“Are you saying that you didn’t come here for revenge or to assassinate staff members and agents of the CIA?” Jack asked.
“Ugh, maybe. Maybe I was, at first. I was so angry when I found out Nicolai died but goddamn it, I didn’t do it. Did I?” she argued but it was too late. It was game over for her.
“Why didn’t you?” I asked.
“I didn’t because I found myself becoming a part of something bigger. I don’t know, something bigger than myself and I loved being a part of it. It was also because I fell in love with this idiot.” she nodded toward Jack. “We were two people drawn to each other from the very first day we met.”
“No we weren’t.” Jack denied profusely. “Some things I can believe, but as far as love goes…as you call it…”
“Oh, what do you know about love and relationships anyway? You’re so afraid of it, you’ve been hiding from it for years. You’ve refused to believe in the possibility of someone loving you again because my mother stopped loving you and left. Well guess what? She never loved you. Don’t you get that? You were just an alibi to make her visit here seem more realistic. When she got what she wanted, she left.”
“Mel…”
“No. You know what? It’s fine, arrest me and put me in the car already. Before you do, you need to understand that maybe you are just incapable of loving someone. You are the one with all of the problems, not me.”
“I know I have problems! That is why I didn’t want you around me from the start, but you didn’t listen. You kept coming around and around despite what everyone including me, kept telling you. Now look where you are. I’m sorry, Mel, but this whole thing was a big mistake on my part that I will never make again.”
“You are a heartless bastard, you know that? One day you are going to realize that I don’t just fall in love or start something with random people. I may be reckless and quick tempered but I’m not stupid. I don’t get involved with a man unless I care about him and I cared about you.” Mel pulled from his grip and sat in the back of the SUV without his assistance.
“Do you want me to drive her back?” I asked as he shut the car door quietly.
“Can you? I’ll just take your SUV.”
“Sure,” I said and patted Jack on the back as I handed him the keys. He didn’t have the guts to take her back to the agency himself, let alone ride in the same vehicle as her for the next couple of hours. All he wanted to do was run away again and forget about Mel as quickly as possible. It was the only way he was going to heal the damage that’s been caused. I didn’t know what to say to him, not that he’d listen. The pain was already too deep.
****
“I don’t enjoy doing any of this, Mel.” I apologized as I removed the handcuffs from her wrists and guided her into one of the glass encased holding cells on the lower level of CIA headquarters.
“I wouldn’t blame you even if you did. I deserve whatever punishment you dish out.” Mel said glibly.
“I don’t want to dish anything out. I know you only meant well. I know you and you’re my partner.”
Mel rubbed her chaffed wrists and sighed in defeat, “You don’t know me at all, Greyson. You don’t have me all figured out and you shouldn’t even be seen talking to me.”
“You aren’t a leper, Mel.”
She shook her head, “Tell that to the rest of the team. I see how they look at me now.”
“How do they look at you?”
“They look at me like I’m the enemy. They aren’t wrong, I just wish…”
“What?” I asked curiously.
“I was going to say, I almost regret coming here in the first place but I also know that would mean I wouldn’t have met all of you. I wouldn’t have met Jack either…it doesn’t matter now. I lost everything anyway.”
I didn’t know what to say to give Mel a little bit of reprieve because it was like the 8-ball always said: outlook not so good and I didn’t think there was anything she could do to change the situation she was in.
“He’ll forgive you.” I said simply.
Mel paced around the holding cell before sitting down on the cot, “Right.”
“He may not right now but he will eventually. I’m sure once you talk to him…”
“How would I even talk to him? I don’t think he has plans to come down here for a conjugal visit.”
“Then write him a letter and I promise I’ll give it to him.”
“Why would you want to help me get Jack’s forgiveness? I lied to you too.”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s like I said earlier, I know you had an agenda in the beginning but I think you deserve more credit than that. Even if what you did was against the law, you’ve changed. Just write the letter and I’ll make sure Jack reads it.”
“I don’t know, I’ll think about it.”
“I hope you consider it, it’s probably the only real shot you’ve got with him.” I said.
“Thank you, Greyson. I’ll do it, even though I don’t deserve his forgiveness.”
“Despite everything, you do deserve kindness and his forgiveness. Get some sleep, I’ll see you in the morning.”
Chapter Two
Jennifer
One year ago…
Being told the man I’ve always called dad wasn’t my real father was not how I thought I’d be spending my twenty-first birthday. For as long as I could remember he was the male presence in my life and according to my mother, he wasn’t meant to be there in the first place. If my real father had wanted to be around, my life would have been different was a complete understatement.
Imagine being told this on the day I turned twenty-one years old. It was supposed to be a significant milestone in my life but this wasn’t the milestone I thought I would be achieving. It was the most fucked up thing a parent could tell a child, it really was. She could have told me at any point in time during the past two decades I’ve been alive and yet she didn’t. She waited until now. Happy Birthday to me!
“What do you mean dad isn’t my real father?” I asked as I packed up the rest of my belongings into the duffle bag he found at the army supply store last year. After initially receiving a failing score in the CIA entrance exam, I received another letter weeks later amending my original score. The second letter stated that there was some sort of calculation error and I passed after all. I was due for orientation in three days at the one of the CIA training facilities in Williamsburg, Virginia.
“Rick isn’t your real father but that doesn’t mean he didn’t love you like his own. Your real father’s name is Jack West, he’s also in the CIA.”
“This has got to be some kind of sick joke. I know it isn’t April Fools Day because it’s not April. This must be some sort of morbid birthday gift because there could be no other explanation for this happening right now. This is a new low, even for you mom.” I stared at her with my hands on my hips.
“Honey, you need to calm down.”
“I am calm.”
‘How could you lie to me all of these years?’ is what I really wanted to say but I knew better than to exasperate a problem with the only family I have left. No wait, apparently I have a new father as well.
“I just don’t understand why you are telling me this now and on my birthday, no less.”
“Rick and I never planned for you to know. When you were a little girl you’re father wasn’t really around because of the CIA. He thought it best if we stayed under the radar and the best way he knew how was to separate us from that other world. Eventually, I met Rick and you bonded with him so quickly. You desperately wanted a father figure and you were too young to know the difference so when things became serious between Rick and I, we decided we wouldn’t tell you. We just didn’t want you to get hurt or confused.”
“I still don’t get why you’re telling me now.”
“I’m getting to that. When I found out you took the CIA entrance exam, I was hesitant about it because there’s no telling if you would get through the preliminary round or p
ass the exam. The CIA is a dangerous profession and your father worked so hard to keep the both of us away from it, I’m afraid of that life for you.”
“So, what you’re saying is if I chose a different profession you would have never told me right? I bet you would have continued letting me believe this façade my entire life seems to be, wouldn’t you?”
“Yes, we would have but you have to understand, Rick and I only wanted to protect you and give you a nice life.” my mother pleaded.
“So you lied to me instead? How does what you’re saying justify any of it?” I asked. “I was better off not knowing.” I paced around my bedroom in disbelief and frustration.
“We didn’t choose this to hurt you, we thought we were doing what was best given the circumstances.”
“So what now? Now that I know who my real father is, at least by name…does he want to meet me? Wait….wait a second. Is he the reason why I received an acceptance letter? He did this didn’t he?”
“I don’t know, honey. He could have. That’s something you’d need to ask him.”
“I bet you he’s the reason why I was accepted when I actually failed. He’s using the orientation as a way to get to know me.” I paced around harder I was practically creating permanent foot shaped imprints into the carpet.
“He might not even be there. The CIA is a large organization.”
There wasn’t any point in staying mad at her, it wouldn’t make the situation disappear as if it never happened but there was no way in hell I was going to meet some strange man and spend time with him. I didn’t care if he was my father…supposedly.
“This doesn’t mean he can pick up where he left off. You don’t have to get to know him if you don’t want to. As much as I wish you weren’t following in his footsteps, if you do see him please respect him as a superior at least. Just be the good kid I know you are.” she smiled.
“I’m hardly a kid, mother.” I turned around to put on my makeup in the full-length mirror behind me.
“You’ll always be my baby.” she cooed and gave me a hug from behind.
“Ma…I hope you haven’t forgotten I am officially an adult as of today so you have to stop calling me your baby. I’m not three years old anymore.”
“I know honey, I’m trying. Maybe you could try to get to know your father too.”
“I don’t even know the guy. Why should I get to know him? He abandoned us and I was perfectly happy not knowing I had a dysfunctional childhood like everyone else out there. I was perfectly happy knowing I had it pretty good and now I know that my life was just as fucked up as everyone else’s, if not worse. Thanks mom.”
“Just give it some thought, okay?”
I sighed heavily, “I’ll try.”
****
Present Day…
“Alright, Ms. Rose, why don’t you take a seat here and Agent Clarke will be with you in a few minutes to go over your training regimen and show you around the office.”
“Thank you…uh…”
“Christian. Agent Christian Woods.” the bulky man answered before exiting the office.
A small part of me was nervous about what I was getting myself into and wondered if it was too late to quit while I was ahead. I was constantly going back and forth trying to convince myself this was I wanted, despite finding out that my real father was the head of the unit I was assigned to. I wondered if he had any choice in the matter and if he would try to make amends at some point. I also wondered if he was going to try a lame attempt at being my “friend” first and parent second. I can tell you right now that would never happen.
“What’s taking him so long?” I muttered to myself.
What was supposed to be a few minutes seemed more like a half hour and I wondered if this situation followed the same unofficial rules in college that stated if your professor didn’t show up after fifteen minutes, students were allowed to leave without an absence on their permanent record. I knew better, they would expect me to wait all day if I had to. That was one of the things we were taught during training is that we were only allowed to do what we were instructed to do and nothing beyond that. They emphasized going above and beyond while helpful, often created more problems because it deviated from instruction.
I looked around the office to alleviate the boredom I felt and I came across a folded piece of paper sitting atop a stack of manila folders with the name Jack on the front, “My, my, my, what’s this? Is this a love letter? How exciting, father. Is this for you or a different Jack?”
I opened the folded piece of paper which turned out to be a handwritten note to presumably my father from someone named Mel. I knew I would be in major trouble if I was caught reading someone’s personal effects but I couldn’t help it. Anything related to my father and who he was as a person, was important to me. I guess a part of me wanted to find some sort of explanation for the choices he’s made or some sort of proof that he was human and was suffering for what he’s done. I wanted to know something, it didn’t matter. I also wanted him to hurt as much as I had been to know that I technically lost two fathers in a lifetime. Something most people were lucky enough not to experience.
Dearest Jack,
I started writing to you three days ago even as Agent Carlisle made his daily rounds to check and see if I was still here and didn’t try to escape. There’s no cause for blame; he was just doing his job as you were doing yours. I truly believe I deserve to be here just as much as everyone believes I should be. Before it’s too late, I wanted to let you know what has been difficult for me to express for so long.
When I joined the CIA, I had no intention of falling in love with you or anyone really. I didn’t want to hurt you either. It wasn’t intentional; I just wanted to do what was necessary for my family. You see, I spent my whole life honoring what I believed was right and I spent it desperately wanting to be a part of something bigger. I wanted to make a name for myself but I was constantly led to believe I was unreliable and a liability. I wasn’t trusted to do what was necessary for my loved ones but I was still determined to avenge Uncle Nicolai’s death and prove that I belonged and could be relied upon. I believed once I accomplished that then they’d see me differently. What I didn’t expect coming here was to find people that made me feel like I was someone special. I didn’t expect to meet someone I cared about more than myself.
Ever since the first day I met you, I’ve struggled endlessly between wanting vengeance and feeling like I finally belonged. I didn’t want to hurt you jack; I just wanted to finally earn my family’s respect. I hope you can understand that. It wasn’t until I came here did I realize they could never be my family. They never really were, I guess. All of you were more like family to me.
If they were my family, they would not have hid the truth from me and would not have turned me into some mindless machine. Sadly, they succeeded but by the same token, the one thing they did not expect was for their experiment to go wrong. All I ever was to my parents was an experiment and they never imagined I would turn my back against them. If they were my family, they would not have taught me to cause harm to so many innocent people. People I once thought were the enemy. They don’t deserve forgiveness and neither do I.
It’s almost time for my interrogation, so I need to wrap this up. Whatever my fate is, I deserve. I wish I had a time machine so that I could go back in time and we would be able to start all over again. Maybe we can when all of this is over. I don’t expect you to want to try, I wouldn’t expect it of myself if I was in your shoes but I can’t imagine finding someone else after this. I can’t imagine it because you are the epitome of what love is and I could never see myself finding someone better than you. I wouldn’t want to find someone else.
The agents are here to take me now and by the time you read this, I’ll be off somewhere. Probably starting over in either heaven or hell, maybe in one of those places we talked about many times before. I hope you can find a way to start over. I love you, Jack. More than you’ll ever know.
> Love always,
Mel
“Wow, this has the makings of a television show almost.” I muttered to myself.
Despite all of the fears and anxiety, I was standing here in the offices of the CIA exactly one year after receiving an acceptance letter. When my mother told me on my birthday that the man I grew up with wasn’t my biological father, it was a total shock. I spent many weeks being angry and resentful of her but I came to the realization that although Rick Rose wasn’t my father, he was always going to be my dad. There wasn’t anything in the world that could change that. He was there for me when my real father, Jack West, wasn’t. I didn’t care what the reason was, if I was going to be mad it was going to be at him.
“Find something interesting?” a male voice startled me from behind.
Uh oh, I’m caught.
I folded the letter discreetly and slid it back onto the desk where I found it, “I…uh…”
“I’m just teasing. You look like a doe in headlights.” the mysterious man with dirty blonde hair chuckled as he approached. He tossed the folders he was holding onto the desk before adding, “It’s actually a letter for someone.”
“A letter for who?” I asked.
“Are you naturally this nosy about things that don’t concern you?” the man sat in the desk chair and leaned backwards. He picked up a pen and started to twirl it between your fingers.
“Excuse me?”
“Defensive too, I see.” he chuckled again and sat up straight in his seat. “Okay, look I’m sorry. I was just trying to be funny. We do it to all of the rookies.”
“Yeah, well I think you guys need to change your tradition a little bit.” I glared at him.
“Again, I’m sorry. Please sit down…uh, Ms. Rose.”
“I will as long as you tell me who that letter was for.”
Greyson (Secret Revenge Book 2) Page 2