by A. E. Murphy
“Daddy gone,” Emily says, looking at the doorway.
“He’s gone to have a bath,” I assure her, though this doesn’t appease her. She can tell something’s wrong. Our daughter is a lot like her dad, brooding yet observant. “Come on.” I lift her into my arms and she rests her head against my shoulder. “What shall we eat?”
“Hey,” I say to Mum quietly through the phone as I step into the hall and close Dillan’s bedroom door quietly.
“Everything okay?” She asks. “You sound sad.”
“I only said ‘hey’. How can you tell I sound sad?”
“I’m your mum.”
“Good point.” I blow out a breath and silently creep to my bedroom. Peeking through the crack in the door, I spy Nathan sitting on the side of the bed, his shoulders slumped. Leaving him, I pad downstairs and fight back tears as I say, “I need you to have the kids for two nights.”
Her tone changes to one of serious concern. “What’s wrong?”
“I…” My voice cracks. “It’s Nathan.”
“Christ, what’s happened? Is he okay?”
“Physically he’s fine, but mentally… I’m worried. I need to… I just need to get him away for a little while.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
I exit the house and stand in the garden. The breeze blows my hair across my face so I turn to face it.
“I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
“At the beginning.”
“Mum… Nathan was… I shouldn’t even… I…” Fuck. “I found DVDs of him being abused by his grandfather as a child and that’s why his dad burned the house down, because one of the DVDs showed that his dad knew and didn’t care because he needed money to keep his business afloat and Nathan’s grandfather paid for that. But you know his mum has come back into our lives? Well it was to double check that we didn’t have any more copies of these DVDs. Well we did. We had one and she took it and Nathan… Nathan is broken. Not because of the DVD but because she’s a lying sack of mouldy shit and I hate her. I HATE her for what she’s done.”
My breath is lost after that tirade and my stress is high.
“I don’t even know what to say to any of that.” She goes silent again. “Do you want to bring them here or shall I come there?”
“I’ll bring them to you, first thing. Is that okay?”
“That’s fine, I’m free.” Pause. “That poor boy.”
“I know,” I whisper. “I wish I could kill them all.”
“Karma. Don’t ruin your good fortune for them. They aren’t worth it.” I hear a door open and close and then the wind hit the speaker of her phone. “Was Caleb molested too?”
“No, that was one of my first questions too. I think it was because he was terminally ill.”
“This is crazy, Gwen.”
She’s right. I still can’t wrap my head around any of it. “I know. I’ll be there at about ten tomorrow. Thank you for doing this.”
“Of course. I love you. This is what families do.”
That’s basically what Patricia said too.
“I’ll let you go,” she says. “Try to sleep.”
Immediately I race back inside and up the stairs to quietly pack the kids’ bags. Nathan probably won’t be happy to be away from them on his days off but right now, with everything that has happened, he needs some healing and so do I.
The kids don’t need to be around us for this. They’ll have much more fun with their nan.
When I return home from dropping off the kids with my mum, Nathan is still sleeping. It’s almost one in the afternoon. I’m worried about him. He didn’t sleep last night; he just laid beside me, holding me in his arms, staring into space.
I kiss his temple though he doesn’t stir. He’s wiped, not just physically but mentally and emotionally and no doubt spiritually.
He needs me to take care of him today and that’s exactly what I’ll do. Right after I send that vicious bitch a very angry text.
Gwen: I don’t believe in the existence of a higher being. I don’t believe in a lot of things that I can’t see. Except love. We gave you that. Nathan, after all you did, gave you that. I gave you that. My kids gave you that. You didn’t deserve it any more than he deserved a lifetime of what he had before me and our kids. I know that you probably won’t even read this. I just know that I can’t let this go unsaid. You have ruined him. Not because of what you took from our house, but because of what you took from his soul. He was happy. For once he was fucking happy. You were back, his mummy, the person who was supposed to protect him. He genuinely believed that you didn’t know about the abuse. I let him believe it, despite my doubts.
How can you sleep at night knowing what he’s been through? How can you sleep at night knowing you’re protecting a man who ruined your son’s childhood?
How can you just walk away from him again and our kids?
I’d ask what did he do in a past life to deserve this, but I don’t believe in reincarnation. This, to me, is the only life we get. This is the only life you’ll get with us. How can a man that abused you and your son for so long make you happy? Are you willing to lose everything that’s worth a damn in your pathetic existence in order to protect a man who made your existence pathetic in the first place? You won’t get another chance at this. Do the right thing. It won’t repair what has happened and it won’t bring you back into our hearts, but at least when you’re old and on your death bed, you won’t be begging for Nathan’s forgiveness just like your father in law did. Nathan didn’t forgive him, by the way, just like he won’t forgive you.
Bring the DVD back. Let Nathan have his justice. Fucking redeem yourself. Don’t be weak. Any ounce of motherly instinct you have left needs to be channelled right now.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
“Hey.” Nathan blinks a few times, sounding and looking tired.
“I made your favourite soup and your favourite cake,” I whisper, placing the tray onto the bedside table and then sitting beside him on the bed.
“What time is it?”
I glance at the digital clock on my side of the bed and respond, “just gone five.”
“In the afternoon?” His face is flat. He doesn’t seem upset at his late awakening. I nod and gently caress his jaw. “I should get up.”
“You’ll feel better after a shower and some food.”
He doesn’t answer, nor does he look convinced.
I place the tray onto his lap, relieved when he starts to eat.
“This is good,” he murmurs, smiling a little. “Where are the kids?”
“I took them to my mum’s.”
“You drove all the way to Skeg and back?”
“It was nice to clear my head.”
He doesn’t object, only frowns, and I know he isn’t happy but I also know he’s too tired to argue.
“Finish your soup and eat your slice of cake; you need the sugar.”
“Yes, boss.” His attempt at jesting falls as flat as the expression on his handsome face.
“I’ll go and start the shower. I need one myself.” I tuck his hair behind his ear, relieved to see it’s grown long enough to do so. Only just.
The hot water is a relief. It spills over my curves perfectly, taking my aches with it. If only it could dissolve the hate in my heart.
Nathan joins me after a few minutes and presses me against the wall with his solid chest. I run my hands over his back. It feels so silky under the water, which his body is sheltering me from. I begin to catch the chill in the air which causes my nipples to pebble as my breasts tighten. He ducks his head, the water hitting the top of my head and running into my mouth when he takes my nipple into his mouth. I cry out with surprise and hold his head gently. Fingers part the folds between my thighs and dip into me slowly and softly. I can hardly handle it. My body is burning so badly. It jerks and tenses with each pulse of pleasure.
Finally his mouth releases me. I whimper at the loss of it and then whimper again when he begins
to kiss his way down to my navel. The fingers tormenting and probing inside of me remain as such. His head gets lower and lower until he’s on his knees. I don’t have time to protest because I don’t fully understand what he’s doing until I feel his tongue there. Right there. He seeks my clitoris and then he finds it and it’s as if he has done this a thousand times. He hooks my leg over his shoulder and kisses me below as intensely as he kisses me above.
“Oh,” I pant and press my back against the wall. I need to grab something and twist it in my hands. I daren’t grab his head for fear that he’ll stop.
He pushes deeper, vanishing entirely into the space between my thighs, and I know I’m close. I can feel it ready to release.
“Nathan,” I grit. My eyes squeeze shut and I stop breathing. It’s too late and if he knows it, he doesn’t care because he won’t stop teasing and tasting me. My climax explodes through me in a way it never has and he doesn’t relent. I jerk and pull away from him but he holds me tight, still tormenting me. It’s painful but the pain goes as quickly as it started and as soon as my second orgasm begins, he stands, lifts me, pins me against the cold, tiled wall and sinks into me. His dilated pupils find mine right before his mouth hits mine and I get to taste the tanginess of myself on him before the water washes it away.
“You’re amazing,” I sigh, pulsing around his solid, thickening length. He smiles at me, looking proud of himself. “That was amazing.” Now he looks even prouder and then he tenses, losing himself faster than he ever has, just as my orgasm begins to dwindle.
“I figured I owed you one.” He says each word accompanied with a powerful thrust and then he groans and stops still. Resting his forehead against mine, we both wait for the sensations to diminish into a dull tingle before separating and taking due care of each other’s bodies.
Best shower sex ever.
Best sex ever.
Nathan is literally the best ever.
Unfortunately, all good feelings and all good things must come to an end.
When we’re dried, dressed and in the middle of watching a movie in peace, the Police arrive on our doorstep with news, a note and a black and gold urn.
A note from his mother and an urn full of Caleb’s ashes.
Nathan paces back and forth in the sterile hallway as I nurse a plastic cup of terrible hot chocolate between my hands.
I blow on it, even though it has already cooled. It’s to distract me from counting the seconds on the clock. Time goes too slowly when I do that and I need it to go quickly.
“She’s been in there for almost four hours.” Nathan hisses just as a nurse comes out of the room on the right, smiling sadly.
“Mr and Mrs Weston?”
“Yes?” Nathan holds out his hand to me and I rush to his side.
“She’s okay. Her jaw is broken, as are two of her ribs and her right kneecap.” She explains and I feel like vomiting. “But fortunately, the breaks aren’t terrible and should heal nicely after a couple of months.”
Nathan blows out a breath. “What about her jaw? How will she eat?”
“At the moment it’s bandaged up, but the doctor will need to wire it in a few days when the swelling goes down.” She gives us a firm look. “It’s imperative that she doesn’t talk at all.”
“Understood.” I nod and squeeze Nathan’s bicep. “Thank you so much.”
“Don’t thank me, I’m just the messenger. The doctor will be back shortly. He would have been here to explain the procedure, but he has another emergency to attend to.”
We don’t waste another second to enter the room where his mother lies on a hospital bed, railings up either side, leg bandaged and propped on a pillow, face bandaged so much all we can see is her eyes, nose and top lip, all of which look swollen.
When she sees us her tired eyes light up and she immediately begins to hum, eager to speak. Nathan rushes to her side and whispers, “Don’t you dare talk. Don’t say anything.”
A sob wracks her body and tears spill from her eyes. I stand by the door, too scared to move to her for fear of hurting her.
Nathan takes her hand. “You don’t need to say anything. It’s done. He’s done. Okay?”
She nods slightly and closes her eyes, still sobbing. My own eyes fill with tears so I turn away to give them a moment of privacy as their bond of mother and son finally takes form, a bond lost for such a long time.
‘Dear Nathan and Gwen,
I am uncertain where to start. I am afraid you won’t read this because I know I do not deserve forgiveness from either of you, especially you, my son. My son whom I should have protected. My son whom I failed, whom I lost because of my selfishness and fear.
I just want you to know that I didn’t know and I didn’t plan on all that happened. When you left me with my beautiful grandchildren, my husband arrived on the doorstep with three men I didn’t recognise. They pushed their way into your house and the men set about looking for something. I didn’t know what was going on. All I knew was fear. Fear for my grandchildren playing in the living room.
My husband wouldn’t speak, so I took the babies into the garden and waited. Whatever he came for, it wasn’t for me or the children. I hadn’t seen my husband since before the trial, but he had been watching me and waiting for an opportunity to enter your home.
I protected him by not calling the Police. I protected him by not telling you and my shame forced me back to him. Not because I wanted to be with him, but because I had to know what it was he was looking for.
The men left with a DVD and threatening glances and I saw the DVD in one of their hands. I acted as though nothing had happened. I will never forgive myself for that.
Well, I found the DVD just now. I am uploading it to the Police right now. I am writing this letter as the percentage gets higher and higher. The Police are waiting for it. I won’t waste time driving it down there, though I will if I have to.
I just want you both to know that I didn’t know. I was blind to that because I refused to believe it. That does not mean I wasn’t at fault because I was. I didn’t protect any of you when I should have.
When you accepted me into your family, that first night we ate dinner together and you allowed me to help bathe and put the kids to bed, I have not felt happiness like that since before Caleb fell ill. I didn’t want to lose that. I do not ever want to lose that but I know I may have to and that’s okay. I understand.
So I gift to you something I should have given to you so long ago - Caleb’s ashes. They belong to his fiancée, his son and his brother and his niece.
I apologise for everything. Every single thing that has befallen you because of my life choices.
I wish you both all the happiness and joy in your lives away from the poison spread through me and my husband and our family. You’re lovely people and, son, I am so proud of you for becoming the wonderful man and father you are today, despite your upbringing and lack of role models. I am SO proud.
Call me anytime you like, both of you. I love and miss you all. Genuinely, I love and miss you all so much. You were correct in saying love is the only believable thing, Guinevere. I wish I’d learned that sooner.
Yours truly and honestly,
Patricia Victoria Weston (Soon to be Kipling again after my divorce is finalised. I’m filing as soon as my solicitor allows it.)
That letter changed everything, especially when coupled with the fact that when Nathan’s father arrived home, he caught Patricia just as the file finished uploading and he whaled on her. He beat her so badly the Police thought she was dead on arrival. She had still been on the phone speaking to her contacts in the Police force to let them know what a sick and twisted bastard her husband was when he arrived, so they heard the entire thing. He’ll be going away for a very long time. The charges against him are too many.
Patricia had been a victim for so long. We know it doesn’t excuse her, but now she has her courage back and mind back, we’re both willing to work with her in making her whole again. Thou
gh trust is one thing she’ll need to spend a long time working for. For now we’ll let her rest and take comfort in the fact that the choice to prosecute Nathan’s father was taken from us.
It’s going to be a long and bumpy road ahead but we’ll get through it together.
We can get through anything together.
Epilogue
Three days after Nathan and I got married, I in the most beautiful rose gold, ballgown style wedding dress, totally fit for a queen, Nathan’s father was sentenced to forty years in prison for the offences of child endangerment, neglect, trafficking, assault and battery, stalking, abuse, and the list goes on. He had three different trials for three different crimes and the years just kept adding up. He’ll likely be dead before he ever sees daylight again and Patricia and Nathan get his assets and other belongings. Patricia got it all in the divorce, but all of the stores and businesses she handed straight to Nathan almost immediately. He now owns the leading jewellery supplier in the whole of the UK.
We were in Italy when his final sentencing was called, on the holiday we never got the chance to go on due to helping to care for Nathan’s mother as she recovered. We didn’t complain and we had a better time without the kids, I’m ashamed to admit. We wouldn’t have gotten that freedom last time.
Upon returning we revisited the charred remains of the first home we lived in together and instead of leaving the land tainted or selling it on, we had it all cleared and together we designed the most perfect home to raise our children.
Mum and her new husband moved closer to us too, finding solace by the seaside in Essex. Mum is now manager of Nathan’s Essex stores. He has two and she loves every second. She’s good at it too.
Though we have spent years celebrating and building a beautiful home life for our babies, today is an unfortunate day of mourning.
Dillan, so tall, strong and handsome, stands side by side with his father on the sands of Skegness beach. It’s not the most glamorous place but it’s where I grew up, it’s where Caleb and I met and it’s the town where Dillan was conceived.