by Gurley, Jan
Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day:
First were we sad, fearing you would not come;
Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.
Fie! doff this habit, shame to your estate,
An eye-sore to our solemn festival.
TRANIO.
And tell us what occasion of import
Hath all so long detain'd you from your wife,
And sent you hither so unlike yourself?
PETRUCHIO.
Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear;
Sufficeth, I am come to keep my word,
Though in some part enforced to digress;
Which at more leisure I will so excuse
As you shall well be satisfied withal.
But where is Kate? I stay too long from her;
The morning wears, 'tis time we were at church.
TRANIO.
See not your bride in these unreverent robes;
Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.
PETRUCHIO.
Not I, believe me: thus I'll visit her.
BAPTISTA.
But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.
PETRUCHIO.
Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha' done with words;
To me she's married, not unto my clothes.
Could I repair what she will wear in me
As I can change these poor accoutrements,
'Twere well for Kate and better for myself.
But what a fool am I to chat with you
When I should bid good-morrow to my bride,
And seal the title with a lovely kiss!
[Exeunt PETRUCHIO, GRUMIO, and BIODELLO.]
TRANIO.
He hath some meaning in his mad attire.
We will persuade him, be it possible,
To put on better ere he go to church.
BAPTISTA.
I'll after him and see the event of this.
[Exeunt BAPTISTA, GREMIO and ATTENDENTS.]
TRANIO.
But to her love concerneth us to add
Her father's liking; which to bring to pass,
As I before imparted to your worship,
I am to get a man,--whate'er he be
It skills not much; we'll fit him to our turn,--
And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa,
And make assurance here in Padua,
Of greater sums than I have promised.
So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,
And marry sweet Bianca with consent.
LUCENTIO.
Were it not that my fellow schoolmaster
Doth watch Bianca's steps so narrowly,
'Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage;
Which once perform'd, let all the world say no,
I'll keep mine own despite of all the world.
TRANIO.
That by degrees we mean to look into,
And watch our vantage in this business.
We'll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio,
The narrow-prying father, Minola,
The quaint musician, amorous Licio;
All for my master's sake, Lucentio.
[Re-enter GREMIO.]
Signior Gremio, came you from the church?
GREMIO.
As willingly as e'er I came from school.
TRANIO.
And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?
GREMIO.
A bridegroom, say you? 'Tis a groom indeed,
A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.
TRANIO.
Curster than she? Why, 'tis impossible.
GREMIO.
Why, he's a devil, a devil, a very fiend.
TRANIO.
Why, she's a devil, a devil, the devil's dam.
GREMIO.
Tut! she's a lamb, a dove, a fool, to him.
I'll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
Should ask if Katherine should be his wife,
'Ay, by gogs-wouns' quoth he, and swore so loud
That, all amaz'd, the priest let fall the book;
And as he stoop'd again to take it up,
The mad-brain'd bridegroom took him such a cuff
That down fell priest and book, and book and priest:
'Now take them up,' quoth he 'if any list.'
TRANIO.
What said the wench, when he rose again?
GREMIO.
Trembled and shook, for why, he stamp'd and swore
As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
But after many ceremonies done,
He calls for wine: 'A health!' quoth he, as if
He had been abroad, carousing to his mates
After a storm; quaff'd off the muscadel,
And threw the sops all in the sexton's face,
Having no other reason
But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
And seem'd to ask him sops as he was drinking.
This done, he took the bride about the neck,
And kiss'd her lips with such a clamorous smack
That at the parting all the church did echo.
And I, seeing this, came thence for very shame;
And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
Such a mad marriage never was before.
Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.
[Music.]
[Enter PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, BIANCA, BAPTISTA, HORTENSIO,
GRUMIO, and Train.]
PETRUCHIO.
Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains:
I know you think to dine with me to-day,
And have prepar'd great store of wedding cheer
But so it is- my haste doth call me hence,
And therefore here I mean to take my leave.
BAPTISTA.
Is't possible you will away to-night?
PETRUCHIO.
I must away to-day before night come.
Make it no wonder: if you knew my business,
You would entreat me rather go than stay.
And, honest company, I thank you all,
That have beheld me give away myself
To this most patient, sweet, and virtuous wife.
Dine with my father, drink a health to me.
For I must hence; and farewell to you all.
TRANIO.
Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.
PETRUCHIO.
It may not be.
GREMIO.
Let me entreat you.
PETRUCHIO.
It cannot be.
KATHERINA.
Let me entreat you.
PETRUCHIO.
I am content.
KATHERINA.
Are you content to stay?
PETRUCHIO.
I am content you shall entreat me stay;
But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.
KATHERINA.
Now, if you love me, stay.
PETRUCHIO.
Grumio, my horse!
GRUMIO.
Ay, sir, they be ready; the oats have eaten the horses.
KATHERINA.
Nay, then,
Do what thou canst, I will not go to-day;
No, nor to-morrow, not till I please myself.
The door is open, sir; there lies your way;
You may be jogging whiles your boots are green;
For me, I'll not be gone till I please myself.
'Tis like you'll prove a jolly surly groom
That take it on you at the first so roundly.
PETRUCHIO.
O Kate! content thee: prithee be not angry.
KATHERINA.
I will be angry: what hast thou to do?
Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.
GREMIO.
Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work.
KATHERINA.
Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner:
I see a woman may be made a fool,
If she had no
t a spirit to resist.
PETRUCHIO.
They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.
Obey the bride, you that attend on her;
Go to the feast, revel and domineer,
Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,
Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves:
But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.
Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;
I will be master of what is mine own.
She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,
My household stuff, my field, my barn,
My horse, my ox, my ass, my anything;
And here she stands, touch her whoever dare;
I'll bring mine action on the proudest he
That stops my way in Padua. Grumio,
Draw forth thy weapon; we are beset with thieves;
Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.
Fear not, sweet wench; they shall not touch thee, Kate;
I'll buckler thee against a million.
[Exeunt PETRUCHIO, KATHERINA, and GRUMIO.]
BAPTISTA.
Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.
GREMIO.
Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.
TRANIO.
Of all mad matches, never was the like.
LUCENTIO.
Mistress, what's your opinion of your sister?
BIANCA.
That, being mad herself, she's madly mated.
GREMIO.
I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.
BAPTISTA.
Neighbours and friends,
though bride and bridegroom wants
For to supply the places at the table,
You know there wants no junkets at the feast.
Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom's place;
And let Bianca take her sister's room.
TRANIO.
Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?
BAPTISTA.
She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let's go.
[Exeunt.]
ACT IV.
SCENE I. A hall in PETRUCHIO'S country house.
[Enter GRUMIO.]
GRUMIO.
Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all foul ways! Was ever man so beaten? Was ever man so ray'd? Was ever man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they are coming after to warm them. Now, were not I a little pot and soon hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me. But I with blowing the fire shall warm myself; for, considering the weather, a taller man than I will take cold.
Holla, ho! Curtis!
[Enter CURTIS.]
CURTIS.
Who is that calls so coldly?
GRUMIO.
A piece of ice: if thou doubt it, thou mayst slide from my
shoulder to my heel with no greater a run but my head and my neck. A fire, good Curtis.
CURTIS.
Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?
GRUMIO.
O, ay! Curtis, ay; and therefore fire, fire; cast on no water.
CURTIS.
Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?
GRUMIO.
She was, good Curtis, before this frost; but thou knowest winter tames man, woman, and beast; for it hath tamed my old master, and my new mistress, and myself, fellow Curtis.
CURTIS.
Away, you three-inch fool! I am no beast.
GRUMIO.
Am I but three inches? Why, thy horn is a foot; and so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress, whose hand,--she being now at hand,--thou shalt soon feel, to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office?
CURTIS.
I prithee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?
GRUMIO.
A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine;
and therefore fire. Do thy duty, and have thy duty,
for my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.
CURTIS.
There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news?
GRUMIO.
Why, 'Jack boy! ho, boy!' and as much news as thou wilt.
CURTIS.
Come, you are so full of cony-catching.
GRUMIO.
Why, therefore, fire; for I have caught extreme cold. Where's the cook? Is supper ready, the house trimmed, rushes strewed, cobwebs swept, the serving-men in their new fustian, their white stockings, and every officer his wedding-garment on? Be the Jacks fair within, the Jills fair without, and carpets laid, and everything in order?
CURTIS.
All ready; and therefore, I pray thee, news?
GRUMIO.
First, know my horse is tired; my master and mistress fallen out.
CURTIS.
How?
GRUMIO.
Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a tale.
CURTIS.
Let's ha't, good Grumio.
GRUMIO.
Lend thine ear.
CURTIS.
Here.
GRUMIO.
[Striking him.] There.
CURTIS.
This 'tis to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.
GRUMIO.
And therefore 'tis called a sensible tale; and this cuff was but to knock at your car and beseech listening. Now I begin: Imprimis, we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress,--
CURTIS.
Both of one horse?
GRUMIO.
What's that to thee?
CURTIS.
Why, a horse.
GRUMIO.
Tell thou the tale: but hadst thou not crossed me, thou shouldst have heard how her horse fell and she under her horse; thou shouldst have heard in how miry a place, how she was bemoiled; how he left her with the horse upon her; how he beat me because her horse stumbled; how she waded through the dirt to pluck him off me: how he swore; how she prayed, that never prayed before; how I cried; how the horses ran away; how her bridle was burst; how I lost my crupper; with many things of worthy memory, which now shall die in oblivion, and thou return unexperienced to thy grave.
CURTIS.
By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.
GRUMIO.
Ay; and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find when he comes home. But what talk I of this? Call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugarsop, and the rest; let their heads be sleekly combed, their blue coats brush'd and their garters of an indifferent knit; let them curtsy with their left legs, and not presume to touch a hair of my master's horse-tail till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready?
CURTIS.
They are.
GRUMIO.
Call them forth.
CURTIS.
Do you hear? ho! You must meet my master to countenance my mistress.
GRUMIO.
Why, she hath a face of her own.
CURTIS.
Who knows not that?
GRUMIO.
Thou, it seems, that calls for company to countenance her.
CURTIS.
I call them forth to credit her.
GRUMIO.
Why, she comes to borrow nothing of them.
[Enter several SERVANTS.]
NATHANIEL.
Welcome home, Grumio!
PHILIP.
How now, Grumio!
JOSEPH.
What, Grumio!
NICHOLAS.
Fellow Grumio!
NATHANIEL.
How now, old lad!
GRUMIO.
Welcome, you; how now, you; what, you; fellow, you; and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all ready, and all things neat?