by Linda Huber
A shiver ran down Julie’s spine. But surely, now that he’d been officially warned, Jeff would leave Sharon – and the baby – well alone.
14
Sunday 5th June
Caro
‘Time we were off, love!’
Jeff shouted from the front door, his voice more cheerful than she’d heard it for quite some time, and Caro cringed. How could he call her ‘love’ like that, as if they were Mr and Mrs Perfect? And how she was to get through this birthday lunch at Granny’s, with Jeff’s whole family, including the kids, milling around, she did not know. She’d very much have preferred to cry off, but non-attendance wasn’t an option. So they would go, and play their parts – or at least she would. She would try to act normally today, for Granny’s sake, but tonight she would start to organise the rest of her life. Without Jeff.
But splitting up would bring a whole load of complications with it. This was Jeff’s house, bought well before their marriage, so she’d have to be the one who left. Caro sighed. She could go to her sister’s. Rosie was on her side, even if she was jealous of Caro’s life of relative luxury, but on the other hand, Caro was jealous of Rosie’s kids. They’d probably be at each other’s throats in five minutes. Caro’s stomach dropped. The next few weeks would be tough. Imagine packing all her things, deciding who’d get the joint stuff – the telly, the mixer, the furniture…
‘Don’t forget the present!’ Jeff stuck his head round the living room door.
Caro made herself answer pleasantly. There was no point upsetting him now; she wanted the lunch to go well. ‘I’ll just get it.’
Keep it friendly, keep it normal, she told herself as Jeff drove towards the other end of Bridgehead. For Granny. Eighty years on the planet was an achievement, even nowadays.
The gears crashed, and Caro glanced across at Jeff. He was wearing his good suit, and nothing about his appearance suggested he wasn’t his usual self. Only the erratic driving and the set of his chin were giving away that this was no normal Sunday visit to his grandmother.
Lunch was the usual noisy family affair, and to Caro’s relief Jeff’s older nieces and nephews kept him busy on their iPads. His IT expertise was always much in demand, and as he sat there, helping Ali gather material for her latest school project, there didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary about him. Caro tried to relax. Just a few hours more.
At six o’clock the party was showing no signs of breaking up, so Caro decided to make the first move to go home. Jeff agreed instantly, confirming to her how superficial his normality was. Usually he loved family parties, but now he knew he’d never have a family of his own. Poor Jeff. Caro took the wheel, her shoulders tense as she reversed out of the driveway. It was difficult to pin down just why the whole infertility thing meant the end of their marriage. Other people had IVF or adopted older children, and Caro knew now she could love an older child, too. Liam’s face swam in front of her eyes, and a lump rose in her throat.
Jeff was silent for most of the drive, and the minute they arrived home he headed for the garden shed and the lawnmower. Did he sense what was coming?
Caro made herself speak pleasantly. ‘Could you leave that for a moment? I’d like us to have a chat first.’
They sat down at the kitchen table, his eyes that somehow weren’t his eyes anymore locked on hers. Sweat broke out on Caro’s brow and her hands began to tremble. She thrust them between her knees and forced herself to ignore the churning sensation in her stomach.
‘Jeff. Things have been all wrong between us lately. Something’s different; we’ve both changed and I can’t go on like this. I – I want us to – separate. I think we’d be better apart for now.’
There. She had said it, using ‘I’ sentences like they always said in the magazines. It was out in the open.
Jeff jerked his head back, his nostrils flaring and eyes wide. ‘No. No, Caro. You don’t mean that. We’ll be fine, you’ll see. I’m going to give you a baby, don’t worry.’
Caro frowned. ‘What do you mean? You know we can’t have one. Anyway…’
He leapt to his feet, breathing loudly, his chair crashing to the floor behind him, and Caro shrank back. She’d expected tears, anger, self-pity, not this wildness. He stood there, swaying slightly, bending over her. She could feel his breath on her face, hot and garlicky from lunch.
‘Caro, please – just give me a day or two. I’ll make it all right, don’t worry. A few more days, that’s all I ask, and then we can be a proper family.’
He straightened up and almost ran from the room. The spare room door slammed shut. And then silence. Caro buried her face in her hands. Where did this leave her?
All at once she was angry. He hadn’t given her a chance to explain more fully, he hadn’t asked about anything or even argued with her. He’d ignored everything she’d said about their relationship, and then he’d walked out. Well, she wasn’t going to put up with that. She would give him half an hour to calm down and then she would start again. She would make him listen.
Thirty minutes’ inactivity did nothing for Caro’s nerves, sitting in the tidy, childless kitchen, listening to the neighbours’ kids playing football on the street outside. Jeff was probably listening to them too. He needed time to realise what she’d said, for it to sink in a bit.
When the half hour was up she made a pot of tea and poured two mugs, putting two sugars in his. Right. Off you go, Caro-girl. Don’t let him stop you having your say.
He did stop her, though. The spare room door was well and truly locked, and Jeff wouldn’t open it. He wouldn’t speak to her, either, though Caro knocked and thumped, speaking first calmly and then shouting – but nothing worked. It was as if he was pretending she didn’t exist.
Twenty minutes later Caro was in tears of frustration. ‘Don’t say I didn’t give you the chance to talk.’ She gave the door a final thump, then choked the tears back, allowing anger to take over. ‘I’m out of this, Jeff. I only ever started it for a baby. There’s nothing left here for me now.’
Stamping as hard as she could, Caro went downstairs, staring round with tired eyes. This house had been home for over two years – she’d loved having so many nice things, and not having to scrape the cash together when she wanted something new. Jeff had given her everything she wanted, except the most important thing. Caro flung herself into an armchair.
The room looked so normal, but nothing would never be normal here again. And the stupid thing was, a lot of it was her own fault. If she’d agreed to adoption right at the start, maybe none of this would have happened. But it was much, much too late now.
Goosebumps rose on Caro’s arms as she thought of the enormity of what she was about to do – end the relationship that had given her the only security she’d had in her life. She would go to Rosie’s after work tomorrow. Jeff was often home on Monday mornings, but he’d go in to Cybersonics in the afternoon. She would come back here at lunchtime and pack some things, and this time tomorrow, she wouldn’t live here anymore.
Caro raised clasped hands to her mouth and sobbed. No home, no Jeff, no-baby. It felt like she was on a tightrope, walking over an ocean of uncertainty, knowing she could fall in and drown.
But she had made her decision and she would stick to it. For better or for worse.
15
Monday 6th June
Jeff
Curled in a sweaty, uncomfortable ball in the spare room bed, Jeff waited until the front door banged shut behind Caro on her way to work. Only then did he feel it was safe to sit up, stretch, make a noise. He looked down at himself in distaste. Sleeping in his clothes like that. It was all Caro’s fault. If she hadn’t been so unreasonable last night – telling him their marriage was over! It was only a sticky patch; everyone had those. And what had she meant – she’d only started it because she wanted a baby? That wasn’t true. It wasn’t. They loved each other – didn’t they?
He stood under the shower until the hot water ran out, massaging his head and sho
ulders. This headache was the pits. Something was twisting and tightening in his head – cramped muscles on the inside, maybe? Or migraine? He should have told Caro yesterday that he’d found a baby that could almost certainly be theirs. But almost certainly wasn’t good enough; it would have to be definite.
It was a pity, but now he wouldn’t be able to spend time talking to Sharon first, helping her see that she didn’t want to be a mother. He would have to be masterful about it, tell her straight. She deserved a good talking to, actually. Reporting him to the police – he was angry about that. He hadn’t been threatening her, not one little bit. He only wanted what was best for them all – especially for Jael. Sharon should be very grateful that her baby was going to such a good home. He’d told those two policemen on Friday evening that Sharon had misinterpreted him, and it was true – she hadn’t understood at all how much better off the baby would be with Caro. But when Jael was settled here at home, even Sharon would see this was how their lives were meant to be, and everything would be all right again.
Jeff rubbed his face with both hands. The problem was, sometimes he didn’t know any more what ‘all right’ was. It was often hard to remember what he was doing and feeling. The stress of being forced to produce a baby out of nowhere had done that – but it was nearly over now. The baby was waiting and today was the day.
At least he had a genuine excuse to call in sick; he couldn’t possibly sit in front of a screen with a head like this. He needed fresh air and quiet, and a couple of pills with his breakfast would help too.
The question was, would Sharon give him the baby without a silly fuss? He needed it urgently now. If he and Jael were waiting when Caro got home tonight, all cosy and happy together – why, there would be no need for talk about things going wrong. They would be a family. Caro was going to be so happy.
But he needed Sharon on side when he arrived to claim the baby. Some more roses might help, white ones this time. And he would be very gentle, but firm, too. He would simply tell her what was going to happen; show her who was in charge. Yes.
Quickly, he slid his plate and mug into the dishwasher. It was well after nine now; he would go to the flower shop first, and then on to Sharon’s. Humming in an attempt to drown out the headache, he lifted his jacket from its peg in the hallway. Something jingled as he thrust his arm into the sleeve, and he put his hand into the pocket.
The keys on the red leather key ring.
It was as if the sun had come out. Jeff drove towards town and parked further up than usual, by a little square just behind the High Street; look, they had benches and tubs of flowers here, how lovely. A good omen if ever he’d seen one. He would buy the roses for Sharon, and he would get Jael, but maybe he wouldn’t need the persuasion.
He had the keys.
If he was careful, he could just go in and take the baby.
The High Street wasn’t busy; it never was on Monday mornings, and Jeff walked briskly towards the florist’s. You got much nicer flowers here than in the supermarket. More expensive flowers too, of course, but then Sharon was giving him the most priceless gift of all. The least he could do was leave her a few flowers.
He was slowing down, already reaching for his wallet, when the window immediately before the florist’s caught his eye. The baby shop. He stood for a moment, gaping at the display. What a lot of things you could buy for babies nowadays. Silly, really – they only needed love. Well, love and… nappies and bottles, yes, and food. Baby milk. Actually, there were quite a few things the baby would need, and it would be easier to buy them now, before he had her with him. What a good thing he’d seen this place.
Chuckling to himself, Jeff turned into the shop doorway and stopped dead. ‘Closed all day Monday.’
Oh. But he could drive to the big shopping centre outside town. Yes, he’d do all the shopping first and have lunch there, and this afternoon he would visit Sharon and collect the baby. He started back towards the car, a new spring in his step. Shopping would be fun – he could buy some lovely little girly clothes. Pink ones. Caro would love that.
And tonight, the two of them would be snug at home, a devoted daddy and a lovely little baby daughter. Waiting for Mummy.
Sharon
‘Will you be okay?’ said Craig, shrugging into his jacket.
Sharon nodded. The police had assured her that Jeff Horne had been warned off, and the neighbours were aware of the situation so there was no way for Jeff to get into the building. ‘I’ll be fine. I’ve got the baby clinic this morning and after that we’ll just chill at home. Catch up on some kip.’
An uneasy peace had developed between her and Craig. He’d spent the weekend shadowing her, watching as she dealt with the baby. He was still sleeping in the spare room; there was a lot of mending to be done in the relationship before she would allow him into her bed again. But with her body still battered by childbirth, sex was the last thing on her mind anyway. Some help would have been nice, but Craig barely touched his daughter. Sharon shivered, in spite of the warmth in the flat. Maybe they should go for counselling.
She closed the door after Craig, then blocked the lock and attached the chain they’d had fitted, aware that she wasn’t as confident as she’d sounded. Her gut still churned every time she thought about Jeff Horne’s visit on Friday. Now she and Jael were alone in the flat for the first time since then. What if he did come back?
He won’t, she told herself firmly. You can do this, you’re strong, you’re in charge. And right now, she had a clinic to go to.
It took ages to get herself and the baby ready to go out; teaching had never needed this much organisation. At last they were ready. Sharon laid Jael in the pram and looked round for her handbag and keys. The bag was on the sofa, but where on earth had her keys got to? She searched around the flat for a few minutes, then gave up. Craig must have taken them. He had a habit of grabbing the first key he could lay his hands on, ending up with his own, hers, and the spare set all in his pocket. Today at least the spare set were in their proper place in the airing cupboard. Sharon closed the front door firmly behind her and positively ran from the building.
To her surprise, she enjoyed the clinic. She’d been apprehensive that her care of her daughter wouldn’t meet the nurse’s expectations, but Jael was apparently thriving, in spite of her parents. The relief was liberating, like getting drunk, and Sharon was aware of the grin on her face as she walked home again. Craig texted to say he’d bring some quiche home for lunch, and hope swelled anew in Sharon’s heart. Maybe they would find a way out of the resentment.
They managed to talk – about the business – all the way through the meal, which was encouraging, but Craig’s face closed as soon as Jael started to cry.
‘Why don’t you lift her this time?’ suggested Sharon, trying in vain to catch his eye.
He was staring out of the window. ‘You go, you know how.’
Sharon shoved her chair back and left the room. So much for the supposed improvement; he was behaving like a teenager again. She changed the baby, fed her, then laid her back in the cot. Jael looked up fuzzily and blew bubbles before falling asleep with her usual suddenness.
Sharon grinned wryly. ‘Wish I had your knack, kiddo.’ She looked into the kitchen, where Craig was loading the dishwasher. At least he could still do that. ‘I’m going for a sleep while she’s down. I’m knackered, I was up four times last night.’
Craig nodded, his face a mixture of guilt and regret. ‘If you go to sleep now you won’t be able to attach the chain when I leave.’
Sharon hesitated, but her need for sleep was greater than her need for the chain. ‘Double lock the door. Don’t worry, if the doorbell rings I’ll make very sure I know who I’ll be letting in.’
He nodded, then to her surprise he hugged her briefly on his way into the bathroom. Sharon left him to it. Tonight, she would insist he did some of the baby-care, because left to himself, he never would. And if he refused… well, she would cross that bridge if she came to it.
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She pulled off her jeans and shirt and slid under the duvet, feeling her body relax. Oh, this was what she needed. It was such a horrible dragging feeling, being so tired; how on earth did Julie manage with two little ones? For a few moments, she listened to Craig moving around the flat. Heck, she had forgotten to ask him for her keys back. Sharon closed her eyes, and blessed sleep overcame her.
Jeff
Jeff hummed softly as he guided the car round the side of the library and on towards the lights at the bottom of the High Street. His shopping expedition had been both time-consuming and expensive – he couldn’t believe the price of disposable nappies, and as for baby milk… but it had all been worthwhile. He had enough supplies in the boot to last for weeks, including the best kind of baby milk – the assistant in Boots had been very interested in his story about taking care of his sister and her baby while she was recovering from a difficult birth. He’d found a little bouncy seat for the baby to lie in, too, and a small selection of clothes, just enough to last until Caro could buy some more. He was all set. They’d need a car seat later, of course, but today that wouldn’t be necessary.
Sharon and Craig’s building was sun-washed in a deserted garden area, and Jeff snorted as he approached the front door, the sports bag he’d prepared gripped in one hand. Look at the place. There was nothing child-friendly about it; it was yuppie-land pure, but it wasn’t making Sharon and Craig happy – money couldn’t buy you the important things. He pulled out Sharon’s key ring and was able to identify the correct key immediately, so there was no conspicuous fumbling with the lock. The lift was waiting, and Jeff emerged on the fourth floor without having seeing a soul. He glanced around. There were two flats here and silence reigned along the long landing. He’d chosen a good time.