I thought I’d experience more of a relief to tell him that, but it was ten years too late and he already knew.
Dammit.
“Why?” All Dad’s disappointment drained into that one word.
“I knew what I wanted to do, and I knew you wouldn’t agree.”
“I don’t care about the photography—”
“Exactly, Dad. You don’t care. You think it’s just a fun hobby for me like it was for Mama. You would’ve pushed me to finish college, then you would’ve pushed me to find a job, a respectable one, and then whatever I picked wouldn’t have been good enough.”
Confusion filled his eyes. “What do you mean? Finishing college, yes. I mean, hell, Xander, it was already paid for.” He inhaled sharply. “How fast did you spend that money?”
Giving me and my brothers the full amount for school was supposed to have been the first lesson. Save and use wisely. If you can finish college and pay for it all, then you’re on the right track. This was back before we’d all known we had an obscene trust fund waiting for us to say I do.
“It’s almost gone.”
He shook his head like he hadn’t heard right. It’d been a lot of money, but not enough for someone to live off of for a decade.
“I worked,” I explained. “Wherever I went, I earned my living. I only used it to get me by, or to fly home.”
“Then why lie? All these years—”
“Because of this. Because you think I made a bad decision, just like when I wanted to drop out of wrestling.”
“You were good.”
“I hated it.” That was a strong statement. I’d resented it. I’d only been in it for two years. Practice every damn day and tournaments every time I turned around. By the time I’d hit high school, there had been so much more I’d rather have been doing than running more laps around the gym. “You wanted me to stay in it because you thought it kept me busy.”
He raised his brows, challenging me.
“Pictures kept me busy.”
Dad scrubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t think you were lazy, if that’s what you’re saying. I wanted you to follow through on something. You dropped out of wrestling. You quit football before you graduated. Any time someone said something to piss you off, you left. You left whatever you were doing and vanished. I wanted to see you finish something to the end. But I had to hear from a practical stranger that you’d dropped out of college.”
“Maybe if you’d let me do what I wanted, then I would’ve been interested enough to follow through.”
“College, Xander. You had your pick of majors.”
“Did I?” What about business administration? Maybe something in public relations if you insist on taking that camera everywhere. “Don’t worry about the money. I’ll pay you back soon enough.”
Profound disgust filled his gaze. “I hope that isn’t why you married Sapphire.”
I threw my hands up. “See? You think the worst. I was too lazy to work for a living so I must’ve married for the money?” It burned that it looked like that was exactly what I’d done. “Did you pay any attention, at all, to how she and I are together? Do you think I’m still with her, or that she’s still with me, for the money?”
Dad’s jaw ticked and he wouldn’t allow me to drop my gaze. “Fair enough. You two seem to care about each other. But what are you going to do for the next several months? Winter’s coming. Do you have enough money to take you both somewhere warm? What are you going to do for living accommodations?” His hands gripped his knees. “Or are you going to couch surf until you’re millionaires?”
I hated that his questions cut through my newfound excitement. I hated that I didn’t have answers. All I had going for me was that I’d proved I could pinch pennies and get by on little. But Dad’s point wasn’t lost on me. It wasn’t just me anymore.
“It’s honestly none of your business.” My heart pounded. By now, I’d usually have stormed off, but that had been to avoid telling him the truth. The truth was out there now and I had no reason not to face him.
The unflinching look he gave me stretched out long enough to be uncomfortable. “Isn’t it? I believe that’s my money you’ve been living off since you left school.”
My pride wilted. Wasn’t that the crux of my issue? All this time I’d avoided Dad to keep from having to defend my choices, but all along he was the one fueling them. All along, I’d needed his help in the form of cash and that meant he’d been right about everything. And if he was right about everything, then I couldn’t follow through on a damn thing and I was doomed to fail.
I pushed back from the desk, the sound of the wheels on the hardwood stark in the silence. Leaving my computer behind, I rounded the desk to head for the door. “And I told you I’d pay you back.”
Dad did nothing more than turn his head to follow my path. “Xander.”
He didn’t bark my name. It was the even, quiet tone that made me stop.
“You can walk out on me, you can run from your problems, but maybe ask yourself how you’re going to deal with life now that you have a wife to think about. Or are you going to walk out on her too?”
My teeth snapped together and I ground my jaw. My hands clenched at my sides and I stormed out. I stomped out of the house, right to the barn, and out the other side to grab my horse. Dawson and Savvy both saw me. Kendall must be hiding, having known her husband planned to confront me.
Savvy lifted a hand and trotted toward me. She hovered at the edge of the barn while I caught Fool’s Gold. I passed her on the way to grab the saddle, my boots crunching in the straw with the horse’s hooves.
“I take it you talked to your dad,” she said only loud enough to be heard above the creaking of the leather saddle.
“Yep.” I methodically strapped the saddle in place. Fool’s Gold sensed my mood and shifted. The horse anticipated a long ride, used to the routine.
“The truth is out now. You two can move on from there.”
She hadn’t seen his disappointment. How unsurprised he was that I’d fucked up everything he’d given me. He probably thought I’d fuck up the trust money too, or worse—do nothing with it but traipse from country to country, only now I’d have the luxury of never needing to work.
My skin itched. I had to get away. I could travel and do something with my life. I’d prove it. “Where should we go?”
Her eyes flew wide. “What?”
“Go. We should get out of here before the snow flies. We don’t even have to go far. Head north to Canada, rent a cabin, wait out the winter, make our plans.”
“We have plans, Xander.”
I shook my head. “I can’t think here.” I led Fool’s Gold outside. Savvy followed on the other side, her top bun bouncing with each step.
“But—”
“We can leave tonight or in the morning. I’ll pack when I get back.” I swung up and with a twitch of my heel, I was off, leaving Savvy behind, just like Dad had said I would.
Chapter 20
Savvy
I couldn’t help it. I waited on the porch, staring out at the pastures, hoping to see my husband ride back in. Logically, I knew he was coming back, that he hadn’t ridden to town and caught a flight out. That’d be absurd.
Yet anxiety curdled in my gut and I waited.
The door eased open. I expected Kendall. She and Gentry were preparing to head home to Billings. I figured the guys had sent her out to make sure I was doing okay.
It wasn’t Kendall. Gentry smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. Xander was lankier than his dad, and he probably seemed more like his mother when it came to mannerisms, yet the resemblance was undeniable. When Xander grinned, it was unmuted and full of life. Gentry kept things close to the vest, but both men picked and chose who they shared that side of them with. I had a feeling Xander’s mom, Sarah, hadn’t been so picky.
Gentry settled on the porch swing next to me. Just like Chief, he oozed power, but unlike Chief, he was subdued about it. He didn’t fee
l the need to make sure everyone around him knew. “I threw a wrench in your weekend.”
After Xander had ridden off, barely able to look at me, Gentry had come out the back door of the house, his expression drawn, like he’d kicked his favorite puppy.
“It was bound to happen eventually.” I gave Gentry a sad smile. “I just think he wanted it to happen after he paid you back.”
He kicked his boots out, making the swing squeak and sway until his heels caught and stopped it. I couldn’t believe this guy who’d wrestled a cow three times his size the other day was the same tailored-suit-wearing man I’d met in Vegas. “I think I played it off well enough that Lex didn’t get any enjoyment out of informing me. I pretended I already knew. I could’ve gotten an Oscar for my performance.”
I chuffed out a laugh. “That’s actually comforting, yes. Chief wanted me to marry him, you know.”
“Chief? Oh, your father. He wanted you to marry Lex?”
“He looks better on paper.”
“I’m sure he looks good until he opens his mouth. Young and cocky. He’ll probably go far. But Xander won you over?”
“I was the one that brought up marrying. He didn’t even tell me about the trust until I threatened annulment, and then it was only to get me to stay.”
Gentry didn’t say anything but nodded thoughtfully.
“He’s talented,” I said to fill the silence. Chief was never quiet, and I didn’t know Gentry well, but his gaze was always sharp. His mind was never idle.
“The photography?”
So many things. “Yes. He helped his buddy out with some travel brochures.”
“It’d be nice to hear about it.” I didn’t miss the wistfulness in his voice. Gentry wanted to connect with his son, but the way he did it with the others wasn’t working on Xander.
“He’s not like his brothers.”
Gentry snorted. “Ain’t that the truth. He’s his mama’s boy.”
“And you got along with her.” My teasing was gentle, but pointed.
“I did. She was my best friend, but ranching was her passion and it was right here. Xander’s passion is out there.” He fell quiet for a moment. “Sarah didn’t leave an instruction manual for raising the boys when she died. I only wanted to set Xander up for success, not drive him away.”
“I drove him away once too.”
Gentry’s gaze landed on me but I didn’t take my eyes off the pastures spread out before us. “But he came back?”
I frowned. “No. I went running after him. It was my fault he left.”
The words fell empty between us. I got why talking to his dad unnerved Xander. The disappointment oozing off Gentry was palpable, and it wasn’t aimed at me. I think I could’ve been a total shit to Xander and Gentry would still expect his boy to stick around and deal with it. Not leave me.
He’d left me once and I blamed myself. But this relationship took two. Now, he’d left again. I was stuck behind, worrying.
And here I’d married him so I wouldn’t be alone in the big bad world when my parents disowned me for my big rebellion. That hadn’t turned out at all like I’d thought it would. Neither did swinging on the porch all by myself with all these questions about my future.
“Listen, I’ve heard about your work history.”
My gaze flashed to him. What had Chief said? He’d thought Saving Sunsets was a toddler bike in a Harley world. “There’s not much there.”
“Don’t discount it.” He gave me a pointed look. “Or let anyone else discount it.”
I’d loved my role at Saving Sunsets. There had been less-desirable aspects to that job, but my main responsibility had filled my inner well to the brim. Bernard had been onto something with Saving Sunsets, and the failure of the nonprofit was a loss to the environmental consulting world.
Gentry was right, I did downplay my work history. But after last summer, I had more of it. So maybe Saving Sunsets wasn’t my dream, but it’d been a good start. I wouldn’t discount my time there again.
“Anyway,” he continued, “our investors like to see what we’re doing to help lower our carbon footprint, and how other forms of energy compare to oil when it comes to environmental impact. In fact, it’s becoming more critical to investors, and King Oil needs to step up its game. You know all that, it was why we were supposed to meet that day in Las Vegas.”
The truth of everything was out. “You know about that?”
“I could use a consultant.”
“I have some contacts I could get you in touch with. The friend that I worked with is out of the country at the moment . . .”
Gentry stared at me with a bemused smile.
I blinked. “Are you offering me a job?”
He chuckled. “Sorry I didn’t make that clear enough.”
“It’s because I married Xander.” He was offering out of guilt.
“King Oil is a family company first. If I forget that, it’s harder on everyone and it doesn’t matter if we’re talking about the work climate or the earth’s climate. You’re smart, you’re passionate, you’re well informed, and honestly, family or not, I wouldn’t offer if you weren’t qualified.” His grin was knowing. “It just so happens my family is often the best at what they do.”
A job. In a unique position where I could actually make a difference. Being around the Kings the last several days had shown me that they were passionate about what they did. They weren’t motivated by money, but by doing the best job possible—and they happened to make loads of money while doing it.
I’d have access to the top in the business. I could make a bigger impact. I’d have to talk to Xander first, yet my gut said this was a good thing. So different from the pity job Chief had offered me.
“I need to think about it and I have to talk to Xander.” And convince him not to leave.
“Of course. Let me know by the end of the month.”
A deadline. My lips quirked. He was serious and if I declined, or took too long to decide, he’d move on. I respected him more. It made the job offer real.
The door opened and Kendall crept out with a suitcase, wincing as it whacked against the door. “Sorry, did I interrupt? I just wanted to load these, but we don’t have to leave, if you wanna . . .”
Gentry rose and crossed the porch to take the bag, only reminding me of how Xander jumped to do the same thing. Xander credited his mother with a lot, but he’d picked up a few things from his dad. “I think perhaps if we take off now, this young lady’s wait might not be as long.” He turned with a sympathetic but friendly smile. “It was nice seeing you again, Savvy.”
“I hope we can do it again soon,” Kendall said, giving me a hug. “You two are always welcome in Billings.”
Gentry’s expression was probably the same as mine—doubtful that I could ever get Xander to go there and just visit. But it sounded nice.
They loaded up and drove off. Dawson came out to check on me and wandered back inside. The sun sank below the horizon. Anxiety and loss crept up my spine.
How he processed his feelings was up to him, but I’d been left behind, worried and blaming myself. Had he thought of that? Was this what his family went through? Or had they resigned themselves to his long-term disappearances? I’d been through it once. Tonight was no picnic. I worried about him, but this was his home. He knew the horse and the land.
I didn’t agree with Xander. I didn’t think we should leave and I didn’t want to. But as plans clicked into place with my determination, leaving was exactly what was going to happen.
Xander
“Hey,” I drawled. Savvy’s face was drawn and she hugged her arms around herself. Guilt clawed at my throat. I’d needed space. I’d needed time to think. I’d needed to get away from Dad and his opinions. I’d thought Savvy would understand, but tendrils of unease curled through my gut. I tried to keep it light. “It’s getting chilly out.”
“Maybe if you’d come home earlier, I wouldn’t have waited out here so long.”
Shit.
This was worse than I’d thought. I stopped at the base of the porch steps. “You didn’t have to wait outside. I was coming back.”
Following the guilt came worry. I’d left her before and hadn’t gone back for her. Could I blame her for being paranoid even if I’d only taken off on a horse?
I propped my hands on my hips but stayed where I was. I was steeped in horse sweat and it wasn’t until Fool’s Gold and I had been riding for two hours that I’d realized how therapeutic it was. I’d missed it. “I knew you were here, where it was safe. I just needed time, Savvy.”
“You’ve been gone for hours—after announcing that you want to leave the country.”
“I’m sorry.”
“People worry about you, Xander. When you take off and go radio silent for months, they worry.”
We weren’t just talking about today anymore. “I know what I’m doing. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“It’s not just me.” Her foot rocked the swing, an agitated move that made it appear like she was at leisure, enjoying the night, but there was nothing relaxed about her. “Did you even try to talk to your dad after he confronted you?”
“Yes.”
She stopped swinging and studied me, waiting.
I had nothing else to say, but her expression said I’d better come up with something. “Of course I did. That’s why I left.”
“So when we get into an argument, are you going to take off too?” She left the “again” unsaid, but it rang through the night like a dinner bell.
I took the porch steps two at a time and kneeled next to her. “You know I need my space. Dad doesn’t give me space.”
“You haven’t seen him for months. You didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.” She tilted her head and her expression went neutral. “He offered me a job.”
“After I left, he offered you a position at King Oil?” Aiden and Kendall worked for the company. Grams was still involved.
She rolled her lips in and worked her jaw before she said, “Maybe he thinks I’m a good choice for the position.”
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