When Colour Became Grey

by A Lorenzen

  ‘Ameerah,’ his voice sung in my ears. ‘Tell me what happened.’

  I was pulled back to reality.

  ‘I have a second hearing,’ I stated simply, not wanting to show any distress.

  Caleb squinted. ‘I can feel your torment.’

  Blake leant closer to me, his fierce blue eyes like lasers. That definitely ripped me out of my peaceful trance. ‘They think I’m lying. They don’t believe I could have fought off a vampire by myself, which I don’t even claim! I kept saying I just tricked and distracted him until you all came, but they dismissed it, saying it’s not normal the vampire didn’t kill me straight away.’

  ‘It is alright, child. Don’t worry about the council.’ Caleb let go of my hands to embrace me in a hug. The emotions enveloped me; I was swimming in peace. He erased all worries from my mind.

  Caleb softly pushed me from him.

  ‘Do you feel better?’ I nodded, completely high. ‘Get in the truck and let me speak to Blake for a moment.’ He sat me on the passenger’s seat and Blake and Caleb walked off towards a bench next to the marble steps.

  My senses came back to me as the drug of Caleb’s presence wore off. What were they discussing? Did they also not believe me? I reached for my phone and dialled Kim’s number.

  ‘Hey what’s up?’ she greeted me cheerfully.

  I told her what had happened. Blake and Caleb were still debating.

  Kim cursed under her breath. ‘They are just testing you and seeing how you react under pressure. This is all part of their game. I’m sure of it, just stay calm and stick to your story. Nothing will happen to you,’ Kim urged me in a soothing tone.

  ‘You make it sound like I’m lying.’

  ‘That’s not what I meant. They are just destabilizing you, just keep calm and repeat what happened and they will leave you alone.’

  Blake and Caleb had gotten up from the bench and were walking towards the car. ‘I hope you’re right. Blake and Caleb are coming back; I’ll talk to you later.’

  ‘Do you also not believe me?’ I asked the moment Blake had opened the door.

  Blake closed the door behind him. Caleb drove off in his own car. He sighed deeply and looked into my eyes for a while before answering. ‘I do. Viktor was a vampire that enjoyed to toy with his victims. He got caught up in the game and didn’t sense we were coming. The council probably just wants to go over the details again. If you remain consistent, they will grant you your approval.’

  I nodded and leant back in the car seat. It was exhausting to think about facing them again.

  ‘How are you going to celebrate? After tomorrow?’

  ‘I’ll probably go to the pub with Kim and have a quiet evening. I don’t want another party.’

  Blake kept his eyes on the road and drove us home. His arms were tense and gripped the wheel tightly, his knuckles becoming white.

  We pulled up onto the parking in front of the white house we lived in. ‘Are you going to see Ben again?’

  I was surprised by this random question. ‘Why… why are you bringing this up again?’

  ‘I care about your safety and he is a dangerous man. I told you I don’t want you near him.’

  I turned towards him in my seat. ‘Listen to me,’ I started and had to hold my anger back. ‘Approved or not, you cannot tell me who to see and what to do. Get that in your head.’

  With those words I got out of the car and smacked the door closed too violently. The car swayed on its suspension.

  Blake followed me into the house. ‘I can tell you what to do! I’m your trainer and responsible for your survival here! You have to obey me!’

  A sense of ease built inside me. My nerves calmed down and my worries disappeared. Caleb was sitting in Blake’s chair by the window.

  ‘Blake, Ameerah, what troubles you that you have to scream at each other?’ His voice was sweet as honey.

  ‘She has been seeing Ben and is lying about it! I told her to stay away but she keeps defying me!’ Blake burst out.

  My own emotions swelled and Caleb’s effect was overpowered. ‘I’m not “seeing” Ben. I spoke to him several times and Blake suddenly feels entitled to comment on who I spend time with! I’m not with Ben but if I were, it wouldn’t be anybody’s business!’

  ‘Calm down, my child.’ Caleb’s magic increased and I found myself happy at the whole situation. ‘Blake is concerned about your wellbeing. He is right to express his concerns.’

  The knife in my heart bore all the way through my ribs and out my back. I had trouble breathing.

  ‘Blake do not overstep your boundaries. Now, Ameerah why don’t you go for a drive or see Kim while Blake and I speak.’

  The pain of the knife slightly decreased when I heard Caleb address Blake. It was unbearable to hear Caleb criticise me.

  ‘Car keys?’ I stretched my hand out towards Blake. Reluctantly, he handed them to me, but not without giving me a warning look that followed me all the way down the stairs until I was out of his sight.

  As I drove away from the house, Caleb’s knife in my chest eased and I could almost forget it was there. His influence over me scared me. How could he impose and manipulate my emotions so strongly? And why did I have this unwavering desire for his approval?

  I drove north and soon passed the park where I had talked with Ben. The truck climbed up a hill and I parked it when I could see the surrounding neighbourhood through the windshield. It was a small hill, so it didn’t permit me to see far over the city. How I longed to be out in nature, by the sea, or in the mountains, or even in the tropical forest. I hated bugs, snakes and spiders, but now I would welcome them. It was depressing to be surrounded by concrete, glass and cobblestones.

  I put my feet up on the dashboard, pushed the seat back and sat there quietly with the window open, letting my thoughts drift.

  Somewhere further away, I could hear gunshots disturbing my peace. They were too far away for me to do anything and frankly, I didn’t want to. I would have enough time and opportunity to kill molochs. No need to rush towards danger just yet.

  After an hour or so, when the light in the sky was fading, I made my way back to the house. Caleb had gone and Blake was training intensely. He acknowledged my coming home but did not speak to me for the rest of the evening.

  The council repeated most of the questions in the second hearing. They kept insisting on little details. But my answers were more consistent this time. When Caleb had driven me to the second hearing, I had let his warmth and support appease my anxiety, and I was more confident in my responses. Once the council was off my back, I could concentrate on getting Blake off my back.

  After hours of pestering me with questions, the council finally decided to grant me my approval. They left without so much as an apology for their lengthy interrogation or congratulations on my successful passing of the probation period.

  I had told Blake I was meeting up with Kim after the hearing, but it was Ben who picked me up. Blake probably suspected I was lying, but I didn’t feel it was any of his business and he had no right to tell me what to do.

  ‘I passed.’ I got into his fiery red car, exhausted and relieved.

  ‘I’m happy for you!’ Ben responded, a warm smile on his face. Electricity sparked between us.

  ‘Where would you like to go?’

  I thought about Santa’s pub, but there was a chance I might run into someone I knew, so I suggested his place. I was nervous at the thought of being alone with him, let alone in his apartment, but something in my gut told me it was alright.

  We drove south and over the river to a part of town I wasn’t familiar with. Ben took me to his apartment which was located on the top floor of a six-story building. His apartment was equipped with an open-plan kitchen and a large living room with a fireplace and wooden floors. The living room led towards bay windows and a terrace oriented towards the southwest with an impressive view of the city. Just like in Blake’s house, Ben had a training section stuffed full of guns and weapons
of all kinds. It was a room next to the kitchen. The door was slightly ajar and I could make out the extensive arsenal.

  We sat down on his white leather couch in front of the fireplace and talked. He told me about his long years here and his different recruits. Ben had been a soldier here for eighteen years and had another thirty-three to go before he would be released. I felt a sting of jealousy at his thirty-three compared to my sixty-six years.

  As time passed, I could feel myself relax. He had not tried to approach me, even though he was clearly flirting with me. There was a soft glimmer in his eyes when he looked at me. His face seemed to light up the more we spoke. As if he allowed himself to loosen up.

  I guessed in this world there wasn’t much downtime for us ghosts or moments where we could completely relax. There was always danger around us, even when you couldn’t see the demons, you knew they were around each corner. And when they weren’t, gunshots resonated around the city faint or near, reminding us of the constant and never-ending fight.

  Suddenly Ben looked at the time and his expression changed. It was time for me to go home.

  We got up from the couch at the same time and unexpectedly found ourselves standing close to one another. We both halted for a moment. My heart was pounding in my ribcage. I was sure he could hear it. Ben very slowly moved closer to me and bowed his head down towards my lips. The tingling in my stomach intensified.

  I took a step back just before he reached me, breaking the moment.

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push you,’ Ben whispered, leaning backwards.

  ‘No, it – it was a reflex. Stay still.’ I stepped forward.

  Our faces were inches from each other. I breathed quietly and let myself get used to having him in my personal space. I closed my eyes and felt his breath down my neck. My hands trailed up his arms, feeling the hairs on his skin, the tendons and muscles underneath them. I let my hands brush over the crease of his elbows, up over his biceps and onto the cotton fabric of his t-shirt until I reached his neck. I could feel the gentle pulsing in the veins of his throat. The tips of my fingers reached further over his stubbly beard, across his jawline and to the back of his neck.

  I opened my eyes again and looked deep into his forest-green eyes. Slowly I stretched up onto my toes and touched his lips with mine. They were hot and soft. Ben’s tongue caressed mine; his hands were on my back, drawing me closer.

  It didn’t take long before Ben started kissing me along my jawline and trailing over my neck all the way to my left shoulder. The air between us grew heavy.

  I wanted to, but I also didn’t.

  Gently, I pushed myself off him.

  ‘Sorry, I got carried away,’ Ben exhaled loudly and brushed his hand through his hair.

  ‘I… let me get used to you.’ I felt my cheeks blush.

  Ben smiled and approached me hesitantly. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

  I wrapped my arms around him and we swayed from side to side.

  A few days later Kim and I made plans to meet up at her and Dominic’s apartment. Ben and I texted often since the day we kissed. He was kind and I felt he understood me.

  Blake was growing more and more annoyed and suspicious. Whenever we trained, he pretended to hurt me by accident. Lucky for him, we healed fast with Caleb’s blood. I’d had enough of his passive aggressive tone. Caleb only always told us to be civil but never really put Blake back in his place. I suspected he hoped we would figure it out between us without him having to intervene.

  Before driving to Kim’s, I dropped Blake off in the middle of town. He had to go see Caleb, but I was not allowed to know where Caleb lived so I stopped at a deserted square.

  ‘Call me if you need me,’ Blake said before closing the door of his rusty truck.

  I rolled my eyes at him and punched the gas pedal. Even though I had been promised my own car after I became approved, Blake had always found an excuse for why it wasn’t the right time. I promised myself if he didn’t budge within the next few days, I would go out by myself and organize my own car. There had to be dealership somewhere.

  When I knocked on the front door, a shirtless Dominic opened the door and said Kim was still training, so I let myself fall heavily on the couch in the living room and observed them.

  Kim was powerful and much more technical than I was. Every time she committed an error, Dominic hit her with a long wooden stick. It smacked on her skin and she suppressed a scream. I could see her usually full lips pressed together into a hard line and her eyebrows pulled towards one another. When she repeated an error too many times, Dominic made her stop and do sit-ups or pull-ups as punishment. There were bars fixed on the ceiling like at Blake’s. At the end of the session, Dominic explained what she had to work on and showed her more techniques and moves she had to learn.

  Afterwards, Dominic disappeared into the bathroom while Kim was condemned to do a series of pull-ups with additional weights attached to her legs. Dominic came out of the shower before Kim had finished her set. He was just as comfortable as Blake in his home, walking around only clad in a pair of sweatpants. Maybe it was common for trainers…

  Kim planted a kiss on my cheek when she was finally done and rushed to the shower.

  Dominic was in the open-plan kitchen mixing himself a post-workout drink with raw eggs and tabasco.

  ‘Why are you drinking that?’ I asked, pointing at the tall glass as he made his way towards me and sat on the opposite couch, his feet up on the coffee table.

  ‘Just because I can’t taste it, doesn’t mean it has no effect.’ He winked and swallowed the content in one go.

  ‘You know, Kim thinks you’re a really good trainer.’ I buttered him up, even if Kim had never said anything.

  ‘Thanks, same to Blake. I respect him and respect is earned with me.’ He finished his drink.

  ‘Hey, do you know Ben and his master… Jesper?’

  ‘Ben was a good trainer. But he lost his last recruit. The circumstances were suspicious and now I’m not so sure about him.’ He shrugged his tanned strong shoulders.

  ‘What about his master?’

  Dominic ‘tssd’ and waved his hands in annoyance. ‘Jesper is a scared little man. He never shows up when his ghosts need him.’

  ‘You mean he neglects Ben and the recruit?’ I tried to sound interested but not overly eager.

  ‘Worse. He has lost more protégés than any master. Word on the street is he’s even lost ghosts because he just wouldn’t show up.’

  ‘What do you mean by “show up”?’

  ‘When the wound of a ghost is too extensive, the master needs to be present along with the blood transfusion. Something about the emotional connection.’ The door to the bathroom opened and Kim emerged. ‘I’ll leave you two.’ Dominic trotted off to his room.

  Kim hugged me tightly, her dark wet hair sticking to my skin. She showed a broad smile when Dominic had closed the door behind him. ‘What did you two talk about?’

  ‘Ben,’ I said and couldn’t help but grin sheepishly.

  ‘This is a wine conversation!’ Kim proclaimed and rushed off to the kitchen. She came back with two wine glasses and a bottle. Her eyes were sparkling. ‘You can officially start!’

  I told her about Blake’s latest outburst after finding out I had met up with Ben again. I explained what had happened to Ben’s recruit and how Viktor had insinuated things about his recruit that made me believe Ben was not all wolf in sheep’s clothing.

  ‘You know what I’ve noticed,’ Kim started, finishing off the bottle of wine, ‘Blake is always crazy possessive of you. Have you ever considered that he might be jealous… you know… as in, he wants to be in Ben’s place?’

  I was nothing but confused. He had never made a move or indicated he was interested in me in any way. I was sure it was because he had a wrong impression of Ben, coupled with the fact that after all this training I was slowly becoming independent and he couldn’t control me so easily anymore.

  ‘No, I can’
t imagine Blake likes me that way.’

  ‘Whatever you say, but from the outside that’s what it looks like.’ Kim leaned back into the couch and crossed her hands behind her head.

  ‘He’s never made a pass at me!’

  I looked into Kim’s dark eyes. The alcohol had taken its effect on both of us. She would probably think differently in the morning.

  DUI

  Days passed with the usual training and suspicions from Blake. Ben and I texted every day and the butterflies in the stomach intensified. I wanted to see him again. But as long as I didn’t have my own car, it was impossible. Whenever I said I would go to Kim’s or Santa’s pub, Blake would insist on driving me and I couldn’t escape to meet Ben.

  Eventually, two weeks after begging Caleb, I was allowed my own car, a matte black Dodge Challenger. Finally, I could sneak away. The first evening I had my new ride, I made plans to meet up with Ben at his apartment. I used Kim as a cover and ignored Blake’s suspicious eyes as I headed out.

  As I drove over to Ben’s apartment, I thought about what Kim had said; was Blake jealous and acting out because he was interested? I couldn’t understand why he would then not have showed it somehow. I was sure he needed to feel I wanted his protection and with time, I had proven to everyone, I was finally independent and able to defend myself. While I was grateful for his training, he was now unable to accept I didn’t need to hide behind him anymore.

  I pulled into the parking and walked towards the entrance glass door. The butterflies in my stomach buzzed happily around. I pressed the button number six in the elevator. The doors closed and the metal box started moving up. Typical elevator music played, contrasting with the fluttering in my body.

  A ‘ding’ sounded and the door opened. My feet carried me out to the left towards his door. He was standing in the open door, smiling at me.

  Time slowed down as I approached. His green eyes looked into mine, flaming with desire. I pushed myself onto my toes. He eagerly met my lips with his and closed his arms around me.