The Healing

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  CHAPTER 53

  Are my kinner ready to go?” Samuel asked Mavis when he stopped by her house that afternoon to pick up his kids.

  “Penny and Jared are,” she said, “but Marla and Leon aren’t here.”

  “What?” Samuel’s spine stiffened. “Where are they?”

  “When my Daniel and Eva got home from school, they said Marla and Leon had told them they were going over to Bonnie’s Bed-and-Breakfast.”

  “What’d they go there for?”

  Mavis shrugged. “You’ll have to ask them, because since they never showed up here, I assume they’re still there.”

  Samuel ground his teeth together. He did not need one more stop to make. After his driver had dropped him off at home, he’d hitched his horse to the buggy and come over here. He’d worked hard all day and was anxious to get back home and take a shower. Besides, if he went to the B&B, he was likely to see Esther, and he wasn’t sure he could deal with that.

  “Guess we’d better get going,” Samuel said, knowing he had no other choice but to go get Marla and Leon. He motioned for Penny and Jared to follow him out the door.

  After they were settled into his buggy and headed down the road, he glanced over his shoulder and said, “Did you two behave yourselves today?”

  Penny nodded soberly. “Mavis said she’d give us a bletsching if we wasn’t good.”

  Samuel grimaced. When he’d asked Mavis to watch the kids, he hadn’t expected her to threaten his kids with a spanking. If they’d been bad, would she have made good on her threat? As far as he knew, Esther had never been harsh with the kids, and they’d never mentioned her threatening them with a spanking either.

  Samuel shook the reins to get Socks moving faster. He’d be glad when this day was over.

  When he pulled his horse and buggy onto the driveway of the B&B a short time later, he spotted Esther hanging clothes on the line. Marla and Leon were nearby, playing in a pile of leaves.

  “I want you and Jared to stay in the buggy and wait for me,” Samuel told Penny. “I’m going to get Marla and Leon, and it shouldn’t take me long.”

  “Can’t we get out?” Penny asked. “I wanna say hi to Esther.”

  Samuel shook his head. He knew if he let Penny and Jared out of the buggy he’d have a hard time getting them back in. They would either hang onto Esther, run around the yard, or play with Bonnie’s cat or the dog.

  Samuel turned to Penny and said, “Remember now, stay right here.”

  As he headed across the yard, dry leaves crunched beneath his feet. He was almost to the clothesline where Esther was hanging a lace tablecloth when she turned and looked at him.

  “Samuel.”

  He swallowed hard. Why’d she have to be so beautiful and sweet? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about her all the time? And there she went again, being so cute when her cheeks flushed that light shade of pink.

  He pulled his gaze away from Esther and pointed at Marla. “What are you and your bruder doin’ here? You know you were supposed to go to the Zooks’ after school.”

  “We wanted to see Esther,” Leon said before Marla could reply. “We miss her, Daadi.”

  I miss her, too. Samuel resisted the urge to say the words. Instead, he marched over to Leon and pulled him to his feet. “Let’s go. It’s getting late, and we need to get home now.”

  “I’m sorry if they bothered you,” Samuel said, glancing at Esther and then looking quickly away. “It won’t happen again.”

  “Oh, they were no bother,” she was quick to answer. “I enjoyed spending a little time with them.”

  “Didn’t they tell you they were supposed to be at the Zooks’?”

  “Yes, and I was going to take them over there as soon as I finished hanging these things on the line.”

  “It’s kind of late to be doin’ laundry, isn’t it?” Samuel didn’t know why he was being so irritable, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. Was it the fact that the kids had come over here when they should have gone to the Zooks’, or was it because he’d been forced to see Esther?

  “I was busy doing so many other things today,” Esther said, “and since there’s such a nice wind blowing this afternoon, I figured they’d be dry before it gets dark.”

  “Oh.” Samuel jerked his attention back to the kids. “Say good-bye to Esther, and let’s go.”

  Marla ran to Esther first and gave her a hug, and Leon did the same. Then they both turned and walked slowly to the buggy, heads down and shoulders slumped.

  Samuel glanced at Esther once more and mumbled, “Have a good rest of the day.”

  “You too, Samuel.” She smiled, but her expression appeared to be strained. Was she having as hard a time looking at him as he was at her?

  Samuel whirled around, and as he sprinted to the buggy, he made a decision. He was glad his house in Pennsylvania still hadn’t sold, because whether the kids were in agreement or not, he was moving back home.

  CHAPTER 54

  On Saturday morning when Samuel woke up, he lay in bed, unable to decide when he should tell the kids about his decision to move. He didn’t want to spoil Leon and Titus’s birthday supper this evening, so he’d wait until Sunday to give them the news. The kids wouldn’t like it of course; they’d already made it clear that they didn’t want to move. But once they got back to Pennsylvania, where they could enjoy both sets of grandparents and all their cousins, he was sure they’d be fine.

  I wonder how Titus will feel about us moving, Samuel thought as he crawled out of bed and stepped into his trousers. Will he try to convince me to stay, or will he be understanding and give me his best wishes? I’m sure he’d like to have some of his family around, but he’s married now, and he and Suzanne will be starting a family of their own.

  Samuel ambled over to the window and stared into the yard, where Lucky ran back and forth through the scattered leaves, chasing a fluffy gray cat. Once we move, Esther can have her house back, and she won’t have to live in that little guest house at Bonnie’s anymore.

  He moved away from the window and sank to the edge of the bed. Why couldn’t life be simple? Why’d there have to be so many hurts and frustrations? If only Elsie hadn’t died, they’d still be living in Pennsylvania, and he would never have met Esther.

  Samuel’s gaze came to rest on the cardboard box pushed against the wall on the other side of the room. It was the box full of Elsie’s things that he still hadn’t completely gone through. Samuel didn’t know why, but he felt compelled to do that right now.

  He rose from the bed and knelt in front of the box. When he opened it, the first thing he saw was one of Elsie’s white head coverings. He’d give that to Marla when she was older. Next, he found some of Elsie’s handkerchiefs. Maybe Penny would like those. Then he discovered the yellow blanket Elsie had bought for the baby they’d lost when she’d died. That would go to Jared.

  Under the hankies was Elsie’s Bible. Maybe he could give it to Leon. A lump rose in Samuel’s throat as he lifted it out and opened the first page. Elsie’s name had been written there, along with Samuel’s name and their children’s names. There was also a place to write in the date of Elsie’s birth and her death. Elsie’s birth date had been filled in, but her date of death was still blank.

  Samuel picked up the Bible and carried it across the room to the dresser, where he kept a notebook and pen to keep track of his paint jobs. Tears blurred his vision as he wrote the date of Elsie’s death. She’d died just a week before Thanksgiving. It was hard to believe it had been eleven months already.

  Samuel stood staring at the Bible for several seconds; then he opened it to a page she’d marked with a yellow ribbon. He noticed that Psalm 147:3 had been underlined, and he read it out loud: “ ‘He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.’ “

  Samuel had thought his heart was healing, but when he’d reminded himself of the promise he’d made to Elsie, the pain of her death had become real again, like a wound that never completely heals.


  Oh Lord, he silently prayed. Please give me a sense of peace. Help me to keep my focus on my kinner and not on Elsie or Esther. Elsie’s gone, and she’s never coming back. Esther’s here but can never be a part of my life. I just want to be free of this pain.

  When Samuel’s prayer ended, he made his way back to the box. He’d go through the rest of Elsie’s things and be done with it, once and for all.

  He pulled out a few more items—an apron, Elsie’s reading glasses, and a poem Marla had written and given to Elsie on the last Mother’s Day she’d still been alive.

  The next thing he removed from the box was a leather journal. Inside, he saw that Elsie had posted entries about once or twice a month. Strange. He hadn’t even realized she’d been keeping a journal.

  He turned several pages, reading with interest as Elsie described some of the events that had happened that last month she’d been alive. When he heard the patter of feet coming down the stairs and realized the kids were up, he quickly turned to the last page Elsie had written, curious to know what her final entry said. The lump in his throat became thicker as he read her words silently.

  I don’t know the reason, but this pregnancy is different than my other four were. I feel so tired all the time and have been terribly sick to my stomach. Sometimes I feel dizzy, too, and I have a horrible feeling that something might be wrong with me or the boppli. Am I going to die? Or maybe the boppli will die or be born with some kind of birth defect. I need to speak to Samuel about this—need to tell him what’s on my heart. Samuel has promised me many times that he’ll never love anyone but me, but that’s not fair to him. I need him to know that should I die before he does, he’s free to love again. I want my beloved husband to find another wife—someone who will love him and our kinner as much as I do.

  I must close now, as Jared is awake from his nap and crying. I’ll talk to Samuel about what I’ve written when he gets home from work tonight.

  The words on the page blurred as Samuel sat in stunned silence. Elsie had sensed there was something wrong with her or the baby. Would one or both of them have died even if Elsie hadn’t fallen down the stairs?

  He drew in a shaky breath and swiped at the tears running down his cheeks. Elsie had released him from his promise. She’d actually wanted him to find someone else if she died. Tap! Tap! Tap!

  “Daadi, are you in there?” Leon called through Samuel’s closed door.

  “Jah.” Samuel could barely get the word out, his throat felt so clogged with emotion.

  “We’re hungerich. Are you comin’ out to fix us some breakfast?”

  “I–I’ll be right there.” Samuel pulled a hanky from his pants’ pocket and blew his nose. He knew he needed to fix the kids their breakfast first, but then he was going over to Bonnie’s Bed-and-Breakfast to see Esther.

  “I want you to get your teeth brushed, put on a jacket, and meet me outside,” Samuel told his children after they’d finished eating breakfast.

  “How come?” Marla asked.

  “I’m going to see if Suzanne and Titus will keep you for a few hours, because I have an important errand to run.” Samuel figured he could take the kids with him, but he wanted to be alone with Esther when he told her how he felt.

  “Will ya be back in time for my birthday supper?” Leon questioned.

  Samuel ruffled the boy’s hair. “Don’t you worry about that. I’ll be back in plenty of time for us to go to supper.”

  “I’m glad to see you’re smilin’ today,” Marla said. “You looked so sad yesterday.”

  “If things go well today, like I hope, I’ll be doing a lot more smiling from now on.” Samuel tweaked the end of her nose. “Now hurry and get ready to go.”

  The children scampered out of the kitchen, and Samuel put all the dirty dishes in the sink. He’d wash them later. Right now he had something more important to do.

  Paradise, Pennsylvania

  “There’s something I need to talk to you about,” Timothy said to Hannah after they’d finished eating their breakfast.

  “What’s that?” she asked as she turned the water on at the sink to do the dishes.

  “I stopped by Naomi and Caleb’s store yesterday afternoon, and Naomi was pretty upset.”

  “How come?”

  “She said she’d heard about my birthday supper tonight and wondered why she and her family weren’t invited.”

  Hannah turned to look at him. “Why are you bringing this up now?”

  “Because when I got home yesterday, you were at your mamm’s, and then Mindy was fussy all evening and you kept busy tending to her. By the time you came to bed, I was sleeping.”

  She shook her head. “I wasn’t asking why you didn’t tell me sooner. I wonder why are you bringing this up when it’s already been decided. When we had this discussion a week ago, we agreed that only your folks and my folks would be invited here for supper tonight.”

  “We didn’t actually agree on it.” Titus tapped his fingers on the table. “More to the point, you pretty much said how it was going to be, and I just went along with it so we wouldn’t end up in another argument.”

  “Then why are you bringing it up now?” She turned back to the sink.

  “Because Naomi was upset about not being included.”

  “If we had invited her family, we would have had to include your other brothers and sisters and their families, and you know our place isn’t big enough for that.”

  “We could have used the barn like I’d wanted to do.”

  Her head snapped around, and she glared at him, crossing her arms. “I told you before—that would be too much work.”

  He stiffened. “Anything that has to do with me is too much work, but if your mamm wants something, you don’t seem to mind.”

  “You don’t have to bring my mamm into this. She has nothing to do with it.”

  “Jah, she does, Hannah. You two thinking you have to be together all the time has been a source of trouble between you and me for a long time. I’m so tired of it!”

  Hannah grabbed a towel, dried her hands, and hurried across the room. “Let’s not argue,” she said, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Mindy’s in the living room playing, and I don’t want her to hear us shouting at each other.”

  “I don’t want that either.”

  Hannah stood silently and started rubbing his shoulders. Normally, it would have felt good, but right now, Timothy was too irritated to feel good about anything.

  “We’ll have a nice time tonight; you’ll see.”

  “I’m glad you think so.” He pushed away from the table and headed for the door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Outside. I need some fresh air!” The door banged shut behind him.

  CHAPTER 55

  Pembroke, Kentucky

  What would you like to do today?” Bonnie asked Esther after they’d cleaned up the kitchen. “I think we could both use a break from the usual cleaning we do on Saturdays.”

  “But if you have guests coming, we’ll need to clean the rest of the house,” Esther said.

  Bonnie shook her head. “No guests scheduled until next Tuesday, so we’ll have Monday to clean.” She poured two cups of tea and handed one to Esther. “Should we take this into the living room or would you rather put a jacket on and sit outside on the porch?”

  “Let’s go outside,” Esther said. “It’s a bit chilly, but the sun’s out. We may as well enjoy it now, because it won’t be long before winter is here with its cold weather and probably some snow.”

  They slipped into their jackets, picked up their cups of tea, and went out to the porch.

  “Let’s sit over there so we can look out into the yard.” Bonnie motioned to the wicker table and chairs on the far end of the porch.

  After they were seated, Esther said, “I should have brought out some of that gingerbread I made last night. Do you want me to go get it?”

  Bonnie shook her head. “I’m fine with just the tea, but if you want
some, go ahead.”

  “Maybe later.” Esther took a sip of tea and let it roll around on her tongue before swallowing. “This is so good. Peppermint is my favorite kind of tea.”

  Bonnie took a drink, too. “It is quite flavorful.”

  They sat in companionable silence for a while; then Bonnie looked over at Esther, and with a most serious expression she said, “There’s something weighing heavily on my mind, and I’d like to share it with you, but only if you promise not to repeat what I’ve said to anyone.”

  “I won’t say anything.”

  Bonnie took another sip of tea and set her cup down. “I—I hardly know where to begin.”

  Esther waited, figuring Bonnie needed time to think about what she wanted to say.

  “As you know, Allen’s asked me out several times lately, and I’ve said no.”

  “Because you’re not ready for a serious relationship, right?”

  Bonnie nodded. “But I’d like you to know why.” She paused and stared into the yard, watching the shadows appear as a cloud drifted over the sun. After several seconds, she looked back at Esther with furrowed brows. “When I was a teenager I did something I’ll always regret.”

  “What was it?” Esther dared to ask.

  “I had a boyfriend, Darin, who said he loved me and insisted that if I loved him too, I’d be willing to …” Bonnie stopped talking and drew in a sharp breath. “Before my mother died, she’d talked to me about keeping myself pure and waiting for marriage to be intimate with a man, but Darin kept insisting that if I loved him, I’d do what he asked.”

  Esther reached over and touched Bonnie’s arm. She was almost sure what Bonnie was about to say and wanted to offer her some reassurance.

  Tears welled in Bonnie’s eyes. “I weakened, Esther. I gave in to my feelings, and several weeks later, when I realized I was pregnant, I told him about it.”

  “What’d he say?”