She loved the idea of falling madly and deeply in love with someone, so much so that you’d be willing to risk everything. When Sheck had confided that his parents were separating, it had been a crushing blow to Rory’s sense of idealism.
But now…now she was slowly beginning to open up to the idea that true, unwavering love really could exist, even if there were rough patches along the way. Maybe she’d been too quick to cast her hopes aside.
Val and Clive had made it work.
Rory and Carson would too.
She didn’t mean to get ahead of herself but she couldn’t help but wonder if Carson was The One. He said all the right things. He was sensitive and masculine all at once, the perfect blend of safety and excitement. He made Rory’s pulse race and the way he looked at her gave her butterflies.
Maybe she was one of the lucky ones who’d find love young. Maybe Carson would be it for her, her one and only love. She could practically imagine their future: moving in together after she graduated high school, getting married…there was something so charming about the idea of marrying her high school sweetheart.
So what if Rebecca and Sheck both seemed on the fence about Carson? They hadn’t given him a chance yet. Rory was confident that once they got to know him, he’d win their approval in a heartbeat…just like he’d won Rory’s heart.
As she kicked off her shoes and happily made her way up to her bedroom, Rory couldn’t help but feel a sense of hopefulness. It was refreshing. It was long overdue. It was a feeling she hadn’t experienced since, well, since Before.
She was too excited to sleep. She threw herself down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling, a smile on her face as she dreamily made plans for her future. She was well aware of the meaning of what she was doing, yet she made her plans and dreamed her dreams unapologetically.
She was tired of putting her life on hold. What good did it do? What difference did it make? Was being miserable really the only way she could honor Grace’s life? It made no sense. Just as Grace’s death had been senseless, so was Rory’s apparent belief that she no longer deserved to be happy.
Grace was dead and it was awful. There was no denying that. But Rory punishing herself wouldn’t bring Grace back. Rory hadn’t died that night in the upstairs bedroom at the end of the hall. Maybe her innocence had, but so what? She was still here.
It was time for Rory to start living again. The only thing that could make Grace’s death more tragic would be the loss of two lives that night.
CHAPTER 16
Everything was falling into place.
Now that Carson wasn’t grounded anymore, Rory was eager to spend time with him. While she felt Rebecca and Sheck’s warnings were a bit over the top, she was mindful of the fact they were right about one thing. She didn’t know Carson very well. Sure, she knew him from afar. But she didn’t know him on a personal level, not really.
It was a minor detail but perhaps an important one. In any event, Rory was eager to find out everything she could about him. It would be one less thing for her sister and best friend to worry about and then Rory would be able to triumphantly say “See? I told you he’s a fantastic guy!”
Sunday afternoon was the ideal time for ice cream. The weather was warm and the sky was sunny. Birds chirped in the trees as they built nests and prepared to welcome new additions to their families.
It felt like a smile was permanently plastered on Rory’s face these days. That wasn’t to say she was constantly happy – she still had bouts of sadness. But they were happening less frequently and she’d decided a positive attitude was her best defense against the life-consuming sadness that lurked in the shadows of her mind.
So she’d begun smiling even when she felt like crying. Fake it until you make it was her motto.
In some ways, it worked. Normally Rebecca and Sheck wouldn’t be fooled so easily, but they were both preoccupied lately. Rebecca was spending all her free time working on an essay for a national contest – for fun. Sheck was trying to catch up on his schoolwork and spending a lot more quality time with his dad. So when they saw Rory smiling, Rebecca and Sheck took it for face value.
She was glad. It meant she didn’t have to see the telltale worry in their eyes. In some small way, that did make Rory feel better. Even if she still struggled with the occasional flashback or pang of regret, at least she wasn’t dragging the people closest to her down.
But it was different with Carson.
He wasn’t distracted. His focus was completely, totally on Rory.
She felt like she couldn’t fool him. Not when he looked at her so intently that it felt like he was staring into her soul. She knew he wanted her to feel better but he seemed to see past her cheerful façade, maybe because he’d dealt with loss firsthand himself.
“You’re having a bad day,” he stated matter-of-factly as they sat across from each other at a tiny table in the local café that boasted the best ice cream in town.
“Why do you say that?” she asked carefully, refusing to admit he was right.
“You’ve barely even touched your sundae.”
Rory looked down. It was true. Her ice cream was rapidly melting down into a puddle of creamy goo interspersed with hot fudge that was no longer all that hot.
She smiled valiantly. “I’m fine,” she assured him.
“You’re not.”
Her smile faded. She looked out the window and then noted, “It’s a nice day out.”
“I don’t want to talk about the weather.”
Turning back to Carson, Rory took a deep breath and set her spoon down on the table with a metallic clank. “Maybe it isn’t me who’s having the bad day,” she pointed out, trying to shake off the exasperated tone he’d used with her. “What’s up?”
He took a big bite of his strawberry ice cream cone. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She sighed.
“You’re only hurting yourself, you know.” His tone was harsh and critical.
“Huh?”
“I see you walking around all the time with that big fake smile plastered on your face,” he said. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do but just…don’t.”
This was a side of Carson Rory didn’t recognize. She didn’t know where it had come from but she didn’t like it. He was almost hostile in the way he was treating her, which was a far cry from his normally kind, caring personality.
“Are you seriously telling me I’m not grieving properly?”
“Well if the shoe fits…”
When she didn’t speak for a moment, Carson added, “I’m only trying to help you.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.” She couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of her voice.
He shrugged. “You say you want to feel better and get on with your life but do you really? You’re not doing anything to help yourself. You won’t go to therapy and you won’t tell anyone how you’re really feeling…instead you lie about it, to other people and probably even to yourself. You’re headed down a dangerous path, Rory.”
She’d done her best to keep her temper in check but this was madness. “Who are you?” Rory demanded, “And where do you get off telling me how to work through this? First you tell me you want to be supportive and will wait as long as I need but then when I supposedly don’t deal with things in the ‘right’ way, you flip out on me. That’s a pretty screwed up thing to do, Carson.”
“You’re right.” His deep voice sounded weary and had an atypical melancholic quality to it. “I’m sorry. Forget I even said anything; I was out of line.”
Rory said nothing, instead picking up her spoon and forcing herself to eat her melted sundae. She didn’t want to fight with him but she wasn’t sure she could forget what he’d said. It had stung…and made her question everything she thought she knew about Carson.
Maybe, the tiny voice in the back of her head suggested, Rebecca and Sheck were right to be leery of him. Maybe Carson was bad news after all.
* * * * *
Rory turned to see Rebecca storming toward her, hands on her hips. It was fifth period and Rory had slipped out of her algebra class to visit the vending machine. Rebecca had social studies or biology or something during fifth period…Rory couldn’t remember exactly. But she knew Rebecca was never normally roaming the hallways during class.
“What do you mean?” Rory asked as she turned back to the vending machine. She had a very important decision to make, unless... “Hey, do you have seventy-five cents on you?”
Rebecca grabbed Rory’s shirt sleeve and yanked her down the hall toward the library. Rory was stunned. Her sister was practically breathing steam she was so livid. It was so unlike Rebecca to lose her temper – that was Rory’s department. Something was obviously very, very wrong.
“What’s going on?” Rory demanded as she was pulled toward one of the computers near the back of the reading room.
The crotchety librarian, who was about a hundred years old and had a permanent scowl etched on her birdlike face, looked up from her desk. She scowled in disapproval. “Shh!” she hissed at Rory, pointing to the sign hanging from her desk that forbade talking in no uncertain terms.
“What’s going on?” Rory repeated herself, this time in a whisper.
Rebecca ignored her. She was busy pulling something up online. Rory leaned forward and looked at the screen as Rebecca handed Rory a pair of headphones so she could hear the computer’s audio. A video began to play on the screen.
It didn’t take Rory long to recognize it. She was watching the video Rebecca had recorded the day of the confrontation with Jeremy. Rory winced as the images of the awful bully harassing Troy played across the screen, uncomfortable even just seeing it on tape. It had truly been an awful encounter and wasn’t something she cared to relive.
“What is this?” Rory asked, looking at the web site address in confusion. “Is the video online?”
“You tell me,” Rebecca retorted, glaring daggers at Rory.
“Um, I’m not following,” Rory said slowly, treading carefully given her sister’s uncharacteristic rage. “I didn’t put it online, if that’s what you’re getting at.”
Rebecca’s brow furrowed and the tiny dimple at the left side of her mouth that was only visible when she frowned made an appearance. She brushed a lock of her wavy blonde hair behind her ear as she tried to make sense of what she was being told. “If I didn’t put it online and you didn’t either, then who was it?” she demanded, her green eyes flashing as she spoke.
“I don’t know.”
“Well I didn’t show it to anyone,” Rebecca said. “Not even Troy…he said he didn’t want to see it. Did you show it to someone?”
“No. Well, Carson…” Rory admitted. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. I mean, he was there too and saw some of what happened firsthand. I mentioned the video to him and he asked to see it.”
“So he put it online?”
“I don’t know, he never said he was going to. Why are you so pissed off?” Even as she asked the question, Rory had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew that if her sister was this upset, it had to be for a good reason.
“It’s not me,” Rebecca corrected her even though she clearly was pissed off. “It’s Troy. Rory, the video has gone viral. Everyone in our school has seen it. Even people outside our school have seen it. It’s all over the Internet. Once something is out there, there’s no getting it back.”
Rory swallowed hard. “And Troy…?”
“He’s furious. He confronted me with the video after someone emailed the link to him. He blamed me for recording the confrontation as though I somehow did it to hurt him instead of help,” Rebecca said, looking like she might cry. “He told me he never wanted to speak to me again. Then he locked himself in the men’s room and refused to come out.”
Rory sighed and shut the video off. She’d seen enough. She stood up and grabbed her sister’s arm. “Come on,” she ordered briskly, clearly on a mission. “You’re going to show me which men’s room he’s in.”
Rory marched Rebecca down the hall. A moment later they were standing in front of the bathrooms. They were the seldom-used ones down by the gym. The men’s room was right across from the women’s washroom where Rory used to enjoy her mid-afternoon junk food binges.
In a way, Rory could kind of relate to Troy’s need to hide.
She’d never imagined she’d ever have anything in common with nerdy Troy Watson.
She banged on the door and got no answer. She pushed it open with a little difficulty and the sound of what was probably a garbage can toppling over could be heard on the other side. “Troy?” Rory called.
“Go away!”
Rory was undeterred. “Come on,” she said, pulling her sister toward the door.
“But Rory,” Rebecca protested, “We can’t go in there. It’s the men’s room!”
Unconcerned by that minor detail, Rory disregarded her sister’s objections. Rebecca was always one to play by the book. Rory, on the other hand, was of the opinion that policies were guidelines only and rules were sometimes meant to be broken.
She charged into the bathroom with Rebecca hesitantly trailing behind her.
Troy was sitting on the bathroom floor next to the sinks, his back against the wall. His scrawny knees were drawn to his chest and his face was as white as a sheet. He scowled at the sisters when he saw them but it wasn’t exactly enough to dissuade Rory. Troy’s anger was akin to that of a fluffy kitten arching its back and hissing: it was more pathetic than threatening.
“I don’t want to talk to either of you,” Troy informed them in a shaky voice. “Just go.”
Rebecca stopped in her tracks, looking like a deer caught in headlights. “Rory,” she murmured, backing toward the door, “Come on. He doesn’t want us here.”
“No.” Rory had given Grace her privacy when she was upset and look what had happened. She wasn’t about to abandon Troy. Besides, Rory wasn’t the type to respect other people’s wishes if she thought she knew better. Rebecca always said Rory was stubborn. Rory preferred to think of herself as determined.
“Get out!” Troy shouted, louder than Rory even knew he could yell. The sound reverberated off the walls, the echoes making it sound as though he was shouting at them over and over.
Rebecca’s eyes widened and, mumbling an apology, she quickly exited the bathroom.
Rory, meanwhile, plunked down beside Troy. She leaned back, resting her head and shoulders against the cold, hard cement wall. She stretched her legs out in front of her, crossed her ankles and then took a deep breath.
She didn’t know exactly what she planned to say. She rarely did. She wasn’t one to carefully choose her words, making sure she was tactful and well-spoken at all times. That was her sister’s thing. Rory’s approach basically consisted of opening her mouth, letting a barrage of words spill out and hoping she’d express herself the way she intended rather than unintentionally causing offense.
“I didn’t post the video online and neither did Rebecca,” Rory said quietly, with such earnestness that there was no question about her honesty. “We’d never do that to you.”
“If it wasn’t you and it wasn’t Rebecca, then who did it?” Troy demanded furiously.
“It must have been Carson,” Rory confessed. “He’s the only other person who had the video. When I sent it to him I had no idea he was planning to distribute it.”
“Don’t you understand what it’s done?” Troy asked, choking on his words. Then with contempt in his voice he decided, “No, I guess you wouldn’t have any idea. You’re popular. You get to parade up and down the hallways flipping your hair and coasting through life. But me…do you have any idea how humiliating it is to be harassed at school every day?”
Troy wasn’t completely right. Rory’s life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, particularly not after Grace’s party. But she could understand how, to someone like Troy, it might look like she ha
d things pretty easy. She could see how distraught he was. She knew that now wasn’t the time to complain about her own problems.
“No,” she confessed quietly. “I haven’t been in your shoes.”
“Nor would you want to. Every day,” he hissed, “I come to school and try to stay under Jeremy’s radar. I try to make myself invisible. And when he inevitably does start pushing me around, you know what the worst part is? It’s not being beaten up or having my stuff wrecked. It’s the audience…the spectacle. Everyone just stands around watching and whether they’re laughing or looking uncomfortable, that’s the worst part. And now,” he continued, his voice cracking, “Now I’m just entertainment. A video for everyone to laugh at and talk about…and it’s eternalized thanks to the freakin’ Internet.”
When she didn’t answer right away, Troy looked at Rory to make sure she was still listening. She was. She’d heard every word of it – truly heard it. The thing was Troy was right. Every word he’d said had resonated with her and she knew he spoke the truth.
The gravity of what had been done to him was slowly sinking in.
“There are only two weeks of school left before summer break,” she said quietly. “I know the video will still be floating around when school starts in the fall but these people, they have short attention spans. They’ll forget.”
“But I won’t. I’ll always know it’s out there,” Troy replied bitterly.
“You will,” Rory agreed. “But two weeks, Troy. Just get through them, okay? Put one foot in front of the other and then it will be summer break. It will blow over eventually. And in time, it won’t seem as bad as it does now. Just wait it out, alright?”
He sighed, a wretched, exhausted sound. “It’s not like I have any other choice.” His eyes searched Rory’s, the anger gone, replaced with weariness. “Please, can I just have some time alone now?”
“Okay.” Rory stood up and walked toward the door. Then she turned around. “Rebecca cares about you a lot you know,” she told him. “Please don’t hold this against her. It was my lapse of judgment…and my…boyfriend’s, if that’s what he still is. Rebecca only wants the best for you.”
Catalyst (The Best Days #1) Page 17