Princess on the Brink pd-8

by Meg Cabot

  “So am I,” Lilly said, wiping her eyes again. “Sorry I was such anidiot for not admitting to myself what I KNEW was going on sooner.”

  I blinked at her. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, the very first time I told him that I loved him, and all he said was thank you? I mean, I should have taken that as a sign that he didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him, right?”

  “But we all just thought it was because he wasn’t used to having a girl like him,” I said. “Remember, Tina said—”

  “Right, that he was like the Beast fromBeauty and the Beast , unused to human love, and uncertain how to react to it. Well, guess what? Tina was wrong. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to react. He just didn’t love me back, and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me so. So he just led me on, all these months.”

  I couldn’t help sucking in my breath. “Oh, Lilly,” I said. “No! I mean, he must have thought maybe—”

  “That he’d grow to love me?” Lilly managed a bitter smile. “Yeah, well, apparently it didn’t work.”

  “Oh, Lilly,” I said. I could have killed J.P. right then. I really could have. I couldn’t believe he was putting her through this.

  And to do it at school! Of all places! I mean, why couldn’t he have waited until they were somewhere alone, like Ray’s Pizza, and broken the news to her then, so she could cry in private? What’swrong with boys?

  I’ll kill him. Seriously. I’m going to kill him.

  I didn’t even realize I’d said the words out loud until Lilly reached out and grabbed my wrist and said, “Mia. No. Don’t.”

  I looked at her, startled. “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t say anything to him about it. Really. It’s my fault. I…I sort of knew all along that he didn’t love me.”

  “What?”I’ve heard about this before. When victims of rat fink boyfriends blame themselves for what the loser himself did.

  But I never thought LILLY, of all people, would be one of them.

  “What are youtalking about, you knew? Obviously you didn’t know, Lilly, or you wouldn’t have—”

  “No, it’s true,” Lilly said, her voice hoarse with tears. “When he never said he loved me back, I suspected that there was something wrong. But I—well, like you said. I thought he might learn to love me. So I stayed with him, instead of breaking it off, like I should have. It’s not his fault. He tried, Mia. He really did. It was actually really nice of him not to let it go farther than it did. He could really have taken advantage. But he didn’t.”

  I couldn’t help being all, “So, wait. Does that mean that you two never—”

  Lilly’s eyes narrowed. “Nice try, POG,” she said. “I’m down, but I’m not out. We still have a presidential election to plan, you know.”

  I dropped my head down to the top of the desk. “Lilly,” I said. “I can’t. I just can’t. Can’t you see I’m broken?”

  “Well, I’m broken, too,” Lilly said defensively. “And I’m still able to FUNCTION. A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

  I really hate this expression. I bet fish would totally want bicycles, if they had legs.

  Then, in a gentler voice, Lilly added, “Look, POG, about you and my brother. I’m sorry.”

  “Thanks,” I said. And all the tears I thought I had successfully fought down in the cafeteria came rushing back.

  “But I don’t get it,” Lilly said.

  “Of course you don’t get it,” I said miserably, to the top of the desk. “You’re his sister. You’re on his side.”

  “I may be his sister,” Lilly said. “But I’m your best friend, too. And it just seems like such a stupid waste. I know you’re mad at him, but really…what did he do that was so wrong? So he slept with Judith Gershner. Big deal. It’s not like he did it WHILE you two were going out.”

  “It IS a big deal,” I insisted. “I just…I never thought Michael, of all people, would do something like that. Sleep with someone he didn’t even love. And then LIE to me about it. And I KNOW you think that’s just me inflicting my beliefs onto him. But I always just assumed he and I shared the same beliefs. And now I find out he’s more…well, he’s more likeJosh Richter than he is like me!”

  “Josh Richter?” Lilly rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. How is my brother REMOTELY like Josh Richter?

  “Because sleeping with a girl you don’t even love…that’s something Josh Richter does.”

  “It’s only a Josh Richter thing to do if the girl had a major crush on him and he used her and she got hurt.”

  I lifted my head to stare at her. “You mean like you and J.P.?” I asked, trying to sound as concerned as possible.

  Lilly just glared at me, though. “Nice try, Mia,” she said. “But I’m not falling for that one.”

  Dang.

  “Mia,” Lilly said. “You can’t get all bent out of shape over the fact that Michael has been with other girls before you. That’s just STUPID.”

  NowI narrowed my eyes ather. “What do you mean, GIRLS?”

  “Well, like that girl from Hebrew camp—”

  “WHAT GIRL FROM HEBREW CAMP?” I screamed so loudly that Boris actually stuck his head out of the supply closet to see what was going on.

  “Relax,” Lilly said disgustedly. “They just made out. And he was, like, in ninth grade, or something.”

  “Was she pretty?” I wanted to know. “Who was she? What base did they get to?”

  “You,” Lilly said, “need therapy. Now, can we talk about something other than our romantic travails for a moment? Because we need to work on your speech.”

  I blinked at her. “My what?”

  “Your speech. You think just because we’ve broken up with our boyfriends, we’re no longer capable of improving our academic environment, or leading our peers to a better tomorrow?”

  “No,” I said. “But—”

  “Good. Because you know you have to give your student council president speech at Assembly today, right?”

  I swallowed. Hard. “Lilly,” I said. “That is not going to be possible.”

  “You don’t have a choice, POG,” Lilly said. “I’ve let you off easy this week because of the whole Michael thing. But this part I can’t do for you. You’re going to have to get up there and speak. I figured you wouldn’t have prepared anything, so I took the liberty of doing so.” She slid a piece of paper—covered with Lilly’s tiniest handwriting—toward me. “It’s pretty much the answers to questions posed on the table-toppers in the caf. You know, what to do in the event of a Category Five hurricane or dirty bomb attack. Nothing new. At least, not to you. It should be a snap.”

  “If I do this,” I asked, in a sort of daze—maybe I was crashing from all the bacon—“you’ll tell me, right? If you and J.P. Did It over the summer?”

  “Is that your sole motivation for running?” Lilly wanted to know.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “God, that is so pathetic. But yes, I will. You loser.”

  I didn’t take offense at this because she’s right. I AM a loser. She doesn’t even know how much.

  Besides, I know that beneath Lilly’s bravado, she is clearly hurting inside. How could she not be? She adored J.P. in a way I’ve never seen her fall for any other guy.

  Seriously, how could J.P. do this to her? I thought he was one of the good guys. I really did.

  But now I honestly don’t know how I’m going to be able to be friends with him. Let alone lab partners.

  Friday, September 10, Chemistry

  J.P. is acting like nothing happened! Like he thinks I don’t know about him and Lilly! He asked, “How are you, Mia?” when he sat down next to me, looking all concerned about me. Me! Whenhe’s the one who just stomped on my best friend’s heart!

  I was so shocked, I just went, “Fine,” completely forgetting what I decided in the hallway on the way to class—that I am never speaking to J.P. again.

  And okay, it isn’t his fault, necessarily, that he
doesn’t love Lilly. But he could have told her sooner—like way back in May when she first told him that she loved him—instead of stringing her along this whole time.

  Oh…Kenny is passing me a note:

  Mia—I was very sorry to hear about you and Michael breaking up. If there is anything I can do to help make you feel better, please let me know.—Kenny

  Kenny is so sweet. I can’t believe he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Hey, maybe Lilly—

  Well, okay. Probably not. He’s not really her type, seeing as how he weighs less than she does.

  Thanks, Kenny. Helping me make sense of all this Chemistry stuff is really all I can think of at the moment. I’m really grateful for all your help.

  No problem, Mia! I’m always here for you. Maybe, if you aren’t doing anything tonight, you could come over, and I could help you understand Avogadro’s number. Because I noticed you looked kind of confused by that. Plus, my mom just went to the butcher, so we have lots of bacon, which I hear you’re eating now.

  Aw. See? He’s such a nice guy. He TOTALLY needs a girlfriend. Maybe he and Perin would get along???

  Oh, thank you, Kenny, that’s very sweet, but I can’t tonight. I’m not really feeling up to understanding anybody’s number yet.

  Well, the invitation’s open anytime! You really don’t need to be intimidated by Chemistry. It’s easy—so long as you pay attention.

  Good to know! Thanks again.

  Amazing.

  Oh my God. J.P. just passed me a note! How COULD he? I mean, he has to know how upset I am with him right now. He knows Lilly has G&T with me after lunch. He has to know she told me what he did. How dare he pass me a note? How DARE he?

  Well, I’m not writing back. I’m not. I’m keeping my eyes on the blackboard. Chemistry is important, you know. Even princesses have to know it. For some reason.

  Still…what’s he talking about? What’s so amazing? What’s amazing?

  I can’t believe I did that! I can’t believe I wrote back! What’s WRONG with me?

  That you’ve only been single for what, less than 24 hours? And the wolves are already out.

  !!!!WHAT???? What is he talking about? Oh, wait, KENNY? Is J.P. insane?

  Kenny’s not a wolf! He’s just trying to be nice.

  You go right on telling yourself that, if it makes you feel better. How are you doing, though, REALLY?

  Ha! Well, he asked for it:

  How am I doing? I’ll tell you how I’m doing. I was doing a lot better before you broke up with my best friend!!!!

  Let’s see how he responds to THAT.

  Oh. She told you.

  Of course she told me!!!! What do you think???? Lilly and I tell each other everything. Well, ALMOST everything. J.P., how could you do that to her?

  I’m sorry. I didn’t want to. I like Lilly, I really do. Just not the same way she likes me.

  She didn’t just LIKE you, she LOVED you. She told you that back in May. If you knew you didn’t love her, why didn’t you tell her then? Why did you have to string her on for so long?

  Honestly, I don’t know. I guess I hoped my feelings would change. But they never did. And today, when I saw how she treated you—well, I realized they never would.

  Saw how she treated me? What are you TALKING about?

  She was so mean to you at lunch. About what happened between you and Michael.

  What???? Lilly wasn’t mean to me!!!

  Mia, she equated your breaking up with Michael for lying to you with fundamentalist judges in Iran who order adulterous women to be stoned to death.

  Oh, THAT. But that’s just Lilly being…LILLY. I mean, that’s just how she is.

  Well, that’s not someone I want to be with. That shows a lack of compassion I frankly find unforgivable.

  Wait…so you’re saying you broke up with Lilly because of ME???

  Well…partly. Yes.

  Oh, great. This is just GREAT. Like things aren’t going badly enough. Now I also have to shoulder the burden of responsibility for Lilly’s broken heart?

  J.P., that’s just how Lilly IS. I’m USED to it. It doesn’t bother me.

  But it SHOULD bother you. You deserve to be treated better. I think you let people treat you badly too often. You dismiss it as “that’s just how that person is.” But that doesn’t make their behavior right, Mia. That’s why I think your taking a stand against Michael for what he did is a real step forward for you.

  What is he TALKING about?

  I don’t let people treat me badly! I totally broke Lana’s cell phone that one time…well, you weren’t there. But I did.

  I’m not saying you NEVER stick up for yourself. I’m just saying it seems to take a lot to finally get a rise out of you. You tend to think the best of people—like Kenny, and his blatant attempt to lure you into his clutches when you’ve been single less than 24 hours.

  !

  I told you! Kenny only thinks of me as a friend!

  Right. You go right on telling yourself that. I’m just glad you finally stuck up for yourself where Michael is concerned. I like Michael, but it was wrong of him to lie to you about his sexual history. I think honesty is the most important thing in a relationship. And if Michael couldn’t be honest with you about something as basic as who he has been with before you, what chance did you two really have at anything long-term?

  Wow! FINALLY someone who gets it! Maybe J.P. isn’t that bad after all. I mean, it’s true he dumped Lilly—and at SCHOOL, of all places.

  But he seems to really have his priorities straight.

  I just hope that you and I can still be friends. I wouldn’t want you to hold my breaking up with Lilly against me. I would hate for that to affect OUR friendship. Because I do consider you a close friend, Mia…one of the best I’ve ever had.

  Oh my gosh! That is so sweet!

  Thanks, J.P.! I think of you that way, as well. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’re on my side in all of this, and not Michael’s. So many boys WOULD take his side, I think. They just don’t seem to understand that your virginity is the most precious gift you have to give to your one true love. If you waste it on someone you don’t even care about, then you have nothing to give the person you DO care about when the time comes.

  Exactly. That’s why I’ve hung on to mine.

  !!!! J.P. is a virgin!!!!!

  Wow. He and I really DO have a lot in common.

  Also…this means that Tina is wrong: He and Lilly never Did It!!!!!!!!!!

  I’m not going to tell Lilly I know the truth, though. She’s had enough disappointments for one day. I’ll let her have the fun of stringing me along for a bit longer. It’s the least I can do, considering it’s MY fault she and J.P. broke up.

  I just really hope she never realizes this.

  Friday, September 10, Precalc

  Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Did what just happened really happen? Or did I just imagine it?

  It CAN’T have happened. Because it’s too weird to actually have taken place.

  Except…except I think it really did!

  I’m going to throw up. I really am.Why did I eat that bacon cheeseburger for lunch?

  My fingers are trembling so much I can barely write this…but I have to get it down somehow…okay, here goes:

  Now I know what Michael meant when he said he was going tocome by and try to explain. He meant he was going to come to ALBERT EINSTEIN HIGH SCHOOL.

  And walk up to the door to seventh period Chemistry just as I was coming out with J.P. Only at first I didn’t notice him. Michael, I mean.

  At least, not until after J.P.—who I’m sure hadn’t noticed Michael either—went, “Friends?” to me, and I said, “Of course!” and then he said, “Hug?”

  And I was like, “Why not?” And gave him one.

  And I was so—I don’t know. MOVED by how sad J.P. was, on account of breaking up with Lilly, and all—that the next thing I knew, I was KISSING J.P.

  I only meant to kiss him on the chee
k. But he moved his head. And so I ended up kissing him on the lips.

  Not like French, or anything. And only for a second.

  Still. I kissed him. On the lips.

  It wouldn’t have been any big deal—I’m sure it wouldn’t—if it hadn’t been for the fact that when I took my arms down from around his neck and turned around—all embarrassed, because I HADN’T meant to kiss him. Or at least, not exactly—there was Michael.

  Just standing there in the middle of the crowded hallway, looking stunned.

  So many things went through my head when I turned around and saw Michael standing there, staring at me. Happiness, at first, because I’m always happy when I see Michael. Then pain, when I remembered what he did to me, and how we’re broken up now. Then bewilderment, over what on earth he was doing at a school he already graduated from.

  Then I realized he was thereto try to explain , like he’d texted.

  And then I saw his expression, and saw his gaze dart from my face to J.P.’s—poor J.P., who was standing there still as a statue, the hand he’d put around my waist when I’d stood on my tiptoes to kiss him still up in the air, like he’d forgotten how to move, or something!—and back again.

  And I knew EXACTLY what he was thinking.

  Then all I felt was confused. Because Michael had to think—well, that there was something going on between me and J.P.

  But it wasn’t true, of course.

  “Michael,” I said.

  But it was too late. Because he was alreadyturning around and walking away .