Rosie takes this in.
Rosie I think you’re full of shit, Sam.
Sam (meekly) Then you’ll have to forgive that as well.
Rosie You need to understand this about me. Every single man I’ve ever met, that I’ve ever had a relationship with, has finished up using me, taking advantage and eventually walking out on me. And I am now twenty-six years old and just a little sick of being walked out on, that’s all. This time I am walking first, Sam. I mean, yes, in truth, you are somewhat unique. You’re certainly the first man who’s walked away before we’ve been to bed together – but all in all you’re just another bloody man and I’ve had it up to here with them, Sam, I really have, I’m sorry. No more. Finish. To hell with all of you. God, I’m so pissed off I’ve half a mind to go out there and proposition Tracy.
Sam Sit down. Just till your cab comes.
Rosie sits away from him.
There’s a way out of this. For us. It needn’t all finish. If you’ll give it another go, I don’t intend to walk out on you ever again.
Rosie Ah, now. No one’s ever said that to me before. Golly, he must be telling the truth, surely. Hey, what do you know? More hidden depths.
Sam It is the truth, for God’s sake. Listen, if you go through with what they want, carry on pretending to be Joanna Rupelford – we can not only get out of it together – but we can have a future. I promise you.
Rosie What are you talking about? We can get out of it? I was never in it.
Sam You are in this just as deep as I am, Rosie, and unless we go through with it, neither of us is going to get out. I know it’s through no fault of your own but you have to believe that. At present, you need me just as much as I need you. Trust me.
Rosie Trust you? Trust you?
Sam Please.
Rosie looks at him. She rises abruptly, picks up her bag and leaves by the front door, slamming it behind her. Sam sits frustratedly. A pause. The sound of a front-door key in the lock. He rises. Rosie returns, drops her bag, puts down her keys and stands for a second.
Rosie God, I’m doing it again. I can feel it.
Pause.
What do you want?
Sam Thank you.
Rosie Is it dangerous?
Sam There’ll be someone with you all the time.
Rosie You?
Sam No. Someone – better suited than me. Who can protect you properly.
Rosie Protect me?
Sam If need be.
Rosie Great. Well, anyone but Tracy.
Sam It won’t be Tracy.
Rosie What is it you want me to do?
Sam That woman – the one who called here earlier tonight – her name is Edna Stricken. She’s a courier.
Rosie (dryly) Travel agent, is she?
Sam No. Not that sort of courier, she –
Rosie No, I think I’ve guessed what sort of courier.
Sam She’ll be here with a briefcase full of merchandise. You’ll need to examine it – we’ll show you how to do that – then once you’re satisfied, you’ll give her another case which contains the money to pay for it. She leaves. End of story.
Rosie That all?
Sam That’s all you need to do.
Rosie Why can’t Tracy do that?
Sam Because this woman’s already identified you as Joanna Rupelford. You’re the one she’s expecting to meet. She smells a rat she’ll turn and run. And we’ll lose her.
Rosie This is a – what do you call it – a sting.
Sam Sort of thing. Our real interest is what happens after she leaves here. We need to follow the trail back. Wherever Edna leads us.
Pause.
Of course, she may already have bolted. Depends if she was put off when she phoned.
Rosie I wasn’t particularly forthcoming.
Sam No, but she doesn’t know why that was, does she? You may have had someone here you didn’t want to talk in front of, for instance.
Rosie I did.
Sam Exactly.
Rosie So we wait and see if she phones again? Or not?
Sam All we can do.
Rosie What happens if she does?
Sam You answer it. And tell her to come on round.
Rosie I see.
Sam You’ll do it, then?
Rosie Oh, God, Sam. If you’re two-timing me on this, I swear I will come after you with the biggest most pointed knife. Glenn Close knew no greater fury …
Sam I promise.
He reaches for her, tentatively. She moves close to him.
Rosie (nuzzling up to him) Have we got time to go in the bedroom?
Sam Probably not just at present.
They remain as they are until they hear the sound of a key scraping in the front-door lock.
Rosie (alarmed, softly) What’s that?
Sam (rising swiftly, quietly) Sssh! Keep away from the door!
Sam draws back into the kitchen slightly. Rosie ducks behind the furniture. The front door opens. Maurice and Tracy enter. Maurice, sensing trouble, pushes Tracy ahead of him. Sam and Rosie emerge.
Maurice Hello, there. What fun! Playing hide-and-seek now, are we? Miss Seymore, I understand you’ve agreed to help us. Thank you so much. I’m eternally grateful.
Rosie How did you know –?
Maurice I was just next door. I couldn’t help overhearing.
Rosie My God! (to Sam) It’s a good job we didn’t, isn’t it?
Maurice What? You mean in the bedroom? Oh no, I wouldn’t try anything in there. It’s like Vista Vision. Be on late-night Channel 5 before you know it.
Silence.
Well. Shall we sit down? All we can usefully do now is wait and hope.
They all sit.
I do just want to reassure you, Rosie, if this all goes ahead that at no stage will you be in any sort of danger. This is a simple transfer. A hand-over operation. No need for heroics. We’ll take it over the moment the woman leaves this flat. As far as you’re concerned, that’s the end of it. You’ll probably need to sign the odd confidentiality agreement, that sort of thing. But I can see no reason why we need ever bother you again after tonight.
Sam She’ll get expenses, though?
Maurice (blankly) Expenses?
Sam Expenses.
Maurice Yes. I suppose so, yes. What expenses?
Rosie All my expenses.
Maurice (glaring at Sam) Yes, of course. I daresay we can swing that. Probably.
Silence.
Rosie Is she dangerous, then? This woman?
Maurice What, Edna? Good Lord, no. Edna’s an old softie. A pussy cat. Run-of-the-mill courier. Turn and bolt soon as look at you.
Tracy (murmuring) That’s not what I was told. They told me she’d got a record of violence and –
Maurice Tracy, old love, would you like to pop out into the hall for a second? Refresh the make-up, powder the nose, there’s a good girl.
Tracy gets up, scowling.
Thanks so much.
Tracy goes out of the front door.
(to the others) First rate at her job but socially an absolute disaster. I made the dreadful mistake of taking her to the Danish Ambassador’s Ball last Christmas. Nearly severed diplomatic relations altogether.
Rosie So this woman is dangerous.
Maurice Well … only if roused. But then we all have a bit of a temper, don’t we? But if you don’t annoy her, as I say, Edna’s a pussy cat. Utter pussy cat. And you will have back-up remember, Rosie. I’m putting one of my best chaps in here specifically to guard you. Ex-SAS, tough as an old-fashioned gas cooker. Nothing’ll get past him. OK?
Rosie (still a little doubtful) Yes.
Pause.
Maurice Of course, none of this would have happened if I hadn’t given Tracy time off to go and bury her mother.
A pause. The phone rings. They stare at it. Tracy re-enters swiftly.
Rosie (rising) Shall I –?
Maurice Just a second. Couple more rings. You know what to say?
Rosie
Come on round?
Maurice That’ll do. Answer it now. Be brief.
Rosie answers the phone.
Rosie Hello … yes, it is … Yes. All clear … Come on round … ’Bye. (She rings off.) She’ll be here in forty minutes.
Maurice Well done, Rosie. Well done. (with satisfaction) Alright, everybody. It’s showtime.
The lights fade to:
Blackout.
SCENE TWO
Thirty minutes later. The same. The kitchen has been tidied a little. Maurice and Sam are standing nervously. Tracy with her walkie-talkie is doing a last-minute check on the concealed mics. Rosie is sitting at the desk. She has changed back into a rather svelte evening outfit to play out her scene with Edna. She is applying some make-up, occasionally pausing to watch Tracy at work.
Tracy (flat) … window mic … testing – 1–2–3–4–5 …
Walkie-Talkie (distorted) Check.
Maurice Where’s Tommy? He should be here by now.
Tracy Desk … testing – 1–2–3–4–5 …
Walkie-Talkie (distorted) Check.
Sam He was apparently in the middle of his break, sir.
Maurice Wonderful! This whole bloody country’s on one long break if you ask me.
Tracy (has moved to the dining area) Dining table … testing – 1–2–3–4–5 …
Walkie-Talkie (distorted) Check.
Maurice We never had all these breaks. We worked right through till we finished.
Tracy Kitchen … testing – 1–2–3–4–5 …
Walkie-Talkie (distorted) Check.
Maurice Sorry, everybody. Had to call the Normandy landing off – the chaps are on their break.
Tracy (into the walkie-talkie) Cameras OK?
Tracy waves her arms at the walls and ceiling. There appear to be a couple of cameras in each area.
Maurice (watching Tracy with admiration) God, look at
that girl move. Poetry in motion.
Tracy All working?
Walkie-Talkie (distorted) Working.
Tracy That’s the lot, then.
Walkie-Talkie (distorted) Thank you.
Tracy (to Maurice) All checked out, sir.
Maurice Thank you, Tracy. Better get next door. See if you can find out what’s happened to Tommy.
Tracy I think he’s on his break.
Maurice (rather irritably) Yes, so I gathered.
Tracy moves to the front door. She opens it to be faced with Tommy, a thickset man in a tracksuit. He carries a briefcase.
Tommy Oh hello, beautiful. How’s gorgeous Tracy then?
Tracy (with ill-disguised contempt) Get stuffed. (Tracy goes out, closing the door.)
Tommy Reporting for duty, sir.
Maurice Where the hell have you been, Tommy?
Tommy Constitutional, sir.
Maurice Is that what it’s called?
Tommy Anticipating I might be required for protective duties, sir. I took the opportunity to have a good work-out, sir.
Maurice Don’t give me all that bullshit, Tommy, you’ve been rogering some tart senseless, haven’t you?
Tommy Very few of those down this way, sir. It’s a bit of a yuppy zone. Strictly amateurs only.
Maurice Never stopped you, did it? Rosie, this is Tommy Angel who will be looking after you. Tommy, this is Miss Seymore who is seconded to us for this operation. I want you to look after her as if your life depends on it. Because I can assure you that indeed it does. Understood?
Tommy Sir. Good evening, ma’am.
Rosie ’Evening.
Maurice And insofar as this operation is concerned, you treat her as your superior officer, you hear? You do as she tells you. You respect her every wish and whim and if you lay so much as an exploratory digit upon her, you are as good as dead, Angel. You understand that?
Tommy Sir! Wouldn’t dream of it, sir!
Maurice Is that the money?
Tommy Sir!
Maurice Give it here, then. Rosie, this is your case. It’s got one or two readies in here. It’s all genuine notes, they’d know immediately if they weren’t, so guard it like a hawk. Better check it.
Rosie I trust you.
Maurice Don’t trust me. Check it. First rule of this game, Rosie. Trust no one. Check everything. Guns, parachutes, explosives, suitcases. Check them all. Because when the chips are down, the plonker who screwed up is going to be in the public bar in the King’s Road whilst you’re lying flat on your face in a field in Bosnia. Always check.
Rosie Right. (She opens the case. It is full of high-denomination notes.) My God!
Maurice It’s all there I trust, Tommy? Haven’t spent any on tarts, have you?
Tommy Wouldn’t dream of it, sir.
Maurice (to Rosie) Satisfied?
Rosie Seems OK to me.
Maurice Right. Put it away then, Sam.
Sam Right, sir.
Whilst Sam demonstrates to Rosie, Maurice goes out of the front door. Tommy wanders off to the bedroom.
Rosie (to Sam) Do you all call him sir?
Sam Only when we’re operational. Now. You keep the case in here. Look.
Sam runs his fingers under the edge of the coffee table and the top pops up slightly on a concealed spring.
See? Can you feel the catch just under the rim here?
Rosie Yes? Why all this?
Sam Makes it a little more convincing. Only an idiot would leave all that money lying about before they’d checked the merchandise. Your case fits in here. See?
Rosie Right.
Sam Then you just press down the lid again and it locks. Just a little box of tricks. Not foolproof, but it would take them some time before they found it.
Rosie Ingenious. Did you make it?
Sam (modestly) Abracadabra. Guilty.
Rosie Clever. More hidden depths.
Sam More hidden depths. So. Check the merchandise, like we showed you. And then, and only then, open this and let her see the money. Finally, when she’s happy, put her case away in here. All clear?
Rosie All clear.
Maurice (appearing briefly at the front door) Better clear out now, Sam. Very nearly time. (He goes.)
Sam (softly to her) Will you be alright?
Rosie I hope so.
Sam We won’t be far away. Tommy’s a good man. He’s an idiot but he knows what he’s doing. You’ll be fine. Take care. (He kisses her lightly.) I love you.
Rosie (startled) What?
Sam Sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. Sorry. Not the time, is it? ’Bye. (Sam goes out of the front door.)
Rosie (following after him, to herself) What did he say?
Maurice (re-entering, briefly) Cheerio, Rosie. Good luck. Think of it as a first night. Pull this off, you never know, I might even send you a bunch of flowers. See you in a minute. What is it you say? Beginners, please.
Rosie (blankly) Yes, sir.
Maurice goes out. Rosie decides to get into character for her role as Joanna. In time, Tommy wanders back on. He nods.
Tommy Just you and me then, eh?
Rosie (a little warily) Yes.
Tommy does a few limbering up movements.
Tommy (indicating his stomach) You want to get a feel of that?
Rosie What?
Tommy (patting his stomach again) This. Like a fucking iron bedstead, this is.
Rosie Great.
Tommy Want to feel?
Rosie No, thank you.
Tommy (punching himself hard) Iron. (punching himself again) Like steel. That’s all exercise, that is.
Rosie Would be.
Tommy This woman tries anything with you, I’ll bring her down like that. Break her spine, bring her down. (gesturing) Like that. Seven years SAS.
Rosie Wow.
Tommy They don’t hang around.
Rosie So I’ve heard.
A pause. Tommy jiggles around restlessly.
What are you in now? MI5?
Tommy MI5. You must be joking. Never in a month of Sundays.<
br />
Rosie No?
Tommy Wouldn’t catch me there. More sense than that.
Rosie Dangerous, is it?
Tommy Dangerous? No, it’s not dangerous. It’s the pay. It’s terrible. They’re as mean as buggery. I tell you, I used to have a brother-in-law that was in ’5. They flew him out over Easter – he missed the whole of Easter for covert operations – know what I’m saying? – they flew him out to the Middle bloody East, Operation Desert Storm going on all around him, Arabs taking shots at him, all of that – he gets back by the skin of his teeth – and he puts in, you know, naturally, for his Bank Holiday overtime – Good Friday, Easter Monday. Do you know what they told him? You are seriously not going to believe this. They told him he couldn’t claim because he wasn’t technically speaking in a Christian country over Easter, so he wasn’t entitled to claim. You ever bloody heard anything like that?
Rosie Oh, dear.
Tommy I mean, I bet you an undercover Arab working over here – and there’s plenty of ’em doing that – he’ll be claiming for – whaddyacallit? – Ramadam, won’t he? No, bloody ’5, you forget them, darling.
Rosie Right.
Tommy You don’t want to go joining them.
Rosie I won’t.
A pause. Tommy jiggles around restlessly again.
Tommy Fancy one, do you?
Rosie Sorry?
Tommy You fancy one? Before we get going? I mean, a lot of the girls do. I worked with some of them, they get, like, turned on just before the off. You know. You want to have a quick one just in case?
Rosie Just in case what?
Tommy Well, just in case. You know. That you don’t make it, like. Not that you’re not going to make it. I’m here to see to that, don’t you worry.
Rosie Glad to hear it.
Tommy What do you say, then? Fancy one, do you?
Rosie No, thank you.
Tommy Quick one? Only take five minutes?
Rosie No, not at all.
Tommy (unoffended) Suit yourself. Just that some girls do. Some of the girls, they go barmy for –
Rosie Listen, do you think I could just have a moment’s quiet, please? To myself?
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