Blissfully Blindsided

by Robin Alexander

  “How long are you gonna roll with this?” Blaze asked with a smile. “I just really want to hear you say you’ll move in with me, then tell me what happened after you talked to Darvon.”

  “I’m thrilled you want to live with me, and yes, I’ll move in. To sleep next to you every night is worth whatever I have to pay to break my lease.” Caleigh let out a squeak of excitement as Blaze kissed her.

  “Ronnie knows your landlord well. I’m gonna exploit her shame over streaking in front of you and have her negotiate a deal for us. Maybe she’ll stop apologizing after she does that favor and reminding you of her swinging cooch.”

  Caleigh laughed. “I’d appreciate that. Oh, and I don’t know what the repercussions for Cooper and that bunch will be. I do know the Darvon brothers talked to each of them individually behind closed doors. Hamon didn’t say much to me when we talked, but he looked furious. Sam didn’t have a lot to say to me either. I think Hamon raked him over the coals too. I don’t think my work environment is going to be very peaceful for a while now that I’ve stirred up a hornet’s nest. I may need to borrow your bunny suit, so I can have superpowers.”

  “I’ll cut a foot off the legs, so it’ll fit, but you won’t need it.” Blaze grinned into a kiss. “I’m so glad you’re home, my love.”

  Epilogue

  “You and your love are killing me,” Carey complained as she helped Blaze carry a TV out of Chantal’s new house. “I’m serious. I’ve even lost weight. First, you had me help you move Caleigh’s shit into your place, and every time I go over there, one of you slaps a paintbrush in my hand. Then your momma gets all her stuff brought in from California, and it don’t all fit in her new house. You’ve got me helping you haul stuff to your house and Ronnie’s, and let me tell you, everything Chantal owns is heavy.”

  Blaze grunted as she and Carey lifted the TV into the backseat of Carey’s truck. “You’ve gotten two big-ass TVs out of the deal and you’re still whining. I didn’t get anything but a beer that time I helped you stuff pills in the butts of all your cows. We’re not even close to being even.”

  “Well, I didn’t realize Dale was being sarcastic when he told me to shove the vitamins up the cow’s butts. I lost a lot of money that day, so give me a break. Nice of you to join us, Dean, now that we’ve got the hard part done,” Carey snapped and pointed to the bowl in his hand as he walked up. “You know I’m dying out here and you’re eating. Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome, and I came to tell you the food’s ready.” Dean watched Carey stomp up the steps on the porch and turned to Blaze. “You know, there’s barely any difference in the way she talks when she’s mad and when she’s not. I’ve never been able to tell when she’s really pissed off at me. You look hungry, why don’t you take this? I haven’t eaten any yet. I think it’s jambalaya with peas in it.”

  Blaze shook her head. “I’m too hot. I need to cool off before I eat anything, but thanks.”

  “When it’s this hot at the end of April, you know summer is gonna be hellacious.” Dean looked at all the flowering plants in pots on Chantal’s porch and on the steps. “Edie and Chantal have been busy with the planting. I don’t see my wife much anymore because your momma has stolen her, and you stole my favorite grandchild. What else are you and your people gonna take from me?”

  “Your taste buds if you eat what’s in that bowl,” Blaze said softly. “I know you’re out here looking for a place to pour it out.”

  “Uh…you don’t care much for Chantal’s cooking either?”

  “She’s learning, but green peas do not belong in jambalaya. I don’t think that’s what Edie meant when she told Mom to experiment with seasonings.” Blaze’s jaw dropped when Dean tossed the whole bowl into the bed of Carey’s truck.

  “Oops. It’s a good thing that was a disposable bowl I just dropped, or there would’ve been a mess.”

  “Oh, my God, get away from the scene of the crime before Carey comes back out here,” Blaze said with a laugh as she ran.

  *******

  Chantal stared at Frank intently as he sat in a chair on her patio. “Caleigh has done a tremendous job cutting your hair. You should let her work on your brows.”

  “I’ll get to those as soon as I finish trimming his ears,” Caleigh said.

  Frank touched his head opposite from where Caleigh was working with the trimmer. “I feel like you got around my ears pretty good.”

  “She’s actually talking about the hair growing on your ears,” Ronnie said from where she stood behind Frank, grinning. “Mom is right, you need to let Caleigh work on your brows. They look like two long-legged caterpillars belly up. You can still be a manly man and take care of your appearance.”

  “What’re you putting on my head?” Frank asked.

  “Conditioner for men, Paw Paw,” Rosie said while Ronnie gave Caleigh the “don’t say a word” look.

  “Caleigh honey, would you cut your Gramp’s hair next?” Edie asked.

  “I will, but right after Carey. TJ asked me to do hers next.”

  TJ nodded with a grin. “And I’ll tip big if you’ll give her the full treatment like Frank is getting.”

  “We’re about to celebrate Mom’s first day in her new home properly,” Blaze announced as she walked out the back door with two bottles of champagne.

  Don’t say a word, Ronnie mouthed to Blaze behind Frank’s back.

  “Where are Dean and Carey and the boys?” Chantal asked.

  “Leif and Trey are teaching Dean to program a TV and a remote, and he says he doesn’t like the bubbles in champagne. Before y’all ask, I did tell him there were bubbles in beer, but he says those taste better. Carey is getting the champagne glasses.” Blaze smiled at Chantal. “By that, I mean she’s getting plastic cups, not your flutes with the gold-plated stems.”

  Carey walked out the back door and looked right at Ronnie and Frank. “You dyeing his hair black?”

  “Is that what she’s putting—” Frank tried to get up, but Ronnie grabbed his head and Rosie jumped into his lap.

  “Blaze,” Ronnie grunted as she and Rosie tried to keep Frank in the chair. “Caleigh! Help!”

  Caleigh backed out of the way when Blaze plopped on Rosie’s lap. “I’m just cutting and trimming hair here. Blaze, you should trade places with Rosie.”

  “Take your hair coloring like a woman!” Blaze said with a laugh as Frank tried to push her and Rosie off him.

  Rosie grunted. “Uncomfortable in so many ways.”

  “Stop resisting, you’re killing your granddaughter, and you’re getting dye all over me and you. Be still, and be pretty,” Ronnie pleaded between gales of laughter.

  Frank’s arms finally dropped at his sides. “Chantal, you and your woman cult are so wrong for this.”

  “It was my idea, Dad,” Blaze admitted as she got up and pulled Rosie with her. “Don’t worry, calico boy, we can wash it out if you don’t like it.”

  “Is that what my hair looks like, a calico cat?” Frank asked with resignation.

  “No, just your face. It’s red, white, and dark brown, and you made me get dye on my shirt.” Ronnie went back to work dyeing Frank’s hair. “This is all we’re gonna do. I promise your toenails are safe.”

  Carey had uncorked the champagne and was filling the cups. “Let’s get to celebrating before this shit gets hot.”

  Blaze and Caleigh passed out cups to everyone, even Rosie got one with a little splash in it. Blaze raised her cup. “I just want to say…Caleigh, you’re gonna have to do this.”

  “What Blaze wanted to say is Chantal—Mom, with everything you’ve done since you’ve gotten here, you’ve erased the past, and we’re looking forward to the future with you. Welcome home.” Caleigh raised her cup, and everyone applauded and took a drink.

  Chantal leaned on her cane a little misty-eyed and said, “I’d like to make a toast, too. I’ll try not to make it too sentimental for Blaze’s sake. I’m still in awe over the open and forgiving hearts my daughters possess.
They have given me the greatest gift I’ve ever received. I’ve never been more thankful, happy, or content. I’m not only blessed to have them in my life, but I’m surrounded here with family by blood and family by love and friendship. I have to borrow something Blaze said. She was blissfully blindsided, and I can truly say I know what she means. I love you all.” She raised her glass and took a sip, and everyone applauded and drank with her.

  “Look what I’ve caught from you,” Caleigh said as she wiped her eyes on the sleeve of Blaze’s T-shirt. “I cry at everything now.”

  “But you won’t catch an STD from me, so that’s a bonus,” Blaze said between sniffs. “I need the whole back of your shirt.”

  Caleigh sighed and smiled as she turned around. “The things we share.”

  *******

  “Drum roll.” Blaze drummed on Chantal’s patio table as Frank stepped out on the patio with a towel on his head.

  “Off,” Ronnie chanted, and everyone joined in.

  Frank jerked the towel off and shrugged as he looked around at everybody.

  “Well, shit,” Carey exclaimed with her eyes wide. “Somebody slap some dye on my head, he looks twenty years younger.”

  “Wow,” Ronnie said in awe. “I did a good job. I’m incredible, but you’re pretty too.”

  Caleigh bumped Blaze’s leg and nodded toward Chantal, who stared at Frank with a wondrous smile.

  Frank waved a hand dismissively. “All right, y’all can stop making a big deal.”

  “Do you like the way it looks, Paw Paw?” Rosie asked.

  “I’m gonna take a lotta crap from the guys at the shop about it and my fancy eyebrows, but it’s all right,” Frank said nonchalantly.

  “I’m not saying you looked bad before.” TJ nodded and winked. “You looking good, Frank.”

  Edie stepped onto the patio and froze when she got a good look at Frank. “Holy…cannolis, did I go back in time?” She glanced at her arm. “Nope, I’ve still got crepe paper for skin.”

  “All right, y’all stop picking on me now,” Frank said, looking uncomfortable. He walked over to Chantal and held out his hand. “Get up on your three legs and show me that tree you think is dead.”

  Chantal smiled up at him. “I don’t take the hand of a man I don’t know. You’ll have to introduce yourself.”

  “Hello, I’m James Dean,” Frank said dryly.

  “That will certainly do.” Chantal laughed as she rested her hand in Frank’s and stood.

  “They still have chemistry,” TJ whispered as she and everyone else watched Frank take Chantal’s arm as they walked across the lawn.

  Caleigh turned to Edie when she sat in the chair beside her. “Has Chantal talked to you about him?”

  “She said they’ve become friends,” Edie said simply.

  “That’s all she said?” Blaze pressed.

  Edie nodded. “Yes.”

  “Why do I feel like you’re being evasive?” Caleigh eyed Edie suspiciously.

  “That’s all she said about him.” Edie nodded toward Chantal and Frank. “Draw your own conclusions or ask her yourself.”

  Dean walked out onto the patio and looked at everyone. “Why’re y’all staring at those two out there? Are they looking for that dead tree Chantal was talking about?”

  “That’s the excuse they gave,” Carey said.

  “Frank don’t know nothing about trees. I told Chantal I’d take a look for—why’re you grabbing on me like that?” Dean asked when Edie looped a finger through one of his belt loops and held him in place.

  “You sit down here with us and let Frank look at Chantal’s tree.” Edie chuckled. “Thanks to Blaze, there’s plenty of chairs to choose from. Frank will holler for you if he needs your help.”

  *******

  Blaze walked Frank out after Carey and TJ and Edie and Dean left that evening. “Dad, I want to ask you something, and I need you to answer honestly. Does it bother you that Ronnie and I have kinda been doting over Mom since she came back?”

  “Yeah, y’all are practically worshipping the prodigal child,” Frank said dryly. “I’ve been with y’all your whole lives, and I’m on the back burner.”

  Blaze’s heart sank. “I’m so sorry. I was so caught up, I didn’t stop to think—”

  “I’m joking,” Frank said loudly with a smile. “Yeah, when she first came back, I had a problem with it. She came in and out of town for years, and it was easy to assume she was just coming here to make herself feel better by dropping off a few gifts. When she came to stay and y’all were rallying around her, it was a little hurtful, and I was suspicious of her motives. You and Ronnie weren’t telling me a whole lot about what was going on, so I talked to Edie and Dean. Then I started coming around to see if it was all true. Bottom line, Chantal has done what she can to make up to y’all for what she did, and you girls are happy, and as your father, that makes me happy.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you more when everything was going on.”

  “Well, I did run off when she got here, and I’m sorry about that. I was mad that you let her in.” Frank scuffed at something on the pavement with the toe of his shoe. “Your toast that Caleigh made was on point. We have to ask for forgiveness and give it and let what’s in the past stay there. Chantal and I have agreed to do that.”

  Blaze nodded. “Good. I’m glad. So…y’all are friends.”

  “That’s right.”

  “Cool.” Blaze nodded again. “So…do you think y’all are gonna just stay that way? I thought I saw you make some sweet eyes.”

  “Ha! You’ve lost your eyesight or your mind or both. Your mom and I are friends, take my word on that. Just because you’ve fallen in love don’t mean everybody is gonna fall in step. I do wanna make one thing clear, though. I don’t know how gay weddings work or if you’ll be considered the bride or Caleigh will, but I should still be the one to walk you down the aisle and give you away or whatever. I like Caleigh, and I won’t mind giving you to her, but I wish I would’ve gone with my gut and snatched Ronnie’s ass away from Clint.”

  “I would’ve helped you,” Blaze said with a laugh. “I was standing right there next to her, you could’ve given me a signal.”

  Frank smiled. “No, you would’ve killed yourself. You were all tangled up in your dress like you’d walked through a tornado.”

  *******

  While Blaze was outside with Frank, Ronnie and Caleigh were subtly prodding Chantal for information as they cleaned the kitchen. “Did Dad look like you remembered him after I colored his hair?”

  “A bit,” Chantal said casually as she dried a pot Leif had washed and handed to her.

  Caleigh swept around the floor near Chantal’s feet. “I thought Frank was a nice-looking guy when I first saw him, but he really went through a transformation today. I’ll bet he turns some ladies’ heads.”

  “He can be very charming when he wants to be.” Ronnie leaned against the counter and studied Chantal’s profile. “I thought it was sweet when he took your arm when y’all walked in the yard.”

  Chantal kissed Leif on the cheek when he finished washing the pots and pans. “Thank you so much for helping me. I hid a bag of the spicy chips you like behind the large canister by the door, so Blaze wouldn’t get to them first. They’re all yours.” She watched as Leif collected his treat and smiled when he blew her a kiss before he left the room. “Yes, I thought Frank looked handsome. Am I still holding a torch for him? No. Neither of us is interested in rekindling anything. We’re happy with our friendship. Did that cover all the questions you two were asking but not asking me?”

  Caleigh shook a finger at Ronnie. “I told you she’s too sharp for subtlety. We should’ve come right out and asked.”

  “I’m sure you tipped her off with your turning ladies’ heads comment. My technique is tried and true, it’s how I get my kids to tell me everything.” Ronnie narrowed her eyes when she heard Rosie and Leif laugh in the living room.

  *******

  �
�They’re both full of shit. We all saw how they looked at each other like two people do when they’re having an affair or a forbidden office relationship.” Ronnie walked with Blaze and Caleigh back to their house.

  Blaze noticed Leif and Rosie walking ahead of them on the road. “Where’s Trey?”

  “I had him walk down to your house before us and get his car. He’s gonna cruise around Mom’s house to see if Dad comes back,” Ronnie said. “I told him not to engage Dad if he showed but to report to us immediately. We’ll all respond together, so we can flank them in all directions and bitch at them for lying.”

  “I hope you’re not planning to set up headquarters at our house. This is our first night alone there, and we’re going to do sexual things all over it.” Blaze grinned at Caleigh, who was walking on the other side of Ronnie. “I’m looking forward to being loud.”

  “I guess that means y’all don’t want to be notified if Trey sees Dad either,” Ronnie said with disappointment.

  “No, I don’t want you to call and talk to me about Mom and Dad while I’m doing sexual things. That would be like a bucket of ice water on our night of boisterous passion, so I won’t be answering any calls,” Blaze replied with a laugh.

  Caleigh cleared her throat. “I need to warm up my vocal cords.”

  “I hope y’all enjoy your loud, sweaty—what the hell,” Ronnie yelled when her car approached rolling backward and swerving. Caleigh and Blaze grabbed each other and ran for the grass as the car came to a screeching halt beside Ronnie.

  The passenger window rolled down, and Rosie sat behind the wheel looking proud of herself. “Leif said I could back out of the driveway. How’d I do?”

  “I just shit my pants. What does that tell you?” Ronnie said shakily. “Shift into park and get into the backseat.”

  “Can I drive to our house?” Rosie pleaded.

  “Mom, she’s gotta learn,” Leif added.