by Nina Levine
You only get one mother, Lily.
She might send you to drink sometimes, but you. Only. Get. One. Mother.
“Please,” I added, my voice wavering.
“I’m not sure I’m ready to speak to you yet.” The hurt she felt blazed to life and regret overwhelmed me.
I placed a hand on her arm. “Mum, I’m sorry I was awful to you. It’s no excuse, but I’ve been feeling really out of my depth with everything lately, and when you try to take over like you did, it just messes with my head. I should have been more patient.”
“Yes, you should have. I was only trying to help you, which is all I ever try to do for you and Brynn. And then King…. Well, he’s a whole other story with the way he behaves. I’ll be having a word with him about all this, too.”
I exhaled the breath I’d been holding.
We’re going to be all right.
She frowned. “What do you mean when you say you felt out of your depth?”
“Can we go inside to talk?”
Peering around me, she said, “Go and get your sister out of the car. I just put the kettle on. We need tea for this. And for goodness’ sake, darling, we need to do something about those eyebrows of yours. You can’t get married with all those eyebrows.”
I managed to keep my laughter on the inside. Hannah Bennett would never change, but I could definitely try harder to not lose my shit at her so often. I’d never felt the fear of losing her like I just had. She might be difficult and overbearing, but I couldn’t imagine a life without her. One day, I’d have to, but until then, I would love her in spite of her flaws. God knew she loved me in spite of mine.
Ten minutes later, the three of us sat around her table with mugs of tea, and she asked me again, “Why have you felt out of your depth, darling?”
I took a long sip of tea before placing my mug down. “I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage and divorce, and how hard relationships are. And I was worried that King and I maybe clash too much to be able to make a successful marriage. I just wasn’t sure if I had it in me to deal with his brand of getting shit done.”
I expected Mum to dismiss my concerns like she usually did with her way of burying her head in the sand, but she surprised me by listening intently and then saying, “When I got married, my mother gave me some advice, and while my marriage was not a good one, her advice helped me a lot, so I’m going to share it with you.” She paused before adding, “I think you’re going to need it to survive living with King.”
Brynn almost spat her tea. “I think that might be the truest thing you’ve ever said, Mum.”
I knew by the seriousness of Mum’s expression that whatever she was about to tell me, she fully believed was advice I needed. “When you argue, there isn’t a winner or a loser. You are partners so you either win together or you lose together. You need to work for a solution, nothing else.”
Mum had my complete attention with that. Brynn’s too. I felt every word she’d said so far because I knew I hadn’t always approached my first marriage in the best ways. I’d allowed petty arguments to grow into more than they should have, and I was determined not to make the same mistakes with King.
“Also,” Mum continued, “marriage isn’t 50-50. It’s 100-100. Give everything you have, all of the time. You don’t wait until things become problematic to give your all. And lastly, when you have a problem with King that you want to talk to him about, don’t start a sentence with the word ‘you,’ always begin with ‘I.’ Don’t tell him your thoughts, share your feelings.”
Brynn stared at our mother like she’d grown another head. I stared at her like she held all the secrets to life and had been keeping them to herself.
I leaned over and threw my arms around her, love engulfing me. After hugging her for the longest time, I pulled away and said, “Thank you.”
She smiled and cupped my cheek. “I only want you girls to be happy. That’s all.”
“I know,” I said softly as I wiped tears from my eyes. “God, I’ve become an emotional wreck this week. It’s ridiculous.”
Mum narrowed her eyes at me. “You’re not pregnant are you darling?”
I hadn’t thought of that. Not that I would be, because I made sure to take my pill religiously. “No. I’m just crazy. And lucky that you all put up with my crazy.”
Brynn squeezed my hand. “Your life has changed so fast over the last few months, Lil. I don’t blame you for being crazy. And as much as I could never live with King, you two are perfect for each other, because you’re both as fucking crazy as the other.”
Mum nodded and then arched her brow. “Yes, and he and I have some ground rules to establish as to how I will be treated going forward. You, my darling, might be willing to put up with his dictatorial ways, but I will not.”
Brynn laughed. “Oh God, Mum, good luck with that. I don’t think King even knows the meaning of ground rules.”
As Brynn laughed and Mum continued on with her rant about how King bossed her around, I tried to slow time so I could truly appreciate the bond the three of us shared. It was something I didn’t do enough of. Life with a busy family ran at full steam ahead most of the time, and I found myself missing these rare moments. I made a decision to find ways to intentionally bring more of them into my life, because when all was said and done, the best part of life was love and family.
11
Lily
“Lily, girl, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so fucking calm. Tell me what drugs you’re on,” Monroe said when she arrived Saturday morning holding a big bag full of gumboots.
Taking a quick glance at all the boots, I said, “No drugs, just love.” I pointed at the bag. “What’s with all those?”
“Ah, it’s almost 10:00 a.m. and King’s nowhere to be seen, there’s still no confirmed venue for the wedding, and you’re not a ball of stress. I’m not buying it. You snuck some weed, didn’t you? Or maybe some Valium?”
I laughed and shook my head. “I’ve taken nothing. But I’m completely intrigued by the gumboots. Are we planning on wading through some water?”
It wouldn’t surprise me, thanks to all the rain we’d had this week. The best news was the rain stopped last night and the flooding eased. King called me just after six this morning to let me know he was finally on the road again. The wedding was planned for 2:00 p.m. but since he still wouldn’t tell me where it would take place, and since he probably wouldn’t be home by then, I had no clue where or when I would say my vows to him.
I didn’t care, though. So long as he got home today, I knew we’d be married by the time we went to sleep tonight. This chopping and changing of plans was how King lived his life, so it was now how I lived my life. I’d made peace with that somewhere along the way this week and would embrace it as hard as I’d embraced him.
Monroe eyed the bag of gumboots. “I honestly don’t know why we need these, but Kick turned up at my place this morning and dropped them off. He told me to bring them here.”
Tatum joined us in the lounge room. “Roe, we’re going to need your make-up expertise. The make-up artist can’t get through the flood waters.”
“Shit, I would have brought all my stuff if I’d known,” Monroe said.
“She just called now. We’ll have to make do with what we can find. Brynn’s just gone to her place to grab her stuff, and Adelaide has a lot here, so between all of us, I think we’ll be okay,” Tatum said.
Monroe glanced between us. “Is the hairdresser here?”
I nodded. “Yes. We’re all going to have amazing hair, so long as it doesn’t rain again.”
“You’re never going to forget your wedding,” she said.
A loud crash at the front door drew our attention there. Hailee smiled at us as she entered the house lugging a bag of gumboots the same as Monroe had and a few other smaller bags. “Sorry, Lily, I hope I didn’t just break your door, but these bags are out of control. And what the hell are these gumboots for? Devil made me bring them.”
I t
ook the bag of boots from her. “I have no idea.” Peaking inside the bag, I counted five pairs, the same as in Monroe’s bag.
Before we could discuss the boots more, Mum waltzed in and with a clap of her hands said, “Girls, we need to get through all this hair. Who’s going next?”
“Have Zara and Holly had theirs done?” I asked.
“Yes, and I’ve laid their dresses out on their beds,” Mum said. Her eyes softened as she met mine. “Those dresses are beautiful, Lily. But are you really sure about the leather jackets? For a wedding?”
“Yes, Mum, it’s cold outside. And they’ll match me and the girls.”
Brynn and Adelaide were my bridesmaids, and the three of us were all wearing biker jackets over our dresses. Both Zara and Holly had told me how much they loved that, so I’d made sure to get them some, too.
“I’ll go next,” Monroe said.
“Good,” Mum said and waltzed back out of the room with a twirl.
Hailee laughed. “I love your mum. She’s so much fun.”
My phone sounded with a text.
King: Can you be ready in about an hour?
I called him.
“Did you get my text?” he asked, in greeting.
“Yeah. Are you nearly home?” My tummy fluttered at the thought of seeing him. Or maybe nerves. Either way, I felt like my entire body was smiling.
“I’m sending the boys to pick you all up and get you to the wedding. I’ll meet you there.”
“So we’re doing this before two?”
“Yeah. I’m not taking a chance on the weather holding out until then.”
“Hang on, let me check something,” I said as I headed to Monroe and Tatum. When I had their attention, I said, “Can we all be ready in an hour? King wants to bring the wedding forward in case it rains again.”
My mother’s eyes widened in horror. “Darling, no.”
I still had my phone to my ear, so I heard him say, “If you can’t make it happen, we’ll stick to the original plan. But I’m looking at the sky here and it’s not looking good.”
“And we’re getting married outside?”
“Yeah.”
“King, just tell me where already. The freaking suspense is killing me.”
He ignored me and said, “Can you be ready? I need to know so I can put new plans into action.”
“You’re seriously not going to tell me, are you?”
“Fuck, Lily, yes or fucking no?”
I made a snap decision that my mother would have to live with. “Yes, but because I’m giving you what you want, you should give me what I want and tell me where.”
“Trust me, I’m giving you what you want.”
And then he was gone and I was left with every set of eyes in the room staring at me with the same horror that had been in my mother’s eyes a moment ago.
“Are you out of your mind?” Monroe asked. “You think we can all get ready in a fucking hour?”
I grinned. “It’s tradition for the bride to be late. It’ll do King good to wait for something for once in his life.”
Kick and Devil arrived right on time, one hour from when King called. I only made them wait half an hour.
“Fuck, Lily,” Devil said with a shake of his head, “I like your style of keeping King on his toes, but I’m the fucker who’s gonna have to listen to him lose his shit over this.”
Hailee snaked her arm around his waist with a smile. “I’ll make it up to you tonight.”
He brushed a kiss over her lips before saying, “If it rains, we’re all going down for this. Kick and I aren’t copping the full force of his wrath.”
“Devil,” I said as I put my jacket on, “No one but me will cop the full force of King’s wrath over this, and I’m pretty sure when I whisper in his ear and tell him what I have planned for him tonight, there’s not going to be any wrath.”
Monroe grinned. “There’s my girl.”
Kick came into the house and eyed me. “You’re gonna need to swap those shoes for the gumboots.” Then, looking around the room, he said, “There’s enough pairs for everyone.”
“Are we wading through flood waters?” I joked.
The look he gave me told me it wasn’t so much of a joke. “Something like that.”
As he turned to go back outside, I grabbed his arm and stopped him. “Honestly, why do we need the boots? I don’t want to be wading through water in this dress.”
“We are not wading through water, Lil,” Brynn said, joining us. “I mean, that dress cost a fortune. Surely King understands that brides do not walk through muddy, dirty floodwater.”
I looked down at the soft floaty tulle of my skirt. It had sparkly stars scattered over it and was the prettiest skirt I’d owned in my life. I’d layered it over a tea-rose slip dress and felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. Brynn was right; there was no way I was walking through floodwater in this dress.
Kick held up his hand to quieten us. “You won’t be wading through water. The boots are just for getting in and out of the dinghy. And the grass is pretty waterlogged so the gumboots will be best for that, too.”
“A dinghy?” Mum looked horrified. “Dear God.”
I didn’t even bother to quiz him on the need for a boat. He was being as freaking cagey about details as King. “And I guess you won’t tell me where this grass is either, will you?”
He chuckled. “King will have my ass if I tell you that.”
I rolled my eyes. “Figures.”
“Okay,” Devil rounded us all up. “We need to get on the road.”
Everyone piled out of the house and into the two vans they had outside. I sat in between Zara and Holly, holding their hands.
“You look beautiful, Mum,” Holly said, squeezing my hand. “King is going to lose his shit over your beauty, not the fact you’re late. And he’s gonna lose it in a good way. I’m pretty sure we’re going to see a whole new side of King at this wedding.”
I leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Thank you, baby. I’m not as sure, though. I think we’ve seen all the sides of King there are to see.” And if I knew my man like I thought I did, he wasn’t wowed by beauty in the way she thought he would be. King was wowed by actions. And he sure as hell had never softened simply by seeing me in a pretty dress.
“I think she’s right,” Zara chimed in.
I let go of their hands and spread my arms across their shoulders. Pulling them close, I said, “You girls are good with this, right? I mean, we’ve talked about me marrying King a lot, but I just want to check in with you both one last time.”
Holly shifted in her seat so she faced me. “You need to stop worrying so much about us. We love him and how happy he makes you, and how he pulls your crazy back in line most of the time. And Robbie”—she glanced to the front of the van where Robbie sat talking excitedly with Devil—“well, clearly he loves being around all this testosterone. I’ve never seen him take to someone how well he took to King. The kid is coming out of his shell thanks to your man so stop freaking worrying. We clear?”
“Oh God,” I laughed, “Stop saying that.” Holly had taken to speaking like King with her “we clear” bullshit. She used it on me as often as she could. Half as a joke, but half not. She’d also taken to learning as much about bikes from him as she could. And she was right: all three of my kids loved hanging out with King. Especially Robbie. It melted my heart watching King’s patience with my son. The man had little patience for me most of the time, but he had all the patience in the world for Robbie.
“Okay,” I said, “I’m officially not worrying over this now. You’ve all given your blessing and I’m marrying King.”
I grabbed my phone and sent him a text.
Me: The good news is I’m on my way. The bad news is I have underwear on.
Me: But I made sure there are bows…
Me: That you can untie…
Me: And then for later, I have some other things for you…
He called while I was in the m
iddle of another text. “Stop fucking texting me and tell whoever’s driving to drive fucking faster.”
I love my man.
“Where’s the wedding, King?”
He turned silent for a beat. “Remember that block of land we found by accident that you loved?”
My breathing slowed.
“You didn’t?”
“I did.”
“Oh my God, it was so expensive.”
“Yeah.”
“You said there was no way you’d pay that much for a piece of fucking dirt.” They’d been his exact words.
“I also said, years ago, that I’d never get fucking married. And here we fucking are.”
I blinked furiously, trying to stop my tears from falling. “I love you, King.” My words choked out.
“I love you, too, woman, so hurry the fuck up and get your ass here so I can make you mine.”
“I’m already yours.”
“Yeah, but I want my last name next to your first one so the entire fucking world knows it.”
My tears fell.
“Shit, shit, shit,” I muttered through the tears. “My girls were right about you and today, and you didn’t even need to see me in a dress to give me this side of you. But stop talking; otherwise, my face is going to be a mess by the time you see it.”
“Who’s driving you?”
“Devil.”
“Put him on.”
I handed the phone over to Devil and took the tissue and mirror Tatum held out for me. Dabbing my tears carefully, I did my best to fix my face. By the time I finished, Devil had passed my phone back. My heart had almost returned to normal function when a text came through.
King: There better be fucking bows.
And there went my heart again.
King was a hard man, but for me, he had some soft. It only peeked through occasionally, but it lit my world like nothing else.
12