She started wringing her hands, looking stressed and anxious and all I wanted to do was pull her to me and protect her. Then she shrugged and said to her hands, “I was... I was hoping to see you again. I thought..." She looked up and tried again. “I felt like we had a connection. I don't have many mates... well I have one, but he moved away. He's the bloke I went to play rugby with, Dominick. And I thought... well I hoped we could, I don't know...”
I supplied softly, “Be friends?"
She nodded, nibbling her lower lip.
I put my hand out. “Mobile."
She hesitated, and I wiggled my fingers. She started then stopped then started again, and she pulled her mobile out of a cute clutch.
Smiling, I entered my contact information and handed it back to her. She looked pleased. I nodded once, “Friends, I'd like that." My mind was supplying all sorts of unlikely scenarios that made my heart race, but I could work with friends. That way she'd be in my life rather than not.
She squeaked out, “Cheers. Have a spectacular day at work. You'll be brill." Then she scurried off so quickly I didn't have a chance to say anything.
I mumbled to her retreating back with a silly smile on my face, “Bye...”
Then I grinned hugely, Reid wanted to be friends, and I stepped into Bits, singing out, “Morning!”
***
The memories spun in my mind as I was brought back to the present.
JJ was asking, “Thirteen Roman pikes? Your head has been in the clouds since you got back from lunch. Is it that Reid again?”
Right! Thirteen pikes. I waved him off as I headed toward the stairs. The pikes were up with the ostrich feather masks on the third floor. Don't ask, there is actually a reason for it, and it made sense when I was told.
I called back, “Is that your way of sussing out my relationships? Not everything is about Reid. Can't I be lost in thought over deep subjects?”
He chuckled at my retreating back and retorted, “No, not when you're as clearly smitten as you are.”
I sighed as I ran up the stairs, so he was observant as well. These last four months with Reid have been... frustrating to say the least. I'm pretty certain we're a couple now. But it is a slow process. In a separate conversation not long ago, about someone else, Paya explained that some people are just not sexually attracted to anyone, and some people can only form that sort of attraction with someone they have already made a connection with.
The term is demisexual, and I pray that that is the case here, instead of Reid being asexual. Because I definitely have no problems being sexually attracted to the beguiling person. I'm not too proud to admit I have had to curb my sexual frustration myself at times, behind closed doors.
Without even trying or being conscious of it, Reid is a very romantic person. Like later that first week, after walking me to work from the train each morning, I remember smiling most of the day when I kept getting random texts from Reid. They were silly and... well, like I said, random. Like, “Orange cat just crossed my path, does that mean seven years of breakfast?" Then one mixed in the lot made me pause, “Let's go for a walk tonight, I've something to show you.”
That one threw me. Was it like just walking for health reasons, or... or hell, I don't know what I was thinking. I hadn't responded to that one as it had me lost in thought the rest of the day.
Then after work, I stepped out to find Reid waiting, wearing trousers and a flannel shirt, a little too cute to look rugged, which kept my constant reassessing Reid's sex flip flopping. Was I a bad friend that I didn't know? That I didn't ask? Would it be rude to ask? Was it bad that when I was with the happy sprite, it didn't seem to matter a lick to me?
I had to grin at the cheesy one my friend was shooting me. I asked as JJ stepped out behind me to lock up for the weekend, “Reid, what are you doing here?”
He said like it was obvious. “Our walk." Oh...
Mr. Jameson stepped past us with a smile I hadn't seen on his face before, it was one that looked full of fond, if not sad, memories as he said, “You kids have fun." Then to me, he said, “See you Monday, Tina.”
I leaned over and gave the old man a kiss on the cheek as I assured him, “Will do, have a great weekend.”
He beamed at us and then, got into his car, and drove off.
I was watching his car pull out when I froze up as Reid grabbed my hand and started moving excitedly toward the tube station. Besides when he shook my hand when we first met, that was the first time he had touched me.
There had always been a sort of invisible force field between us, even when we walked, we were always close together, almost impossibly close, just shy of touching. It was as if we were walking in two different worlds, but sharing the experience with someone of the same mind. Together but a million miles apart in the same instant.
The contact sent a thrill through me I can't explain, it wasn't a sexual thrill it was something more... I don't know... important? It was like at that moment, that invisible wall between us had shattered, and the connection between us that kept pulling at us was finally able to snap into place.
As odd as this may sound if I were to look back, I think that was the moment when our friendship was cemented. Even if it never became anything more than friendship, Reid had become an integral part of my life. And I was sure it had been a defining moment for him as well.
I chuckled out as he dragged me along, “What's the hurry? I thought walking consisted of more... well, walking.”
He just looked back at me, wiggled his eyebrows, then explained obtusely, “We can't miss the train, you'll see."
Then we slowed down as we approached the stairs down to the station as he said, “I was looking at a blouse with a pretty floral pattern on it today, and it just reminded me of something I wanted to show you.”
I was in an inordinately good mood, seeing his smile, which drew my gaze to his lips again, with that understated frosted gloss he wore. No... I studied Reid's face as we walked quickly to a train. There was something just a little too feminine about his bone structure. Grah! It was driving me crazy, she had to be a girl who was failing miserably at being butch.
How could I not care about her sex one moment, then be obsessed with knowing it the next?
When we switched to an overland train, I had to ask as we headed north, “Just where are you taking me?”
She looked far too pleased with herself as she said, “For a walk.”
I rolled my eyes and muttered, “I got that already, oh cryptic one... where?”
The train pulled up at the Crouch Hill station, and she hopped up from the bench, with me following on an invisible string as she said, “Here, of course.”
That was apparently all I was going to get from her as she made a show of keeping her mouth shut. I squinted an eye and shook a fist at her playfully, then flinched back at the sight of my fist when I flashed back for an instant. Father in a drunken rage, his fists balled up and swinging.
Reid pulled me out of it as she brought us to a stop on the platform, grabbing both my hands in hers as people bustled past. “Christine? Are you ok? You just went pale as a ghost." Then she added, unsure of herself, “We don't have to do this, I just thought it would be fun.”
I looked over at her, then down at our hands. I made eye contact, and assured her. “It was nothing. I'm dying of curiosity here, where are we going, lady?”
She looked dubious for a moment then her excitement bled back into her as she shook her head and started quickly for the stairs the street above the outdoor platform. She just kept repeating cutely every time I tried to open my mouth to ask, “Nope.”
I looked at my hand, where she was dragging me behind her. I felt like a git just staring at our hands, enjoying the warmth, but enjoying more the touch of another individual who I had made a connection with. I held my breath and then took a chance, moving my hand to lace our fingers.
I felt her stiffen for a moment before relaxing. Then before I knew it, she was no longer dragging me
, but instead, walking beside me as she studiously kept peering ahead of us, not chancing a look at me. I smiled. She was so bashful and that was a very attractive look for her.
We didn't say anything, we just shared a camaraderie silence, enjoying each others company as we went up two blocks then crossed over another to a gate with a pillar marking it as the entrance to a place called Parkland Walk. The area beyond looked like it was straight out of the middle of a hidden forest somewhere. But we were still in the middle of London. How did I not know this was hiding here?
Well, the answer was obvious, I didn't grow up in London and hadn't explored the city as much as I ought. We had only been here since McGrath took us away from the bad situation Robert and I were in and spirited us away to London. And I've mostly stayed in the downtown core area, and the London waterways on the Deirdre since that is where everyone I knew in the big city was.
I looked around, eyes wide as we stepped out of the city and into a wild space that had wide paths through the center of it. It was as if we had stepped through a portal, leaving the crush of the city behind us.
I turned my gaze to Reid, just to see her studying me intently. She seemed pleased I had this reaction to the contrast between the two diametrically opposed environments. I had to smile and asked in wonder, “What is this place?”
She shrugged as she pulled me onto the path, then explained, “You mentioned the other day that you wanted to explore London more one day." She shrugged again, making an effort not to look at me as we walked, hand in hand, in the impossible forest inside the city. “It's one day.”
Ok, I couldn't wipe the stupid amazed smile off my face as we walked along. She shared with a bit of reverence in her tone, “This is my favorite place. I thought I'd share with you, some of the secrets that London has hidden in plain sight for everyone to see if they'd just open their eyes.”
I glanced around and then asked in earnest, “Seriously, what is this place?”
She chanced a look at me, and I warned with a teasing grin, “Don't you dare shrug your shoulders.”
This prompted the smile I was shooting for, so she straightened up a bit and then pointed with her free hand, making sure not to let go of mine with her other. “See the stairs covered in ivy?”
I followed her finger and then saw it, nature had just about totally swallowed an old concrete staircase, vines climbed the cracked surface and wrapped the rusted steel handrails. “This is an old abandoned overland rail-bed. The city repurposed it as a nature walk, it isn't the biggest one in the city, but it feels endless as you walk it. You can see the old bones of the decaying infrastructures from time to time like that, or the bridges and stations. This is Parkland Walk.”
Then she said in a low tone, with a bit of awe in her voice, “Every time I step into it, I feel like I've stepped through the wardrobe and into Narnia, leaving all the unpleasantness of the world behind. Here nobody judges you, anyone you pass is here for the same thing, just to enjoy nature without having to take a day-trip out of the city.”
I hesitated at that, and a bit of anger welled in my gut, understanding that people likely judged her for her androgynous look. But her individuality was so uniquely her, and it was... well it was beautiful. There I said it.
We must have walked over a kilometer like that, she talked about her mother and growing up in one of the most amazing cities in the world. She prompted me for information about my childhood, but I was reticent, and only gave her my happy memories. She didn't need to be saddled with the truth of our family.
I flinched when she reached up to brush some hair out of my face. I hated that I still instinctively reacted like that when someone raised their hand around me.
She had a concerned look on her face over my reaction, and she pulled me over to a low, moss covered wall along the walk and sat on it, pulling me down beside her.
The expectant look on her face spoke volumes. I didn't discuss this with anyone, not even my own siblings who lived through it with me. But I felt... I don't know, safe? This was Reid's safe place, a world away from the world. I'm sure she would figure it all out on her own, she looked as if she was already piecing things together as it was.
She was too intelligent.
I looked around, and except for a jogger who moved swiftly past us, sharing a little wave of camaraderie, we were alone. Then I let go of her hand and started rubbing the sides of my other hand with my thumb, trying to wash away the invisible scars on my psyche.
I nodded once, not daring to meet her eyes. She waited patiently for me to gather my wits, then I spoke of my shame, my family's shame, “My father was a raging drunk, a right tosser, and we all lived in fear at home. It had all started when I was really young, Lenore was seven, and Robert was just a baby. Dad had been sacked from his job and had started frequenting the pubs on the way home.”
I assured her, glancing at her blue eyes before looking away and said, “It was our fault really. We shouldn't have made him angry when he was dealing with the stress of it all.”
I hated being a victim... I took a breath and tried to explain that it really wasn't dad's fault. “It started with the yelling. Mum told us that he was just upset with his job. But then one night it became more than yelling. I can still hear the sickening sound... the first time he hit her for not having supper ready when he got home from the pub.”
An arm wrapped around my shoulders as Reid pulled me to her shoulder. I stared at a fixed point in space where my memories played out in front of my eyes, the memories I can't shut off some nights, the memories that were my own personal hell. I hear Bobby in his berth on the Deidre sometimes, tossing and talking in his sleep, as the nightmare we had escaped invaded his sleep. But not Lenny, she's always been the strong one.
I voiced that, “It just got to be how life was at home, he'd beat mum for anything she did to upset him when he was drunk. But it was just the drink. He wasn't that way when he was sober. He only yelled at us children, until the day I accidentally dropped a glass of juice.”
My chest clenched and I found it harder to breathe as I shared, “That was the first time it spilled over to us. He raised his hand and went to backhand me. But Lenore... Lenore was suddenly there between us.”
I grasped Reid's shirt with both hands and pulled in closer, pressing my face into it as I watched the memory play out. “She went spinning to the ground... but she got right back up again. She stayed between us, and she got my beating for me being stupid.”
I straightened and said, “Lenny was so strong. She was there anytime dad got home from the pub as we grew up. She took every beating for us that she could. Mum pretended not to know.”
My anger started to build at something that never made sense to me until I got older. “It was our fault for making him mad, and he always made sure not to hit Lenore or Mum's faces after that. I know now that it was to hide the bruises... the signs of abuse. We passed off the other bruises as falling down stairs or running into doors.”
I exhaled and lifted my head off of Reid's shoulder, staring at that memory as it played crystal clear before my eyes, something I never wanted to face, but I was safe with Reid there as I continued, “Then after Lenny had forgotten to do the laundry one night, he beat her and kicked her and kept hitting her when she had crumpled to the floor, unmoving. I was so scared he was going to kill her.”
I turned watery eyes to my red haired companion who was just staring at me in wide eyed horror, “That's when I learned to be stronger, and when I knew what it was Lenore had been doing for us for ten years. She was gone the next morning. She had run, had found the strength to get herself out. She's always been the strongest of us.”
That I was positive of. Don't ever tell my sis, but she was my hero, it'll just make her head swell if she finds out. There wasn't a day after she got out that I didn't wish for the strength to do the same.
I exhaled slowly then pursed my lips before continuing. “After that, it was up to me to protect mum and Bob. I was the targe
t of dad's anger whenever I could be. I wasn't as strong as Lenny had been, and sometimes I just couldn't stand up to him, and Bobby got hurt.”
I smiled sadly and locked eyes with Reid. “Then one day... McGrath came for us, the love of Lenore's life. She came knocking when dad was beating Robert down for getting bad grades. Dad told me to send whoever was at the door away.”
My heart beat faster as I shared that fateful night which changed our lives forever, “I opened the front door a crack to see this huge, muscular freckled woman who had this red pixie cut mohawk, the rest of her head just shaved red stubble. She had a worried look on her face and asked in a voice colored with an Irish lilt, “Is everythin' ok in there?”
I inhaled deeply and continued, my voice stronger, “That's when Bobby backed into the front room, dad following, his fists white knuckled and his face red with rage. The woman's face hardened, and she pushed past me as I tried to push the door shut with both hands. She had opened the door, sliding me along the floor like I hadn't been of any consequence to her obvious strength.”
I smiled wistfully as I relayed the miracle that occurred next, “This imposing woman stepped between Robert and dad without a moment's hesitation. And for the first time in my life, I saw something in this world that was more frightening than dad's rage.”
The corner of my mouth quirked up. “A woman with a cold look in her eyes that could flash freeze an ocean, a look that told everyone just how dangerous that woman was even though to all outward appearances she was as calm as the eye of a hurricane.”
I pointed at the memory in front of me like Reid could see it unfolding, playing out like some macabre play. “She asked in a calm, icy tone, 'What's goin' on here? I'll be askin' ya to leave the boy alone.' Dad raged at her. Going on about how he could discipline his kids how he saw fit and she needed to 'get the fuck out of my house!'.”
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