“I want to serve you.”
That gruff statement sent a shudder through her. “You do.”
“You know what I need.”
“I do.” Because she needed the same.
“Give me what I need.” His raspy voice sending another shiver down her spine.
“Marine, your order this morning is to give me what I need.”
He wasn’t expecting that order. With only a slight hesitation, he grabbed her wrists, turned her and placed her palms flat on the wall, trapping her there. He didn’t release her, instead he used his nose to nudge her long hair off her shoulder and away from her neck, his warm breath tickling her skin.
“Ma’am, yes, Ma’am,” he finally whispered against the top of her spine, which made her pussy spasm once more.
He sucked at the base of her neck, then took little bites across each shoulder, causing her to moan. The small nips weren’t painful, but it got her blood humming. He released her wrists when he licked down her spine... stopping right at the top of her crease and sucking the flesh there.
“Matt...”
His lips skimmed up the line of her spine as he rose and, when he did, he reached around and cupped her left breast with his right hand, while he hooked his left arm around her waist and slid his hand lower, until his fingertips brushed over her patch of hair, then teased her clit.
He kneed her legs wider, the same he would do if he was searching a subject. He hooked two fingers inside her and bent his knees just enough so the head of his cock brushed his own knuckles. He guided himself inside her.
His fingers found her clit again and his cock now filled her.
Yessss.
His powerful thighs flexed as he drove up and into her as his teeth pressed into the delicate flesh where her neck met her shoulder. Every thrust was accompanied with a deep grunt against her skin.
God, yes.
He circled her clit and twisted her nipple, not slowing down, giving it to her just how she needed it at that moment.
As twisted as Matt’s mind could get, he was also very in tune with her. It surprised her time and time again. He could pick up on the littlest things. When she thought he was lost in his own head or had become withdrawn, he was still paying attention.
She had no idea how he did it. But when it came to the small details—as well as the big ones like sex—it made dealing with his issues a whole lot more bearable.
It was one reason Max had kept him on the force. Matt was good at reading people. He was good at his job. And he wasn’t afraid of anything.
Plus, he was squared away to the extreme. She couldn’t imagine he’d ever wear a uniform with the sleeve crease even slightly crooked.
No, she knew he wouldn’t.
He ironed his uniforms himself. And he spent a lot of time making them perfect.
Everything had to be a particular way and everything in his life also had a place.
He was better now than when she first met him, not long after he was medically discharged from the Marines. But he’d never be the same young man who had joined, wanting to fight for his country, a country that hadn’t always fought for him.
But Carly did. She would fight for him until the day she died.
However right now, she was ready for la petite mort, “the little death,” as she bucked against him with each surge of his hips, each plunge of his cock, making her wetter, making him harder. She threw her head back against his shoulder, breaking the contact of his bite from her skin. He released her nipple and wrapped his fingers tightly around the front of her throat. Tight enough to remind her just how powerful he was. How it wouldn’t take much for him to hurt her.
He never had.
He never would.
Though, he had feared plenty of times that he could.
He shoved his face into her neck and she swore she heard him beg, “Please.”
He wanted to please her. And, in turn, she wanted to give him what he needed.
“Come with me, Marine,” she commanded.
His grip tightened even more on her throat, allowing her to breathe but not move. Her knees wobbled as the pressure inside her began to build.
She was close. She clenched around his cock and he grunted.
“Come for me,” he growled in her ear, surprising her with his unexpected demand.
He was now pounding her into the wall, his hips slapping against her ass in a quick rhythm.
“Come,” she urged, “now.”
He slammed deep one more time and stilled. As her climax rippled around him, he pumped cum deep inside her with a low groan.
Her name broke on his lips, and he pressed his chest against her back, pinning her against the wall.
He kissed her gently where he bit her, then rubbed his stubbled cheek along hers, trying to catch his breath. When it slowed, he gently slipped from her, turned her around and guided her to the bed.
“I need to clean up first,” she whispered.
“No, not yet.” The idea she held a piece of him inside her gave him a strange sense of peace.
In truth, it meant nothing. She already wore his wedding band on her finger. Just like she already had his last name. She hadn’t argued it, she wanted to become a Bryson completely.
She had become a part of his family from the moment he saw her in the hospital that day, when she helped bring Hannah into the world.
Seeing her bark commands while Amanda was in labor, he had jokingly thought of her as the “dictator doctor.” But in truth, her taking control of the situation caught his attention and made him want her.
But women hadn’t been on his radar due to his issues, so he’d let it go until he couldn’t ignore their connection.
He didn’t want to burden her with those issues. But she was strong and hung in there with him. Even putting off her dream of adopting a baby and becoming a mother, just for him.
Just for him.
She did that for him.
He climbed into bed and rolled to his side, staring down into her face, meeting her soft, green eyes. His woman looked satisfied.
He was working the parade that afternoon and would be doing overtime so he could have Christmas day off to spend with his family. To spend with Levi on his first Christmas. So, he really needed to catch a few more zzz’s, but right now, he needed to look at his wife and remind himself how lucky he was to have her.
She reached up and cupped his cheek. “You need more sleep. Are you working until eleven?”
“No, noon to eight to cover the parade and give some of the other officers who volunteered to work tomorrow a break.”
“That was very kind of them to do so.”
“They know how important tomorrow is.”
“That gives me hope that this world will one day be more accepting in general.”
He sighed and drew a knuckle down the soft skin of her cheek. He had caused her so much worry and pain the last few years. And adopting Levi was one of the ways he could show her his appreciation.
“Should I take Levi?” she asked.
“To the parade? Will he know what’s going on?”
“Of course not, but—”
“It’s too cold out for him.”
He knew why Carly’s lips twitched. The protective instinct that he had for Carly, he also had for his son. It had been instant. Holding the newborn right after he was born showed Matt how vulnerable Levi was.
“The whole family is gathering on the sidewalk in front of Manes on Main. Levi is the only grandchild not going over to your parents today to spend the day with them.”
“Carly, he’s five weeks old.” There was no reason for Levi to be passed off to his parents today, they already had their hands full with the rest of the grandkids and Greg. Plus, the three of them were spending the next day at the farm, anyway.
“I’m aware of that, Matt. But he’s a Bryson now and should be around his family.”
Of course he should. But he didn’t like the thought of Carly and Levi standin
g on the sidewalk, not only in the cold, but where a Shirley could spot them if they were skulking around. He also wasn’t going to argue with her. One, he would lose and two, it would only get his blood pressure up. “Then take him. Teddy has a huge window in the salon. Just stand inside with him and watch the parade from there.” At least they would be out of the elements and safer, which would give him some peace of mind.
Or at least he hoped so.
“I could do that.”
“As long as I don’t get a call, I’ll be wandering around the parade route. I’ll stop in and check on you two.”
“That sounds like a plan.”
He doubted any of the Shirleys would show up to watch the parade. They usually avoided town whenever possible. They hated the police. They hated the town council. They considered themselves a sovereign nation which governed themselves.
In reality, it was all bullshit. A sovereign nation wasn’t recognized by the government, which meant they held no power and were subject to follow the same laws as everyone else.
But, unfortunately, those fuckwads didn’t accept that. Which meant they were a thorn in the Manning Grove PD’s side.
And even though his and Carly’s names were on Levi’s birth certificate and the baby bore the Bryson last name, Matt still worried about the Shirleys. That redneck clan on the mountain was unpredictable and their leader had raped Autumn repeatedly until she was pregnant with his child.
No matter what, that child wasn’t a Shirley. He was a Bryson and Matt would protect him as such. At the parade, all the Brysons currently wearing a badge would be working and unable to watch Carly and Levi closely. The only one who would not be in uniform would be Leah, who was pregnant, and there was no way he’d risk anything happening to his unborn niece or nephew.
Having Leah still do patrol also freaked Matt the fuck out. Why Marc put up with it, he didn’t know. Matt had shared his displeasure with his chief, and oldest brother, time and time again, just like he’d done when she was pregnant with Austin and Jax. But Max left the decision up to Leah and Carly, who was Leah’s OB/GYN, and once she hit seven months Leah was given no choice and put on desk duty. That had been the compromise. Matt understood how boring and frustrating working the desk could be, because he’d been put there several times as punishment for things out of his control.
Even so, he didn’t like seeing his sister-in-law, who he was close with and cared about as if she was a blood sister, putting herself at risk while pregnant.
Even thinking about it now tightened his jaw and made his fingers clench into fists.
If Leah was his wife, he wouldn’t allow it. He would put his foot down and demand her to be assigned desk duty as soon as the pregnancy test showed a plus sign.
Unfortunately, nobody gave a fuck how he felt about it.
He just didn’t want to risk any more children. Too many children had suffered or died on his watch. And it was because of that, seeing those children dead or dying that had splintered his brain into a million pieces. It was because of those vulnerable innocents who suffered that made him not want children of his own.
The fear of seeing his own child like that would destroy him.
He was clear with Carly in the beginning that he didn’t want any. And she was clear with him that was all she wanted. To be a mother. Even though she was incapable of getting pregnant.
To keep Carly in his life, he had done his best to eventually be okay with having a child of their own.
Or he would’ve lost her.
And he needed her.
Christ, he needed her.
Without her, he wouldn’t have survived returning to civilian life. He would’ve eaten his gun or been locked in a padded room in a mental hospital.
Without her, he wouldn’t have Levi.
So now Levi was his responsibility. His to protect and care for.
And the fuck if he’d let any of those inbred motherfuckers on that mountain steal him or hurt him in any way.
If they even approached the baby, if they even looked in his direction, whether he was five-weeks-old or fifteen, Matt would gather Sig and his brotherhood of bikers and finish what the Blood Fury MC started.
Officer of the law or not, he was now Levi’s father first.
“Matt!”
He frowned, wondering why she sounded panicked. Was something wrong with Levi? With her?
His breathing became strained, his vision tunneled.
Oh fuck, he hadn’t done this in a really long time...
As he blindly reached for Carly’s hand, everything went black.
* * *
“Matt... Matt...”
Air in.
Air out.
“Come back to me... Matt, please. Breathe...”
Inhale.
Exhale.
“Just breathe, baby.”
He was trying.
He blinked and the darkness began to fade, his vision began to widen.
He knew where he was. He knew who he was with.
He was safe.
Safe.
It had been a long time since he’d had a panic attack. Or blacked out unexpectedly. The meds usually helped keep him steady.
Levi’s arrival had made him wobble, but he’d hidden that from Carly, not wanting to scare her. Not wanting her to rethink their choice of adopting Levi.
He knew how much she wanted a baby and thought he’d been ready. Thought they’d waited long enough. Maybe he’d been wrong.
He was scared.
Of losing her.
Of losing Levi.
Someone else’s blood who was now his. It didn’t matter that Levi didn’t carry a drop of DNA from him or Carly. None of that mattered the second their son was born and Matt caught him, then cut the umbilical cord.
And when Carly held the baby for the first time—still covered in gunk—she cried.
She cried because her dream had been born that day. The dream she held onto for so long. That dream he’d messed up for her. But she hoped...
Hoped he’d get better. One day be ready. Be able to handle it.
Now, he might mess it up again.
“Matt... It’s because of Levi, isn’t it?”
It wasn’t because of Levi. It was the fear of something happening to him.
Christ, he couldn’t tell her that and crush her dream. Or make her regret being with him. “I love you,” he whispered.
A tear slipped from the corner of her eye as she ran a knuckle down his jaw. “I know.”
“I love him, too.”
“It’s unmistakable.”
“I thought I was better.” Damn it, he thought he had been ready.
She squeezed his hand, the one he had grabbed before he blacked out. His lifeline.
“You are. Things are new. The household has changed. You like things in order, you like schedules. Right now, there’s no order and we’re just finding our way as a family. We’ll get there.”
Fuck, he hoped so.
He didn’t ever want to hurt her or Levi. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he did. “I’m worried it might get worse.”
She grabbed his chin and turned his face to hers. “It won’t.” She sounded so confident. “Take your meds, talk to your therapist. Tell him your concerns. You need to be honest with him. For us.”
He sucked in a deep breath. “I will.”
“That’s all I ask. The rest we can work through. Look how far we’ve come.”
She was right. They’d already gone a long way.
But this morning’s episode was proof he still had a way to go.
He could only hope he’d get there. And when he did, that Carly and Levi would still be with him to see it.
Chapter Four
Teddy & Adam
Teddy flipped over and pressed his right cheek into his satin-covered, fluffy goose down pillow and stared at Adam sleeping on his “normal,” no-frills pillow from Target because he refused to “rest his face on a dead duck.”
Since Teddy was the older one of the two, he needed all the restful beauty sleep he could get. Unlike his fiancé, he minded waking up to red creases on his face. But then, the man had slept in tents, or worse, in some horrible desert in the Middle East. And most likely didn’t have any kind of skin care regimen out there while fighting the “good fight.”
He probably used a bar of generic soap and a hose.
Teddy shuddered.
But now Adam was on a better path of taking care of the only skin he had. It had been a struggle at first, but Teddy managed to convince his lover to at least try a few products to maintain his naturally handsome look.
Not that his lover needed much.
But a good shampoo, conditioner, moisturizer and shaving cream was the very minimum.
And sometimes Teddy would do a sneak attack and schmutz a little gel into the dark hair Adam kept the same style as his cousins. Trimmed tight on the sides and a bit longer at the top. Which gave away what he did for a living and what he lived for. First serving his country as a Marine, then serving his adopted community as a cop.
Selfless. That was what his man was.
He had secretly lusted after all three of Adam’s cousins—who Teddy lovingly called the Bryson bucks—throughout high school. After graduation he finally worked up the courage to “come out” to his parents, after working so hard and so long to hide who he really was, hoping they’d understand, hoping they’d support him, hoping they’d continue to love and accept him.
Unfortunately, he was wrong.
Soul-crushing, self-esteem toppling wrong.
Finding himself homeless and with no family, he escaped Manning Grove and tried to find his way in New York City, where, of course, he’d be accepted, loved and treated like normal. Right? Since NYC was progressive. A melting pot of every type of human under the sun.
He worked his way up from the streets by landing his virgin ass into a hairdresser’s bed, who took him under his wing. Teddy learned to do every job in his lover’s salon. He even got his cosmetology license.
And then his lover got a new lover, another “lost” virgin, since Teddy was no longer that.
Once again tossed aside, he tried to make ends meet in a city that wasn’t kind to those who had nothing. He accepted his failure and eventually went back to the place where he grew up, where he both felt comfortable because it was familiar and uncomfortable because he had no one.
A Bryson Family Christmas: Brothers in Blue, book 4 Page 8