32. FOCUSED
We sat at our usual spot on the bluff overlooking the ocean. There was a light breeze coming off the water. It was cool and refreshing. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. The salt water air filled my lungs. My body tingled inside and out. I got goose bumps when the breeze hit my bare arms. I felt so alive and free. It was refreshing to feel this way.
Patrick broke the silence. “How’s your hand?”
I stretched my right hand and winced. “Still sort of stiff and sore.”
“Did you have the nurse check it?” He put his hand out, palm up waiting for me to give him my hand.
“Uh…no.” I shook my head. I put my hand in his.
“Why not? What if you broke something?” He started gently pushing each spot on my hand.
“I don’t think I did.” I watched his fingers as it pushed against the bones.
He looked at me intently, watching for my reaction. It would be easy to gauge my level of pain. All you had to do was watch my face and how much I pulled back when he touched my hand. I tried very hard not to make a face, but it was hard. It hurt when he pushed, but it was tolerable. It definitely could have been worse.
He sighed, “You’re lucky. I don’t think you did either. But, if it doesn’t get better, you better to go to the doctor.” He went from prodding my hand to massaging it.
“Yeah, I know. I know.” I knew. But that didn’t mean I really wanted to go to the doctor, even if I had to. The massage felt good. Well, it hurt a little, but the warmth of his hands on mine made the muscles feel less stiff and sore. I felt like it was starting to feel closer to normal.
He shook his head and rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you hit Nikki.”
I looked down at my hand. I figured it wouldn’t take him long to bring it up. I just didn’t really know what to expect and that made me nervous. My heart started to pound. I bit the inside of my cheek. “I had to.” I looked up from my hand to him. He had that same look from this morning that I couldn’t place. I felt awkward. “She’s Becca’s friend. I should have known that she’d be your friend too.” I shook my head and stared at the ground. I felt bad. I didn’t mean to hurt him by hurting his friend. Hurting him was the last thing I ever wanted to do.
“Yeah…no. I mean, we were friends because of Becca. But I wouldn’t really consider her a friend or anything.” He stammered.
“Oh.” Now I was confused. “If it wasn’t that, then… Are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad at you. No. That’s not it.” The corner of his mouth cracked into a grin. He stopped massaging my hand and let go. “Why would you think that?”
Alright, I was really confused now. “After I hit Nikki, you had this look. I’ve never seen before.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. If I knew, I wouldn’t think you were mad at me. What were you thinking this morning?”
“Well, first… I thought…should I have a bagel or cereal for breakfast?”
“Patrick!” I pushed my shoulder into him. “You know what I mean!”
“Okay! Okay!” His smile was from ear to ear. “Seriously?” He got quiet. “A lot went through my mind. Shock and fear would be the first things. I couldn’t believe what you did and that I let Joey talk me out of stopping the whole thing. I got really scared about what would happen next. But everything happened so fast… I know Nikki and I expected her to…”
I could tell he didn’t like the image he saw.
“I was afraid of what was going to happen next. What Becca or Jen would do to you. How I didn’t think I could protect you since we didn’t have class together. But you…you had this… I don’t know…something behind your eyes that almost made me more afraid because whatever fear of getting hurt and being careful was gone. And I was scared I’d hear the worst had happened to you.” A little chuckle escaped his lips. “I have to admit though, there was a part of me that was really happy to see Nikki go down like that. And that you were the one to do it. I was…well…proud. So, I guess, I was shocked, scared and proud. Maybe that’s why my face seemed weird to you…a lot of stuff was going through my head at the same time. But none of it…at any point…was about being mad at you. I was mad at Becca and Nikki. I realized it wasn’t an accident.”
Scared, I understood. Shocked. Okay, that made sense, I think everyone around me was. Proud? Really? I looked at him in my own form of shock. He was proud of me. It was a nice feeling that I wasn’t used to…someone being proud of me. Now that I think about it, he’s the only one who’s ever said that to me.
“Liz? You okay?”
“Huh?” I didn’t realize that I had zoned out or that tears had welled up in my eyes and I was sniffling.
He put his hand on my knee. “Did you hear me? I’m not mad at you.”
“Yeah, I know.” I sniffled again. I had to stop or it would screw up my throat for tonight.
“Then why are you crying?”
“I’m not crying.” I argued. Well, I wasn’t. Not really, anyway. I wiped my eyes.
“Hmm…okay. Then why are you…not crying.” He said sarcastically.
“Honestly?”
“That’d be nice. That is our usual state of being.”
“Cause you’re proud of me.”
He looked confused. “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen someone cry when they’re told that.”
“Well, you know I’m not exactly normal.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
“Hey!”
“Well, it is.” He raised an eyebrow at me and smiled.
I laughed. “I know that. You didn’t have to agree so quickly!” I turned serious. “I think you’re the only person who’s ever said that to me.”
“Really? Ever?”
“Yeah. Ever.”
“Not even your parents? Even before San Francisco?” His tone was incredulous.
“No. They don’t talk about stuff like that. I mean, you’d think they would be, at least about something that I do. But I honestly don’t know ‘cause they’ve never said it.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I never realized how nice it is to hear, especially from someone like…well, you.” I inhaled the salt air. “So, thanks.”
“Had I known, I would have told you sooner…like right after you did it. It took a lot to do what you did. Nikki has done that crap with girls before and gotten away with it. What made you do it? It wasn’t revenge…”
“No, not revenge. But had you and the crew not given me my own not so secret service detail after I got jumped, it probably would have been then. No, I had calmed down from the initial instinct to return the favor and likely get suspended.” I sighed. “I couldn’t be a victim again, especially to someone like Nikki or Becca. I don’t care how much they push me. I’ll push back.”
A smile broke out on his face with a look I now identified as pride. I smiled back feeling like I truly accomplished something…standing up for myself.
We hung out on the bluffs for a little while, enjoying the view and each other’s company. The only reason we left is that it was almost 4:00pm and we still had to change before dinner and the concert.
When we got to my house, Patrick went to change in the bathroom and I rushed to my room. I quickly put on the dark grey skirt, white top and light grey v-neck sweater I chose earlier to wear. The garage door opened as I brushed my hair. I wore my hair down, letting it fall softly over my shoulders. When I was done, Patrick was waiting for me in the living room. He had changed from his jeans and t-shirt to black slacks, a lavender long-sleeve button down shirt and a deep purple tie with silver specks. He was standing there, making small talk with my mom.
“Liz, you look nice.” Patrick’s comment made my mom turn around.
“Hi, Mom.” I looked at Patrick wondering if he was surviving the conversation with my mom.
“Hi, Elizabeth.” She seemed like she was in a good mood.
“How was work?” That was the best way to gauge her.
“Good. Jim is
still out on a business trip.” She kept rambling about her day until Patrick politely interrupted her never-ending story.
“Excuse me, Mrs. Mariposa. Liz, we really should get going.”
“Oh. Where are you guys off to?” My mom was oblivious.
“Dinner then the concert.” Patrick informed her.
“Concert?” Like I said, clueless.
“Yeah, Mom. Remember I told you and Dad about it?” I told them about it a few times, as recently as last night.
“Huh? Oh. Yes.” Which really was her way of saying that she completely forgot.
“Will you and Mr. Mariposa be coming? We can save you seats.” Patrick, in his own way, was trying to get them to come to the concert.
“Well, you know. It’s been a long day and I’m really tired.”
“It’s not until 7. You’d have time to rest before it, it’s only 4:40 right now. Will you come, Mom?” I was hopeful, maybe this time, with Patrick there, she’d say ‘yes.’
“Elizabeth, I don’t think so. You know, that’s not really our thing.” So, much for hope. Some things never change. No matter who or what.
“Yeah, I know. Just thought I’d ask.” I tried not to sound disappointed, but I was.
She continued as if I hadn’t said a thing. “Besides, I have to pack. Since Jim is still out of town, they’re sending me to Denver. We’re leaving tomorrow afternoon.”
“We?” I was surprised. Was I getting to go? But…I had the Winter Concerts. I couldn’t leave. I had commitments. But it would nice not be left.
“Yes, Dad and I.” She immediately responded. Then turned to me like I was nuts to think I was included. “Elizabeth.” Sometimes, the way she said my name was so patronizing. This was one of them. “You have school and you don’t like to ski. What will you do there?” I knew what she was insinuating—you’ll get in trouble, just like San Francisco.
Whatever. I’ll just stay home. Like I had a choice.
Her tone lightened. “I’ll leave our itinerary on the fridge. Well, you guys have fun. Be back by curfew.” She walked off to her bedroom.
“Yeah, I will.” I said to no one in particular, except, I guess, Patrick, who was the only other person in the room.
“You alright?”
“Yeah. I told you. I ask. They always say no. Thanks for trying.” I had to put this out of my mind. If they didn’t want to come, that’s fine. They’ve never been to one of my concerts, why should this one be any different? I’d done fine without them there and tonight will be fine too. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”
Falling (Bits and Pieces, Book 1) Page 76