“Some of them, yes,” she whispered. “Others I already owned.”
“Have you been thinking about what I proposed?”
When didn’t she think about it? “Yes.”
“Got an answer for me, yet?”
She licked her lips, studying him. “Why do you like it? I get why the Little enjoys it. I mean. . .I guess I can understand their side because. . .”
“You are a Little,” he said gently.
Yeah. Exactly.
“I’ve got to go to the bathroom,” she said suddenly. It wasn’t an excuse to get out of there. She really had to pee. But she also kind of wished she had kept quiet.
He slid back her covers and helped her stand, holding her until she was steady. “Leave the door open a crack and call out if you need me.”
She barely refrained from rolling her eyes. “You know I go to the toilet just fine on my own when you’re not here.”
“I know.” He frowned. “Doesn’t mean I like it. I have nightmares of you falling and hitting your head. Especially after yesterday.”
Crap. She had really messed up.
She left the door open the tiniest crack, hoping he couldn’t hear her pee. When she shuffled back in, she barely made it into bed before the doctor was there. He had a bunch of student doctors with him. She hated when there were extra people. She always felt like some medical experiment on display. As though he felt her discomfort, Macca reached out and took her hand in his.
A feeling of calm came over her. This was so weird. How did he have this effect on her?
The doctor went through his usual spiel. She kind of tuned that part out.
“Any questions, Miss Raymond?”
“When can I go home?”
“Well, your blood pressure is good and your red blood cell count is up. However, you still need care. You currently live alone, yes?”
“Gigi will be staying with me when she’s released,” Macca told the doctor.
“Ah, and you are able to be around a lot of the time? Or do you need to go to work? Because I would prefer she had someone close by for at least the next five days.”
“I’m not working. I can keep a watch on her, make sure she does everything that she’s supposed to.” He gave her a warning look.
“All right then, if everything continues to go well, I would be happy to release you tomorrow, Miss Raymond.”
“That would be great.” She smiled.
The doctor and his minions left and she let out a squeal of happiness. “I’m getting out of here tomorrow!”
“I’m happy for you, baby girl.” He gave her a warm smile.
“Thank you for saying you’d look after me.”
“I didn’t just say it. I meant it. You might well wish you’d stayed in hospital, because I intend to be quite strict with you.”
A shiver of excitement and pleasure ran down her spine. He got up and placed her eReader on the bedside cabinet. “You asked me why I like being a Daddy Dom?”
She nodded.
“You know I was a Navy SEAL. I was proud to serve my country. It was a lot of responsibility, but I liked knowing I was doing a job that made a difference, you know?”
“You’re so brave. I could never do anything like that.”
“You’re brave too, sweet pea. Don’t underestimate yourself.”
She didn’t believe that but it was nice to hear him say it.
“Now that I work for JSI, I’m making a difference in another sort of way. I love my job, my friends, where I live. Sanctuary Ranch is a little different from other places. The men who work on the ranch and for JSI are all either Dominants or looking for a relationship where they are the head of the household. The women who live there all have a male guardian to care for them. Submission is a gift. Something to be treasured and protected. But a Daddy/little relationship for me is a whole other level. It means I get to let loose my nurturing side, something that in everyday life often remains dormant. I care for the women on Sanctuary, but it’s not the same as having your own Little to take care of, protect, cherish, discipline, love.”
The longing in his voice made her breath catch. Any woman would be lucky to have someone like Macca as theirs. It would feel like being wrapped up in a blanket of safety. If she was his, she knew that she could give him her worries, her fears, her dreams and he’d look after them. He’d do whatever he needed to help her, guide her.
She knew that because of the way he’d taken care of her and she was a virtual stranger.
“This sort of relationship is special and should be guarded. There has to be trust and communication and honesty.”
“You don’t ever feel like it’s a burden?” she asked.
He blinked. “A burden? No. It’s a beautiful gift. I’m never happier than when I’m taking care of a Little.”
“Have you been in a relationship with a Little before?” she asked.
Sadness filled his gaze. “Once. When I was in the Navy. But she didn’t handle me being away from her for long periods of time. And she used to worry so much about me when I wasn’t around that she’d make herself ill. Sara was special, but our relationship just wasn’t right for her. She needed a daddy who was there all the time for her. When I realized that our relationship was hurting her, I helped her find a pair of Daddy Doms to take over her care. They’re now happily married.”
He’d helped his girlfriend find new boyfriends because he realized he couldn’t be what she needed? Was this guy even real? Was there any end to his selflessness?
“The three of them are in a permanent relationship?” She’d read about ménage relationships, and she’d watched TV shows about sister wives, but she’d never known of anyone who was in one.
“They are.” He grinned at her. “Does that shock you?”
Um. Maybe a little bit. She cleared her throat.
“You’re a good man, Alexander McKenzie.”
He smiled, but it looked sad. “I haven’t had a Little since. It’s like a hole inside me. Something that needs to be filled, but I just haven’t found the right person. I’ve seen my friends find their Littles and honestly, I’m jealous as hell. Having a Little girl who looks to me to protect and care for her, it’s what I dream of.”
The longing inside her was a deep ache. She wanted to be that for him. To be his.
That’s not going to happen, Gigi. Remember, at some stage he’ll have to leave.
“I have to get going, sweet pea. Behave yourself and I’ll be back tonight.” He kissed her forehead again before leaving.
She really wanted to know what his kiss would feel like on her lips. But she didn’t think she’d ever find out.
He was wrong. She wasn’t brave at all.
8
She’d never seen a better sight than Penny’s house.
“Happy to be home, sweet pea?”
“Oh yes.” Although it wasn’t actually home. And while Macca was being extremely nice, letting her stay here while she recuperated, she knew she needed to sort new accommodation and a job and. . .she took in a deep breath as everything that needed to be done started to feel overwhelming.
“I can hear you thinking from here.” He drove Penny’s car up outside the house and turned it off. He leaned over and cupped her face between his hands. “It’s all going to be all right, sweet pea.”
It was nice of him to say that but there was no way he could know it would be.
“Are you sure you’re all right to walk?” he asked her.
“I’m fine.” She wouldn’t be running on it anytime soon, but her foot wasn’t giving her many problems anymore.
He helped her out of the car, insisting on carrying the bag and giving her a stern look when she still tried to grab it.
“Stubborn little thing, aren’t you?” he said to her as he unlocked the door and stepped inside.
She sighed and followed him, knowing she wouldn’t win any argument once he’d made up his mind. She wasn’t the only stubborn one around here.
&
nbsp; He strode down to her bedroom. When they walked inside, she gave a little gasp of surprise. There, sitting on her bed, where Kiki usually resided was the bunny from the gift shop.
“How did you know?” She whirled towards him. He’d set her bag on the chair in the corner and unzipped it. He turned with a smile.
“The lady in the gift shop. After you collapsed, I went in there to thank her. And she told me you’d been admiring the bunny.”
“So, you bought it? For me?”
“Well, it’s not for me,” he teased.
“But. . .but. . .you shouldn’t have.”
“Why not?”
“You shouldn’t spend your money on me!”
“Gigi, it’s a gift. I want you to have it. I wouldn’t have bought it for you if I didn’t.” He walked over and ran a finger down her cheek.
“Nobody has ever bought me something just because,” she told him, bewildered by his gesture.
“Well, that’s a shame. You could use a little spoiling.”
Her cheeks blushed red and she dropped her face, staring down at her feet. She dug her toes into the carpet. “I don’t deserve it, though.”
He reached out and grasped hold of her chin, tilting her face up. “Why would that be?”
“I disobeyed you. I was. . .naughty.”
“Are you feeling guilty about that?”
She nodded.
“You apologized. I told you that you were forgiven.”
“I know, but I still don’t deserve the bunny.” She sniffled, feeling sad. She really wanted the stuffed toy. Desperately.
“Baby, if I thought you didn’t deserve him then I wouldn’t have bought him for you. He’s yours.”
Tears dripped down her face.
“Hey, now.” Concern flooded his face and he sat on the edge of the bed and settled her onto his lap. He held her in his strong, warm arms as she sobbed into his chest.
“Baby, stop. You’re going to make yourself sick.”
“S-sorry. I’m being silly.”
“Your feelings aren’t silly.” He rubbed his hand up and down her back. “What can I do to help?”
And the truth was, there was only one thing she thought might help. She straightened, and wiped her cheeks.
“I think you should spank me.”
Um. What?
Did he really just hear those words?
He stared down at Gigi. Wide, hazel-colored eyes stared back at him from a too-thin face. Despite doing his best to get her to eat over these past few days, she didn’t seem to have gained any weight, which worried him.
She was delicate, fragile, but on the inside, he knew she had a core of strength. She was tougher than she thought. Dealing with her illness while taking care of herself, she had so much to cope with at such a young age. She deserved some pampering and if he’d thought he could have gotten away with it, he would have filled her bed with soft toys.
“You want to be spanked?” he asked gently.
“No. . .yes. . .I don’t know. Can’t you just do it? Do I have to decide?”
“Easy, baby,” he told her. “Calm down.”
She tried to climb from his lap and he let her. She trembled as she stood in front of him and he reached for her, taking hold of her waist. She took a step back, away from his touch. Hurt filled him before he stifled. They were still strangers in a number of ways.
Are you really, though? Haven’t you shared more with her than you have with anyone since Sara?
He still felt a small pang of sadness when he thought of Sara. But he knew he’d done the right thing by her. Keeping her tied to him wouldn’t have been right for either of them. She was better off with Derrick and Jase.
Would you feel the same if you had that sort of relationship with Gigi when it comes time to say goodbye?
No.
Shit. What the hell was that? They hadn’t even started anything and already he didn’t want to let her go.
“You don’t have to be afraid of me, little one. Nothing happens without your consent.”
“I know, that’s just it.” She ran her hand through her hair. “I always have to make the decisions and so often they’ve been the wrong ones. I don’t know if this is right or wrong.”
“Sometimes we can’t know until we try.”
She nodded shakily.
“Why do you think I should spank you?”
“Because I messed up. I made you worry. I was acting selfish, just thinking of myself and not you. You’ve done nothing but try to help me and I feel so bad.”
“Baby, you made a foolish decision but you didn’t do anything so terrible that it doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Yes, you made me worry, but I’m more concerned about how you risked your health than I am about anything I went through.”
“See! Right there, that’s it.”
“What’s it?” he asked.
“You’re such a good guy. You’re kind and patient and you put others first. I’m not like that! I’m selfish and awful.”
“Okay, enough of that.” He pulled her onto his lap, unable to tolerate the distance between them. “I won’t stand to hear you say things like that about yourself, understand? You are none of those things.”
“How do you know? We don’t really know each other.”
“How do you know I’m a good guy?”
She leaned back to give him an incredulous look. “Maybe the way you tracked me down, took me to the hospital, and have been coming in to visit and bring me food for the last five days while I’ve been stuck in jail?”
“I’m not sure that hospital is exactly like jail.”
“Felt like it,” she muttered.
“You make a terrible patient, little girl.”
“I know.”
He placed his hand under her chin. “I don’t like hearing you say bad things about yourself. None of that is true. You made a bad decision, that’s all. That doesn’t make you a terrible person.”
She wiped her fingers across her cheeks. “Then why do I feel so bad?”
He didn’t like that she still felt so guilty. “Okay, if I agree to spank you that means the guilt ends. You’ve paid your due for being naughty, all right?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
“But I won’t do this without a safeword.”
“S-safe word?”
“Yes. Something you can say if you want to stop things. I’ll stop immediately, and it isn’t just for this spanking.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, if you decide you want to experience being my Little, you can use your safeword at any time. It’s especially important while we’re getting to know each other. As your daddy I would make the decisions about your health and safety, take that responsibility that lies heavily on your shoulders. All you’d need to do is be you. Is to listen to me. Even if you only wanted to do it for a few hours, I would be honored to be your daddy for that short time. Do you have an answer for me, Gigi?”
9
She stared into his handsome face.
He was a warrior. A hero. And he was offering her something she admitted to desperately wanting.
Maybe this was headed for disaster. Maybe she was going to get her heart broken. But at this point, all she could think was that she was tired of living life on the fringes. Of never having anything for herself. Of never having anyone.
Even if this had an expiry date, wasn’t a short time better than nothing at all? Maybe experiencing this daddy/little girl stuff would show her whether it was something she actually wanted.
But there was still something holding her back.
“I’m scared,” she admitted to him.
He pushed her hair behind her ear then cupped his hand around the back of her neck.
“What are you afraid of, baby girl? Me?”
She nodded and his eyes widened in horror. “You think I’d harm you? Sweet pea, I thought you understood when I talk about punishment and spanking that I’d never truly harm you. Never hit you. I’m not
like my father.”
Horror filled her as he set her on the bed and stood, taking several steps away.
“No, no, no. You misunderstand.” She climbed off the bed, moving too quickly and her head spun.
Shoot. She swayed and would have fallen if two hands hadn’t wrapped firmly around her waist.
“Easy, baby girl. Jesus, give me a heart attack, why don’t you?” He picked her up, cradling her in his lap once more as he sat.
“Sorry. I’m sorry,” she told him quickly. “I didn’t mean that. I know you’re nothing like my dad.”
There was a pause.
“Your dad?”
“He used to hit me,” she admitted. “He’s an alcoholic. And a gambler. Whenever he lost, at the pokies or the track, he’d get drunk and then come home and take it out on me. My mum took off when I was young. Can’t blame her. He wasn’t easy to live with. I finally left when I was seventeen and he. . .he. . .”
He rocked her back and forth then kissed the top of her head. “He what, baby girl?”
“He tried to sell me to pay off his debt to his bookie.”
“What the fuck!”
“I know. Sick, right? His bookie thought so too. He actually helped me, if you can believe it. He refused to take me as payment then the next day, he came to our house and gave me a thousand dollars. Told me he had two daughters, and he couldn’t imagine some sick asshole doing what my dad did. So I took the money and I left.”
“He should have done more than that,” Macca growled.
“He did more than anyone else. My teachers, the neighbors, they must have known or at least suspected. But I flew under the radar. He never hit me where anyone could see. Well, a couple of times he did but I learned to cover them with make-up. He might have been an asshole, but he wasn’t completely stupid. He must have been pissed when he lost the benefit money he received from the government for me. Although maybe he kept collecting it.”
She wouldn’t put it past him. That was all she’d ever been to him. A money ticket.
“Oh, baby, I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I moved in with my boyfriend, and things were a lot better.” Not really, but he didn’t have to know everything.
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