“He shut down our hospital and ordered us not to seek out medical intervention, including pregnancy care. After that, our food banks were closed and all financial assistance to our poorer families was stopped. Within less than ten years, we lost about a quarter of our numbers. Most of those were our children and elders. Several women died in labor too. Losing them hurt our pack. Left a lot people resentful. There were rumblings of discontent, but only I stood up to him. The others were afraid to lose their jobs and homes. Nearly everyone works at our lumber mill. You know how it is within a pack.”
She did. Often, pack members worked in a communal endeavor that pooled their money. The alpha or whoever was in charge of the books then divvied up the funds. Whereas the Kagans had grown their business, the Tanners had faltered. Miserably. Last she’d heard, they were facing foreclosure.
“Why didn’t you challenge him?” It was clear he hadn’t. A challenge between the current pack alpha and the dominant who wanted to claim the role of alpha always ended in the death of one the opponents.
“It was too early in the month.”
Another obvious conclusion. The ceremonial fight could only happen during the one-hour window on the night of the full moon. Kill an alpha too soon and many of the dominants would fight, each trying to gain the revered top spot. She understood the need to wait. Avoiding unnecessary bloodshed was paramount.
What she wanted was his reasoning over why he hadn’t followed through and challenged Michael officially. Actually, she wanted to know why nobody had.
“And you never did because?”
Eyes closed, he worked his jaw back and forth. “Because I can’t.”
“What do you mean? Why—”
“Hannah?” He waited a moment, then opened his eyelids. The pain in his green orbs stole her breath. “Why are you here? This close to the full moon, you should be at home, not alone where strange shifters could take advantage of you. Maybe rape you.”
She wanted to push him for the reason why he’d never challenged Michael. The soul-deep sadness displayed in his eyes stopped her. There was more to his story. The closed-off look on his face told her she wasn’t getting it.
“I wasn’t alone,” she said, accepting the change in topic.
“You are now.”
“Yes, but I’m headed home.”
He stroked his fingertips up her side to the edge of her breast. “But now you’re alone with a strange shifter. You should be afraid.”
“Why? Are you going to hurt me? Force yourself on me?” She didn’t think so, but his leading questions made it obvious he wanted her to ask.
He grasped her ankle and urged her to release him, then he stepped back, leaving her cold. Lonely.
“No, I’m not going to hurt you or touch you. I’m nothing to you. Not now. Not ever.” He motioned to her SUV. “Get out of here.”
“What’s your name?”
He rolled his neck, sending his hair to dance over his shoulders. “It doesn’t matter. Like I said, I’m no one to you.”
“I’d like to know.” She took a step forward. “I’d like to see you again.”
He gave her a wan smile. “Don’t waste your time on me. I can’t be what you need.”
She took another step and laid a hand on his chest. “What do I need?”
“A mate.” He took her hand, brought it to his mouth and kissed her knuckles. “I already had one. She died.”
She sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry.”
He brushed his lips over her fingers. “Don’t be. It happened a long time ago. I’ve moved on.”
She didn’t know what to say. He saved her from fumbling for a response. He released her hand and jerked his chin in the direction of her vehicle. “It’s late. Go home and turn your attention to a male who can love you.”
Her eyes burned. Her reaction confused her as much as the male. She nodded and pivoted before he saw the moisture collecting on her lashes. She hurried to the driver’s door.
“She wasn’t my true mate, Hannah, but I loved her. We were friends. Grew up together.” He coughed. “We were mated a whopping two days before she was killed.”
Her tears spilled over. Not bothering to blink them away, she glanced over her shoulder. “Who killed her?”
“No one.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I shouldn’t have said that. She died in a fire.”
“But you don’t believe that. Do you?”
He cracked his eyelids and peered at her from under long lashes. “Her death was the first tragic accident that struck our pack, and it’s what caused the rift between the Tanners and the Kagans. Maybe you heard your dad talk about it. He was angry when Michael had refused to investigate it. My mate had relatives in the Kagan pack, and they also wanted answers.”
She heard there’d been a major disagreement between the two alphas. Something about a fire, that much she knew. The details were never discussed with her.
“I heard about it. Vaguely. What happened to your mate that made you suspect it wasn’t an accident?”
“Her legs were broken. She couldn’t save herself. I just can’t prove it happened before the fire, not during it as she tried to get out. Michael ordered the house demolished hours after she died. For safety’s sake, he’d claimed.”
“Or to cover up her murder.”
A slight incline of his head answered her.
She sighed. The pieces fell into place, and sympathy for the male in front of her rushed over her. “And you think she was targeted because you tried to get Michael to stop neglecting your pack mates?”
“I don’t think it. I know it. I got into a confrontation with Michael the morning of the fire. I ended up losing my temper and telling him that he’d be dealing with a challenge if he didn’t turn things around.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Michael then proceeded to tell me he would make sure no one would be able to take the position from him. Within the hour, I learned Mindy had died, and I became a living reminder to other males who thought to question him.”
Because without a mate, he couldn’t produce an heir. Every dominant within their pack or those from other areas looking to claim their own would’ve fought him. The month leading up to the full moon would’ve been shrouded in violence.
Hate gripped her. More than ever, she wanted to see Michael Tanner dead. She opened her mouth to promise he’d be defeated. The male in front of her shook his head, stopping her.
“I don’t want your pity. I just wanted you to know why…” He cleared his throat. “I wanted you to know about Mindy.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
He slipped his hands in his pockets. “Yeah. You’re welcome.”
She got in her car, started it, and drove away. The ache in her chest grew, and she couldn’t help but feel as though she’d left a piece of her soul behind.
Chapter Four
Noah dropped his booted feet on the coffee table’s pristine surface. Usually, he left his shoes by the front door. After his trip into town, he couldn’t work up the energy to care whether or not he tracked dirt into his lover’s house. Anger, jealousy, and hurt choked him. He welcomed the feelings. They beat the soul-deep sadness meeting his true mate had brought and realizing he’d missed out on his chance at eternal happiness.
On a groan, he let his head fall against the cushion of the sofa. He might’ve been mistaken about Hannah. Unless he spent more time with her, he couldn’t be sure, but he’d lived long enough to be able to read his wolf.
He wouldn’t exactly consider the animal an extension of himself or even a welcome addition to his soul. They butted heads more often than not, but they’d grieved together. Mindy’s death had left them both bitter. Not in Hannah’s presence, though. His wolf had reached for her through him. After walking through Mindy’s soul, it knew the difference between affection, lust, and peace. What
ever it saw in Hannah’s eyes had convinced it she could give them everything.
Too bad it would never happen.
He’d already given a piece of his soul away. All he had left was the hole left behind. Nothing could fill it. He’d tried everything from endless strings of females to drugs, booze, and pain. Only being with Ethan had dimmed the emptiness.
Noah stared at the front door of Ethan’s house and tried to remember the last time he’d spent the night. Six months, maybe? Noah couldn’t be sure. He hadn’t given it much thought before he’d scented Ethan on Hannah. Over their relationship, they’d had instances where they’d avoided each other, not because either of them had wanted the separation. Necessity had demanded they act indifferent.
The Tanner pack didn’t approve of their males taking same-sex partners, not for sex and certainty not as committed lovers. At first, neither of them had wanted to share a connection either. It was wrong. Unnatural.
Sick.
At least, that was what had been drilled into them. Then, Nicholas Kagan blessed a same-sex union under the light of the full moon. His boldness had rocked the shifter world. It had also eased the guilt Noah and Ethan had felt. They’d settled into a secret relationship. For fifteen years, it had worked for them.
And now? What are we? Back to friends? He groaned. He wouldn’t know anything until they talked, but Ethan hadn’t returned home.
Maybe he’s with Hannah. Loving her and making my true mate moan.
The tips of his fangs pushed past the line of his teeth. Jealousy gripped him. He couldn’t deny it. He was angry but wasn’t quite sure if it was Ethan he was upset about losing or Hannah.
The front door opened before he could take the thought further. Ethan’s tall frame filled the entryway. Hand fisted around his keys, he zeroed in on the couch where Noah sat. Ethan’s white knuckles betrayed his anxiety, but nothing showed on his expression. The mask he wore hid everything.
He glanced from Noah’s face to his dirty work boots perched on the table. Ethan’s shoulders slumped ever so slightly, probably guessing why Noah had left them on. They knew each other well. At least Noah thought they did. Apparently not enough to come clean about something as important as a woman.
Noah dropped his booted feet to the ground. The clunk echoed in the quiet room. “You were out late tonight.”
“Yes. I was.”
Noah waited for an explanation. Didn’t get one. His gut twisted at the reason behind the silence. He couldn’t help but wonder how long Ethan had been seeing Hannah. Six months, maybe? It would fit the slump in their love life.
Finally, Ethan shut the door behind him and locked it. He slipped off his casual black shoes, some expensive brand he claimed was worth every cent, then yanked his belt free, draping it on the back of a nearby chair.
On a slow amble, he moved to the front window. A couple of twists of the thin rod, and he closed the blind. He repeated the process until darkness bathed the room. Neither of them needed the light of the moon, anyway. They knew each other’s bodies by heart.
Ethan paused by the last window, farthest from the couch, and turned the table lamp on, then swept his gaze over him. Slowly. Intently. Noah’s body responded to the visual inspection. So did Ethan’s. The bulge in his dress slacks spoke of his desire, but he didn’t close the distance between them. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest. “I hadn’t expected to see you here.”
“I hadn’t planned to come.”
“Then why did you?”
Noah stared into Ethan’s pale eyes and couldn’t get his true reason out. “I missed you.”
Ethan closed his eyes on a long sigh. “I missed you too.”
“I thought to spend the night.” Noah waited until Ethan cracked his eyelids, peering at him from under his pale lashes. “It ended up being a lonely one.”
“You should’ve called.”
“Would I have been welcome?”
“Of course.” Ethan frowned. “You’re always welcome in my home.”
Noah braced his elbows on his knees. “What about in your bed?”
Ethan didn’t blink. Didn’t move. Didn’t say a damn thing.
The pregnant moment grew. Noah silently urged him to tell the truth. Not once had they lied to each other. If Hannah had caught Ethan’s attention or stirred his lust, they needed to discuss it. No matter what Hannah might be to Noah, nothing could come of it. For Ethan, though? She could be his future, one he didn’t have to hide.
Noah loved him enough to give him that. Hell, he’d give him his last breath if it brought him happiness.
Ethan rolled his neck, breaking the tense moment. “As you already pointed out, my bed was empty tonight. I was stuck playing babysitter for your cousin.”
A wave of guilt tightened Noah’s chest. After he’d watched Hannah drive away, so had he. He’d ended up at Ethan’s house, his thoughts a mess. “What happened to Quinn?”
Ethan raised a brow, and Noah caught his mistake. Ethan hadn’t mentioned which cousin. Noah had several in the Kagan pack.
A tic developed along Ethan’s jaw. “Didn’t he tell you?”
Caught. Noah inwardly cursed. “He called me, said he needed to talk. I never made it out to him. Something else came up. It left me distracted. I forgot about Quinn’s call.” He cursed. “I’m a damn ass. Tell me he’s okay.”
“I suppose.” Ethan shrugged. “He’s struggling with his wolf and his instincts.”
“What do you mean?”
Ethan undid the buttons on his white shirt. “Quinn’s set his sights on Maria.”
“Shit. She’s been spending a lot of time over there because of Alex.” They’d been covering for her so she could be with her lover too.
“Yeah, and Quinn knows her secret. He caught her with her human.”
Noah stood, hands balled into fists. “If that little shit hurt Maria’s lover, I’ll beat his sorry ass.”
Ethan focused on Noah’s arms. Noah didn’t need to look to see what drew Ethan’s attention. The wolf hairs pushing through Noah’s skin itched. He couldn’t help it. Love was a blessing, no matter where it was found or with who. Lovers and mates were meant to be treasured. There was no guarantee how long they’d be there to hold, and life without them sucked.
“Quinn didn’t touch him.” Ethan lifted his gaze. “At least not tonight, but Quinn wants her, and he won’t give up on what he considers his.”
Noah cursed. “Maria is going to need to announce her relationship with Alex or let him go.”
“She called me after she took off tonight. That’s where I was. She’s thinking of leaving.”
“What? Why? She told me she suspects Alex is her true mate.” The confession had come in the days after Nic had mated Riley. Maria had suspected it for a long time but had been afraid to let the thought take root.
Ethan slipped off his shirt and turned it inside out. Noah followed his odd movements, but it didn’t take much to guess the reason behind them. Hannah’s scent no doubt clung to it. He wanted to say something. Call him out on it. They still needed to talk about their future, but protecting their pack mate came first.
“She’s a wreck, that’s why.” Ethan balled the shirt and walked toward the stairs. “Not only is her true mate human, he’s the pack member of a male who is a fitting mate for her. If Michael finds out about Quinn’s interest, Maria will be ordered to mate him, even if she has to seduce him. You know Michael wants his hands in the Kagan pack.”
Noah took a couple of steps forward. Ethan climbed the stairs, keeping distance between them. Noah locked his knees, his gut twisting once more. “Quinn’s young, but he respects Nic. He won’t overthrow him.”
Ethan paused at the top of the stairs. “But if Michael threatens Maria? It wouldn’t be the first time a horrible tragedy conveniently took the life of a female. Michael w
ill do what’s necessary to ensure things play out the way he wants. Do you really think he’d make an exception for his daughter? Because I don’t.”
The reminder hurt, but the truth in Ethan’s statement rang true. Mindy might’ve been the first, but she hadn’t been the only female sacrificed for the good of the Tanner pack. Three other dominants had lost their mates too. It had gotten to the point where few males, even their betas, tied themselves to anyone.
“Leaving’s not the answer. Now that she’s met her true mate, she’ll never be complete.” Just like I won’t.
Ethan glanced at his shirt. “Sometimes there’re no easy answers. There are only choices.” He pressed the balled-up fabric to his chest. “You make one and live with it.”
“Happiness matters. She’ll come to regret walking away from him.”
“Who’s to say she wouldn’t be happy with a shifter mate? There’re different types of love.” Ethan jerked his chin toward him. “You loved Mindy. If she hadn’t died, the two of you would’ve been happy.”
Because even though he and Ethan had always been drawn to each other, they’d never acted on it. Noah had been committed to Mindy. Ethan had respected that. And if Noah had met Hannah while Mindy lived? Would he have recognized Hannah for what she could’ve been to him?
He sighed. Probably not. Mated wolves rarely took an interest in other females or cheated, whether soul-bonded to their mate or not. It wasn’t that they couldn’t take other lovers, but instincts demanded they stay close to their mates, ensuring they were safe. It was all about protecting the owner of their soul and the mother of their kids. Love? Well, that was a bonus when it happened, not a necessity.
Ethan cleared his throat. “I’m getting a shower. I smell like stale beer and smoke.”
And Hannah. Noah kept the truth to himself and followed Ethan’s retreating back with his gaze. He needed the moment alone to plan and figure out what he was supposed to do with the rest of his goddamn long life. Or where I’m going to move. Because it’ll fucking kill me to lose my true mate and the mate of my heart.
Shared for Love: Kagan Wolves, Book 2 Page 4