by J. S. Scott
“If I would have known what you were going through, I would have searched for more,” she said.
I snatched the good luck charm back, making sure it went into my wallet. “I didn’t need more. I had this one. It was more than enough.”
Lauren gazed at me, but she didn’t say anything. I had no idea what was going on in her head. She looked like she was thinking about something, and I didn’t like the melancholy look on her face.
The waiter who had quietly dropped my check had taken it from the table, and was on his way back to return my card, so I stood up. “Thanks for the great service,” I said, putting my card back in my wallet.
We exchanged a few niceties, and he departed with a smile.
When I walked to Lauren’s side, I could tell she was still thinking about something, and she didn’t look happy. “Hey, no frowning tonight,” I said sternly as I grasped her hand and pulled her to her feet.
“I wasn’t sad,” she said as she grabbed her coat. “I just don’t know what to say.”
“That would be a first,” I teased.
I’d stepped outside and was holding the door open for her before I could see the tears in her eyes with the help of the illuminated exterior of the restaurant.
“Are you okay?” I walked her to the parking lot and was opening the door when she flung her soft, gorgeous body into my arms.
I had to choke back a groan when I tightened my arms around her.
She felt so damn good.
And holding her felt so damn right.
“I hate what happened to you, Graham. You had so many obstacles already that it just isn’t fair that you were alone when you needed somebody the most,” Lauren said in a muffled voice against my shoulder.
I smiled against her silky hair. I loved the female in my arms so damn much that when she hurt, I hurt with her, but I didn’t want her to be unhappy about the past. “If I’ve learned anything…it’s that life often isn’t fair, sweetheart.”
“Life sucks,” she murmured.
“Not right now,” I told her as I rubbed a hand up and down her back. “In fact, other than the fact that you’re crying, I think it’s pretty damn perfect.”
I had a boner the size of New York City, but I wouldn’t trade the past for my present. If every minute of my shitty past had led me to Lauren, I’d do it all over again.
“Do you mean that?” she said with a sniffle.
I stepped back so I could see her face, and answer her eye-to-eye. “I’m happy where I am right now, Lauren. I’m in a good place, and I have the career I’ve always wanted. All I need now is you.”
Her face looked tormented as she said, “I love you, Graham. Maybe I always have.”
“Mine!” I growled. A fierce possessiveness I’d never experienced before Lauren made my chest ache like I was having a heart attack.
Her words conjured up every damn fantasy I’d had since I’d been with her in Aspen. “I love you, too, baby,” I said, forcing the words past the huge lump in my throat.
She cried harder. “You’ve never said that to me before.”
For me, it was a monumental moment. “I’ve never said those words to anybody. I should have said them to you a long time ago. I’ve always loved you back, Peanut, even though it was in a different way when we were kids.”
“And now?” she asked hesitantly.
“Now I love you like the woman I can’t live without. I love you with all my heart.”
It didn’t matter that we were in a public parking lot. I fucking needed to be inside her.
I pushed her back against the Range Rover, trapped her with my body, and I kissed her, not caring if I ever stopped.
She responded, her arms wrapping around my neck as I did what I’d wanted to do the whole damn night.
CHAPTER 36
Lauren
It wasn’t my first time in his arms, but knowing that he loved me changed everything. Every doubt. Every fear fell away beneath wave after wave of joy. Yes, my body craved him, but my soul was cheering it on.
I pulled back slightly only because I didn’t want the first time we made love to be in public. His hands ran down my back, cupping my ass so I was pressed intimately against his cock.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking as dazed as I felt.
“How fast can you drive to your place?” I joked.
Comprehension lit his eyes. “Legally?” he joked and helped me into the Range Rover before jogging over to his side and climbing in. He closed the door and pulled me to him for another deep kiss that left us both shaken and breathing heavily. “I have an apartment. I know I do. And I know how to get there, but when you look at me that way I can’t remember my own damn name. God, I want to fuck you right here.”
His love made me bold. I ran my hand up his thigh and caressed his cock through his jeans. “I want it all, Graham, so much more than we could do in a parking lot.” I unsnapped the top of his jeans and slid his zipper down. “But if it’s okay with you I’ll start while you drive.”
He groaned and took my hand in his. “Lauren, I want to do this right. I can wait.”
I leaned closer and brushed my lips across his. “Love doesn’t come with a playbook. There is no right or wrong way as long as we both enjoy it and right now I want to try something I’ve never done. Now shut up and drive.”
He let my hand go, started the car and laughed. A deep excited flush darkened his neck and spread across his face. “Anything for you, Peanut.” He shifted his hips and his open jeans loosened.
We shared the kind of smile only lovers do. I tucked my hand down the front of his navy-blue boxer shorts and freed him. I’d read my share of spicy romances and felt confident with my knowledge of male anatomy and probable erogenous zones. All I was debating was the best angle.
He pulled out onto the road while I was still working through different scenarios in my head. It was difficult to form a single coherent thought with his cock growing beneath my hand. “Do people usually secure their seat belt while doing this?”
He groaned. “I don’t know,” he answered. I could have challenged that. Of the two of us he was definitely more experienced, but he didn’t look like he could concentrate on much more than driving at that moment.
I loved the possessive hand he dug into my hair. We stopped at a red light and I thought he might direct me downward, but instead he claimed my mouth again, his hand tightened in my hair until it was pleasurably painful. When he raised his head he said, “Holy fuck, Lauren, I want this time to be slow and perfect for you. How am I going to do that if I’m already out of my mind?”
“It’s already perfect,” I said. Seat belt or not. I lowered my head, taking him deeply into my mouth. This wasn’t about my pleasure or his, it was about ours. With him I was free and unafraid to explore my sexuality. A car honked behind us, announcing that the light had changed and the Range Rover jerked forward. I slammed against Graham’s chest and our connection was momentarily broken.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“It’s okay.” His cock glistened beneath the street lights we passed. Proud. Gorgeous. Mine. “How am I doing?”
He chuckled. “Everything you do is fucking incredible.”
I raced my tongue around the tip of his huge cock, then down around the length of it then started sucking and pumping my head up and down. His thigh was rock-hard beneath the hand I used to steady myself. Up and down, deeper and deeper. I got lost in my own crazy rhythm. I forgot where I was. I forgot everything beyond the taste of him, the guttural sounds of pleasure I was wringing from his lips, and the way my own sex was throbbing and craving his touch.
When we reached the second light he ran one hand up my leg, under my dress to just over the crotch of my panties. His fingers pushed the material aside and dipped inside me, one and then another. He curled them within me and I gasp
ed as he located a spot that had me whimpering with pleasure. He moved his fingers in and out, returning again and again to that spot until I was wet and squirming against his hand. He dragged his fingers out and forward and started circling and rubbing my clit.
His touch was rough, demanding, but no more than I wanted it to be. I cupped his balls with my hand and licked him from them to his tip and back. His fingers swiped back and forth with precision and I moved against them, raising my head just long enough to whisper my demand. “Put them inside me again.” He did and I cried out. Never. Never had I wanted a cock like I wanted his.
I raised my head and began to dig wildly through his pockets for a condom. He turned sharply and headed down a dark street between two buildings. I found the condom and held it up victoriously. He withdrew his hands long enough to park the car and throw his seat back. Without hesitation, I shimmied out of my underwear, sheathing him as I climbed onto his lap, facing him. “I love you so much,” I ground out as I lowered myself onto him.
“I love you, too, baby,” he thrust upward into me. His mouth met mine again and we kissed wildly, pounded against each other feverishly, as if it were the first as well as the last time even though this time it was neither.
He unzipped the back of my dress, then pushed it off my shoulders and down around my waist. He was beyond teasing. He nipped. He claimed. I hung on, offering all of me to him, feeling safe even while I lost control because I was with my best friend as well as the man who was promising me forever.
He raised his face and held mine between his hands. “Say you’re mine, Lauren.”
“I’m yours, Graham. All yours.”
“And I’m yours, Peanut.” He rewarded me with a series of upward thrusts so powerful, so hard and fast that I called out his name as I gave myself over to a mind shattering orgasm.
He began to jackhammer up into me and it sent fire spiraling through me. Could I have quantified it as a second orgasm, I was beyond caring. All I knew was we fit together as well physically as we always had emotionally.
I spasmed against him. He grunted and swore as he came inside me. We shuddered in unison then collapsed against each other.
It was only then that, although I was bare to the waist, I noticed he was still fully dressed. I laid my face against his shoulder and sighed. “Nice sweater.”
He kissed my forehead. “The lady at the store said you’d like it, but she didn’t say how much.”
With him still inside me I straightened on his lap and gazed into his eyes. “What lady?”
He smiled tenderly and caressed my cheek. “She was about a hundred years old.”
“Good,” I joked. “Those are the only women I want to see you with.”
His expression turned serious. “I don’t need anyone else, Lauren.”
“I was only joking,” I said and cringed at how defensive I sounded. The sex had been perfect. He’d said he loved me. What more did I want?
As he always had been able to, Graham sensed the change in my mood. He kissed me gently then eased me off him. “Let’s go home.”
His home? My home? Was the night over? I didn’t want it to be, but I also didn’t want to cling to him if he needed space. “Okay,” I said.
“You didn’t have any plans for tomorrow, did you?” he asked after he’d cleaned himself off, refastened his jeans and pulled the car back onto the road.
“No,” I said, telling myself that he might always need time to process changes in our relationship and part of loving him was being able to honor that. What I really wanted to do, though, was shake him and demand to know what everything we’d said to each other meant in practical terms. “Why?”
He took one of my hands in his and kissed it. “Because I doubt either of us will have much energy after tonight.”
My breath caught in my throat. “Oh yes?”
He took one of my fingers between his teeth and nipped it gently. “This was amazing, but we’re nowhere near done. I’m going to fuck every inch of you, slowly, over and over. Then I want to wake up and have you all over again. How does that sound?”
“Like you need to drive faster,” I said with a smile.
The lusty grin he gave me was matched with an increase of speed that had me reaching for my seat belt. He gave me a wild ride back to his place, and then another one just inside the door of his apartment.
CHAPTER 37
Lauren
I woke the next morning with a moan of contentment and a smile on my face. Flashes of the night before danced behind my still closed eyelids. Wild, carnal sex. Tender, sweet sex. He’d given me both in abundance. I licked my lips loving that the taste of him was still with me.
Breakfast. I’d need sustenance before another marathon of sex. I rolled onto my side and threw my arm out, seeking him. My eyes flew open when I felt only an empty bed beside me.
No. I refused to panic. This was different. I had no reason to doubt Graham. He’d said he loved me. He said he was mine. What kind of relationship would we have if I lost my shit every time he was out of my sight? Love was based on trust, wasn’t it? I needed to trust him.
I listened for the sound of him in the adjoining bathroom.
Nothing.
I held my breath and listened for any indication that he was in the apartment.
Nothing.
I sat up, hugged my suddenly uncertain stomach, and whipped my legs around. Naked, I gave in to my fear and sprinted from room to room. I counseled myself to stay calm. I reminded myself of every time he’d been there for me, every promise he’d kept.
But I couldn’t stop the memories of the last time I’d believed in him and woken up alone. I tried to distinguish how this time was different, but reason fell as doubt set in.
He’d once said he didn’t know how to love. What if this was what he’d meant? What if he could say all the right words and still repeat the cycle of leaving me?
It wasn’t the same. This time, if he left me without a word, if he refused to take my calls or see me, my heart would break in a way I wasn’t sure would ever heal.
His keys were gone.
His phone was gone.
No note.
The room spun slightly and my legs went weak beneath me. My clothing was folded up neatly on the table beside the couch. To make it easier for me to get dressed and leave before he returned?
My stomach heaved. I ran to the bathroom and stood over the toilet, wishing I could retch and get it over with.
That was when I heard the door of the apartment open and close, followed by the sound of his car remote being tossed on a table. I was a jumble of relief, anger, fear and shame.
“Hey,” he said softly from the door of the bathroom.
I straightened and stood there shaking. “I thought you were gone.”
He stepped forward and pulled me into his arms. “After last night, I woke up hungry and thought you might be, too. I decided to surprise you with muffins but realized I didn’t have the mix. There’s a store two minutes away. I thought I’d be back before you woke.”
I told myself I wouldn’t cry. I was done crying. I chastised myself for overreacting and tried to compose myself, but I couldn’t. Raw and unsure, I wanted to be better than I was in that moment. I wanted to tell him that the past was done and gone.
I couldn’t, though. I couldn’t stop shaking. I raised my fists between us, and pummeled them on his chest. Not to hurt him because I didn’t want to hurt him. I did it because I didn’t have the words to express how angry I was with myself. We had come so far. He was offering me everything. What if I was the one who ruined it this time? What if while he had spent so much time worrying about his diagnosis and how that would affect me, he hadn’t considered my challenges?
I was still my own worst enemy.
He hugged me and murmured, “It’s okay, Peanut. I’m here. I�
��m not going anywhere.” And he kept hugging my tense frame until eventually I laid my head on his chest and closed my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I croaked.
He kissed my temple. “I love you, Lauren.”
“I know.” I could have lied to him then, but I needed my friend as much as I needed my lover. “I love you, too. You should be able to go out to the store without worrying that I’ll lose my mind.” I searched his face for any sign that I was driving him away.
His arms tightened around me. “It’s okay. We’re okay. I shouldn’t have left. I should have considered how you might feel if you woke without me and waited.”
Tears filled my eyes but I sniffed and blinked them back. “Last night was perfect and I—”
He smiled down at me, but I knew I’d hurt him. “I don’t need perfect, Lauren. I need you.”
I sniffed again and chuckled only because of the way he’d said it. “Thanks?”
He growled and kissed me then. Somewhere in the passion I found my footing again. When he raised his head, desire was clouding what had already been a difficult conversation. “Trust takes time and I shook yours. I’m willing to prove to you that I’m not going anywhere this time.”
I caressed one of his cheeks and let his words wash over me. “I want to tell you that you already have.”
He kissed me briefly. “I’d rather you tell me the truth—always.”
I nodded. “I love you so much, Graham. I don’t want to imagine my life without you in it, but I panicked when I woke up alone. I hate that I did. I’m embarrassed and angry with myself.”
He tipped my chin up. “Be angry with me instead. I put that doubt in you.”
My heart ached for him. “You’ve been through so much. I understand why—”
He ran a thumb over my lips. “You need to promise me something right now.”