by A. E. Murphy
“Twenty hours’ worth,” Nathan laughs, handing me a tray with toast, cereal, a mug of coffee and a cup of tea. “I wasn’t sure what you’d prefer.”
“This is perfect. I’m so hungry.” My stomach confirms that with a growl. “You’re the best.”
“Then maybe you’ll reconsider the bedroom ban?”
I smirk after filling my mouth with rice pops. “We shall see.”
“What if I promise to never lie to you again?”
“Is that a promise or are you asking me if you should?”
He hesitates, confused by my question.
“I don’t want you to make me promises that I don’t want nor expect you to keep.” I rub my eyes and place the spoon in my bowl. When I offer him the toast he politely declines with a slight shake of his head. “Like you said, we should have our own things. They just shouldn’t compromise our happiness.”
“Right.” He seems just as confused as before. “This relationship thing is hard for me to grasp. There are so many rules that didn’t apply during my life of solitude.” When he sees my frown he adds, “I’m not complaining, I’m enjoying the experience… mostly. I just wish I could figure this out.”
Damn, now I feel awful. He really is trying and I’ve majorly spat my dummy out in a way that isn’t helpful to either of us. “You’re right.” I place my hand on his. “I think we both need to be a bit more understanding and less demanding of each other.”
“So… does that mean the bedroom ban is off?”
I laugh and place the tray to the side. “Okay. The bedroom ban is off.” Then he dives on me.
Gwen: Thank you so much for all of your help yesterday. We all really appreciate it.
Patricia: It’s no problem. That’s what family does. Correct?
Gwen: If you need anything at all, we’re also here. We look forward to seeing you again.
I think back to yesterday when she got tears in her eyes after receiving my permission to be on her own with my children and my heart twangs in the same way it did then. For once, just this once, make it so Nathan gets what I know his heart must desire – a mother who loves him to his very core. She won’t be able to get that time back and neither will he, but she’s found a good place to start in his children. Our children.
Kerim is at work today and I make a note to approach him at some point before nightfall. I want to clear the air between us; there’s no use being a coward anymore. We have things to discuss, not just about our relationship but about the promotion he offered me. I need to know where I stand.
The second he’s free, I follow him out into the smoking area and wait for him to light his cigarette before I sidle up to him, hands tucked into my pockets.
“The dreaded conversation,” he grins and inhales a long drag before blowing it out into the air away from me. “I’ve been waiting for when you were ready.”
“Oh.” I chew on my lip and kick at the ground with my shoe. “Now I don’t know what to say.”
“Look,” he takes another drag, this time blowing the cloud of smoke towards the ground, “I know I’ve been too forward with you, but what I said about your talent is all true. I wasn’t just offering you a promotion to seduce you. I wouldn’t be idiotic enough to try.” He smiles warmly and reaches out to take my hand in his. “I like you, as a friend. I’d like to be more, as I’ve said, but I respect that your heart belongs elsewhere and instead offer you my kitchen.”
Thank God.
“I can see your relief,” he smiles, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “Do you think so little of me?”
“No, of course not.” I slide my hand from his. “I’m just grateful. I’d like to still accept, as long as things aren’t weird between us.”
“Not at all. That was all my mistake and I’d hate for it to ruin the ease we had.”
“Me too.” I waft my hand through the smoke, pushing the silvery floating threads around the air. “You should quit.”
“So you keep saying.”
“I’m going to head back inside.” I nod to the door. “Thank you for not making this weird.”
“You too,” he laughs, flicking the cigarette stub into a plant pot full of them. “Now get back to work before the others begin to suspect that we’re having an affair.”
“Not funny,” I call over my shoulder.
“Yet very true!”
Gwen: All is well with Kerim. I feel like everything is finally getting back on track.
Nathan: Good. I’m glad. We miss you.
Gwen: I miss you all too. I’ll bring ice-cream. Has Dillan been on his potty today? We’ve been slacking a bit.
Nathan: Once but he mostly peed on the floor. We’ll get him there. Don’t worry. It’s been a hectic time.
He can say that again.
“Back to work, Gwen,” Harold calls, though his tone is kind and not aggressive like Kerim’s would be.
“Just a sec,” I call back as I type one final text to Patricia.
Gwen: Are you coming tomorrow, usual time? If I don’t respond it’s because I’m at work.
She doesn’t respond at all. Nor does she the next day.
“Dillan probably exhausted her,” Nathan says in jest but the worry in his eyes shows me that he’s not entirely positive that’s the case either.
“She’s not answering you?”
He shakes his head. I sit back and help Emily take a bite of her sandwich before sipping my latte.
“You don’t think your dad did something to her, do you?” I whisper so as the babies and the rest of the café can’t hear. Not that the babies will understand, but I’d still like to shelter them from as much drama as possible.
“I…” His tongue swipes across his lower lip. “I’ll make a few calls.”
“Good.” I take his hand over the table. “I’m sure she’s fine; she’s probably just exhausted.”
“Yeah,” he responds, though he looks unconvinced. “Come on, the kids are excited to play.”
I remove Dillan’s shoes while Nathan plucks Emily from the wooden highchair and together we make our way over to the children’s play area, well-fed and ready for a few hours of family fun.
When we return home, Nathan disappears into the bedroom to make the calls. He’s gone a while and my panic grows. Busying myself with the kids, I try not to clock watch as desperately as I want to. I also place my phone on the microwave by Caleb’s picture to avoid calling Patricia again. Who would have thought that a woman I once hated would now be the cause of my sympathies and concern?
“Give me strength,” I beg of my deceased lover. “And take my headache away while you’re at it.”
A shiver rushes through me, creeping me out.
“If that was you, Caleb, that’s not funny.”
“Wee!” Dillan yells, distracting me.
“Good boy!” I cheer and lead him to his potty. “I’m so, so very happy!”
Nathan enters the room just as I’m pulling Dillan’s trousers up. “I called around a few acquaintances and she’s fine.”
I blink, confused. “What does that mean?”
“She’s probably just needing some space.”
“That makes no sense.”
“My mother is… you know she’s complex.”
“Yeah.” I loop my hands around the back of his neck and tip my head back so I can look into his eyes and kiss his jaw. “Overload of emotion keeping her away you reckon?”
“Maybe. Who knows?” He sways us on the spot, gently rocking us from side to side. “We’ll figure it out.” Lips press against my own and I deepen it swiftly. He tastes so good. “Speaking of figuring things out.” His right hand takes my left and when he steps back, he brings my hand to his lips and shows me a sparkling new ring sitting on my ring finger. It’s similar to the last but not an exact replica. It’s beautiful. “Don’t take it off this time.”
“I won’t. So long as you don’t treat me like that again.”
“I won’t.”
We share a
nother kiss and turn back to our kids. Before we move on from the conversation entirely, I rest my temple against his shoulder and say, “Thank you for my ring and don’t worry about your mum; she’ll be in touch.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
The days go by and even when I receive the contract from Kerim to stabilise my place as a leading chef in his kitchen, my thoughts don’t drift from Nathan. He seems so sad, so lost and alone. He’s throwing himself into work to distract himself from thinking of his mother. I fear that he’ll spiral to a place I can’t pull him back from. As sad as that sounds, if his mother vanishes I worry he’ll never put his trust into anyone again. I sent her a text earlier begging her to contact us before this weekend. The kids miss her so much. It’s unfair of her to be doing this to them. I’m starting to get past the point of caring and I’m beginning to get angry.
“I really need to find a solicitor to look this over,” I say to Nathan, who is looking over images of his finished products for the Essex store. It won’t be long now until it’s complete, though Nathan’s excitement seems to be diminishing. His love for me and the kids still soars; it’s more his soul that seems to be fading to a dull aura.
“I have one in mind who deals with those types of contracts.” He kisses my hair and flips another laminated page in the red binder. “What do you think to the new line of charms?”
“I still think you should do a mermaid one and a unicorn one!” I push my leg beneath the folder and over his lap.
“I was thinking of adding a fairy-tale line. It would be great for kids.”
I slap his chest. “I love fairy-tales and I’m not a kid.”
“That could be easily protested.”
“Hey,” I whine but it’s swallowed by his kiss. He throws the contract and folder away and leans into me, devastating my nerves and senses with a deep, all-consuming kiss. “Christ.” I whimper as his lips move down my neck and to my breast, where he nuzzles and snuggles with a happy, contented sigh.
“Any charms you want, any at all, you just tell me and they’re yours.”
“I want a penis one.”
He sighs again, this time from exasperation. “That’s not happening.”
“Boobies?”
“And you got upset when I called you a child?”
I grin happily and adjust my body beneath his. “You still haven’t taken me to the gym yet.”
“True. I miss having one ready in my basement.”
“In a few years we can afford a bigger house again,” I assure him and tickle the back of his hair with gentle touches.
“As soon as we get married, we’ll start exploring our options.”
“I want land, like we had before.”
“Me too,” he agrees, smiling. “And a room for a gym.”
“And an office for you and a greenhouse!”
“And a conservatory that leads onto a deck where we can hose the kids down and host barbecues.”
Grinning, I grab his hair and lift his head so I can look at his stunning eyes, a shade lighter than melted chocolate. “I want a huge kitchen, a dining area and a living room.”
“You can have it all. Anything you want, it’s yours.”
I release his head and he kisses the top of my breast. “Promise?”
“That’s a promise I can definitely make.”
“Go get me some doughnuts then from that doughnut place.”
“Fine, but only because I have a craving for the raspberry one and not because of my undying love for you.”
“Right,” I giggle, which turns into a squeal when he starts nibbling at my neck. “Go. I’m hungry.”
“You just ate.”
“I need calories to keep up the size of my rear.”
“And what a lovely rear it is.” He grabs it and rolls over me. “I’ll be back soon.”
“Thank you, baby, you’re the best.”
“That I am. Now choose a venue and get wedding planning.”
“Aye aye.” I salute him and whistle at him as he leaves.
Gwen: I need help planning a wedding.
Sasha: Me too!
Gwen: We can do this.
Sasha: That we can, my lady bitch.
Gwen: Let’s not turn this into a Bride Wars thing and accidentally book our weddings on the same day.
Sasha: And no talk about a joint wedding. My day is MINE and your day is YOURS.
Gwen: Agreed. I think I want to get married at the HAC.
Sasha: You would think that the amount of time I’ve spent wanting to marry Tommy, I’d have a clue where and when.
Gwen: You baffle me.
Sasha: I already have my dress picked out.
Gwen: Well, that’s a start.
Opening my laptop, I flick through images of dresses that I find on a search engine. There are so many gorgeous styles, though none call to me in the sense that a particular style cries out, “I’M THE ONE.”
But then it happens. I find the perfect one. The one that I’ll need to replicate to a T or I’ll never be happy with another.
Gwen: I just found my dress too and the maker is local!
Sasha: Well duh, everything is in London… Shall I come next weekend?
Gwen: YES! Though with or without you I’m going to find it alone. You can just see it next weekend.
Sasha: Whatever, but I get dibs on seeing it before anyone else.
Gwen: Deal.
“Why are you so happy?” Nathan asks, standing in the doorway with a box of doughnuts in his hands.
“I didn’t hear you come in.” I can’t contain my smile as I snatch the doughnuts away and open the box, only to discover a doughnut missing. “Greedy git. Who said you could have the first one?”
“Me.” We both drop onto the couch side by side, and he chooses a movie as I choose my first doughnut.
“Okay,” I announce. “This will be my very last piece of junk food until our wedding in July. I know it’s a way away, but I want a summer wedding because I don’t want to be freezing my nipples off when we take photos outside of the venue, which, I believe should be the HAC, not only because you get it at a discounted rate but also because it’s beautiful…”
“And breathe,” he chuckles, smiling from ear to ear. “I’m loving the enthusiasm.”
“I’m excited.”
“Me too. That makes me happier than you can imagine.”
“This doughnut makes me happier than anyone could ever imagine.” I hum loudly with joy as I sink my teeth into the gooey centre. “Promise me you won’t enable my bad eating habit.”
“I promise.” He twists a lock of my hair around his finger. “You too. No more fattening dinners for me.”
“Agreed.”
“What do you want to watch?”
I shrug. “Whatever, just don’t make it a long one. I have a busy day tomorrow.”
“Doing…?”
“Dress shopping.” I bounce a little. “I think I found the perfect one.”
“I wish I could come with you.”
“You could go suit shopping.”
“Not until you give me the colour scheme.”
“I’ll let you know.” He kisses the chocolate from my lips and tastes it with his tongue. I love this man.
Jeanine joins me on the hunt for the wedding dress expedition, mostly to help me look after the babies. I’m relieved to have her here, not just for her help but also for the company.
“I’ve missed you,” I admit. “It feels like whenever I see you it’s always fleeting.”
“You’ve been busy; I understand. We get to catch up today instead.”
“Exactly.”
Heading into the wedding store I found online, I browse the rows upon rows of dresses until an attendant comes to help me. I show her the one that I saw online, annoyed when she tells me it was an exclusive for that particular model and would be, ‘above what I can afford.’ No kidding, she said that so I left.
We hit all of the mainstream wedding boutiques, looking
at table centrepieces and colour fabric blends. Nothing appeals to me and by the end of the morning I’m feeling disheartened and bored of it all. The kids are beginning to get restless too. The only person who looks to be having a good time is Jeanine.
“Let’s stop for lunch,” she suggests, pulling us into the next restaurant we see. Her phone comes out the second we stop at a table. “We need to stop going to all of these commercial places. They’re overwhelming you with their business cards. How many photographers do you now have in your pocket? How many caterers?”
My cheeks puff out as I blow out a breath. “Too many.”
“Give them to me.” She drops them into the middle of the table. “Forget about all of that. Planning a wedding should be a happy time and you look rotten.”
“I feel it.”
“Which is a shame because this morning you looked so happy.” She checks her curled hair in the mirror on the wall and flags down the waitress. “You’d think they’d put menus on the table.”
Smiling at said table, I wait for the waitress to bring some over and tell her my drink order before she leaves.
“So, I propose we spark that fire in your eyes that was there this morning and have another look at the beautiful dress you fell in love with.”
At her command, I open the image on my phone and we stare at it, smiling with joy and love for it.
“Right, let’s see if we can’t find us an independent dress maker.”
“Won’t that cost a fortune?”
“Not if you find the right one.” She winks and turns her phone to me. “Well, would you look at that? It’s fate. There’s one just around the corner.”
“If you consider five miles away just around the corner then sure.”
“It’s nothing when you’re driving.” She waves her napkin at me and turns to the kids. “Are you babes hungry?”