“We can’t—” started Carrick, shattering the silence. But he broke off, staring at Annabelle.
We all knew what he’d been going to say: We can’t just leave Bradan out there. Annabelle looked as if she might burst into tears and Carrick grabbed her hand and squeezed it.
“I could go,” said Kian.
We all looked at him.
“Emily’s just about the best protected person on the planet. If there’s anyone who’s not at risk, it’s her. I could go after the cult alone.”
“Fuck that,” snapped Sean. “If one of us is in, we’re all in. We’ve been alone too long.”
“And the cult’s not going to care that you’re doing it on your own,” said Aedan. “You’re our brother. The girls are still at risk.” He looked at Sylvie, Annabelle, and me.
I looked at the other two women. We hadn’t known each other long but I knew they were thinking the same thing. We could see it, even if the men couldn’t: this is how the cult won. It took love and turned it into a weapon: the more you cared about the people in your life, the less likely you were to go after the cult.
And it was worse than that. Sean and his brothers had been without Bradan for years but they’d almost accepted that. Now that they’d tried to go after him and then had to give up because of us, because of Annabelle and Sylvie and me...the knowledge would be a poison injected into our relationship. Every mention of Bradan, every time we talked of family, there’d be sadness and anger, and that would turn to resentment and eventually to hate. It would twist Sean, Aedan, Kian and Carrick in the same way losing my mom had twisted my step-father. I wanted to weep. The brothers had tried to do a good thing and, instead, this was going to wreck everything we had.
And suddenly, I knew what I had to do.
I looked up from my glass. “You’re all a bunch of self-centered bastards,” I said.
Everyone stared at me. “What?!” asked Sean.
My voice had started to shake with rage and fear. “You decide this,” I said. “And you don’t even ask us?!” I looked at Annabelle, then at Sylvie.
“This is about family,” said Kian.
“You’re goddamn right it’s about family,” said Sylvie. Everyone turned to her and I felt my heart soar: I had support. “Louise is right. We’re with you. Bradan’s our family, too. If we’re the ones at risk, we have a right to decide. And I’m in.”
Aedan glared at her, leaning across the table. “You didn’t hear what the guy said. They will kill you!”
Sylvie’s eyes were flashing. She leaned to meet Aedan. “Let. Them. Try.” Aedan went to speak but Sylvie put a finger to his lips. “You’re scared of me dying?” she asked. “I would be dead right now. Have you forgotten that? I would be dead! I needed someone to teach me how to fight and you stepped up. Well, I’m stepping up now. Go get those bastards. I’m with you all the way.”
I nodded, tears in my eyes. “Me too.” I looked at Sean. “You were there when I needed someone. I’m sure as hell going to be there for you.”
I could see the battle going on in Sean’s eyes. “It’s not just you,” he said. “Kayley.”
I nodded quickly. “You know how I feel about Kayley,” I said, my voice cracking. “But she wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for you.” I looked around the table, then back to Sean. “When I fell for you, I joined a family. And families will do anything for each other.”
There was silence for a few seconds. Then we all turned towards Annabelle, who hadn’t spoken yet. She was flushing, uncertain.
Carrick shook his head. “No!” He was trying to hide it but I could hear his voice fracture. “I nearly lost you in Haywood Falls! I’m not losing you again!”
Annabelle took a deep breath. She looked so scared, so shy: and yet so determined to get it out. “Look,” she said. “I know I’m not the best with…”—she looked at her lap—”people and stuff.” She looked at Carrick. “But I can feel something missing from you. From all of you. Brothers need each other. You’ve needed each other all these years. And the machine doesn’t work if there’s a part missing. You need to find him. Or you’ll never be...complete.”
Everyone looked at each other. Then we looked at Kian.
“You need to call Emily?” asked Carrick.
“No,” said Kian slowly. “I already know what she’d say.” He pulled out his phone and stared at it for a moment, deciding. We all held our breath. At last, he dialed. “Calahan?” he said. “We need to meet again. Battery Park. Right now.”
He put the phone down. “And this time,” he said, “we’re all coming.”
14
Kian
The sun had set and the waters of the bay were like black tar, each gust of the icy wind sending slow waves rippling across them. The Statue of Liberty’s reflection stretched out towards us, a smudge of green and gold. Next to me, Louise was cuddled into Sean’s side. Carrick had Annabelle in his arms, her cheek pressed to his chest. Sylvie and Aedan had their arms around each other’s waists, their heads together. It was too cold to stand there: we all should have huddled in the SUV to wait. But nobody felt like quitting.
Headlights lit us up from behind and we turned to see Calahan climbing out of his car. “Did you not hear what I said?” he raged as he stalked towards us. “Did you not hear a fucking word I said?”
“We heard,” said Sylvie. “And we’re not stopping.”
Calahan glared at her for a moment and then sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. “Even if you’re crazy enough to risk your lives, you’re not going to be able to do this. Do you know how many people have escaped the cult, over the years?”
We shook our heads.
“None. Not a single living soul. That’s why we know so little about them. Either they command absolute loyalty and no one ever turns or they kill anyone who even looks like they might leave. Maybe some of both. The cult is impenetrable. Nobody knows how it really works or who’s in charge or anything.” His voice was strained, his own years of frustration showing through. “How the hell do you fight something like that?”
His shoulders dropped and his voice grew softer. “Look. I get that you want your brother back. I really do. But the cops have tried to investigate the cult. The FBI have tried. Even the CIA. Look at you.” He waved his hand at our group of seven. “What chance do you think you have?”
Louise looked at Sean, then back at Calahan. “You’d be surprised what we can do, when we’re motivated,” she said firmly.
I spoke up. “The President said you’d help us.”
“I am helping you!” snapped Calahan. “I’m trying to save your damn life! Walk away!” And he turned and walked back towards his car.
“No.” My voice cut through the night air, halting Calahan just as he touched the door handle.
“No?” Calahan turned, the wind from the bay ruffling his hair.
“No,” said Annabelle. We all stepped forward, surrounding him. For the first time, we felt like a team...and that felt really, really good.
Calahan drew himself up to his full height. “You can’t beat the cult with stubbornness.”
“That’s exactly how we’re going to beat them,” said Sean. “You’re right, we’re not cops. We’re a blunt fuckin’ instrument. Look, you failed because the cult got wind of you: they have people in the FBI. Same with all the authorities. But we don’t have that problem. They won’t see us coming.”
“You’re going to get yourselves killed,” said Calahan.
“Maybe,” I said. “But we’re doing this with or without you. If you really want to hurt the cult….” Calahan’s head jerked up to glare at me and I knew he was thinking of Becky. “Then you’ll help us make an impact. Tell us where to start.”
Calahan turned away. For a second, I thought I’d blown it, that he’d climb back into his car. But he tilted his face up to the stars and let out a long sigh. “Shit,” he said at last. “And I thought that cowboy was stubborn.”
He turned back to us and d
ug in his pocket, pulling out a USB stick. “That’s everything I know,” he told me, pressing it into my palm. “All the files, all my notes. As for where to start: the cult started on the West Coast. If you want to find the center, the leader...I’d start in LA.”
He opened his car door, then stopped. Without turning around, he said, “If by some miracle you pull this off and you find the leader….”
We waited.
When he spoke again, his voice was choked with emotion. “You kill that son of a bitch.”
He got into his car and roared off. I closed my hand around the USB stick: a tiny little thing, but reassuringly solid.
“Our place has plenty of rooms,” said Sean. “We could all stay there, while we do this.”
Going to LA meant being even further from Emily. We’d be on opposite sides of the country. But I wasn’t going to stop until I found Bradan. I turned to look at the others and found their faces as determined as mine.
“Alright then,” I said. “Let’s go find our brother.”
15
Annabelle
We got an overnight flight to LA. I was behind Kian as we boarded. When he suddenly stopped in the aisle, I almost crashed into his back.
“What’s up?” I asked.
He looked left then right, as if lost. “Nothing,” he muttered, and finally marched off in the direction of his economy-class seat.
As the rest of us followed, Carrick leaned forward from behind me, his stubble brushing my cheek and sending a shiver down my spine. “He got used to Air Force One,” he said with a smirk.
I saw Kian’s shoulders rise: he’d heard the comment, but ignored it.
Once in our seats, I pulled the blanket over me, fluffed my pillow and settled in to sleep: Sylvie and Aedan weren’t so bad but the rest of us hadn’t slept for two days and we were ready to drop. I was very glad Kian had persuaded Carrick to have his bike shipped by van to LA instead of trying to ride it there.
Carrick, though, wasn’t pleased. “They better take care of it,” he muttered as he got comfortable.
“They will,” I said gently.
“They better strap it down tight. If it comes out in LA with a scratch or something’s bent—”
“They’ll strap it down really tight,” I told him. I leaned across and kissed him, my hair falling across his face, and his grumbling died away. He was asleep in minutes: he was even more exhausted than me.
I looked up and caught Kian’s eye. He must have overheard the conversation because he was shaking his head in gentle disbelief...but he was smiling, too.
And I was proud of my man. The fact he’d agreed to ship his bike, however reluctantly, spoke volumes about how determined he was to find Bradan. I nestled my head into the warm space between his shoulder and cheek and by the time the plane’s wheels left the ground, I was already asleep.
With seven of us, we had to get two cabs from the airport: Carrick, Kian and me in one and Sean, Louise, Aedan and Sylvie in the other. Louise gave me the address but, when the cab pulled up, I bit my lip and double-checked my phone. “Maybe there are two streets with the same name,” I muttered.
“How do you know this isn’t it?” asked Kian, looking through the window.
“Look up,” I told him.
He was so much taller than me, he had to lean all the way forward in his seat and twist his neck to look up through the cab’s window. Then he saw it. “Oh.”
There was a tree growing out of the roof.
“I’ll call Louise,” I said. But just as I dialed, their cab pulled in behind ours and Louise jumped out.
“It’s okay!” she told me, pulling my door open. “You are in the right place. Come on, I’ll show you around.” She was grinning and so was Sean, that bouncy, happy pride couples get when they show you the home they’ve made together. I wondered if Carrick and I would be like that, one day.
We stepped out into bright Californian sunshine. For me, the sun on my skin felt like coming home. But Sylvie and Aedan looked up at the sky in astonishment. Sylvie peeled off her thick coat, tipped back her head and let the warmth soak her neck. “Oh wow!”
A figure was hurrying down the path towards us, a whirlwind of energy in ripped jeans and sneakers, her blonde hair cut short. “Everybody, this is Kayley,” Louise told us. “Kayley, this is….” She ran through the names. Kayley gave us all a big, wide grin and then grabbed Sylvie and me by the hands and we started the tour.
I’d assumed at first that it must be some sort of optical illusion but no: there really was a tree growing right through the old, mansion-style house. The trunk emerged from the floor in the hallway, tiles carefully removed to form a neat hole for it, and the branches soared up through the double-height space. Part of the roof had been replaced with skylights to give it light and there were strategically-cut holes to let branches thread their way out to the sky, with overhangs so that rain didn’t get in. I could feel the breeze from above: it was like being outdoors while being indoors. I loved it.
Louise led us up the old-fashioned, wooden staircase. Kayley, though, took her own route, swarming up the tree with the speed of long practice and the confidence that comes from being fourteen and therefore indestructible. As I watched her work her way up the branches and then swing herself over the handrail, I caught my breath...but she landed safely on the galleried landing. As I relaxed, Louise turned and caught my eye. Her look said I know, right? She scares me, too. But there was joy there, too. Relief. I frowned, confused.
The house was huge, a maze of long, dark hallways that all looked the same. Sean hadn’t been kidding about there being plenty of rooms. Louise pushed open the door to the one they shared and couldn’t stop myself letting out a delighted little oh! when I saw the four poster bed. Carrick leaned into the doorway beside me and nuzzled my cheek. “Now you’re going to want one of those, too,” he said, mock-grumpily.
I nodded madly.
Sylvie stood on tiptoes to see past us, then grinned. “That’s not a bed, it’s a thing maidens get ravished on.”
Louise said nothing but I saw her flush beet red.
Kayley grabbed us and dragged us along the hallway to show us the smaller version Sean had made for her, hers adorned with fairy lights and purple drapes. Her room had a window that looked out over the garden and roses were growing up trellises towards it. From what I was seeing of Kayley, she was going to be climbing down those trellises to secretly meet boyfriends anytime now.
Louise led us downstairs. I saw worn but very comfortable-looking couches that they’d bought from thrift stores and recovered, a TV and a big table I could imagine them all eating dinner at while Sean asked if Kayley had done her homework. Plants were everywhere: on window ledges, in pots, hanging from the ceiling...the kitchen had its own herb garden and outside there was a vegetable patch. Flowers climbed the ropes of a wooden swing Sean had hung from a tree and there was a big patch of long grass sown with wildflowers: almost a meadow. It made me wish I understood plants: I’d never been any good at getting things to grow.
Louise started to prepare some food and I wanted to help but I wasn’t quick enough: Kian, Sylvie and Aedan got in first and four was enough to fill the kitchen so Louise chased Carrick and me out. While Kayley cornered Carrick with a thousand questions about being a biker, I went exploring. Following a faint smell of engine oil, I homed in on the garage, slipped inside...and stopped.
It was beautiful. As beautiful as Carrick’s Harley but different in a way that made my mind skip like a needle on a record and then settle into a new, unexpected groove. The Harley was all about raw power and danger, the throbbing between your thighs and the thrill of leaning far over in a corner, your knees almost brushing the pavement. But this…. I ran my palm over the hood. This was all about style and speed. Black paint so shiny I could see my own awestruck face. Huge wide tires to grip the road and blast it into the rear view mirror. And...I ran my hand over the bulge in the hood, following its lines. That engine. So. Much. Power.
“Like it?”
I snatched my hand back and spun around. “Yes. Sorry. I was just exploring.”
Sean was standing in the doorway, grinning. “It’s a ‘69,” he told me. “V8.”
I looked back at the Mustang, trying to act normal. But when it filled my vision again, I couldn’t help but let out a little sigh. “It’s beautiful!”
Sean lifted the hood and I gave a little groan of pleasure as I drank in the engine. “She’s running pretty well right now, but she needs a lot of love.” He glanced at me. “I was thinking about changing out the carb….”
“I’ll help.” I said it so fast it was almost one word. Then I caught myself. I’m being weird again. “I mean, if you’d like me to.”
He chuckled. “That’d be great.”
That night, when we’d all unpacked and settled in, Carrick and I helped Louise prepare a lasagna big enough for seven, with sauce made from tomatoes from the garden. Tomorrow, we knew we’d be going to work to find Bradan. But for just one evening, we had a chance to get to know each other.
Once Kayley was in bed, we took over the living room. Louise poured wine and we spread out over the couches and chairs: with seven of us, we used every available seat plus the couch arms. Wine was a new experience for me: at the MC, it was always beer. Perched on the couch arm, leaning to my right so that I could cuddle up against Carrick, sipping a glass of Merlot...it was heaven, and I felt all the stress of the last few days drain out of me.
We filled each other in on our stories. Louise and Sean had told us about Kayley’s illness and growing the marijuana to pay for her treatment. As Louise described Kayley in the hospital and the race against time to save her, I suddenly understood that look I’d seen on the stairs: she was beyond relieved that Kayley was back to being a normal teenager.
Aedan and Sylvie told us about New York and how he’d trained her. Carrick and I told the story of how we’d first met when I was just a kid, and how he’d returned to my tiny town to save me from being sold to Volos, the human trafficker. Sylvie and Louise went white as I described the auction. I heard my voice go slower and slower as I recalled being up on stage, how the men had bid on me. My voice caught and then I stopped completely and I couldn’t seem to continue. I looked around the room, panicked: ashamed that it still got to me.
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