Grace took a long sip, keeping her lips to the cup.
“Well,” Starlight started with her eyes lowered, “I just purchased a penthouse in the Santa Monica Towers. And I just signed a two-book deal with Forge Publishers.”
Grace’s eyebrows rose. Forge was one of the big three. “What are you writing about?”
“I’m not sure yet. I’m thinking about doing something on dreams.”
Grace laughed. “Aren’t you an insomniac?”
Starlight stared at her for a moment. “That doesn’t mean that I can’t dream, Grace.”
“And dreams are a very popular topic right now.” Lily nodded. “Her second book will probably be about psychics.”
“At least that’s what my editor suggested,” Starlight said. “But I don’t really believe in them.”
This time Grace kept her laugh inside. “Oh, you have standards,” she mumbled. The tea’s steam seemed to be rising from Grace’s lips rather than the mug she held.
“What does that mean?” Starlight frowned. They stared at each other before Starlight said, “Grace, did you know that I do about three, sometimes four, seminars a month across the country? Do you know that I’m expanding to weekend retreats and that I’ll be doing a Revival in June?”
“Can’t say that I knew, Starlight. I don’t follow your career.”
“Well, I follow yours, and as you were campaigning, saying you wanted to make your community better, I’ve been campaigning to help women edify their lives so we can have better communities throughout the country.” She paused. “I told you that I spoke at Greater Faith.”
Her internal laughter ceased. Grace placed her cup on the table. “I was surprised to hear that. What did you talk about?”
Starlight’s eyes sparkled with triumph. “I should have invited you. It would be good for you to see what I do.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You asked what I talk about.”
“Just tell me.”
Lily moaned.
The sisters ignored their mother.
“I talk about the same thing you do.”
“There is nothing similar in what we do, Starlight.”
Starlight leaned forward. “The difference between us is that you focus on children, while I work with adults who never got it as children.”
“The difference between us is that I know God and I focus on Him. You don’t.”
“I believe in God, Grace. But I don’t need Him to do what I do. My mind is open to understanding the true God and knowing that we were created in God’s image, so that we could go beyond him or her.”
Two beats passed before Grace said, “You’ve got to be kidding. Him or her?”
Lily pushed away from the table so fast that the chair legs screeched against the hardwood floor. “Does either of you want a refill?”
“I’m open to accepting God in any form,” Starlight said, responding to Grace. “It’s about understanding your god consciousness. I’m not limited the way you are. I don’t just believe something because I read it in some book.”
“You mean the Bible?” Grace asked.
Starlight nodded.
“But people should buy your books and believe you?”
Grace’s question made Starlight pause. “Yes, because I teach the truth, which is to rely on yourself and not on some force you cannot see.”
A siren sounded inside Grace. It was time to leave. But there was an itching in her bones that she’d held for days. She longed for a knockdown, drag-out brawl. Since Conner wasn’t here, Starlight would have to do.
Grace leaned forward laying her hands flat on the table, but before she could begin her assault, Lily said, “We should change the subject.”
It was too late for the referee.
Grace said, “I rely on myself, Starlight. But I know, just like you know, that everything I have comes from the power of God working in me.”
“A power inside you?” Starlight puckered her lips, amused. “See, we do believe the same thing.”
“Not even close. You’re convinced that you have powers beyond God.”
“We all have the same power, Grace. I know how to tap into it. God gave us the power because He doesn’t play a role beyond creation. What we do after we’re born is up to us.”
There was a moment of silence before Grace said, “If I thought you believed that, I’d pray for you.”
“I don’t need your prayers.”
“But I know this is all about money.”
Starlight tried to hold back her smile. “I certainly don’t need God for that.”
“Starlight, stop it,” Lily exclaimed. “You’re teasing Grace.”
Grace stared at her sister, though she spoke to Lily. “She’s not teasing, Mom. Mabel believes what she’s saying.” She paused. “She doesn’t need God.”
Lily held up her hands. “Stop this right now. You’re saying the same thing. It’s just semantics.”
Grace’s incredulous gaze shifted to her mother.
Lily said, “Christians don’t always believe the same things.”
“Mom, Mabel is not a Christian.”
“Grace, your sister is a Christian.”
Grace turned back to Starlight.
Lily said, “I know she’s a Christian because you were both raised that way.”
No we weren’t! Grace wanted to scream. We were just raised to get up on Sundays and go to church.
“Mom, this is one point where Grace and I agree. I don’t consider myself a Christian.”
“That’s blasphemy, Starlight,” Lily warned.
“I don’t put myself in that little Christian box.” Lily opened her mouth, but Starlight continued before her mother could speak. “What I believe goes beyond Christianity.” Her eyes bore into Grace. “I’m inclusive rather than like people who believe their way is the only way.”
Grace returned her sister’s stare.
“A true Higher Power would never be exclusive,” Starlight continued. “There isn’t just one way to live this life. But there is only one way to have the richest existence possible. My objective is to let my light shine and show the world the way.”
The ringing telephone silenced them all.
Lily looked at her daughters. “Please stop this.” She picked up the cordless phone and walked into the living room.
“You know, Mabel, this wouldn’t be so sad if it wasn’t so serious,” Grace said.
“My name is Starlight.”
Grace slipped her arms into her sweater. “I know one thing for sure. You need Jesus.”
Starlight reached for her purse, pulled out her wallet, and flashed a platinum American Express card. “This is the best Jesus in the world.”
Grace pressed her lips together, then said, “Pick up your Bible tonight, Mabel. Read the truth. I pray it’s not too late for you.”
Starlight laughed.
Grace turned and her sister’s laughter followed her into the living room, past her mother and through the front door.
Amber squealed as she and Nicole ran across the wide lawn.
Grace slid from the car and hugged her daughter. “Did you have a good time?”
“Yeah. We saw the dinosaurs.”
“Mrs. Monroe, can Amber stay for dinner? My mom said it was okay.”
Grace looked into the girls’ eager eyes. If she agreed, she’d be home alone—with Conner. “Not tonight. Maybe next weekend.”
As Amber continued to plead her case, Grace went into the two-story Spanish-style house to thank Linda Pogue. By the time Grace had hurried her daughter into the car, Amber was sufficiently annoyed. Grace welcomed Amber’s silence. Her mind was still overwhelmed by the conversation she’d had with her sister.
When Mabel had emerged as Starlight, Grace thought her sister was passing through another fleeting phase—another network-marketing program, or some other money-making scheme. She was sure it wouldn’t last.
Grace had been skeptical but encouraging when
Mabel said she was writing a book. But when an actual copy was in her hand, her skepticism had turned to dismay, then to horror.
“The Higher Power is not concerned with being worshipped. He-She is the creator who has procreated perfection in you and expects you to live your life to your fullest capacity.”
“He-She god is all around us. His-Her spirit is in the air we breathe, in the food we eat, in everything—because we are the gods.”
What horrified Grace most was that alongside those words, Mabel spoke some truth that Grace feared would attract people.
“Thoughts are things. When you control your thoughts, you will manage your life.”
“To live your fullest life, understand that faith is a verb, not a noun. Faith is about taking action in your belief … knowing that it will be.”
As Grace skimmed through the pages, she realized that fifty percent of what Mabel was saying was true … and the other fifty percent was lethal.
Grace read her sister’s book from cover to cover, then reread it twice more before she called.
“Mabel, I can’t believe what you wrote. I know you don’t even believe half of this.”
“My name is Starlight now.” She spoke in a soft, smooth cadence that reminded Grace of someone seriously high on drugs. “I call you by the moniker you choose. I would appreciate the same.”
Oh, brother, Grace thought.
“I can feel your distress, Grace. You’re generating negative energy. It’s not good for your karma. Take a deep breath, and ask the ancestors to restore your positive power.”
“Mabel, you have lost your mind.”
“No, Grace. I have discovered my true mind. I am enlightened now.”
Within seconds, Grace was dialing her mother’s number.
“It’s really bad this time, Mom.” Grace spoke quickly. “I think Mabel’s smoking crack.”
Lily had laughed.
“Mom, she sounds like a rejected African flower child.”
“There’s nothing wrong, Grace. Mabel told me that she discovered her calling. But you know this won’t last long.”
Mabel’s calling had lasted for seven flourishing years. And to Grace, the signs pointed to many more to come. In airports, Starlight’s books stared back at her. On magazine covers, Starlight’s image smiled back at her. On talk shows, Starlight proclaimed the self-power/faith/prosperity gospel that had turned her into a millionaire.
“Mommy, what are we having for dinner?” Amber asked, startling Grace from her thoughts.
“I’m not sure,” Grace said, her mind still on her sister.
It had been a long time since Grace had sat down with Mabel, and today she realized that things had progressed too far. All this time, Grace believed it was a con job, a money-making scheme. But what Starlight revealed today was that her desires were beyond dollars. Starlight wanted her followers’ minds. To have a group of disciples who sang her praises, glorified her name, exalted her above all else.
Starlight seemed to half-believe what she said, and that made her dangerous. Power was a potent intoxicant, and Grace saw it fermenting in her sister’s blood. Starlight wanted to be a god.
Grace shook her head. Their unofficial truce was over. Fighting was better anyway—it kept Starlight away from her daughters. She turned into her driveway. The moment the garage door lifted and she saw Conner’s SUV, thoughts of Starlight slipped away. It was time to take care of home.
Chapter 14
“Mommy, the pizza’s here,” Amber’s voice called over the intercom.
“I’ll be right down.”
Grace stood from her desk and took a deep breath. She stepped into the hallway and heard Amber’s and Conner’s laughter. She inhaled again, trying to find energy in the air. She was about to enter a battlefield, but at least she had to face just one foe. Jayde was on her group date, so Grace wouldn’t have to defend against the darting stares of her daughter. There would only be Conner. One man, one war.
She walked down the stairs and pasted a smile on her face before she stepped into the kitchen.
“Mommy, we got the Hawaiian pizza for you.”
“Thanks,” she said, avoiding Conner’s glance. When she sat, he slid a slice onto her plate, placed a Diet Coke on the corner of her placemat, then turned to Amber.
Conner said, “You decide what movie we’re going to rent.”
Amber giggled. “Okay.”
It surprised Grace that Conner wasn’t making more of an effort with her, but she welcomed this neutral valley. It had been that way since she’d come home. Conner had accepted her mumbled explanation that she had to work. She knew he didn’t believe her, but the tale enabled her to hide in their office, even though she’d filled the time shifting papers while her mind shifted between Conner, Pilar, and Solomon.
She’d tried to imagine what Solomon looked like, what it would be like to meet him, what it would be like to have him in her home.
The last thought brought her to the brink of tears. But it wasn’t just for selfish reasons—she was sure the boy would be better off with his family. If anything happened to her and Conner, she would want Jayde and Amber with their family.
Just minutes before Amber had bellowed for her to join them, Grace had decided it was time to talk to Conner. They should provide financial support, Conner should develop a relationship with his son, but the boy should be with his family—Pilar’s mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, niece, nephew, aunt, uncle, godmother, godfather. It didn’t matter which one to her.
Now, as she chewed her pizza, Grace rehearsed her approach to Conner in her mind: Conner, we need to talk about Solomon. I have some suggestions …
“What do you suggest, Mommy?”
Grace blinked. “What?”
“Daddy asked if you had any suggestions for the movie.”
“Uh, it doesn’t matter.” She looked at Conner, providing a hint of what was to come. “Whatever you want, I’m game.”
Conner’s eyes told her he understood, and she smiled.
He slid his hand across the table and paused just before his fingertips touched her. When she didn’t pull away, Conner squeezed her hand. “We’ll be right back, honey.”
She stayed motionless until she heard the car pull from the garage. Then she breathed. The truce had been called, both parties had accepted, and it was time to negotiate the terms. She cleaned off the table, stacked the dishes in the dishwasher, then wiped down the table and counter. Aloud, she practiced her words to Conner. Inside, she prayed that her heart would catch up with what her mind told her was right.
Grace was living inside a seven-year-old’s fantasy. They watched every movie Amber called her favorite: The Lion King, Shrek, Monster’s, Inc.
But though Grace chuckled and sniffled where she was supposed to, inside she was on a teeter-totter. On one side, her head told her to get over it, do the Christian thing. On the other side, her heart ached as she thought about the living proof that her husband had been unfaithful.
Conner pushed the Stop button on the remote. “I’m going to get a refill.” He lifted his Coke can. “Any orders?”
“No,” Grace smiled.
Amber shook her head, her eyes still focused on the television, even though the tape had stopped.
Conner trotted up the four steps to the main level, as if he were whistling inside.
Grace turned to the television, needing to focus on something. Needing to stop thinking about Conner. And Pilar. And Solomon.
“Every boy needs his father.”
Grace’s eyes widened at the voice-over on the commercial. A parade of young men marched before her, testifying about how being with, and learning from, and loving the man who fathered them made a difference in their lives. The boys—black, white, brown, yellow—taunted her, daring her to do the right thing.
“It takes a man to be a father.”
The screen darkened, filling with the Ad Council symbol.
Grace jumped from the couch.
; “Mommy, what’s wrong?”
Silently, she moved from the room. At the entryway, she bumped into Conner. His smile faded when he looked at her.
She brushed past him. In the foyer, she slipped on her sweater and swung her purse over her shoulder. When she turned, Conner stood in front of the door to the garage, blocking her passage to freedom.
“What’s wrong?” It was a demand.
“Nothing,” she said, eyeing the marble floor. It gleamed—the handiwork of Ursula. Thanks to their housekeeper, the floors were polished, their house immaculate. Twice a week, the Monroes were squeaky clean.
She looked up at Conner. “I … I have to go out. I’ll be back.” She barreled past him, rushing into the garage. She could feel Conner’s eyes peering through the car’s tinted windows, and she knew he was filled with the same confusion that choked her.
“Every boy needs his father.”
I know that, she thought.
“It takes a man to be a father.”
She reached for her cell phone, and pressed the number four. “Can you meet me somewhere?” she whispered.
“Chandler’s not here,” Devry said. “He’s with the church basketball team in San Diego. Don’t expect him until eleven or so.”
Grace looked at the clock on the dashboard. It was just before nine. “Up for some company?”
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
Grace paused. “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
The front door opened the moment Grace turned off the ignition. Her sister-in-law was standing there, welcoming. She locked her car, then followed the concrete path of the driveway.
“Hey, girl.” Devry stepped back, making room for Grace.
“Hey, yourself.”
Grace stood in the dimly lit entryway. The rest of the house was dark except for the kitchen, where a bright light shined. Grace walked toward the light.
She dropped her sweater coat on one of the kitchen chairs, then turned back to see if Devry had followed. Her sister-in-law was leaning against the kitchen’s doorway.
“Got any ice cream?”
Devry fingered a long ringlet at the side of her head. “Of course. I’m pregnant.”
Grace opened the freezer door, stared at the three pints stacked inside, and wondered, Didn’t anyone eat vanilla anymore?
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