She frowned. “Why do you want me to?”
“This isn’t my home, Savvy.”
“You don’t have a home.” She clenched her hands together. “You don’t have a job. I’m trying to build a good foundation in case what we want doesn’t work out.”
A foundation that was her plan B. Her safety net, if we didn’t work out. “Aren’t you committed to making this work?”
“Of course I am, Xander. That’s why I’m doing this.”
I nodded but I wasn’t agreeing with her. This was what, round three of this same talk? “Your parents are your security blanket.”
“Excuse me?” She rose until we were facing off.
“You’re afraid of failing, so you’re clinging to them because you think that once you get the money, you’re guaranteed not to fail.”
“No.” Her arms were folded so tight across her chest that her fingers were turning white. She leaned forward to emphasize a point I wasn’t going to like. “I’m sticking around, like an adult, to clean up a mess I made. I’m not running from it like a scared teenager.”
I recoiled. She thought I wanted to run? I wanted to live. This wasn’t living, it was hiding. I admired her dedication to her job and to her parents, but the cost was us. If she was taking care of herself in case we failed, then I’d do that too. “I’ll be leaving too.”
“What? When?”
“Tonight.” I shocked myself with the decision. Her eyes went wide but I’d said it; I had to commit. “We won’t be seeing each other anyway. This won’t be any different.”
“Wh-where are you going?”
“I have that friend. I messaged him and he needs help with his business. I can work for him for a while.”
“But your career—”
“Isn’t going anywhere in DC. I can find another story with Hector.” And maybe take some pictures again. I didn’t bring my camera with me when I left each day to work.
“You can’t just leave.” Her lower lip quivered and her eyes were glassy.
“You did.” I nearly relented, but I thought of Sunday and repeating this last week for several more months. No, thank you.
“It’s only a few days at a time. A week at the most.”
“We’re fooling ourselves, Savvy. If we can’t make this marriage work without money, we don’t stand a chance being millionaires together. It’s better to part now than wait and hope for another ten and a half months.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but shut it again. I didn’t know what else to do, what more I could say. That mic drop moment said it plainly.
I moved around the room. Packing my things took ten minutes, tops. I didn’t include any of the clothing Mrs. Abbot had purchased. Savvy stayed in the same spot and watched me.
When I was done, I stood at the door with my beat-up suitcase and my backpack slung across my shoulder. “I’ll send the address, in case you need it for any papers. Whatever your decision, I understand. Let your mom know I’ll pay her back for all the clothing.”
She nodded and a tear rolled down one cheek. My hand itched to wipe it away, but touching her was the last thing I should do. I wouldn’t leave if that happened. I wouldn’t stop touching her and our wedding night had shown that it wasn’t enough.
So, I turned and walked out. The house was dark and empty. Savvy didn’t come racing after me. Darkness blanketed the night and the neighborhood was as quiet as the house I’d never see again.
Chapter 12
Savvy
Six weeks later . . .
My iPad lay on my lap. The screen had long gone black, concealing the travel itinerary I was supposed to be double-checking. How long had I been in the library, looking out the window and wishing Xander was out there with Michael? But where there had once been snow and the snowman we made together, there was green grass. Michael worked alone, sweeping grit out of the patio blocks and trimming the edges of the lawn with military precision that I think my mother loved more than the Chief.
I sighed and tapped the home button. My screen woke up, but I was no longer interested in which hotel was closer to the venue for the security conference Chief had to attend next week. I closed the file. Next week would be our seventh work trip and I was exhausted. Chief should have two assistants, one just for travel.
He got a helluva deal with me.
Done for the day, I left the library and headed for the sitting room and the oblivion TV might bring me. But when I was just outside the door, heavy footsteps sounded down the hallway behind me. My shoulders crept up to my ears as I ducked inside and hoped Chief would keep walking. At least the disapproving looks for chasing Xander away had tapered off. He didn’t quite buy my excuse that Xander had a deadline that he needed to travel and do research for. It sounded good, even if it wasn’t true. Mother bought the lie, but my sisters didn’t. Yet they stayed out of it.
My solitaire diamond sparkled on my hand, a signal that I was still married. Xander had said he’d understand, whatever I decided. I wasn’t sure what my choices were beyond stay married or don’t. Thinking about each decision was depressing on the best of days.
How much did the money matter to me? Enough to let my husband live in another country while I stayed here? Enough to quit and run after him?
The idea sent my pulse racing. We’d tried to connect while we lived under the same roof and we’d failed. I couldn’t quit my job and race after him. I couldn’t leave one mess behind to chase another.
“Sapphire,” Chief’s voice broke in. “I need you to get started on the paperwork for the King-Abbot Security contract negotiations.”
God, how I hated putting together Chief’s ever-changing paperwork: I was killing more trees than I was saving. “Gentry King said yes?” Did Xander know? Had they talked during the last six weeks?
Chief broke into a rare smile, one that crinkled the corners of his eyes. “He just sent word. We need to work out the terms before we can officially get started.” Before he left the sitting room, he turned to me and said, “Good work.”
Good work. My first instinct at hearing those words was to jump up and down and pat myself on the back. Chief was actually proud of me! But it wasn’t from anything I’d done other than get a little too tipsy and marry someone with the right last name. I wanted to be congratulated for doing more than spreading my legs.
To be fair, I’d been married for two and a half months and hadn’t spread my legs since.
Good work for marrying Xander and helping Chief land a contract? Did Chief see the irony? The guy who’d told me to think through my actions my entire life had given me a rare atta boy for the most impulsive thing I’d ever done.
Regret welled up like it always did. For the first couple of weeks after Xander had left, I’d been incensed. He’d abandoned me because he wasn’t getting laid.
Regrets. Looking back, I might’ve done things differently. Packed a bag and gone with him. But I couldn’t fly halfway around the world and find him in some country I’d never been to before where I couldn’t speak the language. My two years of French in high school wouldn’t get me far.
He’d sent me the address of where he was staying in Kosovo. He’d gone to work for that interpreter friend of his, but if I couldn’t face him in my own house, I couldn’t face him thousands of miles away.
I was sitting on the couch, staring into the fireplace, when Mother walked in and stopped.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” She glanced around, probably searching for what I was concentrating on when she’d busted me and the wall having a face-off. “I thought I left my reading glasses in here.”
She barely came in here to relax and hardly ever watched TV, but Chief had been home last night, a rare Saturday night with his wife.
“I haven’t seen them.”
Mother hesitated, her shrewd gaze raking over me. Then she closed the door and took a seat on the overstuffed chair by the couch I’d spent way too much time on the last six weeks.
“How are you doing?” Her voic
e was full of motherly concern.
“Fine.”
She tilted her head, calling me on the lie as easily as she’d done when I was five and had gotten caught coloring on my bedroom walls. “Sapphire. You haven’t been fine for a month and a half, and I don’t think you’ve even talked to Pearl about it.”
I’d talked to Brady. Suck it up with Chief until you can afford a plane ticket to Kosovo. Nail down that money, Sav.
So, no. His advice wasn’t stellar.
My throat thickened. I never talked to Mother about my love life. Never. I’d seen who they’d rather have their girls date and marry and it wasn’t who I was interested in. It was easier not to discuss it and save my energy for the wedding battle that I had ended up preempting anyway.
So what made me want to talk to her today? I was already married? I had a husband who’d left me and Mother had managed to stay married to a hard man like Chief so maybe she knew something I didn’t? Maybe it was that I needed a mother more than a sister or friend right now.
“Xander figured he might as well go since I refused to quit working for Chief. He thinks I’m too scared to move out.”
“Are you?” So much for the That’s absurd! motherly support.
“No. Maybe,” I whispered.
“You’ve had plenty of time to think. Have you changed your mind about staying here, or staying married to him?”
Tears burned. I wanted to be mature around my parents, but in the end, I was in the sitting room, crying about a boy.
She exhaled and wrapped her hands around her knees, sitting forward. “It wasn’t the fairy tale you expected?”
“I didn’t expect a fairy tale.” Had I? Handsome man sweeping me off my feet. Promises of kings, castles, and rescuing. “But I expected . . .” I closed my eyes as I said what Pearl had guessed before. “I wasn’t sure I could be enough for him and it was easier not to try than to find out the hard way that I’d failed.”
“Whatever makes you think you’d fail?”
“You and Chief.” I covered my lips with my fingertips. I hadn’t meant to say that.
Mother’s face didn’t dare wrinkle with her surprise. “What about us?”
“You’re beautiful. You’re intelligent. But all you’ve done is house stuff and Chief calls the shots.” I opted for chewing the inside of my lip instead of gnawing it between my teeth.
Mother’s sharp inhale was followed by a long, weary exhale. “I was happy you didn’t want to go to Georgetown.”
The sudden subject change left me shaking my head. “What?”
“I was. I would’ve paid for it, but I wanted you to have the chance to get some real world experience.”
I sat forward. My melancholy morphed into simmering anger. “Like being too broke to buy food?”
“Sapphire, don’t be silly. We’d never let you starve. Your father and I kept an eye on you.”
“You made me move back home.”
She lifted a meticulously manicured brow. “How did we make you?” My mouth worked but nothing came out. “Chief wanted you home. He’s such a worrier.”
“Mother. He’s . . . he’s . . .” Demanding. Domineering. Overbearing.
“Provided for you? Given you everything you needed? He at least agreed that you needed to learn how the world works for yourself. I wanted you to learn to care for yourself instead of depending on someone, especially a husband.”
The irony that I was depending on my husband to hand me money so I could do just that constricted every vessel in my chest. I sucked in a hard breath. “You’ve been so hard on me because of how Chief treats you?”
“No, dear. I was being hard on you so you could learn everything I wasn’t allowed to.” My eyes widened and she nodded. “I care for the house and take charge of the staff because it’s what I know how to do, and I enjoy it. I can donate to any charity I want without asking for permission. I can volunteer for the local food pantry for eight months if I’m so moved. Unfortunately, I was worthless to them and they said that my financial support was more than enough.”
A chuckle escaped my lips and grew to a laugh. I couldn’t picture Mother stocking shelves in her Louboutins and pencil skirt. “Mother. What about Em? Chief shoved Carter on her.”
“Dear.” Mother rolled her eyes, a wry smile twisting her matte red-stained lips. “Emerald begged your father to introduce her to Carter. The poor boy didn’t stand a chance.”
My eyes narrowed. “But she doesn’t work and she acts . . .” Like you. But I was learning my mother was more than how I’d pigeonholed her.
“She can’t decide what she wants to do with her life. Carter is understanding. Happy wife, happy life. She’s been talking about going back to school.”
“She went to Georgetown.”
“She also did more outside of the house than you. You can’t tell Emerald what to do, you know that.”
“Pearl? Never mind. None of us worry about her.”
“She was always headstrong. But you, Sapphire. You were too scared to contradict us and when you did act out, you withdrew into your shell so deep and for so long . . . I worried.”
She’d worried some man would sucker me into marrying him so he could get to my family’s money. Her gentle shoves out of the nest had turned into an expensive heel to the ass. “Why did you keep insisting Xander use Davis to get around?”
Her hands fluttered on her lap and for the first time in my life, I witnessed my mother blush. “Well, I wanted to make sure he wasn’t using you . . .”
“You were testing him?”
“Yes. The way he looked at you—I didn’t think it was necessary. But I bought him all those clothes and he didn’t argue.”
“He was being polite.” My voice was a screech. Mother was diabolical.
She lifted a shoulder. “It made me nervous. Then he didn’t wear them, and he started leaving before I could offer Davis’s services.” Concern crinkled her eyes. “Then he left for good and I’m afraid you’re too far into your shell to do anything.”
She hadn’t wanted me to get married for money, but I had and it wasn’t mine. Mother didn’t know about the trust, yet she was talking about Xander like she knew he was important to me.
“I don’t know if he wants to be with me.”
“I thought he left because he couldn’t be with you.” My mouth turned down and she shrugged. “Thin walls.”
“I work for Chief. I can’t just leave.”
“Sapphire, if you want something enough, you go for it. That’s how your father and I know when you’re on the right track. You lack focus until you decide not to. Why didn’t you go with him?”
“I was trying to be responsible.” I was getting so sick of those words.
There went that shaped brow. “By forcing him to live here and be miserable?”
“I woke up married in Vegas because it was either get married to someone I picked or get stuck with Lex.”
“Yes, that. Em and Carter worked out so well, Walter thought you and Lex could too, but I do admit, he seems rather arrogant. I might’ve had to step in if you’d shown real interest.”
I feared what her interference would’ve looked like.
“You made it to twenty-five without breaking down and getting married. Do you really think you did it as an act of rebellion?” Her voice softened. “I saw you two in the snow.” She patted my knee. “You fight for what you really want.”
Had I used my parents as an excuse, my path of least resistance? It had taken a quarter of a century, and just one five-minute conversation, to learn that my parents were a weird mix of smothering and shoving me out of the nest. That didn’t change the reason why Xander had married me. Mother didn’t know the story, but I needed her advice. “What if he married me for his own reasons and isn’t interested in a relationship?”
“The young man I met was very much interested in you. Whatever you two told yourselves about why you married, I think you’ve overlooked the obvious.”
“Wh
at if I fail?” Would there be a shell deep enough I could climb into?
She patted my knee. “What if you don’t?” She rose and turned to go, unconcerned about her reading glasses. A ruse to check on me? Mother was crafty. How did I not see it? “But Savvy, whatever you decide, wherever you go, make sure you’re living life on your terms and not someone else’s. You’ve done that long enough.”
Xander
Sun bounced off the trees around me, making it seem like I was working in a forest of emeralds. The base of the Sharr mountain range was gorgeous this time of year. I hadn’t arrived in time to help my buddy with his ski business, but he’d put me to work as a hired hand, slash hiking, and camping guide.
I was more hired help than buddy. I’d been piss-poor company since I’d arrived. I’d given Hector an abridged version of what had happened. Considering Savvy and I had been together only a month before I’d left, it wasn’t really all that abridged. Which made me pissier.
I stomped the shovel into the garden bed. It might be a little too early to work the beds, but the harder the labor, the more peace I felt. I’d hauled logs all weekend so Hector and his wife, Eris, could put in firepits.
I admired him, making so much progress in the handful of years since we’d last talked during one of my rare trips home. He’d gushed then about how he’d left the military and moved to the country he’d met his wife in while serving. Working as a contracted interpreter, he’d banked money until he could afford his own slice of paradise.
A grunt escaped as I stabbed the spade into another mound of hard dirt. The ground was only mostly thawed, but I didn’t care. I could work it again in a couple of weeks. I would still be here.
Thunk. Flip. Thunk. Flip.
I stopped only to shrug out of my flannel. It had gotten ripped on an old fence post I’d fixed by the river last week. A strip hung loose at the bottom, but if I ripped it off, I’d look like I was wearing some new torso-baring fashion in plaid flannel. I didn’t want to waste money on a new one. I wasn’t a millionaire yet. And since I hadn’t heard from Savvy since leaving, I didn’t know if I ever would be.
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