by Harmon, AJ
He wasn’t the same man that she had met in the airport two weeks ago. She had changed him. She had chipped away at the hard exterior he kept in place. His experience with women was shallow, purely physical. He readily admitted it. And that had worked for him, up until two weeks ago. And then he had met her and he wanted more. He had opened up to her in a way he had never experienced before. She had met his family! He had taken her to church. He had allowed her to stay in his bed all night, something no other woman had done since Beth had left him. Hell, he had wanted her to stay. He had wanted her to stay forever.
He had finally fallen asleep on the sofa in his office sometime after three. The sound of his phone had him upright and running for his phone.
Janie! Thank God!
‘Got your messages. Am not feeling well. Gonna stay in today to recover. Can I see you tomorrow?’
She’s sick? Matt breathed a huge sigh of relief.
*****
Janie put down the phone and stood in front of the window watching the first rays of light break over the park. She wasn’t happy. She wasn’t sad. Numb, just numb.
Numb is good, she thought. Numb is better than yesterday.
Janie ordered room service and stood staring off at the tops of the trees coming to light. It was a beautiful park. It was a glorious city. It had truly been a trip of a lifetime, one she would never forget. But she would be glad to get home; there was a lot to do.
Janie sat at the desk in front of the window and pulled the note pad from the drawer and began to write.
TO DO:
Donate Robert’s clothes to Goodwill
Sell Robert’s truck
Find a realtor and put the house up for sale
PURGE! Go through everything and get rid of stuff I don’t use. SIMPLIFY!
Join a gym
Get a new wardrobe – Katy will help
BE OPEN TO ALL POSSIBILITIES!
Janie read over her list. That was a good start. If she was going to begin again, she needed to be ready the minute she stepped off the plane in Portland. No going back, only forward.
A knock on the door broke her concentration and she let room service wheel in the cart. She hadn’t eaten since she’d made breakfast for her and Matt yesterday. She still wasn’t really hungry but knew she should eat. Janie poured a cup of steaming coffee and wondered how she should spend the day. There were still several things on her list that she had not done yet, but they had been replaced with amazing outings with Matt, so the trade had been well worth it. Janie had never imagined sitting in a box suite at Yankee Stadium, or touring the harbor in a yacht! Yes, well worth the trade.
Maybe another day in the park?
13.
Sweat was dripping off Matt as he continued to run on the treadmill. 7.3 miles and he still had not cleared his head. The sound of his feet pounding on the belt and his knees starting to ache could not keep his mind off Janie, so he just kept running.
Just the few hour absence of Janie yesterday had hurtled him into coming face to face with his feelings, something he rarely did. Feelings were not part of his life, not anymore. He had relied on his gut to make business decisions in the past but that was different. Feelings just got in the way, like they were doing now. But they were staring him down, no longer possible to ignore.
He had been scared yesterday; scared that he had hurt her and then scared that he wasn’t going to see her again, the latter taking him by complete surprise. He didn’t just want to see her again, he wanted to be with her. He needed her and he wanted her to need him. The realization was mind-blowing.
She’d said she was going to stay in her room to get better so she would be easy to find. He formulated a plan and stopped the treadmill. Yes, his path was now clear.
Matt showered and dressed and headed to the office, a man on a mission. He worked on the contracts left on his desk and scrolled through the dozens of emails he had ignored the day before. By the time Angela arrived at nine, he was feeling incredibly productive and was ready to tackle the next stack of paperwork she delivered.
Matt was a ‘hands-on’ CEO. He wanted to know what each department was doing and where his money went. It was his name on the door and he made sure that each facet of his company was run exactly the way he wanted it to. Everyone who worked for him understood that he always had the final say. He liked the control.
Mark was his right-hand. He couldn’t have built his company into what it had become without him. Mark was also the person he trusted most in the world. They weren’t just brothers; they were best friends. So when Mark strolled in to Matt’s office at 9:30 with March’s preliminary Profit and Loss Statement, he asked him to sit, which wasn’t unusual, as they constantly sat in Matt’s office discussing the next acquisition or the weekend’s ball game. Mark pointed out some additional expenses they had incurred that were reflected in the report Matt held in his hands. He placed it on his desk, not having looked at it.
“I’m going to be making some changes,” he stated matter-of-factly.
“Okay,” Mark replied.
“I think I am going to take on a partner.”
“What? Why? What’s going on?” Mark was shocked.
“I think I may be ready to back off, just a bit, from the day-to-day running of the business.”
“Wow! When did you decide this?”
“This morning,” Matt said.
Mark laughed. “Oh, okay. So you’re not serious.” He seemed relieved.
“Oh no, I am deadly serious,” Matt corrected him. “There are other… pursuits I am interested in.”
“Another business?”
“No.”
“Come on Matt. You gotta give me a little more than that.”
“I am considering moving,” Matt said, watching Mark and trying to gauge his response.
“Where?”
“Not sure yet. Maybe Oregon.”
“Holy shit!” Mark’s mouth dropped open. “Are you fucking serious?”
“Look, I’m just making sure that I get all my ducks in a row so that when, and if, I decide to make some changes in my life, there aren’t any hurdles, k?”
Mark leaned back and ran his hands through his hair. “So who’s the partner,” he sighed.
“You.”
Mark didn’t react.
“I had to try to find someone with the same initials as me so I wouldn’t have to change the name of the company,” he grinned. “Besides, it’s your company too, I’m just gonna put it on paper.”
Mark took a deep breath and spoke slowly, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m stunned, and very appreciative, but, what the hell Matt? Is this your dick talking? Have you thought this through?”
Matt frowned. “You helped me build this, you should get the recognition.”
“Yeah, I did, and I get a shitload of money for doing what I love to do. But I don’t give a fuck about recognition.”
“We’ll knock out a couple of walls and make a suite of executive offices right here, instead of spread out over the floor and we’ll move Ryan into your job. I’ve thought it all out and it’s want I want to do.”
“Is this about Janie?”
“I should have done this a while ago Mark. I’m just making things right.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I have already sent an email to the attorneys having them draw up the preliminary contract and we can make changes as we review it together. You might want to consider getting a separate lawyer so you don’t get screwed,” Matt grinned.
“Matt! Answer the goddamn question!”
“She’s the one.”
*****
Janie wandered through Central Park, soaking up the sun. She sat on the edge of the fountain and ran her fingers through the cool water. The sunshine had improved her mood considerably. She needed to spend more time outside she decided.
She watched the children running, playing. She missed having small children sometimes. But then other times she was thrilled a
t having them grown and gone. She would need to go and visit the boys when she got back home. It had only been a couple of weeks since they had been home for a few days over spring break, but sitting watching the moms with their kids made her miss them just a little more.
Slowly meandering back the way she came, Janie headed back to the hotel. She didn’t feel like doing anything else; she was emotionally spent. Hoping for a good movie on TV was how she planned on spending the rest of the afternoon.
She didn’t realize just how far she had walked. It was taking forever to get back. Her feet started to hurt and she was hungry. Finally, crossing Central Park South, she headed through the lobby to the elevator.
“Janie!”
She swung around as she heard her name and stood face to face with Matt.
“What are you doing here?” she was surprised to see him.
He wore a frown as he questioned her. “Are you alright? I thought you were sick?”
“I’m doing better now.” Janie frowned and stepped back, not prepared to see him yet. She needed time to steel herself, to convince herself that she could just walk away. Having him stand in front of her was not in the plan. She couldn’t look at him in the eye. She needed physical distance between them. Seeing him now was too soon. Way too soon.
“You look a little flushed. Let’s get you back to your room.” Matt reached for her hand but she stepped away and walked to the elevators and pushed the up arrow. “Why didn’t you text me back yesterday?”
“Because I was lying on the bathroom floor puking into the toilet.” And I didn’t want to interrupt you while you were fucking your ex-wife!
Stop it! thought Janie. Remember the deal! No strings, no commitment!
The frown deepened. “I am so sorry,” he whispered, rubbing his forehead.
The thought of him with his ex surfaced and Janie felt ill. Had he been with her? She couldn’t fathom it. It just didn’t seem possible. She knew what she’d heard. But her strength was deserting her.
The elevator opened and they stepped inside, Janie started to feel little beads of sweat forming on her forehead. Matt looked down as they began moving upwards.
“You actually don’t look well at all,” he said. “You need to get back to bed.”
Janie’s eyes flew open at his words and her breath hitched in her chest and she could feel her heart beating loudly. He was too close, dangerously too close.
Janie managed to walk down the hall to her room and took the key card out of her pocket and opened the door, not looking at Matt. She walked in and he followed. Closing the door, Matt told her to sit and she dropped onto the end of the bed. He crouched and took of her shoes and gently rubbed her feet. She stared at the top of his head and wondered how she could be cool and calm while he was touching her. She pulled her foot from his hands and he looked up at her.
“Shit, Janie, you’re pale as a ghost.” He left her to dampen a washcloth in the bathroom and then placed it on her head, pulling her back onto the bed and forcing her to lie down. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and exhaled. After a few more her heart rate slowed and she felt herself calming down. She didn’t know where Matt was; she couldn’t hear him and she didn’t open her eyes.
Maybe he’ll leave, she thought. Her heart wanted him to stay, but her head knew he had to go, knew he would go, if not today, then on Thursday, just one day away.
*****
Janie opened her eyes and it was dark. She must have fallen asleep. She glanced at the clock, 11:24. She tried to lift her hand to move her hair from her face but she couldn’t move it. Matt was wrapped around her; his arm under her neck, his other arm over her arm and wrapped around her waist, his leg over hers. He was still in his suit and shoes and he was sound asleep.
He didn’t leave! Was that a good or a bad thing? Janie didn’t know. If she moved, she would wake him, so she decided to stay where she was and enjoy this moment for as long as she could.
I have split personality disorder, she thought. One minute I don’t want to see him and the next I am snuggling into him because I can’t get enough. This is just too hard.
Janie closed her eyes and went back to sleep and dreamt of Matt. She dreamt of them walking hand in hand in the park. She dreamt of him making love to her in his bed. She dreamt of him holding a tiny baby and looking up at her and smiling. She dreamt of him holding a beer and laughing. She dreamt of him fucking Beth on his desk.
When she awoke again, she knew instantly that her body had been freed of the extra limbs belonging to Matt. Her eyes flew open and it was light outside. She looked over and the bed was empty. Had he left in the middle of the night? Janie rolled over to look at the clock and she saw him out of the corner of her eye. He was sitting in the chair at the desk, his eyes locked on her. He was disarmingly handsome and when he smiled at her she nearly lost all of her resolve to remain strong.
“Good morning,” he whispered. “How are you feeling?”
“Um, better.”
“Good,” he smiled.
“Uh, you didn’t have to stay,” she said, sitting up and swinging her legs off the bed.
“I know,” he said simply.
Janie stood and walked into the bathroom and shut the door. She needed to get this over and done with before she lost her nerve. Taking a few deep breaths, she opened the door and walked to the sofa and sat down. “We need to talk,” she said.
“Okay,” he replied. He swung around in his chair to face her, an expression of uncertainty on his face.
“I go home tomorrow,” she began, looking down at her hands. “And I want you to know how wonderful this trip has been, how wonderful it was to meet you. It has been a wonderful adventure and I will treasure these memories forever. And, um, I’m really relieved that you’re not looking for commitment or a relationship of any kind. It has made the last few days carefree and fun. It would make this unbearable if one of us held some kind of ridiculous notion that this could be anything more than just a brief interlude.”
Janie took a breath and continued. “I would like to think that we can think of each fondly in the future, I certainly know I will.” She tried to smile willing herself to sound lighthearted, something she certainly didn’t feel. “I guess I just wanted to say thank you. It’s been fun.”
Matt didn’t move. He didn’t blink. Janie wondered if he was even breathing. He just sat there, stone-faced. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he stood and walked to her, stooped and kissed her softly on the cheek. “You’re welcome,” he said. “What time is your flight tomorrow?”
“Wheels up at 7:10,” she smiled, desperately trying to hide all the emotion she felt. “and then it’s back home and my new life.”
“I’ll be her at 5 sharp.”
“Matt, it’s fine. I can get a taxi,” Janie offered.
“That was part of the deal, right?” There was no emotion in his face at all. “I’ll be here at 5.” And with that he turned and left.
*****
Matt stepped into the elevator, the last few minutes like a horrific scene of an accident; you can see it but you can’t believe it is happening. He had just sat there, hearing his words as she spoke. Protecting himself had just cost him the one thing that meant more to him than he could ever have imagined.
She doesn’t want me, he thought, as his hand gripped the little blue box in his suit coat pocket.
*****
Janie stood in the shower, tears streaming down her face. She had done it; she had let him go, not that he was hers to begin with. She had done what he wanted; she had played by his rules. And it had broken her heart. Now she just had to get through one car ride tomorrow morning and then she could go home and put Matthew Lathem behind her. She wouldn’t ever be able to come back to New York; it would be way too hard. But that didn’t matter now.
Wrapped in the hotel robe Janie threw her suitcases on the bed and began the task of making everything fit. She had bought souvenirs for the boys, for Katy, for her two si
sters, for her mom, for the neighbors bringing in her mail. There was the exquisite crystal vase that Matt’s flowers had come in. She certainly wasn’t going to leave that behind, his note tucked inside.
The she had the elegant navy blue gown she had worn to the fundraiser. That was a lifetime ago, she thought as she folded the delicate fabric. Putting each piece of clothing in the bag, she reflected on how she was a different person than when she arrived just two short weeks ago. She owed that to Matt. He had changed her for the better and she would always love him.
Her phone rang and Janie welcomed the distraction.
“You know just when to call!”
“You okay Janie? I’m worried about you,” Katy replied.
“I did it!”
“You did what?” Katy didn’t know what she was talking about.
“I told him it was just a fling, nothing of consequence.”
“And what did he say?”
“Nothing. In fact it was weird, no emotion in his eyes, in his face, just blank. He kissed me on the cheek and said he’d pick me up in the morning to take me to the airport.”
“He didn’t say anything?”
“Nope.”
*****
Katy, much wiser in the ways of men, was struggling with the idea that Matt wasn’t obviously relieved at Janie’s brush-off, if he had truly meant what he’d said. But then what did she know? She’d never even met the guy. She spent much of the day stewing over it, so much so that she almost gave the wrong medication to a patient.
On her lunch break, she googled Matt and found his company online. Janie was right; he was gorgeous. But that didn’t matter because he had screwed with her friend. Her friend who had gotten married at the ripe old age of nineteen and had lived a sheltered existence up until a couple of years ago when the shit had hit the fan, so to speak. She knew Janie would be livid with her, but it wouldn’t matter because she was coming home and would never see Matt again. She just couldn’t sit by and let him hurt her like that. She wouldn’t just sit by without somebody telling him he was an ass. And if Janie wouldn’t do it then she would.
She pushed the ‘call’ button on her phone and waited for someone to answer.