The Healing

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  I wish it was me getting married today, Esther thought as the bishop began to preach about the importance of communication in marriage. She glanced across the room and spotted Samuel, with Leon sitting on one side of him and Samuel’s older brother Norman on the other side. Little Jared had fallen asleep and lay in a relaxed position across Samuel’s lap. Esther noticed that Samuel’s expression was nearly as sober as the groom’s. It made her wonder what he was thinking right now. Her guess was he was probably remembering his own wedding day.

  As the service continued, Esther’s thoughts drifted back to the day she and Samuel had climbed up into the tree stand. She grinned, thinking to herself, Did I actually climb that old thing? But she knew at that point that no matter where their relationship was going, she would have climbed any height just to be with Samuel. Without any doubt—even high up in that tree stand—being next to Samuel was right where she’d wanted to be.

  Whenever I’m with Samuel, I feel such joy and peace, Esther thought dreamily as she visualized Samuel lovingly stroking her face. Does he feel it, too? Will he ever ask me to be his wife, or will today stir up memories of all that he had and lost? She knew the next step would have to be up to him.

  Despite the chilly fall day, the Yoders’ barn was hot and stuffy. It was probably from so many bodies being crammed together in one room, but Samuel figured it would have been worse if the wedding had been held in the house, because it wasn’t nearly as big as the barn. Since Titus had such a large family, and most of them had come to see Titus and Suzanne get married, this was a bigger wedding than most that took place in this small Amish community.

  Samuel glanced across the room at Esther, wearing a dark blue dress with a white cape and apron and looking as sweet and pretty as ever. He could no longer deny his feelings; he’d fallen in love with Esther and wanted to make her his wife. The question was, how long should he wait to propose marriage to her?

  As Bishop King stood and called Suzanne and Titus to stand before him to say their vows, Jared stirred. Fearing the child might wake and start crying, Samuel began gently patting Jared’s back. It seemed to help, for the boy relaxed and continued to sleep.

  The bishop looked at Titus. “Can you confess, brother, that you accept this, our sister, as your wife, and that you will not leave her until death separates you? And do you believe that this is from the Lord, and that you have come thus far by your faith and prayers?”

  “Jah,” Titus answered with no hesitation.

  The bishop turned to Suzanne then. “Can you confess, sister, that you accept this, our brother, as your husband, and that you will not leave him until death separates you? And do you believe that this is from the Lord and that you have come thus far by your faith and prayers?”

  Suzanne answered affirmatively as well.

  Bishop King looked at Titus again. “Because you have confessed that you want to take Suzanne for your wife, do you promise to be loyal to her and …”

  The bishop’s words faded as Samuel’s mind took him back to the moment he and Elsie had become man and wife. He’d promised to be loyal to her—on the day of their wedding, and many other times when they’d been courting. He remembered one day in particular, when they’d gone for a ride in his open buggy. He’d pulled off to the side of the road to let several cars pass. Unable to resist the temptation, he’d leaned over and given Elsie a kiss. Following the kiss, he’d whispered, “I promise, I’ll never love anyone but you.” She’d smiled and said, “The same goes for me, Samuel.”

  “So go forth in the name of the Lord. You are now husband and wife.”

  Samuel’s thoughts halted and he snapped his attention to the front of the room. Suzanne and Titus seemed to radiate a blissful glow as they returned to their seats.

  Samuel looked at Esther and his heart sank all the way to his toes. Guilt invaded his thoughts, where moments earlier he’d felt free to hope. He couldn’t break the promise he’d made to Elsie that day. He could not allow himself to love Esther. Their courting days must end. Maybe it would be best if he found someone else to watch the kids, because with Esther around so much it would be hard to keep his promise to Elsie.

  CHAPTER 48

  As Samuel took a seat at a table in preparation for the wedding meal, his gaze came to rest on Esther, sitting at the corner table with the bride and groom and their other attendants. She looked so happy today—almost bubbly, in fact. She was no doubt sharing in her best friend’s joy over having just gotten married.

  Esther’s a wonderful woman, Samuel thought. She deserves to be happy, and I hope she finds someone who will love her as much as I loved Elsie. She’s good with children and will make a fine mother, so I hope she’s blessed with lots of kinner someday.

  Samuel flinched, feeling as if his heart was being torn in two. His children loved Esther, and he was sure they’d be disappointed when they found out she would no longer be taking care of them. Of course, he had to find someone to replace her first. He sure couldn’t go off to work every day and leave the two younger ones alone while Marla and Leon were in school.

  Samuel felt a nudge on his arm. “Hey, aren’t you gonna take this bowl of potato salad?” his older brother Jake asked.

  “Oh, sorry. Didn’t realize they were being passed yet.” Samuel scooped some of the potato salad onto his plate and passed it along to his brother Matthew, who sat on the other side of him. Truth was, he didn’t have much appetite. It was hard to think of eating when his stomach felt like it was tied up in knots.

  I’ve got to stop thinking about Esther, he told himself. I need to concentrate on something else.

  He glanced across the room to where his folks sat with his four children on either side of them. Should I move back to Pennsylvania and let Mom take care of the kinner? That would make her happy, I’m sure. But if I moved, I’d miss Kentucky and the friends I’ve made here.

  He felt another jab on his arm and realized that Jake wanted to pass him something else. “This chicken looks pretty good, doesn’t it?” Jake already had one piece on his plate, but he quickly forked another one before passing the platter to Samuel.

  Samuel took the smallest piece he could find and then passed the plate on to Matthew.

  “You’re sure quiet today,” Jake said. “Did it make you sad to see your little bruder get married?”

  Samuel shook his head. “I’m happy for Titus and Suzanne.”

  “Jah. They make a nice couple. I’m sure they’ll be very happy together.” Jake passed a bowl of creamed celery to Samuel. “I’ve never cared much for this stuff, but you can have some if you like.”

  “Think I’ll pass on it, too.” Samuel handed the bowl to Matthew.

  Matthew looked at Samuel’s plate and squinted. “You’re sure not eating much today.”

  “I’m just not that hungry, I guess.”

  Matthew spooned some creamed celery onto his plate. “With all this good-smelling food, I don’t see how anyone could not be hungry.”

  “I think Samuel’s saving up for the desserts,” Jake said with a chuckle.

  Samuel merely shrugged in reply. This wasn’t the time or the place to tell his brothers that he was sick to his stomach because of the decision he’d felt forced to make. He’d have to tell everyone soon enough though. Sure couldn’t let them think he and Esther might eventually get married.

  “So what’d you think of the wedding?” Allen asked Bonnie as he passed her the platter of chicken.

  “It was different. A lot different than any wedding I’ve ever attended.”

  He gave a nod. “That’s for sure. Nothing at all like our traditional English weddings.” He spooned some mashed potatoes onto his plate. “The thing I had the hardest time with was sitting on that backless wooden bench. Had to get up a couple of times and go outside so I could walk around and stretch my legs and back.”

  “I know what you mean.” Bonnie lifted her water glass and took a drink. “Sitting there for three hours made me wonder how the Amish are a
ble to continually do that during their weddings and biweekly church services.”

  “Guess they’re used to it, since they’ve been doing it since they were kids.”

  She slowly shook her head. “I don’t think I could ever get used to it. I think if I attended church with the Amish on a regular basis, I’d have to take a pillow to sit on, or maybe bring myself a comfortable chair.”

  “Yeah, me, too.” Allen poured some gravy over his potatoes and took a bite. “Umm … The food they serve at their wedding meals is sure good.”

  “You’re right, and can you imagine how many cooks and how much food it takes to serve so many people?”

  “I couldn’t even begin to guess.”

  They passed a few more dishes down the line, and then Allen concentrated on eating. He figured by the end of the day he’d have to loosen his belt a few notches.

  “So what’d you think about the wedding service itself?” he asked, looking over at Bonnie.

  “It was hard to understand, since almost all of it was in German.”

  “Yeah. Made me wish I’d taken German when I was in school instead of Spanish.” Allen waited until the young Amish waiter pouring coffee handed him a cup, and then he turned to Bonnie again and said, “Did you notice there was no ring exchange or kiss between the bride and groom?”

  “I did notice that,” she said with a nod. “I also noticed that the father of the bride didn’t walk his daughter down the aisle. Suzanne and Titus just walked to their seats with their attendants.”

  “Speaking of walking down the aisle, now that things are better between you and your dad, do you think he’d be willing to walk you down the aisle if you got married?” Allen asked.

  “I suppose he would,” Bonnie replied, “but that’s not going to happen, since I have no plans to get married.”

  Allen wasn’t sure how to respond. Did Bonnie feel that way because she hadn’t had a proposal, or did she have something against marriage?

  “You know, I’ve been thinking,” he said.

  “What’s that?”

  “I was wondering if you’d like to go out to dinner with me some evening next week. There’s a new restaurant that just opened in Hopkinsville, and—”

  “I appreciate the offer,” Bonnie said, cutting him off, “but I’ll be busy all of next week. The day after Samuel’s family leaves, I have three couples checking into the B&B.”

  “How about the following week?”

  She shook her head. “I’ll be busy then, too.”

  “Oh, I see.” Allen couldn’t help but feel disappointed, and he wondered if Bonnie was giving him the brush-off. He’d thought the two of them were getting closer and that Bonnie might have come to care for him as much as he did her. Now he wondered if he’d been wrong about that. Maybe Bonnie only saw him as a friend and would never see him as anything more.

  Allen thought about Connie, whom he’d gone out with a few times last year. The only similarity between her and Bonnie was their names, which rhymed. Connie was nothing like Bonnie, and he was glad he’d broken things off with her before either of them had gotten serious. Connie didn’t want anything to do with religion and had made that quite clear whenever he’d brought the subject up. Allen knew what the Bible said in 2 Corinthians 6:14 about not being unequally yoked with an unbeliever. After he’d quit seeing Connie, he’d decided that if he ever found another woman he wanted to date, she would have to be a Christian. Bonnie was a Christian—he had no doubt of that—but she seemed to be holding him at a distance. For a while, he’d thought Samuel might be interested in Bonnie, but that idea vanished as soon as Samuel started courting Esther.

  Allen glanced over at Samuel and noticed that he wasn’t smiling. He looked like he might be upset about something. If he had a chance to talk with Samuel after the meal, he’d try to find out what it was.

  Feeling the need for a bit of fresh air as soon as the noon meal was over, Esther stepped outside. She spotted Bonnie sitting in one of the chairs under a maple tree in the Yoders’ backyard.

  “Looks like I’m not the only one out here on this chilly afternoon,” Esther said, stepping up to Bonnie.

  Bonnie looked up and smiled. “It was getting stuffy and warm in there, and after eating all that good food, I was afraid if I didn’t get up and go outside I might fall asleep.”

  Esther laughed. “I know what you mean. I get drowsy after eating a big meal, too.”

  “It was a nice wedding,” Bonnie said. “Quite a bit different than the weddings we Englishers are used to, but nice, nonetheless.” Bonnie gave Esther’s arm a little squeeze. “From the way things have been going between you and Samuel lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if you two aren’t the next Amish couple to get married.”

  Esther smiled but shook her head. “There are a few more Amish weddings in our community that will take place next month, but even if Samuel were to propose to me tomorrow, there wouldn’t be enough time to plan a wedding for this year.”

  “Well, I’m sure you’ll be a married woman by sometime next year,” Bonnie said.

  “I hope you’re right about that.”

  Bonnie motioned to her left. “There’s Samuel now, talking to Allen. Since you’ve had other obligations today, I don’t imagine you’ve had much time to spend with Samuel.”

  “I haven’t had any time at all,” Esther said. “But since I’m not busy with anything right now, I think I’ll walk over there and say hello. Would you like to come along?”

  “No thanks. Think I’ll sit here a few more minutes, and then I’ll probably head for home.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you back at the B&B later.” Esther walked away, but before she got close enough to speak with Samuel, she was stopped by Ethan, who’d just stepped out of the barn.

  “Wie geht’s, Esther?” he asked.

  She smiled. “I’m fine. And you?”

  “Doin’ pretty good.” He gave her a wide grin. “Sure was a lot of good food served at the wedding meal, wasn’t there?”

  “There certainly was.”

  “That’s why I came out here … to walk some of it off. I’ll be back for the evening young people’s supper, and I need to make sure I’m plenty hungry by then.”

  “I think everyone will be full by the end of the day,” she said.

  “Yep.” Ethan gave Esther another big grin, and then he headed for a group of young Amish men who were gathered across the yard.

  Esther started walking toward Samuel again, but by the time she got there, he and Allen had stepped around the corner of the buggy shed.

  As she approached the shed, she heard Allen mention her name, so she stopped and listened. She knew it wasn’t right to eavesdrop, but the men couldn’t see her, and she was curious to know what was being said.

  “How are things with you and Esther these days?” she heard Allen say.

  “Umm … Well, okay, I guess.”

  “I had a lot of fun the day the four of us went to visit the monument,” Allen said. “I was thinking if I can get Bonnie to un-busy herself soon, it would be fun for the four of us to go on another outing before the weather turns cold. Maybe we could go to the pond some Saturday afternoon and either do some fishing or just have a picnic lunch.”

  Esther heard Samuel’s boots scrape across the gravel where he stood. “Well … uh … the thing is … I’ve decided not to see Esther socially anymore.”

  Esther pressed her weight against the side of the buggy shed, reeling with the shock of what she’d just heard. The sounds of activity, which moments ago were all around her, were drowned out by her own question. How can this be? Just a few days ago, Samuel had told his folks that he and Esther were courting, and now he didn’t want to see her anymore? What could have happened between then and now to make him change his mind about her?

  She no longer heard the children playing as they squealed with delight, chasing each other in a game of tag. She tried to focus on the women she’d seen earlier, relaxing under the shade trees and
exchanging recipes, but their voices turned into murmurs and she no longer heard their words. She looked toward the buggies parked off to the side, with horses dozing as they stood waiting in the pasture. Even as tranquil as that scene was, it became a blur with tears she tried her best to hold in.

  Esther covered her mouth with her hand in order to keep from sobbing out loud. Things had been going so well, and now, all of a sudden, they’re not? She scolded herself for being so hopeful and believing in the happily-ever-after. She wasn’t prepared to have her dreams evaporate right before her eyes. Fearing the truth, was there no chance of them ever getting married?

  CHAPTER 49

  When Esther woke up the following morning, she felt like she’d been kicked in the stomach by an unruly horse. Was it a bad dream, or had she really heard Samuel tell Allen that he’d decided not to court her anymore? No, it was true. She’d felt the pain of it all the way to her toes. She just didn’t understand it at all. She’d been so sure Samuel had come to care for her.

  Esther pushed the covers aside, climbed out of bed, and padded over to the window in her bare feet. Several of Samuel’s relatives were in Bonnie’s yard, loading their luggage into the van that was parked there. Those who had stayed at the B&B would be leaving today, and it was her understanding that a few, like Samuel’s parents, would head back to Pennsylvania tomorrow. No doubt they wanted to spend a little more time with Samuel and Titus, as well as with Samuel’s children.

  Tears welled in Esther’s eyes. From the short time she’d spent with Samuel’s family, she’d concluded that they were a loving, caring group of people. It made her heart ache to think that if she and Samuel would no longer be courting, there was no chance of her ever being a part of his wonderful family.