“Beginning? It gets worse?” Ronnie looked terror-stricken. “I want to kill my husband right now. Are you telling me I might actually do it?”
“No, no,” Chantal said emphatically. “Different symptoms will come and go. That desire will probably pass. If it doesn’t, there are medications you can take that’ll help.”
“I want a cookie,” Ronnie said mournfully.
“What kind?” Blaze asked. “I have them all. Tell me what you want.”
“Don’t give it to me,” Ronnie yelled. “I’m in crisis. I’m talking out of my head…and my fucking stomach.”
Blaze nodded. “Okay, my bad. I didn’t understand. Do you want some water?”
“I want a fucking cookie,” Ronnie said between clenched teeth.
“Is demonic possession one of the symptoms?” Blaze asked Chantal softly.
Chantal nodded. “Something akin to it. I had many crisis moments when I was coming to terms with the fact I was changing.”
“I can’t have another baby now?” Ronnie said despondently.
“Did you want to?” Chantal and Blaze asked almost in unison.
“No! Not in my forties. Are y’all crazy? I don’t like knowing I can’t!” Ronnie spat out.
“Be aware that you can still get pregnant while you’re going through this change. Be sure to take precautions,” Chantal advised.
Ronnie laughed sardonically and sounded deranged when she said, “Do you seriously think I want a dick anywhere near me right now? Somebody better get me a fucking cookie.”
Blaze took a step toward the kitchen and stopped. She looked at Chantal and shrugged. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Bring me the whole pack of chocolate-dipped mint cookies I saw in the pantry,” Ronnie said shakily.
Just one, Chantal mouthed to Blaze.
Blaze ran into the kitchen and retrieved the cookie. She returned hurriedly to the living room and kept her distance as she held it out to Ronnie. “Fuck,” Ronnie said miserably as she slowly reached out and took it.
*******
“Are you okay?” Blaze asked as she walked Ronnie out to her car later.
“Why do we never hug?”
Ronnie was much calmer, but she still had a disconcerting look in her eyes. “You always told me not to touch you, and I eventually got the message,” Blaze said warily.
“We were kids then. Why don’t we do it now?” Ronnie opened her car door and stood behind it.
Blaze shrugged. “I mean…we know we love each other. I guess we didn’t think we had to express it with hugs. Do you…feel like you need one now?”
“No, it’ll make me cry again, and you know I hate to do that. I feel so weak and stupid,” Ronnie snapped.
“I’m an emotional person. I cry over things most people don’t. That doesn’t make me weak or stupid.” Blaze narrowed her eyes when Ronnie looked away. “Hey, I’m gonna need you to agree with that.”
“You cried during the last movie we saw together, and it was a comedy, so I can’t.”
“The dog died in that movie, you ass!”
Ronnie smiled. “That almost made me laugh. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome,” Blaze said begrudgingly. “A lot of people cried when the dog died.”
“The dog was acting, Blaze. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“You don’t have to sit with her,” Blaze reminded Ronnie gently. “She gets around fine. You should do something fun while you’re on vacation.”
“Well, murder is illegal. Are you gonna raise my children while I’m in prison for strangling Clint?”
“I meant doing something like going shopping with your daughter,” Blaze said with a smile.
“Rosie doesn’t like to do that with me anymore. There’s a rule about being spotted in the mall with your uncool mother at the age of thirteen. She’s twelve, but she thinks the rule still applies. Besides, I’m doing my own research on the subject in your house.”
“What’ve you learned so far?” Blaze asked.
“She’s up to something. She told me she was going to take a nap today, but I could hear her on the phone in her room talking to someone for a long time. I couldn’t hear what was being said.”
Blaze stuffed her hands in the pockets of her jeans. “Do you get the impression she wants to say something, but she has second thoughts about it?”
“Absolutely, she does,” Ronnie replied with a nod. “I can tell by the look on her face because that’s how you look when you’re having doubts about something you want to say. I’m convinced she wants to tell us something, and that’s why she’s here.”
“Then all three of us have that look,” Blaze said with a laugh. “Do you want to know what she has to say?”
“Yes and no. I need to get home now. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Ronnie said as she got into her car.
*******
“Is she okay?” Chantal asked when Blaze walked into the kitchen.
Blaze nodded. “She’s good. I’m gonna go upstairs, I have to make a call. Do you need anything before I go?”
Chantal’s brow furrowed as she opened her mouth. She froze like that for a couple of seconds, then said, “No.”
“Goodnight.” Blaze walked out of the kitchen and started up the stairs.
Chantal rushed into the living room on her scooter. “Blaze, we have to talk.”
“We will but not right now,” Blaze said as she hurried upstairs.
*******
“Hey,” Caleigh said happily when she answered Blaze’s call.
“You sound like you’re doing something. Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“No, I’m just walking across the street. I had dinner with my crazy grandparents,” Caleigh said with a laugh. “It’s dinner and a show with those two. How was the rest of your day?”
“It was good.”
Caleigh thought she noticed something in Blaze’s tone. “You don’t sound quite right. Is something wrong?”
“We just met, and already, you can tell when something’s wrong with me?”
“I’m a Pisces, and we’re very intuitive,” Caleigh said as she unlocked her door and stepped into her house. “Plus, your tone doesn’t sound the way it did when we were together.”
“I’ll change that right now because I don’t want you to think I’m not excited to talk to you,” Blaze said cheerily. “What time would you like me to pick you up tomorrow night?”
“I’ll answer that question after you tell me what’s going on.”
“Did you know the negative thing about being a Pisces is they have a tendency to take on other people’s problems? It’s not that I don’t trust you, I don’t want to burden you. What’s going on with me is temporary. I’m not a perpetual problem child. I like to laugh and have a good time, and despite what you’ve probably heard, I’m easygoing.”
“I know all about my sign. My first girlfriend was obsessed with the Zodiac and pointed out all my weaknesses. Fortunately, I worked in a field where I’ve been exposed to a multitude of personalities, and what I’ve learned keeps that aspect of my sign from being a handicap. I’m loyal and supportive, but I know I can’t fix everyone else’s problems. I don’t like being forced to talk about something when I’m not ready, and I won’t do that to you. I am very curious about your situation, though, and if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears.”
Blaze was silent for a moment. “Chantal told me she wanted to talk, and I blew her off.”
“Because you don’t want to open your drum of feelings?”
“Right. Plus, I came home to my sister crying her eyes out because she’s probably going through early menopause. Chantal says she went through it early, and sometimes daughters go through it the same way. Now that is some scary shit because for a few minutes, Ronnie looked and sounded like she was possessed.”
“I don’t know if that mom and daughter thing is true. Mom breezed right through it, but my oldest sister has every symptom there is. I’ve never seen anyone sweat
so much while sitting still. Her face turns red all of the sudden, and she becomes a human fountain. Her moods change with the flashes. She’ll be joking one second and rotate between furious and emotional train wreck faster than I can comprehend. I don’t know whether to run for my life or hand her a tissue.”
Blaze laughed. “You’re pretty much describing what I faced tonight, but I don’t think Ronnie was even flashing at the time. I do have to throw Chantal a bone, I think she helped Ronnie some.”
“Is she nice?” Caleigh asked as she walked into her bedroom.
“She’s super polite, and it’s annoying. I say that because it’s just so awkward being around her. She gave birth to me, and I don’t know who she is. I don’t know what her habits are, what she likes, how she thinks. I’m basically living upstairs because I know she can’t get up here.”
“Are you afraid of her?” Caleigh asked with a bewildered smile.
“How would I know if she was a serial killer? She might’ve been actress by day and well-dressed sniper by night.”
Caleigh smiled. “Hey, you need to be careful about helping stranded motorists. I could’ve been a serial killer.”
“Yeah, but I had the lug wrench. Lucky for me, you just turned out to be a serial shoe collector.”
“I am not,” Caleigh said with a laugh and sobered when she looked at the stack of boxes in the corner of her room. “I had my guard up with you too out on that road, but I figured you were a good soul when I kaboomed in front of you, and you were so supportive.”
“Kaboomed?”
“When I had my meltdown.” Caleigh sat on the corner of the bed. “I have a tendency to put things that bother me in a drum too. I push stressors and things that piss me off into the back of my mind, and when my brain gets too crowded, insignificant things set me off and…kaboom. I was doing that with the worries about taking on this new job, and when I got that flat, the fuse was lit. Unfortunately, I kaboomed in front of you, and that was embarrassing.”
“Don’t worry about that. You didn’t damage anything in the blast. You really are far more intelligent than the last HR manager at the shipyard. He ate all my crayons when were in the third grade together. I swear,” Blaze said seriously. “I preferred chalk, but I grew out of that before the fourth grade. Gene was still eating crayons until junior high school.”
“That makes me feel better because I’ve only been known to chew the top of my pens. I broke that habit a long time ago too. Who else will I be working with that went to school with you, and did any of them eat crayons?”
“You may not want to mention my name in front of the guy who’s over admin operations. Cooper Kassirer and I have a history of despising each other since grade school. There are some great people working at Falcon too. You’ll be appreciated, I promise.”
“Thank you for the constant reassurance.”
“I’m not just saying things to make you feel better. It’s obvious you have a brain, and not only that, you’re concerned about doing a good job. I know you’ve met people who don’t give a shit about anything as long as they’re collecting a check.”
“Yes, I have.” Caleigh smiled. “I’m good with anytime you want to pick me up tomorrow night and with wherever you wanna go.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven, and I was thinking about taking you back to The Square for dinner if you’d like that. We could have drinks afterward and maybe catch one of the bands playing.”
“I love those plans. What’s the dress code? You know I have a lot of shoe choices, and I want to pick the right ones,” Caleigh said with a laugh.
“Shorts and a light shirt. The nights haven’t been much cooler than the days lately,” Blaze said.
“I love casual.”
“Me too. I’m gonna let you go now because I need to go downstairs and clean up. I’m looking forward to tomorrow night.”
“So am I,” Caleigh said with a smile. “Goodnight.”
Chapter 8
The next day, Blaze was all smiles. She’d been so focused on the things going on in her life that the idea of meeting someone didn’t even register as a blip on her internal radar. Even after Carey told her that Caleigh thought she was attractive and interesting, Blaze wouldn’t allow herself to spend much time contemplating that news. She’d experienced so much stress and disappointment since the bunny incident, she didn’t look forward to very much at all.
As she helped unload a new shipment, it occurred to her that she’d been doing what Caleigh had described as causing her kaboom moments. Blaze had pushed everything that had been bothering her into the back of her mind and hadn’t realized how much that affected her. She’d gotten to the point where she expected everything in her life to turn out negatively. When she and Caleigh had chatted over waffles, Blaze realized she was actually enjoying the experience; it hit her that it had been a while since she’d felt joy over anything.
Blaze looked at her watch, feeling as though it had been three o’clock for hours. She was determined to unload a whole pallet from a recent shipment by herself in hopes the distraction would make time move faster. As she began to cut the shrink wrap away, her phone rang.
“She fell! I called an ambulance! Get over here,” Ronnie said excitedly when Blaze answered.
*******
“How long does it take to do X-rays? We’ve been waiting forever.” Blaze paced around the emergency room bay Chantal had been assigned to.
“X-rays and a CT scan since she hit her head, and for the third time, I don’t know. Did you see that knot above her right eyebrow? I bet she has a concussion. Do you wanna sit in the chair for a while?”
Blaze glanced at Ronnie and shook her head as she continued to pace. “I have a date tonight.”
“She was going kinda fast into the kitchen and clipped the door facing. She flew off the scooter, hopped three times on her good leg, and tried to grab a chair. It couldn’t stop her momentum, and down they both went.” Ronnie pursed her lips. “I freaked out because I saw it happen. I’m calm now. I’ve got this, and I’ll sit with her tonight while you’re out.”
“No, I’m not leaving.”
“Do you think she’s dying?” Ronnie asked suddenly.
Blaze came to an abrupt halt. “She was talking to us before they rolled her out of here.”
“I don’t mean right now. Think about it. If you found out you had a terminal illness, what would you do?”
Blaze laughed. “I’d show you what a real junk food diet looks like.”
“If you had kids that you—”
“I know what you’re asking,” Blaze said with a sigh. “Yes, I would want to right the things I did wrong.” A frown slowly made its way across her face as a disturbing thought crept into her mind. “Do you think she plans to kick the can in my house, so she doesn’t die alone?”
“Maybe.”
“I get not wanting to be alone, but that is so rude!” Blaze said incredulously. “I think you should at least tell someone up front that you plan to die in their house. A person needs to prepare for something like that.”
“How do we feel about this?” Ronnie asked.
“Kinda violated…I think.”
“I’m not talking about her dying in your house. I’m talking about her dying period,” Ronnie said testily.
“I have so many questions to ponder before I can even reckon with my feelings.” Blaze folded her arms and stared at the ceiling. “Why is she here? Does she want to finally have something to do with us? Isn’t that kinda crappy if she’s dying? Why did she wait until she was at death’s door to want to know the kids she gave birth to?”
Ronnie stood with a sigh. “I need to be hugged.”
“Oh, we’re gonna do that…now—here?”
“Yeah, so walk over here and wrap your arms around me,” Ronnie said brusquely.
Blaze blew out a heavy breath, walked over to Ronnie, and awkwardly embraced her. They stood silently for a moment, and she asked, “How long do we need to do this?”
“Until it feels normal.” Ronnie sucked her teeth. “This shouldn’t be weird, sisters hug all the time. Rosie and her friends spoon each other when they sleep over. What’s wrong with us? Maybe it’s because Dad wasn’t much of a hugger.”
“Grandma and Grandpa were, though.”
“Is it because you’re a lesbian and you feel icky holding a woman who is your sister?” Ronnie asked.
“No! You wouldn’t let me anywhere near you when we were kids, so we never got in the habit of hugging. That’s it. If you feel awkward holding a woman, you might have some issues you want to examine.”
“That’s food for thought because I don’t like hugging Clint anymore. I hug my friends, but we don’t…you know, linger in the embrace. I don’t like feeling breasts on me, but yours are okay because they’re kinda small. Your hip bones are kinda bony though, and that just pisses me off since I can’t lose a damn pound.” Ronnie released a heavy sigh and whispered, “I’m not ready for her to die.”
“We don’t even know her.”
“Yesterday, I had a terrible hot flash. It took my breath away when it started. Chantal saw the look on my face and took my hand. Her tone was so gentle when she asked me what was wrong. She was sweet and understanding when I told her about everything that’s been happening to me. She was my mother for a little while, and I couldn’t hate her anymore,” Ronnie admitted.
Blaze held Ronnie tighter, feeling as though she was losing an ally, and at the same time, she was happy Ronnie had that experience. “Maybe you’re wrong about her dying” was all she could say.
“It would explain a lot, though.”
“You’re not only to blame for us not being close,” Blaze said suddenly. “I was busy with my life while you were busy with yours. I was happy to have space from you for a change. Our beds were so close together in our room when we were little, I could smell your breath at night. I secretly hated you for loving onions so much. Our short separation enabled me to get over that. Now I like onions again.”
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