by Janae Keyes
“I’ve learned how to be honest,” Max answered as he looked up at her. “Not just with others, but with myself as well. I need to be honest about what I’m feeling and what is going on in my life. I’m also able to be honest with others and really let them in and not hold back. Holding back only makes me want to rely on the escape that the pills offered.”
“Earlier, you spoke about having been on the Oxy for a number of years, even starting as a teenager. When did you first realize you needed help?” There wasn’t any journalist on the planet who didn’t idolize Jules Watson. She was a legend and knew exactly the right questions to ask.
“I was at the Willows Center and Lia Crestwood, who just walked in the room noticed it. Hey, baby girl.” I couldn’t help but blush when Max acknowledged me in my corner. I gave a small wave. “Lia saw me suffering. It was like she was in tune with me. At first I didn’t want to listen to her talk about therapy and all of that, but she got me to listen and right before Christmas she told me about someone she knew who had dealt with the same issues and it clicked. I wouldn’t have made it to that point without Lia.”
“And what do you think contributed to your addiction in the first place?”
Max chuckled and shook his head before peering back up at the journalist. “Bad people in my life, starting at an early age. Then later I kept other bad influences around. I thought these people cared about me, but they had their own motives that mostly involved my money. I took their interest as being positive, but I was wrong.”
“Would one of these people be your former manager, JC Wollard?” Jules asked pointedly.
“He would be one,” Max stated, the disgust rolling off his tongue.
“What would you say was your absolute lowest point?”
“Obviously, it was the suicide attempt. I was in a bad place. I had relapsed and people I thought cared, just pushed me into it further as if it wasn’t a big deal. Because of that, I lost Lia. Lia had done so much for me and supported me. Then I failed her and myself. I was alone with absolutely nothing to live for and decided it was time to go, but somebody was looking down on me and figured it wasn’t my time yet.” Tears rolled down Max’s cheeks. I held my chest feeling my own emotions rocking me toward tears.
“Wow! The world has always seen Max Madden as a man built for bulldozing opponents on the ice. They see this figurehead who never shows emotion, but here you are in tears,” Jules said as she observed him. “I see that Lia is here. Would you mind joining us?” Jules asked me as she looked in my direction. I shook my head fiercely. I wasn't camera ready in my tights and sweater dress and no makeup. My hair had flopped on top of my head.
“I’m not dressed for the camera,” I said shyly.
“No worries. My hair and makeup team will get you ready in no time,” Jules assured me.
In mere seconds, there were people all over me. Before I knew it, I was fully made up and my hair was in a low bun. An extra chair was placed next to Max and my butt was in it. He held my hand and squeezed it. I caught myself smiling and biting down on my lip.
“Let’s get the camera rolling,” the director ordered.
“Lia, thanks for joining us. This is actually your first interview together,” Jules pointed out in such a casual manner.
My eyes diverted to Max for a moment before I refocused on Jules. “Yeah, I suppose it is.”
“What do you say to those people who think that Max should lose his spot on Team USA and that he has to somehow pay for his drug use and addiction?”
It was true. There were petitions to have Max dropped from the team. Many were citing that the Olympics were a family thing and he was not family-viewing material. Others were saying that the drugs had affected his game and that he didn’t earn his spot. The list went on and on.
“I wonder how they think he doesn’t deserve it,” I said. “As a fellow Olympian, I know that the Olympics are for the best of the best to compete against the best of every nation. Max is one of the best. I’d say he is more than one of the best. He went through something that almost took his life and he came out on the other side. He’s fought through his addiction and he’s at the top of the game. If that doesn’t make him one of the best, I don’t know what does.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Jules said sweetly and Max held my hand so tight that I felt his pulse. “What about those who have called him weak for attempting to take his own life?”
“They have no idea what they are talking about.” I felt tears in my eyes and sniffed them away. “Max is the strongest man I know. Yes, he succumbed to the demons of addiction and I thank God every single day that he didn’t die. I’m grateful for his second chance. Mental illness and addiction are real. People might brush both off and label those who suffer weak. But those people who suffer are the strong ones. They deal with an abundance of doubt and self-hatred every day. Yes, some don’t make it out alive and there are some who get second chances. I look up to them even the ones who didn’t make it because they put up a good fight. Max put up and is still putting up a good fight.”
I hadn’t realized I was crying until the end. Someone handed me a tissue and I dabbed my eyes as Max leaned over and kissed my cheek.
“Take me back to the Willows Center and your first meeting. Tell me about it.” Jules grinned at the two of us. We were two people from worlds that seemed different, but were similar.
“I walked in pissed off. I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t need any damn therapy. I figured I’d retire and sit on a beach, but I was there. That is something I can thank JC for. This girl in a wheelchair was looking hot, but she wasn’t feeling me,” Max explained.
“No, I wasn’t. I called him an asshole.” I laughed. “Which he was.”
“I was,” Max agreed. “I had to know her, though, and eventually, we put our differences aside and I got to know her for the amazing woman she is. She’s my everything.”
“He was okay-looking, I guess,” I admitted with a smirk to Max nudging me in the side. “I wasn’t there to find love or anything close to it. I was there to revive my career and find the right treatment for my healing in order to get that done. Max was just the best bonus I could have gotten.”
“What does the future look like for the two of you?”
I was happy for a much lighter question. My eyes peered into Max’s and I couldn’t help but smile at the grin on his face.
“I can tell you I’m not letting this one go. Lia is one of a kind and my biggest supporter,” Max asserted.
I laughed and turned to Jules. “I don’t know what the future holds, but right now, I want Max at the best place he can be. I want him fighting his demons and winning.”
“Everyone has seen the video of the infamous party and your tearful reaction, Lia. There subsequently was a breakup. Did you ever think that you’d be back with him?”
Damn Jules for getting deep again on me. I shifted in my seat. She was taking me back to that night. I could feel the pain inside that I felt then and my heart breaking piece by piece as I watched on.
“Did I see it back then? No. I was so angry and I hated him for it. But after having a glimpse into a world without Max Madden in it, my heart changed, I couldn’t imagine not being with him and being absolutely in love with him. He’s honestly my soul mate.” Max and I were baring it all for the world to see, and it gave me a strange sense of freedom that I hadn’t expected.
“Just a few minutes ago Max gave a tearful answer to my question about his rock bottom point. What feelings did you have seeing him cry like that?” she asked me.
“I love him so much for it. I love his honesty and how he can finally show his emotions. Society makes having emotions seem like a sign of weakness, but actually, it’s the biggest sign of strength.” Every single word of my answer was truth. I wished that more people were in tune with their emotions and showed them. It would make the world an easier place to live in.
“This will be my last question, Max. What do you hope others will take a
way from this interview?”
After a moment of silence, Max replied, “I want others who might be suffering with addiction to know that they aren’t weak. Look at me. Do I look weak? Hell no. I’m simply an addict. I want people like me to know that it’s okay to admit their addictions and to seek help. They should talk to their loved ones and ask them to walk through treatment with them. I hit rock bottom and there were words that Lia said to me that night that still stick with me.”
“And what were those words, Max?”
“She told me that I had to fix myself. I couldn’t depend on anyone else to fix me, but me. I’m doing it. It might be one hour at a time and other days I can go a day at a time, but I’m fixing me.”
“Thank you, Max and Lia for such a candid interview.” Jules reached out and shook our hands.
I stood with Max who pulled me in close and planted a kiss on my forehead. I was proud of him for speaking his truth to the world. Max had invited the world into places that he didn’t normally allow anyone. I admired his strength. It attracted me to him even more.
26
Max
Fifty-nine days had passed; nearly nine weeks since I’d attempted to take my life. Each day was a blessing as I had received a new lease on life. I knew second chances were not guaranteed, so I was going to live every moment of it and live as if the next day was not promised. The best part of it was having Lia by my side every day. I didn’t deserve her unconditional love, but for some reason, she had found it in her heart to give it to me. She’d even moved to Colorado to be with me.
I spent a month in the rehab center before I was discharged for outpatient care. My days were structured completely with an early morning workout with Lia followed by breakfast with her before I headed to my session. After my session, I was off to practice. Not every day was practice with the team. When the team was not practicing, I’d gather up my closest teammates for a skate around or I would take to the ice alone.
Having speed and pure power is what made me a champion at the game. I took on any opponent, and normally I was the victorious one at the end. Whenever I played, I was cocky. I talked shit and didn’t give a fuck about what anyone else said or thought. It was my game, and I fucking ruled it.
“Okay, Madden, I want to see that play we talked about,” coach said from the bench.
I nodded and got into my power position. Nobody was going to stop me. At the whistle, I was off. I weaved through with the puck, determined to make it to the net. Nobody was able to keep up with me. Being clean improved the way I played. Having a completely clear head increased my already high speed and took my agility to another level.
Finally, I got to where I wanted to be and made the shot. Our goalie, Ross, was nearly on it, but he missed the block, and I scored the goal without a problem.
“Good job, Madden. See, fellas, you all need to be doing what he’s doing. Hit the showers and then we’ll have team meeting.”
Tom rarely gave me praise, but whenever he did, I knew I was doing something right. I took off my headgear and skated with the rest of the team toward the locker room. We’d been playing for hours and a good shower was needed. Plus I didn’t think Lia would appreciate me showing up to her practice smelling like old socks.
“Madden, come over here for a sec,” Tom said before I skated very far.
I skated over to our head coach, who gave me a pat on the back when I approached him. “I was ready to chop your ass from this team, especially after your drug use came out. But I held on and you proved me wrong. I thought you’d weigh the team down, but you’ve done the opposite. I know that people are trying to get you off the team, but I won’t budge. You deserve your place here, Max.”
Damn, it wasn’t what I’d ever expect from a hard ass like Tom, but it sure as hell made me feel good about what I was doing. I was working my ass off to prove I deserved my spot and I’d shown I did deserve it, and Tom recognized my hard work.
Though the glory was awesome and I loved to be the center of attention, I played for my love of the game. I remembered my high school coach. My past had troubled me and I was this bad-ass kid who skipped school and would kick anyone’s ass who had something to say about me. So close to expulsion, Coach Xavier took a chance on me and convinced me to join the team. All the thanks in the world wouldn’t be enough to give that man. He saved a kid going nowhere and made him into one of the best hockey players in the world.
Leaving the rink after our meeting, I headed over to the rink Lia used for practice. Upon entering the rink, I heard the soft sounds of a guitar playing a ballad over the speakers. When the rink came into view, I saw her. Like a dream, Lia glided across the ice to the song that seemed vaguely familiar.
Her body was elegant as she performed seamless jumps and spins all while looking like a piece of art herself. Every time I saw her that way, my heart beat loudly in my chest. There was something about the way she moved to the music that made me love her more.
She extended her arms as she spun around like a delicate flower and posed as the music ended. Bev cheered loudly as Lia stood poised in the middle of the ice, her chest rising and falling as she was out of breath.
After relaxing from her pose, Lia looked to Bev for her approval. Then she grinned at her accomplishment. That girl would definitely win a medal. And if she didn’t, I would start an uprising in the middle of South Korea.
Lia’s eyes shifted and she spotted me. She grinned and quickly skated to where I stood. Her curves swung as she came. Her body was perfect in every single way. She was mine and I tried to remind myself of why every day.
“Baby girl,” I gushed when she stood before me.
My hands settled on her hips and I pulled her close and into a deep kiss. Just hours without Lia felt like a hellish eternity. When I was with her, I saw the meaning of life in all of its splendor and beauty. I wished I’d been able to see life before, but I had to dig through a pile of shit to get there.
“That’s a nice song,” I said after breaking our kiss.
“You don’t recognize it, do you?”
I shook my head in response.
She placed her hands on her hips and gave me a look that told me I should have known the song.
“Men… Think New Year’s Eve... It’s the song we danced to before you took me outside. “It’s Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur.”
“It is that song, isn’t it?” I asked, remembering that moment I held her in my arms as the song played on that cold final night of December. That was the night that Lia became mine and would always be.
Lia bit down on her lip and nodded.
“You looked good out there,” I told her as I walked with her to the bench where she began to unlace her skates.
As she leaned over, her hair fell into her face, giving me a limited view. Lia was a dream and she sat upright. I couldn’t help but be turned on by the way she glanced at me through her long eyelashes. She was absolute perfection.
“I thought we could stop at the store on the way home. I’ll get a roasted chicken and some salad for dinner. Does that sound good to you?” she asked as she placed her skates inside of her bag.
We’d been living together since I got out of rehab. Spending every night with her and waking up to her face in the morning was what my life needed. There were times that I’d wake up in the night and watch her slumber away peacefully. I never wanted to hurt her or see her cry again because of my mistakes. I’d keep her safe, well, and loved until my dying breath.
“Not tonight, I have something special planned,” I told her, grinning.
“Do you, Mr. Madden?” Lia inquired as she stood.
I took her bag and threw it over my shoulder before I slipped my other arm around her waist and pulled her in close enough to feel the shiver run down her spine at my touch. Fuck, it was so good that she still reacted that way all these months later. I need her to be like that for years to come.
“I did and you’ll see when we get home.”
&nbs
p; I’d spent days putting my surprise together and a few friends had helped me out. Our apartment had been transformed into exactly what I wanted it to be for Lia.
For the past six months, one person had changed my life for the better. She encouraged me to make changes in my life that I never thought I could make. She ushered me from my darkest place and sacrificed so much for me. I wanted tonight to be all about her.
Lia and I pulled up to our temporary condo complex. I ran around the car and opened her door and gave her my hand as if I was assisting a princess from her carriage.
“M’lady,” I cooed to Lia who giggled at my attempt to be dapper. “Now, I will need you to close your eyes when we get to the door. I will help you inside, so don’t open your eyes until I tell you.”
“Max, what have you done?” she asked with excitement in her voice and a look of wonder in her eyes.
“Will you close your eyes for me?”
“Yes, I’ll close my eyes,” she scoffed playfully.
At the front door, I gave her a nod, and she shut her eyes. Only minutes before we’d arrived, I’d received a text from my friend, a fellow Team USA teammate, and his girlfriend. They wanted me to know that they’d finished their assignment and were leaving just in time.
I opened the front door and guided Lia inside. Waiting for me on the end table by the front door was the lighter. I left Lia standing in her spot and rushed around our small condo to light the candles that had been placed in key spots throughout.
Returning to her side, I slipped my arms around her waist from behind. My nose in her hair, I took in her scent and smiled to myself. I must have racked up some brownie points with the Big Man upstairs at some point in my life because He’d blessed me twice. First, He brought Lia into my life and then He spared my life when I was ready to foolishly give it up.
“Okay, baby, open your eyes,” I whispered in her ear.
The next sound was a gasp when Lia opened her eyes to our condo glowing with candles, adorned by a rose petal path leading to our next destination. She turned her head and looked up at me with a grin on her face and a precious twinkle in her eyes.