by A Lorenzen
‘I just hope she is nice and I’ll get along with her. With Blake it’s already difficult. I don’t need another one like him.’
‘But you said things were better now?’ Kim countered. Her head tilted slightly, her hair playing with her arm.
‘Yes, but it’s always kind of like this. We fight like cats and dogs until we have an explosive blowout, then we avoid each other, and slowly get used to each other again. Everything is calm but then it starts again. We are so different and he… he just rubs me the wrong way!’ I wriggled my shoulders.
‘Don’t make any assumptions. Maybe this Holly person is more like you and then there will be two of you against one of him.’ Kim tried to comfort me, caressing my arm.
‘Or she will be like him and then it’s two of him and one of me,’ I countered. Until I met her, I wouldn’t know. She could be great, or a disaster. It stressed me not to know what she was like. I didn’t like that she was suddenly entering my life without me having a vote. What if she was hungry for Caleb’s approval and would do anything to make me look bad until he ousted me? What then?
Kim pulled me out of my negative train of thought before I sunk in too deep. We shared a few more drinks and exchanged about unimportant things like what kind of food we missed from our human lives.
Dominic made his way over to us. He announced he was leaving and turned around on his heels in the next second. Kim shrugged in response. It wasn’t the first time he suddenly decided to up and go. We continued our conversation for a while before we were interrupted a second time.
Kim’s eyes widened and she jumped out of her seat and threw herself at the girl coming our way. I recognized June from the picture Kim had shown me a while back. Her auburn hair shone in the light. She was more beautiful than in the picture. Kim kissed her and dragged her over to me.
‘This is June,’ she announced, barely able to contain her happiness.
‘Hi!’ I stretched out my hand and met hers. I couldn’t help but feel blindsided and a little unlucky to have women intruding in more than one aspect of my life.
‘Hello. I’ve heard a lot about you and thought I’d surprise Kim,’ said June. She turned back to Kim and smiled at her. Kim giggled and her cheeks reddened.
‘Come, sit!’ She gestured to her seat and pulled another one over, so we could all sit together around the bar.
‘So, what have you ladies been up to?’ June asked taking a sip from Kim’s drink. Kim did most of the talking while June and I took stock of each other. There was something about her… something… off.
Kim was oblivious to our stares. She was too overjoyed to see June. I tried to be friendly with June but no matter what I said, her eyes sent a different signal than her words.
‘Kim dear, could you make me another drink?’ June eventually asked, planting a kiss on Kim’s cheek. Kim hoped off like a good soldier and moved out of earshot.
‘You seem to make her very happy,’ I said and smiled at June.
‘I do. I’m good to her. She is in a very happy and loving relationship,’ June announced a bit too territorially.
‘I know. She deserves only the best-’
‘I don’t see her often, you know. She lives far away and then of course you two spend a lot of time together…’
‘Kim is my best friend,’ I added.
‘I know, and that’s so great!’ June leaned forward. ‘But… she has me now.’ She leaned back again, playing with the empty glass.
‘Here you go,’ Kim interrupted, sitting back down on the barstool.
June wanted me out of the picture. I looked over at Kim. She reached over and caressed June’s thigh, staring into her deep blue eyes. I didn’t want to drag her into this. ‘Kim, it’s getting late. I think I should get back.’
‘What? Already?’ Kim looked sad.
‘Yes, I have to talk to Caleb about… things. And I’m not leaving you alone.’ I grinned at June. ‘June will take good care of you.’
I lightly hugged June, only to be polite. Kim’s hug was genuine, and I made sure it lasted long enough to rub it into June’s face.
By the time I made it to my car, I was fuming. It wasn’t my fault that Kim and I got along! And Kim was old enough to make her own decisions. If she wanted to spend time with me, June would just have to get used to it!
I reached into the glove compartment and took out my pack of cigarettes. What a bitch. The nicotine eased my annoyance.
When I got to Blake’s house, the lights were already off. He rarely went to bed while I was still out. I guess he really meant it when he said I didn’t need him that much anymore… What was happening to the world? New recruit, new Blake, Kim’s new girlfriend? I shook my head and closed the door to my bedroom.
Nightmares haunted me until the early morning. Not feeling rested at all, I forced myself out of bed in the early morning hours. I brewed myself a coffee and stood by the window, looking out at the street. When was the last time I had seen any nature? I closed my eyes and dreamt of being in a forest, surrounded by tall, green trees, insects buzzing, birds singing, with the distant rumbling of the ocean.
When I returned to my human life, I would go back to nature. Maybe become a gardener.
I was about to leave for a run when Blake came down the stairs. The fresh air would do me some good. Memories of my first few months as a ghost came back to me. I remembered the first times I had gone running and how much I had hated it. My physique had been terrible. And now I was fit, running easily for an hour straight. There was something freeing about it, something that helped me deal with the everyday shit that kept trying to beat me.
The white cover of snow reflected the spare light like a mirror. Low hanging clouds were clinging on to the buildings, making the world seem even smaller and depressing.
When I returned, Blake asked me to spar with him, this time with knives. He exceeded me in strength and technique, but he was patient and eager to teach me. His negative comments were also absent. It made me relax.
A knock at the door interrupted our sparring session. Blake peered out the window to see who it was.
‘Meerah, we can stop here,’ he told me and dabbed himself with a towel. ‘She’s here.’
I ran for the bathroom and locked the door behind me. It was happening. Now I would know what she looked like… my replacement.
I had to make a good impression, make her respect me.
The shower was brief, but not without a few seconds staring at the scar across my stomach. For just a few moments, I closed my eyes and was back home in France again: jumping in the pool with my parents, the sun was hot on my face, I enjoyed a glass of wine with my fresh salad dinner.
Eventually, I put on comfortable clothes and arranged my hair. I stood in front of the bathroom door, unable to open it. As long as I stayed on this side of the door, I was safe. Caleb was mine – Blake too...
The moment I opened that door, reality would set in. They were waiting on the other side. I took a deep breath and pushed down the handle. The door creaked open and a sliver of light entered the bathroom. I held the door in place for a few seconds while I gathered myself. With my eyes closed I swung the door fully open and stepped out.
Caleb was sitting in Blake’s chair, talking in a quiet voice. Blake was leaning against the table with his back towards me. As I came closer, I saw a girl behind them. She was sitting on my chair, facing me. Her eyes found me. Blake looked over and Caleb got up as I approached.
‘Hello’, I said tonelessly, not sure what else to say. An overwhelming sense of fear from the unknown manifested itself in my gut.
‘Meerah, why don’t you sit down,’ Caleb’s voice sung to me. He reached for my hand and comforted me with his touch.
I sat down, not taking my eyes off the girl. She had a round face, narrow nose, and thin lips. Her hair was a deep red and went down past her elbows. Her eyes were brown, dark, almost black. Her skin on the other hand, was pale, making her eyes and hair stand out.
�
�This is Holly,’ Caleb said, his hand resting on my shoulder, ‘She is excited to meet you.’
We both did not smile. She eyed me with interest, while I eyed her with suspicion. I asked her straight, ‘What happened to your trainer and master?’
‘They died in an ambush.’ She did not flinch.
‘Where we you?’
‘I was at home, reading. I don’t like fighting.’
I snorted. ‘How have you survived until now then?’ Caleb’s warmth intensified and my mood mellowed.
‘I don’t know. I’ve been lucky I guess.’
So was I, once upon a time…
I looked at Caleb, then to Blake. ‘What should we do with her?’
Blake started, ‘She will need to be trained by me for a while. She’s not as advanced as I would like her to be.’ He looked to Caleb.
‘So what have you been doing all these years?’
‘I wasn’t very good at the whole fighting thing so I mostly stayed in the house.’
Are you kidding me?! I couldn’t believe she had been allowed to stay home safely instead of fighting off vampires and molochs. How had they kept up their numbers? I had never had a choice. Blake had forced me! Now she would get a taste of his training. At least that was a positive.
‘Where is she going to live?’ I looked at Caleb.
Caleb didn’t answer. He looked down at the floor and intensified the calming effect of his hand on my shoulder.
‘Caleb!’ I shouted.
‘She will provisionally live with me,’ he finally admitted.
The betrayal cut right through my chest. I jumped up and freed myself of his grip. Immediately my true emotions washed away any sense of ease he had tried to give me.
‘She’s staying with you?!’ I repeated in disbelief. ‘You kicked me out of your house so she could move in?!’
‘That’s not what happened. I found out about her after you had already moved out-’
‘So you wouldn’t let me live with you because our connection is too strong for me, you didn’t let me move in with Kim because I’m too fragile, but now you decide to let a perfect stranger move into your house – into my master’s house?!’
Caleb reached for my hand and closed his fingers around it before I could escape his grasp. Immediately all worries disappeared and I was happy. It was magical here.
‘Calm down, my child. She is not competing with you for my attention,’ Caleb reassured me.
Why had I had such an outburst? I was so protective for no reason. If she hadn’t fought a lot, she would definitely not outshine me in anyway.
Holly laid her hands in her lap. ‘Look, I really don’t want to cause any trouble. I only want to serve my sentence and leave all this behind. I’m not made to be here – I don’t even know why I was chosen in the first place! I’m terrible at this!’
Her voice was innocent, just like her demeanour. She looked young. ‘And the Caleb thing, you should know I can’t bond with a master anymore. My master was Mark and when he was killed our connection was broken. I can’t recreate that connection with anyone else again. Please don’t think I’m taking Caleb away from you. I want a good relationship with him, but I can’t have the same bond as you have with him.’
I was ashamed to feel relieved. He was mine and I didn’t want to share him. Why did I feel so possessive?
‘Alright fine. I’ll make an effort,’ I agreed. A moment of silence followed. ‘So, you read?’
Blake and Caleb distanced themselves from us and disappeared into the kitchen.
Holly rearranged her hair. ‘Yes, I love reading! Do you?’
I nodded. ‘I’ve only recently taken it up again. What do you read?’
She talked about the books she had read recently and we drifted off to a dozen other topics. We got to know each other a bit better.
Then, Holly lowered her voice and told me about a secret library where the council kept books on the history of Idolon. She was dying to get into the library where those books were held but entry was forbidden. Guards watched all access points and only a few had managed to break in and steal a book or two. When Blake and Caleb came out of the kitchen, she stopped talking about the secret library.
That library could contain information on the effects of drinking moloch blood on ghosts. I had to find out more.
The image of a human cadaver I had come across one time when I had successfully refused to drink the moloch blood entered my mind. The molochs were the monsters killing humans, not me… A shiver went down my spine; no, I would not do it again!
* * *
Holly settled into her new home with Caleb and started regular training with Blake. Since Blake didn’t know if she could properly defend herself against molochs and worse, she was not allowed to drive alone to our house. I picked her up and dropped her off. She had passed her field test years ago, but she had a propensity for getting injured. Her master and trainer had agreed to keep her indoors whenever possible.
Holly had been a teacher in her human life. She had been killed by a stray bullet in a drive-by shooting. Her master Mark had chosen her because she had volunteered in her community. Though it was not a typically sought-after trait in this world, her master had told her this world needed giving souls.
I thought it was a bit odd, but who was I to say who should be given a second chance? I had not been particularly sporty in my human life or had any flair for guns, but here I was running around shooting and killing. If you had asked me to go into the military in my human life, I would have laughed.
At first, Blake had trained her only during the day so he could keep an eye on me at night, but I had no problem drinking my pain away in the middle of the day, so he kept changing the schedule to try to obstruct my regular visits to Santa’s pub.
Even with all of Blake’s efforts, he could not keep me away for more than a few days in a row. Sometimes I would meet up with Kim at the bar, when June didn’t magically become available just as we had made plans.
Kim was happy and I would not rob her of her happiness. Unfortunately, it meant I frequently drank alone. I was not in the mood for flirting or meeting anyone new. My reputation preceded me and soon, everyone left me to my alcohol.
Once Carl stumbled onto me and lingered. Drunk, he told me about himself instead of reading between the lines and leaving me alone. He hadn’t killed enough demons over the last few months and the council had already warned him to improve or they would add years to his sentence. Carl blamed it all on Vladimir’s death. He was oblivious to my unease at the mention of Vladimir’s name. In a way I felt sorry for him. But it was too difficult to listen to him speculate about Vladimir’s death, so when Carl wobbled towards the bathroom, I left.
With the music blasting in my car, I drove to Blake’s house. Instead of going inside straight away, I went for a walk, taking with me the bottle of Vodka I kept in my car. About half an hour later, I reached the river and walked along it, letting my thoughts drift into the same dark corners they did night after night. It was an unhealthy habit but getting drunk helped me sleep easier.
When it wasn’t enough, I roamed the streets, looking for molochs to kill. It was my way of coping. Everything was under control.
Tonight was one of those nights. The molochs had stayed hidden for a few days and my need to hunt had increased with every passing night. I was surprised at my desire to kill. It wasn’t the only thing that had changed. My nose for molochs had gotten better. My sense for danger was constantly on, like radar always scanning my vicinity.
My phone rang. It was better to answer. If I didn’t answer Blake would come looking for me.
‘I’m out,’ I answered in a slur.
‘You’re drunk again.’
‘What d’you want?’
‘Come home! This is not good for you!’
‘Leav’me alooon’!’
‘It’s dangerous! You could get attacked by a vampire! Remember the car accident?! Come home, please. I’ll pick you up-’
> ‘Let’em get me, let’em come! I’m no’ scared!’ I screamed out in the street. No response.
Blake changed his tone. ‘Why are you doing this? Why? Are you trying to get hurt?!’
‘Whaa do you care?!’ I continued screaming.
‘I care about you!’ he now screamed back through the receiver.
I didn’t answer. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe steadily. The night was cold. Tiny snowflakes danced from the sky down to the ground. The river was quiet, barely moving on the surface. It was peaceful. I could almost trick myself into thinking it was a beautiful winter night, calm and comforting. But it only reminded me of what I had lost. I looked down at my left hand. What I wouldn’t give to be holding Ben’s hand. I closed my eyes and pictured him next to me, his warm hand holding mine, leading me back home to our place where we would lay next to each other. I could almost feel his warm arms wrapped around me. When I opened my eyes, I was alone, standing in a dark city, snow drifting around me.
I hung up on Blake. I just wanted to be by myself, reminiscing and dreaming about better days. The guilt quickly called me back home. I couldn’t continue aimlessly wandering around town. Angry at Blake for telling me off and angry at myself for caving to his authority, I stomped back towards the house.
About halfway home, I heard them. There was a pack of three molochs, fighting amongst themselves. Hearing them channelled my anger towards them. Like a distant thunderstorm, it growled deep inside me and quickly made its way to the surface. Without thinking, I drew my gun and a few bullets later, the molochs were lying dead on the ground. I walked towards them. It was so easy to pull the trigger and kill. I never thought about the fact that I was ending a life. One bullet and they were free of this world…
Two of them had recently fed and blood was spilling out of their wounds. My anger left and was replaced with desire. Inadvertently, I licked my lips. I bent closer to smell the blood that dripped out. It smelled of copper and relief.
Before I knew it, I was dipping my fingers in the blood and savouring it…
DEATH OF A MASTER
I woke up abruptly. It was cold. My back was killing me. I sat up. Snow slid off my jacket onto the ground. I could smell rotting corpses. To my right were decaying moloch bodies. Immediately I began to dry heave.