it hurt like hell to work my way to my feet.