by Prenisha Aja
Chyna, just take your ass back home, I told myself, but my heart overpowered my thoughts and I was now knocking on the door. I felt my stomach turn summersaults as I waited for him to answer the door. To be honest, I was about to run back to my car.
“What do you want?” he dryly asked, finally answering the door.
There he stood, with a frown on his face. He looked at me like he hated me, like me standing in front of his door was a crime, and I couldn’t take it.
“You know what, never mind.” I shook my head and stared at the ground. “I should have never come over here,” I mumbled, twiddling with my fingers. I then turned and walked off but stopped once I heard him call my name.
“Chyna!” he yelled. “What the fuck did you come over here for?”
I didn’t want to turn around. The bass in his voice let me know that he was pissed. That more than likely he was upset that he had to find that shit out from someone other than me.
After the movies, he didn’t say shit to me. All he did was allow me to get my shit and leave. He didn’t even try to communicate with me.
“Chyna!” his voice boomed, causing me to jump and face him. “I know you didn’t come over here for nothing?” He scrunched his nose up and mugged me as I stood in front of him.
His scrutiny made me feel as small as an ant on the ground. I just didn’t want to have this conversation anymore. I didn’t even feel like it was worth it. His loyalty wasn’t to me but to them.
“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, turning and walking away. “Ahh.” I felt his tight grip on my arm.
He yanked me towards him. We were now face to face. So close that I could feel his body heat. I knew he could hear my heart. It was pounding so fast that I had to step back and place my hand over it.
“What Bjay? It’s nothing,” I spat.
“Nah, you came over here for a reason, so speak up.” He licked his lips, pulling his pants up just a little so that they weren’t sagging too low.
“It was just that I wanted to talk.” I sighed. “I wanted you to hear me out and maybe make a decision for yourself rather than off the strength of somebody else, because I know that you felt the same thing that I felt. I know you did,” I expressed, patting my chest right where my heart was located.
“Man, go on with that. You fucked up. Not me. Not nobody else. You.” He pointed at me.
“Yes, I did. I fucked up. I admit that. I regret the shit. But I was blinded by Whoodie and his bullshit. I wish that I would have never started fucking with him, yet I did, and I got myself into some shit. If I could go back in time and change it, I would,” I confessed.
“You want to know something. I was ordered to kill you. I was going to have to kill yo’ ass despite how much I liked you,” he let me know, and my heart broke. It felt like somebody had a strong hold on it and was squeezing it tight, slowly taking my life.
“But you didn’t.”
“Yeah, because Keisha didn’t want you dead. So, thank her because no matter what I felt for you, my loyalty is with my team.” He ran his hands over his face then stuck them in his pockets.
“I get that, but can you forgive me? Understand that I made the biggest mistake by condoning the shit that Whoodie did. Please, forgive me.” I was now pleading and begging.
“Chyna, man, go ‘head on.” He waved me off.
I looked at him deeply without even blinking. I couldn’t believe he wasn’t even going to give me a chance. I just wanted to show him that I wasn’t that girl. Well, that I was trying to change and be better. This was my senior year in high school then I would be out, having to face the real world.
“Ok, Bjay. I understand.” I slouched my shoulders, looked at the ground and turned to walk away.
I was just going to have to accept my loss and pray that I found someone just like him one day. Just thinking about all of the shit that I was going through alone, I began to cry. I couldn’t hold it back any longer.
“Say man!” Bjay yelled, but I ignored him. There wasn’t anything else that we needed to talk about. I couldn’t stomach hearing him say more bad things about me or any of that.
I just wanted to go home, lock myself in my room and stay there forever.
“Chyna.” Bjay grabbed me by the arm, this time way gentler.
“What Bja—” I was stopped by a powerful kiss.
I wasn’t expecting it. I just knew that we were over, but I wasn’t about to question this moment.
“Look at me. If you ever do some foul shit like that while I’m fucking with you, you’re dead to me. Luckily for you, Keisha forgave you and so can I. And plus, I need you. It’s just something about you.” He held my face in his wide hands and kissed me again.
“I promise I will never do no shit like that again. At least not for no goofy ass nigga.” I chuckled through the tears and he smiled too.
“You’ll never have to handle shit for me. I’m a straight G about mine, believe that,” he boasted, grabbing me by the hand and leading me up to his front door.
I couldn’t believe that he had forgiven me, but I was grateful. If Bjay allowed me to, I wanted to go to school from his house and once I graduated, I would find my own place and go to college. One thing I was sure about was that I didn’t want to deal with my mother. I knew that she would never change. She was already stuck in her ways and for whatever odd reason, she hated me, but that was cool because on everything I’d ever loved, I would not be like her. I would be better, and I knew for sure that her karma would be coming to bite her in the ass way sooner than she thought.
17
Whoodie
It was late Thursday and I was pulling up to my uncle’s club. I hadn’t talked to him since I had left the other day. I had been trying to get my head right but the only thing I ended up doing was drinking myself into a slumber. Smoking until my eyes closed and beating myself up over the mistakes I kept on making.
Reaching the black door that would grant me entrance to his office, I raised my hand to knock but stopped when I heard him yell.
“Listen here, I don’t care about whatever situation you had. You fucked up by missing work, so you are fired!” The sound of him slamming his fist down echoed loudly enough for me to hear it outside the door.
“But Ted, I need my job. I need it,” the chick begged, and I shook my head.
My uncle gave not one fuck and whoever the chick was should just give it up and go find another job.
“Well, you should have thought about that shit when you decided to miss work,” he spat.
“I missed work because I had a miscarriage. I lost your fucking child,” she yelled at him, and I could feel the conversation get so intense.
“Good, now get your ass out of here,” he demanded of her.
Scrambling, I went around the corner and when I heard the door open, I walked up as if I had just gotten there. When I came face to face with the chick who my uncle Ted was arguing with, I damn near stumbled back.
My uncle was fucking Londyn’s ass. That ol’ nigga was a straight G and I wasn’t even mad. Hell, she was just a quick fuck.
“What’s up love.” I gave her a slight head nod.
“Fuck you.” She pointed her middle finger at me as she mugged me.
She zoomed past me with attitude written all over her face. I chuckled to myself and entered my uncle Ted’s office.
“What’s good old man?” I greeted him.
As I sat down on the small couch, he was leaning back with a cigar to his lips. He had a glass of some brown liquor on his desk and he looked stressed the fuck out.
“You good ol’ G?” I questioned.
Before he answered, he took a long hit from the cigar then released the smoke into the air. I watched as he sat up and took the rest of his drink down.
“Stay away from women boy.” He chuckled as he poured more liquor into his cup from a glass container that sat on his desk, he then added two ice cubes and swirled the glass around.
“I already know. T
hey will keep you in some shit.” I shook my head.
I had been in a lot of shit in my life and most of it centered around bitches. Some shape, form or fashion, a bitch had to do with the drama that went on in my life.
“Who are you telling. But you’re young, get that shit straight now so when you get my age you don’t have to worry about that type of shit,” he explained.
“Already. Hopefully I make it to see your age,” I confessed.
I always heard that people knew when they were about to die. That they felt it. As crazy as it seemed, I felt it. I just knew my time on earth was limited. I was having nightmares of dying. I found myself still talking to God as I poured the bottle up and smoked blunt after blunt.
“You ain’t going nowhere boy. Don’t talk like that. Them niggas ain’t about shit. You just gotta know how to go at them.” He picked the cigar back up and puffed it.
“Yeah, I thought I knew but I don’t and honestly, I don’t have time to look over my back and shit,” I told him.
“You ain’t gotta do all that. Trust, I know how to kill someone and get away with it,” my uncle stated as a wicked smirk came across his face.
“I ain’t never told nobody this shit but, I killed that lil’ bitch that nigga go with mama. She was stressing me the fuck out. All I wanted to do was do me and have her too, but I guess she had had enough of my shit because she was talking about leaving me. I don’t know why but that shit made me so mad that I killed her. Getting away with her murder was the easy part to be honest.” He shrugged as if it was nothing.
“Damn Unc, you a savage.” I twirled one of my dreads as I got excited from hearing him tell me about him murdering Jaxsyn’s bitch’s mama.
I had heard that he had done it, but there was never really any valid proof that he did it. But to hear that shit come out of his mouth was crazy.
“I just don’t like my feelings being played with,” he confessed as his phone rang.
“Well don’t worry about shit. I got yo’ back. But let me get back at you, my ol’ lady calling,” he said as he answered his phone.
I dapped him up then left out. When I left out, I bumped into Londyn who was standing outside the door. She had this crazy look on her face. I looked her up and down then got out of dodge.
As I walked towards the exit door, I bumped into Chyna. I looked around to see if she was with anybody I recognized, but I didn’t spot anyone.
“How yo’ young ass get in here?” I sized her up as I licked my lips and took in her frame.
“The same way yo’ young ass gets in here.” She rolled her eyes and curled her lip up as if I sickened her.
I didn’t know why this bitch was steady acting like she wasn’t on a nigga’s dick hard as fuck. She kept trying to play me and I was over it.
“Why you steady trying to play me for a fucking joke? You were all on a nigga’s dick and now you not. You know you still want me.” I pulled her close to me, pressing our bodies close together.
“Get your fucking hands off her.” I felt cold steel to the side of my head.
I reluctantly released Chyna and closed my eyes.
“Walk your bitch ass towards the door and don’t say shit,” the nigga behind me directed.
I looked around me, hoping that somebody would peep what was going on, but most of the people were doing their own thing or playing dumb to the shit that they were witnessing.
“Don’t worry, this might be your uncle’s place but believe me, the city already knows what it is,” he stated in my ear.
“Chyna, baby, go get the car and pull it up front,” he directed her. She grabbed his keys and quickly left out the building to get dude’s car.
“Man, my nigga is gon’ be happy as fuck when I hit him up about this shit. I swear God is good,” he boasted.
I didn’t even feel the need to fight with this nigga because I knew if I did, he would only shoot my ass. So, I walked out with him, now having the gun jugged into my back as we went out the front doors.
When we got out there, the night sky seemed to be extra pitch black. There were no stars and I couldn’t even spot the moon. It was as if the sky was soulless.
There was a cool, chilly breeze that danced in the air, and it was something about tonight that screamed doom. I felt like this was indeed my last night on this earth.
“Get yo’ bitch ass in the car,” he demanded, shoving me towards his car as Chyna held the door open.
He shoved me inside and then he got inside too. It was crazy how things were about to go down, but I had accepted it. I began praying to God and asking him to forgive me for my sins. If I died, I wanted to go to heaven. Shit, I knew with all the horrible shit I had done, a nigga like me was destined to go to hell, but all I could do was pray hard as fuck that God had mercy on my soul.
“I need you to drive us over to Jaxsyn’s crib,” whoever this lil’ nigga was told Chyna.
The look in her eyes let me know she didn’t want to, but she did anyways. When it came to niggas, she always found herself digging deeper holes for herself when she should have just stayed in a female’s place.
“You always been a dumb ass bitch when it came to niggas, huh? You don’t always got to put yourself in a fucked up situation,” I spat at Chyna because I knew my words would affect her.
She was and would always be a cry baby no matter how hard she tried to play it off. She wasn’t tough at all.
“What the fuck you say to her?” her lil’ boyfriend asked me before he hit me upside the head with the gun, causing me to bang my head against the car window and black out.
18
Jaxsyn
What was going as a good night for me, quickly turned sour. Just moments before I was disturbed, me, Keisha, Kaizlyn, and Ace were chilling at the crib, having drinks, playing cards, and cooking. But then I heard my phone go off. It was an unknown number and when I opened the message, it was a voice memo. I had no clue what was about to be played back to me but when I pressed play, I wasn’t expecting the shit that I heard.
“Yeah, I thought I knew but I don’t and honestly, I don’t have time to look over my back and shit,” Whoodie stated.
“You ain’t gotta do all that. Trust, I know how to kill someone and get away with it,” his bitch ass uncle spoke.
“I ain’t never told nobody this shit, but I killed that lil’ bitch that nigga go with mama. She was stressing me the fuck out. All I wanted to do was do me and have her too, but I guess she had had enough of my shit because she was talking about leaving me. I don’t know why, but that shit made me so mad that I killed her. Getting away with her murder was the easy part, to be honest.”
“Damn Unc, you a savage.” Whoodie sounded geeked up to hear that his uncle was bitch made and killed a woman because she wanted to leave his ass.
“I just don’t like my feelings being played with,” he confessed, and then I heard a phone ring.
“Well, don’t worry about shit. I got yo’ back. But let me get back at you, my ol’ lady calling.”
That was the last thing that was said before the recording stopped playing. The whole room went from laughter to complete silence and then sniffles. I looked to my left to see Kaizlyn with tears coming out of her eyes. I knew that shit pained her to hear that nigga talking so ill when it came to murdering her mother.
“Baby,” I had called out to her, and she grabbed the heart locket I gave her and ran out of the dining area where we were sitting.
I had jumped up and chased behind her, and some way I was able to calm her down and console her but after that shit happened, I was hit with another bomber. Well, let me not classify it as that because this was actually good news.
My nigga Bjay had captured Whoodie for me and I was happy as fuck about that. I was going to kill that nigga and send some type of souvenir to his uncle before his ass got locked back up for killing Kaizlyn’s mother.
Shit, I wanted to kill his ass too but Kaizlyn wanted to turn the voice recording in to the cops. Even
though that was weak nigga shit, I let her handle it how she wanted to because I knew how dear it was to her.
“So, what y’all about to do to this nigga?” Keisha asked. She was fired up. She wanted in on the shit but there wasn’t really much that she could do in her condition.
“Just know he is going to get his,” Ace cut in, and I already knew this trigger finger happy ass nigga was ready to blow his brains out.
As we stood around talking, my phone finally rang. It was Bjay letting me know that he was outside.
When we walked outside, I noticed that there was a female driving his car.
“This nigga here.” Ace ran his hands down his face.
“Remember how I let you in on how your sister didn’t want to kill that bitch that was kind of in on the shit that happened to her?” Ace asked me, and I could feel my skin getting warmer.
“Yeah, why, what’s up?” I just knew this nigga wasn’t going to tell me what I thought he was.
“Well that’s her and before you trip, Keisha forgave her. Keisha actually is in a good space right now with all of it. So, if she can look past it, I need you to try to also my nigga.” He looked at me sideways because he knew me. I didn’t play this type of shit, but he was right. Keisha was in a good head space and I knew if she could forgive this bitch, so could I. I mean, she was the one that dealt with the trauma, not me. So, if I had to be as strong as my sister then I was with it.
“And plus, she gotta be something if that nigga Bjay fucking with her. You know he don’t play around,” he added, and he was right about that shit too.
Bjay wasn’t the nigga that dealt with a lot of bitches, because he didn’t trust them and for her to be sticking around, he had to see something in her. I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt but as soon as she crossed me in any way, she was a goner and I didn’t care what anybody thought.
“Where that nigga at?” I asked once Bjay got out of the car, leaving the door open.
“Laid the fuck out in the backseat.” He looked from me to the backseat of the car.