by Prenisha Aja
“Say what? Let’s go find that nigga,” Ace roared.
Ace was my nigga and was ready to go and murk something. He was ready to ride out and end that nigga’s life. Even though I wanted to, I had to go check on my sister.
“Man…” I paused and ran my hand down my face. “I wish, but we have to head up to the hospital. My sister woke up,” I stated.
“Say less,” Ace replied.
Ace was now putting the petal to the medal as we sped to the hospital. My sister was just as important to him as she was to me. He had been there to basically see her ass grow up and he looked out for her just like I did.
When we pulled up to the hospital, I rushed inside and was shocked to see my grandma and grandpa sitting in the waiting area.
“What are y’all doing out here? You do know Keisha is up,” I asked them. I was confused as to why they weren’t back there where she was.
“Huh. What?” My grandma shot to her feet and covered her mouth.
She then began to scream out, “Thank you God. Oh my god. Thank you.”
“Why are y’all up here, if it isn’t for Keisha?” I questioned them again.
They both then looked at me with saddened eyes. The way they were taking their time to explain to me what was going on, was pissing me off because I swear to fucking God, if something had happened to Kaizlyn, a thug was definitely going to feel defeated.
“Grandma, what the fuck is it?” I raised my voice.
I wasn’t trying to disrespect her, but the anticipation was killing me.
“It’s Kaizlyn and—” My grandma was in the middle of speaking, but I stopped her.
“What about her? What happened to her?” I shot out question after question.
I swear, it was like with the good came the bad and then the fucking worst. Fuck man. I was so fucking irritated with life that I was questioning everything. Like was this my fucking karma for some shit that I had done?
“Calm down boy. Calm the fuck down.” My grandpa stepped forward. “Now don’t forget who you are talking in front of. Kaizlyn is fine. It’s her grandma, but she is pushing through,” he informed me and even though that was some fucked up news to here, I was able to breathe.
I ran both hands over my head because at this point, I was stressed. I felt like I was playing tug of war with my heart. I wanted to be there for Kaizlyn, but I also needed to be there for my sister.
“Listen, we will go in there to check on your sister; go be by Kaizlyn’s side. She needs it.” My grandma patted me on the shoulder and my grandfather followed with a head nod, letting me know he agreed with what she said.
I took off and headed to the front desk and asked for Kaizlyn’s grandma’s room number, gave them my ID then I was allowed to go back. I rushed down the hallway and when I entered the room, Kaizlyn’s back was to the door, and she was sitting in a chair next to her grandma’s bed. She had her grandma’s hand inside of hers as she laid her head on the bed.
“Kaizlyn,” I called her name and she raised up and turned towards me.
She hopped to her feet and her eyes were so puffy and red. Her hair was a little wild and she looked so exhausted.
“Jaxsyn,” she cried my name as she ran over to me and wrapped her arms around me.
I wrapped my arms around her extra tight because I knew she needed my strength to remind her that she didn’t have to go through this alone. We stood quietly as she cried against my chest. I slowly caressed her back up and down and allowed her to cry as long as she needed to.
“What happened?” I asked her lowly in her ear.
She pulled away from me just a little and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and stared at the floor. She rocked from side to side, rubbed her palms on her pants then finally connected eyes with me.
“It was my father…” She scrunched her face up in disgust.
When those words left her mouth, I remembered the talk that me and Mrs. Daisey had. I really wished that she would have opened up to Kaizlyn about who that man was from the jump. I felt like with Kaizlyn knowing, she could have been more prepared, that things wouldn’t have gone this bad, but who knows. I didn’t know the dude, but I could tell by the way Mrs. Daisey talked about him that he was no good, which was why she wanted me to protect Kaizlyn.
“What about him?” I asked her, not even letting her know that I knew about him. It was never my place to tell Kaizlyn anything about that man.
“It was him. He is the reason why she is laid up in the hospital bed. He wanted to kill me too. He shot at me,” she cried, getting way louder than she intended to.
“He what?” I frowned.
“Yes, I thought he was going to kill me. I thought he had killed her.” Kaizlyn turned to look at her grandma, who was sleeping. She had a bandage on her forehead and on her shoulder. She was, of course, hooked up to a lot of different cords and the room was filled with random sounds from the machines.
“How is she?” I reached and grabbed Kaizlyn’s hand causing her to turn back around and face me.
When our eyes connected, I could see the pain. I could feel the hurt that she felt and all I wanted to do was make shit better for her but, how could I? I mean, shit wasn’t even right for me.
“She’s ok. She is pushing through. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. A couple of bumps and bruises. She has a graze from where he tried to shoot her. It wasn’t anything serious though. I think that it mentally and physically took a toll on her, if anything,” Kaizlyn expressed.
“That’s good. So how are you feeling? How is my girl?” I pulled her close to me and rested my hands on her ass.
Kaizlyn randomly fiddled with her fingers as they rested against my chest, looking as if she was in deep thought.
I cupped her chin and made her look up at me. Her eyes were still red, teary and puffy. “Kaizlyn, how are you feeling? Talk to me.”
“I don’t even know,” she wept.
“I’m hurt. I’m sad. I’m confused and most of all, I’m angry. I’m so tired of having to deal with people trying to harm the ones I love. Trying to leave me in the fucked-up world one deep. That shit is whack to me and I just want to kill everyone who has ever fucked with me or my family,” she angrily stated. Her fists were balled up so tight that I could see the palms of her hands turning red.
“I understand that, but I told you. You will never be alone. You know I’m going to always be here for you and don’t worry, we gon’ get that nigga. Trust,” I let her know.
“I love you Kaizlyn,” I confessed and kissed her.
“I love you too,” she said against my lips.
I knew I loved her but sometimes it felt like it was happening too fast, but tonight reminded me that life was too short to not tell the ones that meant something to you that you loved them or cared for them. I mean yeah, I was about to take a few people off of this earth, but this shit wasn’t about them. It was about me and the ones in my circle.
After chilling with her and letting her vent to me, it was time for me to go and check on my sister. I had explained to Kaizlyn what had happened to me and why I wasn’t able to pick her up from work which caused her to become emotional all over again, but she got herself together. I also told her that my sister was woke, which put a smile on her face.
“Do you need anything before I go?” I asked her, and she finally showed me a faint smile.
“No, I’m good. I know you need to go check on your sister. Just come see me before you decide to leave. I guess I’ll be staying up here tonight.” She sighed.
“You know I am. And you don’t have to stay up here. We can go to my crib and shit. We will both need a shower and some rest soon,” I let her know as I walked over to her and kissed her on the forehead.
“You’re right. Well, I will see you later.” She pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her head on top of her knees.
“Alright. You got your phone, right?”
“Yeah.” She pulled it out and waved it in my face.
“Good. I’l
l text you,” I let her know as I began to walk towards the door.
Before I left out the door, I turned around. “Aye yo Kaizlyn, yo’ grandma an ol’ G. She is going to be good, and I love you.” I winked at her and then I disappeared out of the room and headed to where my sister was.
I couldn’t wait to see her. She had no fucking clue how stressed out she had a nigga. If I would have lost my sister, there wasn’t going to be anything that anybody could have done for me or to stop me from jumping off the deep end after I killed everyone that I thought was involved.
3
Keisha
Looking around the hospital room as the smell of bleach and cleaning products filled my nose. Seeing my grandparents and my brother should have been a happy moment for me but it was everything but that.
I was currently laying in a hospital bed confused as to how I got here. I was feeling everything but happiness. Deep down, I knew I should have been grateful to be alive but a part of me felt numb, hurt, betrayed, just a mixture of so many emotions.
It was crazy how the last vivid memory I had was when I stabbed Sims in the neck. I didn’t know if I killed him or not because everything after that was a blur for me. I didn’t know if I would be going to jail now that I was awake or what.
Ugh. I took a deep breath. Just thinking about jail caused my head to hurt. The torture that I went through all because I was chasing after Whoodie began to replay in my head.
The abuse, the rape, the disrespect that I had to endure. I knew once I told my brother who all was involved, that their days would be numbered, if they weren’t already dead.
But first, I had to find the strength to tell him. Truth be told, I felt embarrassed and that I would most likely be looked at the differently because I allowed myself to be put in a situation like that.
This shit was making me feel weak. I felt so weak that the evil thoughts to kill myself were lingering in the back of my mind. I mean, it was too much to deal with. I felt like I was losing the battle to stay strong. It was like the walls inside of this room were feeling like they were closing in on me.
I had to close my eyes, hoping that when I opened them back up, that it would indeed be my mind playing tricks on me. With my eyes closed, the tears that had been threatening to fall, came crashing down. The tears, the suicidal thoughts, and the feelings of disgust within myself had my heart beating rapidly.
“Why are you crying my baby?” I heard my grandma’s soft voice ask me as she placed her soft hands on top of mine.
If only her touch could bring me a sense of peace or calmness like it used to do when I was a little girl. When I had first entered her home after being snatched away from my mother because of her terrible decision to deal with a fuck ass nigga.
Oh my god, I was just like my mother. I just didn’t have kids, but I still chose a fuck nigga over the people that loved me. Over my brother.
Shaking my head, I couldn’t even open my mouth to answer her question. I cut my eyes and looked over at my brother and his look tore me down even more.
Jaxsyn was one of those people who was a natural born asshole and always had a blank stare on his face, but I knew my brother. I knew that if he wasn’t saying nothing at all then most likely that was a bad thing. He wasn’t happy.
A part of me felt like he was secretly upset with me. I mean, why wouldn’t he be? I had made a terrible decision by choosing Whoodie over him and not listening to him when I should have. Just imagine if had, I wouldn’t be here.
Regret washed over me, and I could no longer hold in the frustration I felt because I should have known better. How could I have been so stupid?
So, fucking stupid. So stupid. Just stupid, stupid, stupid. I repeated that over and over in my head. I was beating myself up big time. I was so blinded by what I thought love was that I chased after a guy who proved on countless occasions that he didn’t care about me. Sadly, the signs where there and I ignored them.
“Ahh,” I screamed. Life was fucked up for me right now and I couldn’t take it.
As I screamed loudly, I lost it. I began pulling at the covers, my hair and even the IV’s that were in my arm. I could feel my chest tighten up and I felt like I was having a heart attack. The oxygen in the room seem to be getting sucked out and my heart was racing so fast that I thought it was about to burst out of my chest. I had never felt anything like this before, but I was losing it.
“Keisha. Keisha calm down,” I heard my brother’s voice yell out, but I couldn’t. It was like my body had a mind of its own as I lost control. I could hear a whole bunch of commotion around me, but my ears were ringing so loudly that I had no clue what everyone was saying.
The next thing I knew, I was being held down and then my body began to relax. I felt so good. I felt like I was floating up to heaven. I felt like maybe God had done me a favor. That maybe he knew that I wouldn’t be able to bear the pain that I had gone through. With my eyes still closed, I finally felt a sense of peace and calmness as I drifted off.
Squinting my eyes because of the bright lights, for a second, I wondered if I was in heaven, but then I began to hear the sounds of the machines and it hit me that I didn’t die. I was still here to live through this nightmare and battle this depression.
I looked around the room and in the chair alongside my bed was my brother. He sat in the chair with his elbows positioned on his knees with his hands clamped together as his chin rested on top. He was watching me with so much intensity that I was damn near scared.
“You good now?” he asked as he sat back and rubbed the sides of his temples.
“I…I don’t know...” I stuttered a little as I cleared my throat and stared up at the bright lights inside of my room.
“Keisha, the doctors said you had an anxiety attack. How are you feeling?” he asked, sitting back up, as he waited for me to answer.
“Do you remember what happened?”
Hearing my brother’s last question caused me to close my eyes. Even though my heart was now thumping so loudly that I knew he could hear it, I tried to breathe slowly so that I wouldn’t have another episode like I had before.
“If you don’t want to talk about it right now, it’s ok. You have plenty of time. I just need to know so that I can handle that shit,” my brother stated.
“Keisha,” he called my name which caused me to open my eyes.
Jaxsyn was now standing up looking down at me. “I got you. What happened will never happen again. I promise you that,” he said to me as there was a knock on the door, and in walked Ace with a bear and some flowers.
“What’s good in here?” Ace walked over to my brother and bumped shoulders with him.
“Progress,” Jaxsyn answered.
“Hey Keisha, these are for you. How are you feeling?” Ace smoothly walked over to the other side of the bed and placed the flowers and bear down.
“She not really talking, but I need you to keep her company real quick so that I can go check on Kaizlyn,” Jaxsyn said to Ace.
I swiftly turned and looked at him. What was Kaizlyn doing here? I wanted to know. Did something bad happen to her?
“What…is she ok?” I asked my brother, trying to sit up but I didn’t have much strength. Also, my body was not in the best of condition to be trying to do all this moving around. I had to ease slowly back down, with hopes that the pain that was now occurring would stop.
“She’s good, it’s her grandma. Everything good, you don’t worry yourself about nothing right now. Just get your mind right so that we can get you up out of here. Alright?” He paused. “Alright?” he repeated himself again as he tilted his head to the side and waited for me to say something.
“Yes,” I sighed as my body ached a little. The fuck happened to me? Did I get hit by a damn car?
“Cool, now Ace will sit in here with you. I’ll be back,” he said, motioning for Ace to meet him by the door.
They began having a conversation with each other that I couldn’t even hear. Once they were done t
alking, Ace came and had a seat in the same chair that my brother was sitting in.
Sighing, I looked at him as he looked at me, but then I turned my head to the side and stared out of the window.
It had been a whole week of me being in the hospital and I was finally leaving up out of this place. My brother had told me that I was hit by a car. It actually shocked the hell out of me, but it explained why I was in so much pain.
Fuck. This shit sucks, I thought as I looked down at my leg that was broken.
I nibbled on the inside of my jaw before I continued to comb through my extensions, smoothed the wild pieces back and pulled it into a low ponytail.
I had just been discharged and I was waiting on my brother. I was so happy to be out of that hospital gown. Even though it wasn’t a pair of jeans or anything cute, I happily wore the sundress that Kaizlyn had picked out for me. I also could only wear one house shoe because of my right leg being broken. I was a shitty mess.
My leg was fully wrapped up and I had to wait I think six to eight weeks before I could take it off, which sucked.
With my leg being like this, I refused to go to school. I just couldn’t stomach all the looks and curiosity. I also didn’t know who all knew the details of what had happened to me. I didn’t want people running up to me asking me questions, or their sympathy. I just didn’t want to deal with it, period. And thanks to my brother, Kaizlyn would be able to pick up my school work and give it to me.
Even though I wasn’t in a good mental space, I still wanted to graduate.
“You ready to go?” my brother asked as he walked in pushing a wheelchair.
“Yes,” I exhaled, followed by a faint but forced smile.
No lie, I was indeed ready to head home and get into my own bed. I just wanted to get my thoughts together and prepare myself mentally for this talk I knew I would have to have. I knew I had to tell Jaxsyn, even if deep down I didn’t want to. The way my brother was, I knew that he wouldn’t be at peace until he found out.