“Apparently Jones has lost his ability to speak,” I say, nudging him. “He’s normally a bit more social than this, I swear. In fact, I don’t remember the last time he’s shut up for this long. It has to be some kind of record.”
Addy laughs and that brings a smile to Jones’s face.
“Sorry, it’s nice to meet you, Addison. And please, call me Adam,” he finally says, taking her hand in his and bringing it to his lips.
The simple gesture makes me sigh before realizing what just happened.
Jones is smitten with Addy.
The reason I’ve never seen him look like that before is because he never has. Not since I’ve known him. He’s always been oblivious to girls.
Not Addy.
Addy is striking. Gorgeous long, light-brown hair that falls almost to her waist surrounds her perfectly symmetrical face and deep-blue eyes. A few inches taller than me, Addy’s lean body is as balanced as her face. Perfect, perky breasts and a tight, round booty.
I’m always telling her how beautiful she is, but she doesn’t see it. That’s the thing I love most about her. How modest she can be. The only thing she boasts about is how accomplished she is.
Top of her class at Stanford. First female to sit on the board of directors for the accounting firm she works for. Her favorite thing to brag about? Her office. It has the best view of Denver I’ve ever seen, and it’s twice the size of my office.
“You too,” Addy replies, pulling her hand away slowly.
Looking between the two of them I can almost see sparks flying. My heart soars for a moment, knowing that both of them have denied a chance at love, at a new beginning, for a long time. Addy because she wanted to make a name for herself, focusing on her career. Jones because he lost Sawyer.
The day he finally told me about her was one of the worst days of my life. I cried for him. I cried for her. I cried because I knew there was nothing else I could do. Life was unfair, and Sawyer, and everyone who cared about her, drew the short end of the stick.
“What should we do tonight?” I ask as we pack up our homework.
Wyatt was sick all last week and Jones was sick over the weekend. I’ve been bored out of my mind and I’m ready to get out and do something. Plus, now that Wyatt’s feeling better, I was hoping we could spend some time alone. Just the two of us. Catching up on lost time. My lips have almost forgotten the feel of his.
“Um, it’s not a good day,” Wyatt says, his attention directed at Jones.
“What am I missing?”
Looking back and forth from Wyatt to Jones, neither answers me right away. They communicate with each other with only a look and then Jones looks away.
“It’s Sawyer’s birthday,” Wyatt whispers in my ear. “I need to be here for him today. It’s always rough, and she would have been eighteen today.”
Nodding my head, I look over to find Jones holding back tears. I’ve seen him angry, irate even, to the point where I saw tears in his eyes. I’ve seen him laugh until he cried.
I’ve never seen tears of sorrow.
Moving quickly, I wrap him in my arms and feel the first tear as it lands on my hand. If he needs Wyatt today, he’s getting me too. I won’t leave him like this. I can’t.
“Let’s go,” I say, picking up my bag along with Jones’s and slinging them over my shoulder.
“Where are we going?” Wyatt asks, following my lead.
“We’re going to do what we always do when one of us need cheering up. We’re going to remind each other why we stick together. Wyatt, get the rum.”
It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. No one was given the option. We were going to sit by the pond and drink until Jones felt better or felt numb. My guess was that the later would happen first. I don’t think anything will make him feel better.
Not today and maybe not ever when it comes to Sawyer.
Wyatt’s told me a little about her, but not much. He insists that Jones need to be the one to tell me the story. The first time he tried, he didn’t make it far before he was sloppy drunk and close to passing out.
All I really know is that she was Jones’s first love. They were inseparable since they were seven and kissed on the playground. It was never a question as to if they were dating or when they started dating. They were always dating. Neither wanted to be with anyone else.
They planned out their future when they were fourteen. They were going to get married after graduation, move to wherever they went to college, and start a family as soon as they were done with college. Both wanted to move back here and raise their kids in Fairview, around family.
When I asked what happened, Wyatt’s face paled and he shook his head. It was then that I realized how much the situation impacted him too. He didn’t live here then, but with as close to Jones as he is, I’m sure he’d met her before. As much as Jones loved her, I’m sure Wyatt did too.
Settling into our usual spots by the pond, I pass Jones a cup filled to the brim and he takes a sip before closing his eyes, resting his head back against the stump.
“She died.”
His words are barely above a whisper, but I hear him clearly from my seat a few feet away. The last time we had this conversation, it started almost the same way.
“It was sudden. No one knew anything was wrong with her until it was too late. The doctors said that she was suffering in silence, that she had to be in pain, but I don’t remember her ever complaining of anything other than an occasional ache in her back.
“She was tough, always one of the boys. Never afraid of a challenge. If I jumped off the tire swing, she was right behind me, trying to jump farther. So if she was in pain, she probably didn’t want to say anything. It would have made her appear weak in her mind.
“When she fainted in class, I was confused. One minute she was passing me notes and the next she was hitting her head on her desk and falling to the floor, her body lifeless. They said I screamed, but I don’t remember much after that. I picked her up and ran to the office, yelling for someone to call an ambulance.
“She had a blood clot that moved into her lungs. Pulmonary something. It could have killed her, but it didn’t. Hip pain, headaches, normal symptoms of being a rough and tumble teenager. She wasn’t a normal teenager, though. She had bone cancer and we didn’t even know it.”
Tears are streaming down Jones’s face as he talks about Sawyer. Taking a sip of his drink, he continues, bringing tears to my eyes as well.
“The plan was to start her on chemo right away. We even shaved her head that night knowing that she would start to lose her hair. She died two days later. There was another blood clot that went straight to her brain. I was on my way to see her when it happened. I walked into the hospital room, a chocolate shake in my hand, her favorite, my hair gone in support of her. One look at her mom and the shake slipped from my hands. She was gone. I didn’t get even get to say goodbye.”
So many things made sense in that moment. The fact that Jones shaved his head every few days, keeping it smooth as a baby’s bottom. He was holding on to Sawyer, to her memory. He was still supporting her, the only way he could now.
A single tear trails down my cheek as I remember the devastation on Jones’s face the night he told me about Sawyer. Looking at him now, I see the peace he’s made with his loss. His hair the most prominent sign.
“So, Jones, what are you doing sneaking up on a girl? You should know better than that,” I tease in an attempt to draw his attention away from Addy for even a moment.
“The boss sent me over to fetch the mayor,” he replies, never breaking eye contact with Addison as he answers my question. “Plus, I didn’t sneak up on you. If I had been trying to scare you, you would have jumped like you used to.”
Ignoring his remark about the past before another memory can sneak up on me, I focus on his answer. “The mayor? Why?”
“He’s… he just needs to talk to him about a few things. Festival related. For the bar, since it’s so close to the park and all.” When he turned h
is attention to me, I saw the moment he began lying. He’s always been terrible at it. “You’re still coming on Sunday, right?”
“Of course we are,” Addy answers for me. I wish she hadn’t. I can see that she is attracted to Jones, and the feeling is mutual, but now we're committed, and I hate breaking commitments. “We wouldn’t miss it. Are you coming to Bev’s party tomorrow night?”
Looking to me for an answer, I nod. I have a feeling that he would start begging if I didn’t give him permission. With Addison by my side, I can explain his presence to my parents. If they even notice. Without her, it would have been much harder.
Plus, this thing happening between them right now, it could be a good thing. For both of them. I want them to be happy, and if it means exploring that option together, who am I to stand in the way of that?
“I wouldn’t miss it,” Jones replies.
“You should bring your boss,” she suggests.
Whipping his head in her direction, I notice his eyes widen in surprise. He begins to stumble over his words before collecting himself. “Um, he’s probably busy with festival stuff. I doubt he’ll be able to make it. Plus, he’s not really the party type of guy.”
“He owns a bar,” Addy points out. “How is he not the party type of guy? Every night is a party for him.”
“Exactly, that’s why he likes to lay low when he gets the chance.”
More lies, the truth becoming clear with every passing moment. Not just to me, to Addy as well. She shoots me a knowing look and then returns her attention to Jones who has somehow changed the topic of conversation and taken a seat next to her on the picnic table.
Wyatt.
Looking over my shoulder, my eyes are drawn to the bar. I know where to find him when I’m ready. I also know where to avoid until the time is right. If there ever becomes a right time to destroy someone’s world.
For a moment, I try to put myself in Wyatt’s shoes. The person you loved walked away from you without any explanation. Five years later they show back up, with a child in tow. You become a parent in the blink of an eye.
Shit!
Lola.
Jones will meet Lola tomorrow. He’ll be able to see the resemblance. One look in that little girl’s eyes and there will be no doubt who her father is.
If I was planning on keeping her a secret any longer, those plans just flew out the window. Unless I retract Jones’s invite. Looking over to where he and Addy are talking, sitting as close as humanly possible, I know I can’t do that to him. Or to her.
I have twenty-four hours to figure this shit out before my secret is revealed. Maybe I should walk over to the bar right now and confess all my sins. If only I had the strength.
13
Lucky
“I’m so screwed,” I say to Addy as she waves to Jones.
An hour. They sat at the picnic table and talked for an hour. She sighed at least a dozen times and found a way to touch him twice as many. Her hand on his shoulder, his arm, his thigh.
He wasn’t any less obvious, whispering in her ear causing her to giggle. Sliding closer every few minutes, even after there wasn’t any room left between them.
They exchanged phone numbers before he had to go. His “boss” called him asking where he was. He still had to find the mayor and return to work. Addison had easily distracted him from his task. I hope his boss is understanding. He should be if my inclination is right.
“What makes you think that?” she asks, her voice sing-song.
“That’s his best friend. His cousin.”
“Who’s cousin? Wait… seriously?” She sounds as freaked out as I am now, the happiness in her voice vanishing in an instant.
“Yeah. So, when he meets Lola tomorrow, he’s going to make the connection. My secret will be out and there will be no turning back. I’m going to have to tell Jones everything if I want him to keep my secret long enough for me to be the one to tell Wyatt.”
His name, slipping past my lips for the first time in longer than I can remember, causes me to suck in a deep breath. Holding it for a minute while I wait for my heart to stop racing, I let it out slowly and look to Addy for support. She’s watching Jones from a distance. I’m not even sure she realizes I spoke his name.
“You know things are going to be fine, right? I’m here if and when you need me.”
Her simple statement, as reassuring as it is, does nothing to ease the ache in my chest.
“I know.”
“Telling him is going to lift a huge weight off your shoulders.”
“I know.”
“And if Adam tells him, you’re going to regret it.”
She called him Adam. I haven’t heard anyone call him that in a long time. Even his Aunt Becky called him Jones, which I always thought was a little weird. Wyatt said the only person who called him Adam was Sawyer. When she died, he started going by Jones.
One more thing that was only for Sawyer.
Until now. Until Addison. She’s changing everything for him.
“Addy, I know.”
“So go, find him, and tell him yourself. Before Jones makes the connection. There are enough things in life you’ll live to regret. Don’t let this become one of them.”
Go find him. Now? No. I’m not ready yet. I have until tomorrow night. I have until Jones lays eyes on Lola. Even then, I can attempt to keep them apart. Maybe he won’t see her. Maybe she’ll be in bed by the time he arrives. I could luck out.
Luck has never been on my side before; it’s about time it showed up.
“You’re not going to do it are you?” Unable to speak the words, I shake my head and she pulls me in for a hug. “You’ve got this, you know that. You’re stronger than you know. I see it every day and I see it in the little princess you’re raising. Find that inner strength, Chloe. Dig down deep, and once you have it, hold on tight. Keep it close until you feel like you need to use it.”
Promising to try, Addy and I continue our walk through the park. It’s almost time for dinner, but I’m not ready to head back to my parents’ house yet. I need to clear my head first. I need to formulate a plan. I need some time to myself to think things through.
In an attempt to distract myself from my shitty situation, I point out a few things I would do differently for the festival and Addy lets me have my moment. I think she can tell that I’m stalling the inevitable.
I’m sick of thinking about it.
I want it to be over, yet I’m scared of what will happen once it is.
He’s going to hate me, of that much I’m sure. I would if I were him. There are times, when I’m alone in bed at night thinking about Wyatt, I hate myself for the way things ended. So much of it was beyond my control, but in the end, I’ll be the one taking responsibility for every choice, even those that were made for me.
“So, tell me more about Jones,” Addy finally says as we turn to make our way back to the car.
“What do you want to know?”
“Everything.” Her single word answer comes out more enthusiastic than necessary.
“He was always the one who kept me on my toes,” I reply dryly.
“That’s it? That’s all I get?”
“Ask me something specific, then,” I demand.
“Well, for starters, is he single?”
Of course that’s her main concern. Laughing, I shake my head. If she only knew why.
“Good. What’s he really like? Is he as sweet as he seems?”
“I think so. He’s always been a nice guy, funny at times, and a bit of a prankster.”
“I can handle that. I can take a joke. What about his exes? Are they all crazy? Should I be watching my back?”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” I reply, unsure of how to answer her. It took a lot for Jones to tell me his story. I won’t be the one to tell Addy. If he wants her to know about Sawyer, he needs to be the one to tell her.
“Are you okay that I asked him to the party? I mean, aside from the Lola factor
. If I had been thinking straight, I would have cleared it with you first. I just, I got ahead of myself. I’m sorry.”
“It's fine, Addy. I saw the way you two were looking at each other. I wouldn’t have said no even if you had asked me first.”
“Good, because I might have killed you. He’s hot. There’s something about him that just drew me to him. I’m not sure what it is. It’s almost like when he was looking at me, he was seeing someone for the first time.”
Addy goes on and on about how cute Jones is. How amazing he seems to be. She tells me all about their conversation and thanks me for giving her a few moments with them.
If the story was mine to tell, I would fill her in on how accurate her assessment of Jones really is. Yes, he was probably looking at her like his eyes were finally open. I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he was looking at Addy. The spark between them was real. Jones seemed more alive in that moment than I’ve ever seen him before.
For their sake, I hope things work out. Addy might be able to survive losing him, but Jones would never survive losing her. Not if things become serious. Not after losing Sawyer the way he did.
He seems like he’s moving on or at least making an attempt. When I saw him yesterday, despite what he said, it was obvious that he had started to look to his future and wasn’t stuck focusing on events he can’t change. If he really is ready to open himself up to a new relationship, to put Sawyer in his past, I’m happy for him. I know he’ll never forget her or what she meant to him. It’s the same way I feel about Wyatt.
Our past is just that… the past.
We could sit down and rehash everything that happened, everything we went through together, and the time we spent apart. Nothing can change what happened. They say time heals all wounds. What if I’m about to reopen his wound?
Will he still heal in time?
Will time allow him to forgive me for circumstances that were beyond my control?
I’m hoping the answer to both of those questions is yes. If not, I’m not sure I even want to tell him. Why cause him any more pain? Why tell him and then up and leave again? Why take his daughter away from him?
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