by J. Kenner
I study his face, trying to read whether or not he agrees with me, but Devlin can be the most unreadable man on the planet when he wants to, and right now, it appears that he’s trying very hard.
“Devlin, what are you thinking?”
He leans back, his expression tense. “I do want Christopher to pay,” he says, making my heart sink. “I want him to pay for what he did to you, for the way he helped Anna keep her secrets and enact her plans. For all the things he’s done for Joseph Blackstone over the years. Selfishly, I think what I want him to pay for the most is the fact that he made me feel a kinship toward him. The fact that we were both tainted with the sins of our family. I don’t deserve that label, and I didn’t think he did either. But he does.”
“And that hurts. He played you.”
Devlin chuckles. “Well, I wouldn’t put it quite that way, but yes, he played me.”
“I’m sorry. He did, and it’s a terrible thing. But I stand by my own decision. If it were up to me, I would let him walk.”
He crosses his arms over his chest and studies me, the corners of his mouth turning down. He’s silent for so long that I start to get edgy.
“What?”
“This man committed crimes, you know that right?”
“Yes, but —”
Devlin shakes his finger. “No, no, no buts. He committed crimes, and you’re saying that we should let him go. That the justice system shouldn’t do its job.”
I’m not entirely sure where he’s going with this, but I have an inkling. And so I bite my lower lip and wait for him to answer for me.
He does. “How is that different from what Saint’s Angels does?”
“Because I’m not suggesting you kill him.”
“But you are making that decision. You’re taking that step. You’re saying hold back. What we do is simply the reverse.”
I don’t want to argue with him about this, especially because I’m tired enough that my mind can’t come up with a good counter-argument, which frustrates me. So instead I just snap, “Look, are you going to go after him or not?”
He laughs, and I know he understands why I’m frustrated. “No. I want to. The man’s pissed me off in a million ways, not the least of which is hurting Brandy and making me feel like a fool. But I won’t go after him because you don’t want me to. And the thing I want most of all is for you and your friends to be happy.”
Pleasure soaks through me and I smile. “Oh. Well, okay then.” I lean forward my hands on his chest as I give him a soft kiss. Then I pull back, another question dancing on my lips, one I’m not sure I should ask, but once again Devlin knows me well.
“What is it?”
I shrug. “It’s just—It’s just that I don’t like him not knowing. Or Brandy.” I don’t have to explain that the him I’m referring to is Lamar, and the subject I’m referring to is Saint’s Angels.
“I know you don’t, but I’m not yet to that point where we should let them know. I think that really is too dangerous.”
“I thought you were concerned with me keeping secrets from my friends.”
“I suppose if you were part of it, things might be different. But you’re not. You’re a bystander and a watcher. Hell, you’re my talisman for what’s good and solid and centered.”
“I don’t think I—”
“I do. And that’s not the point. But I don’t think that it’s fair to the others on the team that your emotions about your friends should come into play under those circumstances.”
It’s a fair argument, and one I hadn’t thought of.
He tilts my chin up with his fingertip. “If I were in the CIA, would you feel strange about not being able to tell your friends what I do?”
“No, I suppose not. But you’re not in the CIA.”
“Are you sure?” He winks, and I laugh, and even though I am sure, I have to actually concede that no, I really don’t know.
“So I’m supposed to just pretend like you’re an undercover operative, and I’m the poor woman left behind who doesn’t know what you’re up to when you go on your secret missions?”
“I think we can play that game for a while.” He flips me over making me squeal. “Right now,” he says, “I think we both need to be undercover.”
He slides down my body and pulls the sheet up over both of us. And then he kisses me, long and deep and with enough passion that I forget all of my fears, all of my wishes, all of my problems, and all of my secrets. Right now, I’m nothing but desire, and once again, I let Devlin take me away on a wave of sweet forgetfulness, lost in the pleasure of skin against skin.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Late the next morning I watch as Devlin packs the suitcase he’s been living out of since we left for New York what seems like a millennium ago. After going straight to Tracy’s murder scene, we’d come here to be with Brandy, then almost immediately headed off to Idaho.
It’s been a whirlwind, and now that Blackstone’s out of the picture, Devlin’s ready to get back to his own place. And me…
Well, I’m feeling at loose ends.
“Come home with me,” Devlin says.
“I want to be with you,” I tell him. “You know that. But I don’t want to leave Brandy alone right now. She’s fragile.”
“Is she scared Christopher might come back?”
I shake my head. “No. We all agree the odds are low, and she knows you have security watching the house. But she’s been through hell and she’s my best friend.”
“I get it,” he says. “And I’ll miss being here. But I miss my house, too. And my closet.”
I laugh. I can’t argue with that.
“Well, you should know that Jake’s going to be a wreck if the house empties out. He’s been in doggie heaven with everyone here. Another reason for me to stay.”
He comes and sits beside me on the bed. “You’re a good friend. To both of them.”
“You really don’t mind?”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
I cock my head and give him that look.
“Am I going to have to resort to cold showers?”
“Definitely not.”
“Then I think it’s just fine. Truly. But you still have to come with me to my place today. I have something for you.”
I perk up. “Really. For me? What is it?”
“If I told you, it wouldn’t be surprise, would it?”
It’s silly to be so happy over something so small, especially when I don’t even know what the surprise it, but it’s been a stressful few days, and the thought that Devlin has gotten something for me in the midst of chaos makes me undeniably happy. “Thank you.”
He laughs. “You haven’t even seen what it is yet.”
I lean forward and kiss him. “It doesn’t matter. You thought of it. You were thinking of me. It will be amazing.”
He cups the back of my head and kisses me again, this time using his tongue to urge my mouth open. The kiss deepens, and I start to lose myself in it, to crave more. Then he pushes me away with a devilish grin. “That’s something to look forward to.”
“Jerk.” But I’m smiling as I say it.
We play twenty questions on the way to his house. I don’t manage to guess what it is, though I have learned that it is bigger than a breadbox, it’s not alive, and it’s something I want. Beyond that, I’m clueless.
We’re in his Tesla, and he pauses before the turn onto his street. “I want you to close your eyes, and I’ll tell you when you can open them.”
I do what he says with complete obedience. I feel the car move, and as we go down the street, I notice when he turns into the driveway. The car stops, and it’s only then that he says, “Okay. Open your eyes.” I do, then turn to him with a frown. All I see is his garage door.
“Unfair. You got me all riled up about nothing.”
“Oh ye of little faith.” He takes the clicker for the garage door and taps the button. It starts to scroll up and, to my delight, Devlin taps a button
on the radio and Beethoven’s Ode to Joy starts to play, making me laugh.
The sound catches in my throat though when I see what’s being revealed. My Shelby, looking as brand new and shiny as the day that Uncle Peter presented her to me. I sit in shock for a moment then turn to look at Devlin. “She’s fixed. You fixed her?”
Devlin knows better than anyone how much Shelby means to me. She’s part of our history, and I realize as I’m looking at her in the garage that I’m crying. I turn back to him, a tear-stained mess. “You’re amazing.”
“I told you I was going to fix her. Did you think I was joking?”
“I didn’t think it would be this fast.”
“Well, she’s part of the family. We had to make sure she had the best, most expeditious care possible.”
I don’t know what to say, so I just gaze in wonder at my beautiful car. Then I turn and gaze in wonder at the man I love, almost unable to believe that with the life I’ve had, I managed to get so lucky.
He takes my hand and squeezes it, and I’m sure he’s reading my thoughts.
“Come on. Let’s take her out for a spin.”
I’m so giddy at the idea that I actually clap my hands. He parks the Tesla in one side of the two-car garage, and while he runs inside the house to grab something, I slide behind Shelby’s wheel and sigh, then bend over and kiss her steering wheel. I brush my hand over her dashboard, then I get out of the car because I just have to walk all the way around her. She’s in perfect condition. Her blue paint sparkling. Her tires brand new. Her headlights shining.
The moment he returns, I throw my arms around Devlin again. “You are amazing. You are getting as much sex as you want tonight, just so you know.”
He laughs, then pulls me close. “If I’d known that would be your reaction, I would’ve had her fixed even sooner.”
“Just don’t go crashing her so you can fix her again. I’ll tell you a secret. You can pretty much always get sex anytime you want. But don’t let it go to your head.”
“Believe me. I’m very glad to hear that.”
I get behind the wheel again, and this time I fire her engine. She practically purrs, and I know she’s as happy to see me as I am to see her.
“Where to?” I ask.
“Just drive,” Devlin says. “Maybe see how she handles on the curves, then end up at the tidal pools.”
I glance at him. “I like that idea.”
She handles as well as she always has, and I take the roads at what most people would consider an unreasonably fast speed, but to me it’s freedom and glory. I love the control, the responsiveness. It’s a thrill. A rush. Hell, it’s a little like sex, and I glance over at Devlin, my smile so broad my cheeks ache.
I calm it down once we hit the Pacific Coast Highway, then turn left so that I can continue back south to Laguna Cortez’s official border. The Devlin Saint Foundation isn’t that far away, and as soon as I’ve passed Pacific Avenue, I pull into the parking lot.
I’m breathing hard and feel incredible. I know my hair is a mess since I didn’t put on the ball cap that’s usually in my glove box, but I don’t care. “That was the best present ever.” I’m so happy, I’m probably glowing.
“I thought you took those curves a little bit slower than I expected.”
I shrug. The truth is I did. A tiny bit. Maybe. I take his hand and squeeze “I guess I’m not as reckless as I used to be.”
He nods, and I know he understands what I mean. I’ve come too close to losing him before. I won’t lose him again.
We get out of the car and start walking toward the foundation, but we don’t go inside. He mentions that before we leave to go back home, he needs to pop in and get a box that he’s had Tamra put together for him with certain papers that he needs to review.
But right now this is only about us. The tidal pools are behind the foundation, and that’s where we head. They’re the site of our first kiss, and we both always seem drawn back to them, almost like a magnet.
As we walk hand-in-hand, it strikes me that I’m feeling light and free for the first time in days. “I love feeling like this,” I tell him. “But at the same time I can’t help but think of Lamar and Brandy. They both lost somebody, and I know it’s going to be a long time before they feel as light as I do right now.”
“Don’t,” he says. “Don’t feel guilty that you’re doing okay. You have to take your pleasure where you can find it, and they would tell you the same. It’s not as if you haven’t earned it. You’ve had your share of hell. More than your share. We both have. And while I mourn for what they’ve lost, too, right now what I feel most is the joy of being with you.”
I nod slowly, soaking up his words. ”You’re right. And I know that Lamar and Brandy would feel the same way, too.” I squeeze his hand in silent acknowledgement as we reach the pools. I’m about to say more, but he presses a finger to my lips, shushing me, and then to my complete shock, he drops to one knee. My hand flies to my mouth, because this can’t be happening. Except it is.
It really is.
“El, you know you’re the love of my life. You know all my secrets now, and you haven’t run. At this point, even if you did, I would go chasing after you. I want you forever. And I want you publicly. I want you to belong to me. You may be mine right now, but I want the world to know it. I want it to be official. So what I’m saying, my darling El, is that I want you to marry me. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”
My knees turn to rubber and I fall to the sand beside him. My heart is pounding. My mind is spinning. I want this man—I want him forever.
And I know with absolute certainty what my answer has to be.
“I don’t have an engagement ring he says, but I know you kept your mother’s. I thought you might like that one, so I thought we could get it resized.”
“I—that’s a beautiful thought.”
I swallow and blink back tears, then I draw a breath and meet his eyes. “I love you, Devlin. I love you more than I ever imagined I was capable of loving anyone. And it’s a miracle that we’re back together.”
His head tilts just slightly. “I hear a but coming.”
“Dammit, it’s surprising me as much as it is you. It’s only—” I stumble, trying to explain what’s in my heart. “It’s just that I love this, too. And I’m not ready for it to end.”
“This?” He shakes his head slowly, and I twirl my hand, as if that’s a form of coherent conversation.
Since he clearly still doesn’t get it, I try again. “The way we were before all hell broke loose. Me at Brandy’s, you at your place. A few sleepovers to keep things interesting. Dinner dates. Cocktails.” I shrug. “Normal stuff.”
“Are you saying we aren’t normal?”
I bite back a laugh as I take his hands. “I’m saying I want to pretend to be. At least a little. We never got that, and I like it. Besides, if I move in with you, I lose out on my house. And I’m looking forward to fixing it up and moving in.” My childhood home had gone on the rental market after my father was killed, with the income going into a trust for me until I was twenty-one. Since then, I’ve kept it rented and applied the income to my Manhattan rent.
Now, though, my tenant is in the process of moving out. I want to go in, update the place, and live there for awhile, surrounded by the thrill of owning real estate and the nostalgia of being in my childhood home.
“I want you to help me replace the countertops and varnish the floors. Then I want us to christen all the rooms in the house. I want you to come over on a whim, to sweep me into the bedroom or just to leave flowers on the doorstep. I want you to call me late at night and we can watch a show together, like in When Harry Met Sally.”
That makes him grin, and he reaches out, brushing the pad of his thumb over my cheek. “You want the romance.”
“I have romance,” I tell him. “I want the storybook. I want what we never got when we were young. I think we deserve it.” I pause, trying to read his reaction, but he’s got h
is corporate face on, and I can’t be sure of what’s in his head. “Are you mad?”
“Mad?” Now I can see what he’s thinking—he’s incredulous. “Mad? Not at all. I’m—I’m not sure. I think I’m strangely flattered.”
“Really? You really understand?”
“I do. And even if I didn’t, I’d accept that’s what you want.”
I didn’t think it was possible to be happier than I’d been when that garage door rose, but I am. “You’re really okay with it?”
He taps his lower lip, making a show of thinking. “You said there were dates?”
“Lots of dates,” I assure him.
“And sleepovers?”
“I can’t guarantee much sleeping,” I tease, “but in theory, yes.”
“Then yes. I am really okay with this.”
“Yeah?” My voice is soft, almost shy, and I don’t know why.
He holds my gaze for a moment, then cups the back of my head. “All I want is you, baby. Don’t you know that?”
“Then we’re even. Because you’re all I want, too. And my fancy wedding dress with the season’s designer shoes. I just don’t want that last part right now.”
“Except for the shoes,” Devlin says.
I laugh. “It’s like you know me.”
I don’t even realize that we’ve stood and started walking again until we’re already a ways down the beach. We’re talking about nothing and everything. About life, about our past, about our memories, about how wonderful it is that despite all the torment that we suffered in our tumultuous relationship that we were able to end up at this point. A solid couple. Together.
I never wanted anything when I was young other than to be Alex Leto’s girl, and now that he’s Devlin Saint, he’s still all I want. One day, he’ll put a ring on my finger. And I’m holding tight to that future, excited by the adventures we’ll have as we move toward it.
It’s not until we reach the north edge of town where the cliffs start to rise from the sand that I realize where we are. We’re standing right in front of Uncle Peter’s house. It’s one of the few houses in Laguna Cortez that’s on the beach side of the highway. It’s a stunning contemporary with lots of glass and beautiful views.