by Len Webster
Evan’s smile shot daggers in her chest as she made her way away from the fraternity houses and toward East campus. AJ had dug herself into a hole that she could never climb out of. And the only way to stop Evan from constantly reminding her of what she’d done was to answer his call.
Tell him the truth.
Make him hate her.
And with every call she had missed on her way to her dorm room, she knew he’d despise her more and more. When she made it back to Wilson, AJ went to her room, unlocked the door, and slipped out of her heels. There was no way she could attend another party in heels. The blisters weren’t worth the added height. AJ walked over to her desk and picked up the framed picture of them with her free hand.
No one hurt her the way Evan Gilmore had.
But no one knew the real Alexandra Parker the way he did either.
And no one could ever claim her heart the way he had destroyed it.
AJ set the frame back down and answered his call. She took a deep breath as she pressed her phone to her ear.
Silence.
Nothing but silence greeted her.
“Alexandra,” he whispered, and she could hear the doubt in his voice.
Tears quickly rolled down her cheeks at the sound of his voice.
“It was prom, wasn’t it?”
Her eyes fell closed as she swallowed back a sob that threatened to give him the truth.
The memories tore through her defenses and captured her heart.
The pain was instantaneous.
“You promised,” he said, his voice full of pain. “You promised you wouldn’t choose him.”
That sob she had held back escaped her. “I didn’t,” she cried. “I didn’t.”
“Don’t lie to me!”
“I’m not. I didn’t choose Kyle, Evan. I chose me.”
“What?”
AJ nodded even though he couldn’t see her. “I chose me. I’m not in Massachusetts. I didn’t choose Kyle. I could never choose Kyle over you. I’m sorry, Evan, but I’m not going to Stanford. I’m not in California.”
She heard his sharp inhale. “Where are you, Alexandra?”
“Where I can’t be two places at once for you. I’m sorry, Evan. If there was another way, I would have done it. I know I’ve hurt you, but you hurt me, too. Every chance you got, you took. I know you never meant to, but I can’t give you my college years. I gave you eighteen years, so let that be enough for us. For eighteen years, I was your best friend, and I’ll always be your best friend, but I have to pick me so I could never hate you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I lied to you. Enjoy Stanford, Evan. You might not care, but I’m so proud of you.” AJ didn’t give him a chance to say more.
To give her the words she knew could change her heart and mind.
She hung up on him and called her father.
It took him three rings before he answered.
“Hello, Alexandra.”
AJ sniffled. “Dad, I need you to disconnect this number please.”
Her father sighed. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure,” she answered in a small voice.
14 Si
silicon
EVAN
Senior year of high school
It was the night of the homecoming dance. The football team had won the homecoming game, and the school was high on school spirit. Evan hadn’t particularly cared that the football team won, but Addison had been at the game and he had watched her instead. She was cute when she glanced over at him in the crowd and smiled his way. When Evan became the captain of the baseball team, his coach demanded the team show school spirit and attend the homecoming dance. To unite the school and all its sports teams.
Homecoming wasn’t for him, but when the opportunity to ask Addison Belmont to the dance was presented, he took it. They had been texting during the last few weeks of summer. When he wasn’t busy hanging out with his best friend, he’d text Addison to see how she was. Addison was cute and sweet—sassy when needed. And when he had asked her to homecoming, she threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek.
But Evan knew she didn’t think his homecoming ask was perfect. He could see it in her eyes. She appreciated the effort, but he saw her hesitation. Evan had never had to make grand gestures. That was why he had his best friend check out his homecoming ask before Addison saw it. AJ thought it was perfect. He saw it in her green eyes. And her approval of his plans meant everything.
Addison: Limo is picking us up in an hour from my place. Everyone is meeting up. See you soon?
Evan: Sure. On my way.
Evan locked his phone and slipped it into his dress pants pocket. He glanced at his reflection in the mirror and was satisfied that he looked decent enough for homecoming. He had never attended dances. Normally, he hung out with AJ, and they’d have their own fun without the cheesy music. The last homecoming, they’d gone to the Red Sox game against the White Sox. It was without a doubt Evan’s favorite game. It was because Kyle had gotten slammed to the ground by Paddy Wilmer and cemented himself as Evan’s hero. But this year, he was captain of his high school baseball team and had to prove himself if he wanted to earn that baseball scholarship to Stanford.
Nodding at himself, he exited his bathroom and rushed downstairs to collect his keys and wallet from the hallway table. There was no point in asking someone to take his picture as he assumed other families did. No one was home. No one was ever home except Evan, which suited him just fine. As long as his parents wired him money, he was happy. And as long as Kyle never showed up, he was content. Once he collected his wallet and keys, Evan headed over to the front door, opened it, and ensured it was locked before he stepped out and shut the door behind him. He made his way down the few steps and turned to unlock his car when he noticed AJ’s father pulling out groceries from AJ’s car. The exact car that barely had any miles on it. She only drove it when she really needed to. Most times, her parents or even Evan drove her around.
“You need help, Mr. Parker?” Evan asked as he ignored getting into his car and crossed the grass that separated their homes.
Mr. Parker closed the trunk of AJ’s car and shook his head. “It’s all right, Ev. I’ve got it. You’ve got somewhere to be if you’ve scrubbed up.”
He laughed as he bent down and picked up the paper bag from the ground, ignoring Mr. Parker. “It’s homecoming.”
“That’s right.” Mr. Parker led Evan up the drive and toward the large Parker home.
When they reached the front door, it opened to AJ stumbling back, eyes wide. She was wearing black skinny jeans and a sweater with an atom print on it. It had been a present from Uncle Julian last year. Her uncle had no idea what atom it was, but thought it was science-y enough for her. She loved it, of course.
“Evan,” she said, surprise filled her voice.
“I’ll take that,” her father said, taking the bag from Evan and kissing his daughter on the cheek before he entered the house.
Evan blinked at his best friend, puzzled by her attire. He let out a laugh and shook his head at her. “AJ, I know we hate this kind of stuff, but go back to your room and get dressed. Just text who you’re going with and have them meet us at Addison’s. I’ll drive. We can ride in the limo together.”
“Evan,” she began to say.
“All right, I can help do your hair while you do your makeup.”
Pain flared in her green eyes as her bottom lip trembled. “Evan, stop.”
“Okay,” he said, taking a step back. “I’ll wait in the car. I won’t tease you for wearing a cupcake dress. I promise, I won’t ever hold it against you.”
That brought a smile to her lips. AJ had the best smile. Sweet and honest. “I appreciate that. But it’s not necessary.”
“Why? You’ll look great. I’ll even let your parents take a picture of us.”
�
��Evan.” It was a plea and unlike her.
“What’s the problem?”
AJ let out a heavy sigh. “I’m not going.”
“To Addison’s? They all like you. Jordan will be there.”
“No,” she said, exasperated. “No one asked me to homecoming, Evan.”
He winced. “W-what?”
She turned away, and he could just see her tears fall down her cheeks as she pressed her lips together. “Please don’t look at me like that.”
The hurt in her voice caused an uncomfortable heat to consume his chest. “Hey,” he said as he grasped her arms and turned her back to face him. AJ wasn’t one to cry. She normally isolated herself and let herself be angry until she got over whatever upset her. “Look at you like what?”
“Like you realized your best friend is a loser,” she said, pulling herself free and took a step back. “That your best friend has probably held you back from all the normal things you should have experienced in high school. Like you realized your best friend is so pathetic that no one wanted to take her to homecoming.”
Evan’s hands slid up her arms until he cupped her face, brushing her tears away with his thumbs. “I don’t think that at all, Alexandra.”
Alexandra.
Not AJ.
It was rare when he used it.
But her name was beautiful.
While AJ was always his best friend, Alexandra also needed taking care of.
He had to remind himself that she was a teenage girl, too.
And there was no one in the world he wanted to take care of more than Alexandra Parker.
AJ blinked rapidly, but it hadn’t worked as her tears continued to fall. “What’s wrong with me, Evan?”
“Nothing,” he said wholeheartedly.
“There has to be.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he assured, wiping away each tear she made, and he knew she hated it. “Do you believe me when I tell you that you’re perfect, and that there is nothing wrong with you?” Her chin dipped, and he lifted her face in his palms to get her eyes to focus back on him. “Hey, believe me, Alexandra. There’s nothing wrong with you. I think you’re pretty perfect.”
A small smile returned to her face. She reached up and grasped his wrists, pulling his hands from her face. “You have to say that stuff. You’re my best friend.”
Evan winced.
No.
He didn’t have to say she was perfect.
But he did.
Not as her best friend, but as someone who knew her far better than anyone else.
“You should go,” she insisted. “Addison’s waiting.”
Addison.
He didn’t care about Addison right now.
Not when AJ was hurt and crying.
“No—”
She shook her head, interrupting him. “You have to go. You asked her to homecoming. Being stood up is worse. I like Addison, Evan. If you like her, I like her even more. Have fun tonight.”
Guilt almost had him doubling over. AJ was too understanding. Too nice. She had too much belief in him. It took him a moment to compose himself. “What are you going to do tonight?”
Her smile stretched farther, trying to assure him that she would be okay. He was sure that AJ was unaware that her eyes always projected the truth. Right now, he could see and feel her pain. She didn’t think she was good enough and that hurt him.
His best friend was perfect.
He wished she realized it.
“My parents are going away for a few days, so that’s why Dad bought me all the food I wanted for the weekend. I’ll be fine, Evan. You should go. You’re gonna be late.”
“Right. I’ll see you later.” Evan spun around and jogged toward his car.
“Evan!” AJ called out when he made it to his BMW. He spun around to see her walking toward him. “Can you lie to me?” she asked when she reached him.
Evan winced. “What?”
“When you tell me about homecoming tomorrow or the next day, can you lie to me? Can you tell me how boring it was? I know it’s completely childish and pathetic of me to ask, but can you? At least I can think of that when we go back to school on Monday and everyone is talking about how amazing homecoming was.”
He nodded. “I can do that for you.”
The appreciation that shimmered in her eyes had no business being directed to him. “You’re the best. I’ll see you later. Have fun tonight.”
“You, too,” he said and then he got into his car and reversed out of the driveway, watching AJ wave goodbye.
As Evan peeked at the rearview mirror, he could still see AJ staring out at him as he drove away from their homes and toward Addison’s.
She’s so perfect.
How can she not know how perfect she is?
“Where’s Willow?” Evan asked as Hunter sighed into the seat next to him.
“Powdering her tits or something.”
“What?” he asked with a laugh.
Hunter groaned. “I don’t know, Ev. Something about contouring. Where’s Addison?”
“Something about lipstick.”
“We sure know how to pick them. Look at our homecoming king and queen, living it up. I’ve not seen Jordan excuse herself once to fix her contouring.”
Evan glanced over to find the cheer captain and the quarterback dancing with the spotlight on them. The way Carter looked at Jordan had Evan smiling. It was as if they both forgot the rest of the world. “It’s because she’s in love with Carter and doesn’t have to worry about that kind of stuff.”
“You know who else doesn’t care about this stuff?”
“Who?”
“Alex.”
He gazed back at his teammate. “What?”
Hunter pursed his lips and then let out a sigh. “You heard. She should have been here tonight, Ev. It’s homecoming. When I saw that sign you were setting up, I thought it was for her.”
For AJ?
“Why would you think that?”
“Because no other girl in school would appreciate how you asked Addison more than Alex. The middle of the diamond? It was a perfect fit for her. You should have asked her, Evan. I only asked Willow because I couldn’t ask Alex. Your brother made it clear that no one was allowed to ask her. I guess we were all waiting for you, and when you didn’t, any guy who wanted to ask her already asked someone else.”
What the fuck has Kyle done now?
Evan balled his hands into tight fists. He should have known Kyle had something to do with it. Evan wouldn’t let him get away with it. Not when it made AJ cry and question herself.
“When did my brother make it clear?”
“You didn’t know?”
He shook his head and quickly got out of his seat, grabbing his phone from the table. “I had a feeling, but I didn’t think Kyle had anything to do with homecoming.”
Hunter sighed as he combed his fingers through his hair. “He told Coach to tell us—minus you, obviously—and the other coaches and athletes that Alex was off-limits. You think they wanna piss Kyle fucking Gilmore off in the middle of the World Series? No wonder you didn’t know.”
“Evan, you wanna dance—”
He turned around to find Addison with a frown on her face. She’d worn a dark blue dress that flared out. It was one of the Sherri Hill dresses that every girl wanted to wear for homecoming. Almost the same dress, just different color. Addison looked great. But she didn’t shine the way he thought his date was supposed to. No. AJ had been the one to exceed his expectations when she stepped out of her house in her science-themed sweater. She shone. She was beautiful when she was just herself. Devastatingly so when her green eyes glimmered the way they had.
“You have to go?” She didn’t seem hurt that he was bailing on her. They’d done their appearances, h
ad their dance, mingled, and taken photos. His job was done. He had a good time with Addison and still found her cute, but their conversations didn’t venture past small talk.
“I’m sorry. I’m getting a cab back to your place to get my car. I have to see my brother. Did you want me to take you home?”
Addison shook her head. “No. That’s okay.”
Evan stepped toward her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I’m sorry if this has ruined homecoming.”
“No. Not at all. I’m having a great homecoming. Go see your brother. Family is more important.”
Not with the Gilmores.
The moment Evan pulled up at his house, his older brother finally picked up the phone.
“Where the fuck have you been?” Evan demanded.
His brother sighed loudly, his voice echoing in the car. “I didn’t realize I have to tell my little brother where I go.”
“I was at your apartment for an hour. I’ve been calling you for even longer than that. Where are you?”
“Obviously, I’m not home, Evan.”
He unbuckled his belt, already tired of Kyle. “How could you?”
“Stop being vague. Tell me what I could have possibly done to inconvenience your wonderful, carefree life, Evan?”
“Not mine,” he enlightened. “AJ’s.”
“What?” his brother breathed.
“You prevented her from going to homecoming.”
“Homecoming isn’t for another week.”
“It was tonight!” Evan shouted. “No one asked her because of you! Do you know how devastated she was? You ruined homecoming for her!”
Kyle was silent.
While he waited for his selfish brother to answer him, Evan glanced over at the Parker family home. The only light on was the downstairs living room where AJ watched movies, since it had the comfiest couch. It was also the room where she watched Red Sox games when she was too sick to make the trip to Fenway Park.
“I injured my arm, Evan,” Kyle said in a small voice. “I’m in New Haven seeing a specialist. It was too risky to see someone in Boston.”