by Sam Ryder
Shit. Now that he mentioned it, I could see the vein popping from his temple and the way his blue knuckles were turning white as he gripped the edge of the desk. Belogon stood up. “You couldn’t rip your own dick from your balls,” he said.
Lustak was back on his feet and I could tell I was about to lose control of the situation. I was about to tell every to cool the fuck down, when a piercing scream cut through the tension. It had come from outside.
Lustak’s and Belogon’s differences were temporarily cast aside as we ran outside to find an Ender man lying face-down on the street. Purple bruises covered his body, and blood dripped from his mouth and nose. A woman crouched near him, crying and stroking the back of his head.
“What happened?” Lustak asked as we approached.
“He’s gone...” she choked out between her tears.
I knelt down beside the body and checked his pulse. She was right—he was dead. I rolled him onto his back. His lifeless eyes were fixed and dilated, staring up at the sky.
Gehn took the woman’s arm and led her into Lustak’s office while Belogon and I picked up the heavy body and carried it away from the middle of the street. Lustak barked out some orders to his two guards to take care of the corpse and they responded with sharp salutes.
Gehn had managed to calm the woman enough to talk, though fat tears continued to roll down her cheeks.
“What happened to him?” I asked.
She sniffled. “He is—was—my husband. After the transformation, it was hard to call anything about our relationship normal. He didn’t care about me anymore. But I couldn’t just leave him, so we stuck together, quarreling all the time. I guess it was sort of normal for a relationship, only there isn’t any such thing as divorce anymore. He hurt my feelings a lot, but I still loved him. I will always love him.”
She was rambling, so I tried to coax her back to the initial question she had failed to answer. “I’m sure somewhere inside him he still knew that,” I said. “I’m sure he still loved you too, in his own way.” I glanced at Lustak and Belogon, who looked utterly uncomfortable with the situation and the tone of the conversation. Did they truly not understand what love was anymore? If so, the transformation of men to Ender males was horrifyingly sad.
“Ever since we transformed within hours of each other, we tried to make our way to Paris where we could be safe. We hopped from outpost to outpost. Some were friendlier than others, more accepting and willing to accept our coin for food and lodging. But in the end, it was his ridiculous temper. We were at the last outpost before Paris. Some Rising guys were drinking there. They looked pissed off, so we avoided looking at them. They were drunk, and they had a few choice words for my husband. I told him to ignore them, but that was hard for him.”
Sounds familiar.
“He mouthed off to them, got in their faces. It was five on one. He drew first blood, grabbing one of the guys by the throat and crushing his windpipe. Two others jumped on him from behind while the other two attacked from the front. He managed to throw one off and crush his face, but the other three gained the advantage. They beat him within an inch of his life, only stopping when I dove on top of his body to take the hits for him.”
Wow. This woman. “That was very brave of you,” I said, my voice almost a whisper.
She shook her head. “It was nothing. That’s what you do for someone you love.”
She made it sound so easy, like jumping in front of a bullet to save someone else’s life. I understood that mentality a little too well these days. “How’d you get to Paris?”
“I dressed his wounds and gave him some alcohol to numb the pain,” she said. “He was a strong, proud man. I helped support him, but we walked the rest of the way. Until…”
He died when they finally made it to Paris. That thought more than anything else bit into me like the teeth of beartrap.
She buried her face in her hands and wept bitterly.
“I may not have the same ability to feel the emotions I know you’re feeling right now, Cutter,” Lustak said. “But I’m tired of burying Enders. We need to move as quickly as we can.”
Belogon slammed his fist on the desk. “I can set my differences with Lustak aside too. I know I said I was on the fence but fuck it. I’m not any more. I’m fucking in.”
Chapter 20
The sting of failure
Three weeks later
My heart pounded in my chest as we stood outside Rome, lights twinkling in the darkness.
The last three weeks had been a whirlwind. We presented the plan to the troops and were met with strong support. We’d gained lots of volunteers for the group that would be the distraction. Before we’d left Paris, I needed to be honest with all of them. War was not like it was portrayed in the movies, full of heroes and villains and moments of glory. That was fantasy. When I joined the military in the pre-Blast days, I’d thought the same.
But that was fantasy.
“Many of you will die,” I said. “That’s not my opinion. It's just a fact. War includes death. But we are already fighting a war. Enders are already dying, each and every day. Currently, it’s a war of attrition. It’s time to make it a real war, one in which two sides get to fire shots instead of just one.”
My little speech was met with over two-hundred hoo-rahs! and plenty of beating chests. Word of our army had spread and more men had flocked to us. There were even a number of women who had joined up, mostly because of the efforts of my traveling companions. Adi had recruited several medics as well. Our weapons were rudimentary—there simply were not enough guns to go around—but our plan would be as well served by axes, swords and knives if we could only breach the wall.
Along the way, we’d recruited more men and procured more weapons at the various outposts we passed through. I made speeches, rallied support. The Ender males were on their best behavior, showing the humans they were not to be feared, that they weren’t so different. There had been one altercation, but I’d managed to quell it before it could get out of hand. Things had gone better than expected. Our numbers had swelled over five hundred, but fell short of six hundred, leaving us with four hundred fewer soldiers than Belogon had wanted.
Unfortunately, we couldn’t wait any longer. Now was the time for action.
Staring at the walled city, a rush of adrenaline coursed through my body. It had been a very long time since I had seen combat. It was scary and exciting all at once.
We waited in silence, waiting until the other two groups were in position near the South and West entrances, respectively. Those groups carried torches, marching on the city without any attempt to hide themselves. They were big, dumb Enders—at least that was how the Rising’s soldiers would see them. We were playing on their prejudices in order to fool them. Those troops were made up of volunteers, all of them. They were essentially bowling balls, sent in to barrel toward the pins—the city’s entrances—and create as much chaos as possible.
I had wanted to lead one of those groups, but Luchak and Belogon had refused. “You must lead the third group,” Belogon said. “Sometimes a leader needs to know when to sacrifice others for a greater good. Don’t fail, or it will all be for nothing.”
Right, I thought now. No pressure.
The air was thick with tension.
I thought of Gehn’s vision and frowned. None of what she had described was what I saw now. For one, her vision hadn’t been during the night. Was this operation going to take all night and then into the day? If so, then things would have gone completely wrong. We were supposed to be in and out quickly, assassinating Atticus before he knew what hit him. A long, drawn out battle would favor the side with more men—the Rising.
I thought of the blood running through the streets.
“What are you feeling?” I asked Gehn, who was standing by my side, staring at the lights.
“Nothing,” she said. “It might be the calm before the storm.”
A gust of wind ruffled her dark hair, causing her horns to pulse w
hite for a moment.
Come on. It’s now or never, I thought, watching the painfully slow progress of the other two units in the distance. I thought of Adi and her women medics at the rear of each group, prepared to do what they could to save the injured. It had been hard to separate from her. She was part of our little group now, and she belonged close to us, but she had insisted. “This is my role to play,” she’d said, kissing me on the cheek before departing.
Belenie, on the other hand, was with us. Though she could save many lives in the field, she might need to save our lives in order to ensure the success of our part of the operation. Killing Atticus was the primary goal of all of this. Without him, the Rising would fall apart—or so we believed.
Hannah was also with us, though she too had wanted to be part of the distraction group. I had to come up with a bunch of reasons why we needed her with us, some true, some not. The main thing was that she and Gehn needed to watch each other’s backs. Yeah, I’d played the sister card, and it had been enough to convince her.
My thoughts vanished when I saw group two pick up speed, running now, a battle cry rising from their collective lips. Group one followed shortly after, charging in unison, making noise to ensure the Rising knew they were coming.
Everything was falling into place. It was happening.
I pictured Atticus, asleep in his bed. Perhaps he had paid women with him. That was the only way he’d ever get any of his own action. I hadn't seen the bastard since he’d lured me to the outskirts of Rome by kidnapping Hannah and Gehn. Then he’d tried to have me killed. He slipped away before I got my hands on him. I’d missed my opportunity then, but if I had another shot at him, I would take it without hesitation. This was finally my chance to pay him back for that, and for sending the Wanderer’s Guild after me so many times.
“Be ready,” I hissed in the darkness, urging the message to spread via whisper through our group, which was comprised of only three dozen troops, mostly those responsible for carrying the ladders and grappling hooks. All was silent on this side of the city, just as we’d hoped. I held up my hand to hold us steady, waiting for the moment the other two groups breached the city’s entrances. Then we would move, running on silent feet for the wall.
“Something is wrong,” Gehn said, gripping my arm suddenly, her fingernails digging into my skin.
“What are you feeling?” I asked, a lance of concern cutting me to the core.
“This is all wrong,” she said. “Oh no. No.”
I was about to ask her to be more specific, when the growl of roaring engines burst through the night.
What the fuck?
Headlights shot from the city. Large pickup trucks careened onto the plains, racing out toward our advancing troops. The chatter of automatic fire erupted from their beds, where even from a distance we could make out mounted weapons.
“No,” I breathed. “They have vehicles?”
Before this moment, I’d never heard of anyone using vehicles. The Blast had destroyed most, fuel tanks exploding. If any had survived, the fuel in their tanks would be stale at this point, right?
And yet the proof that the Rising had somehow managed to repair them was right in front of my eyes. Our force looked like a band of savages fighting against an elite force.
As we watched helplessly, our soldiers scattered in all directions, cries of fear and panic replacing their previous war cries as they were cut down, one by one. The trucks circled them wildly, gunning down as many as could not escape their perimeter.
“Abort the mission,” Hannah said.
“We can't just abandon the troops,” I said, panic rising in me. “We have to help them or the mission is dead.”
“This mission is already dead!” Hannah shouted. “We need to go! Now.”
She was right, but I didn’t want to listen. I’d given these Ender males my word that I would fight with them. That what we were doing was good and right and necessary. I didn’t ask them to be massacred without meaning. And yet that’s what was happening. “Go,” I said to the three women I’d shared so much with. “I’ll be right behind you.”
Hannah shook her head, biting her lip. I thought she might cry, but then steel filled her eyes and I could see she understood. She grabbed Gehn’s arm. “C’mon,” she said. Gehn tried to shake her off, but her sister held firm. Belenie huddled beside them, not needing to be forced. The threesome made their way across the terrain with the laddermen, who were looking back over their shoulders at the slaughter. Gehn was hissing and fighting, but Hannah refused to release her.
I turned away, feeling a swell of comfort in my chest that they would escape unharmed. I refocused my attention on the vehicles circling the second group like vultures. The first group had thus far been left alone, but they’d stopped their charge, probably watching the same scene as I was. I made for them, running as hard as I could, heart pounding. It was Belogon’s group and he met me halfway. “This is a fucking disaster,” he said.
“Nothing we can do about that now. The mission is fucked, but we can try to save some of our people. Any ideas?”
“Grab those armed with guns. Aim for the fuel tanks and gunmen. We need to take out those vehicles.”
I nodded, barking out orders while he did the same. Anyone with a gun needed to come with us while the others retreated. There was no point in wasting lives when they weren’t properly armed.
One of the trucks—there were four in total—broke away from the others, tracking a male Ender who’d managed to breach the dusty perimeter.
“Focus on that one!” I shouted to the armed men around me. We were perhaps two dozen strong, armed with hunting rifles and pistols. Alpha and Beta were already in my hands, cocked and ready to go.
The male Ender’s eyes were wide and white as he approached us at a gallop, the truck hot on his heels, bullets chattering at his feet.
“Fire!” I shouted, and we launched a maelstrom of bullets, shooting around our own guy, who ducked and covered his head.
The truck hadn’t expected any resistance, and it tried to turn to avoid getting hit, spinning out of control and going up onto two wheels, before slamming back down and screeching to a halt. I put two bullets in the gunman in the truck’s bed and he fell out. Belogon was firing his rifle, peppering the side, once, twice…the third bullet hit the mark. A fireball erupted as the fuel tank ignited, encasing the truck, driver and all, in flames. One down, four to go.
As it turned out, however, the other three vehicles had seen the demise of their fellow truck. Their machine guns still chattering, they retreated for the safety of the city, leaving corpses in their wake. We’d killed two of theirs, while our corpses were piled up on the plains.
Staring at the dead and dying, I felt sick to my stomach. It didn’t matter that we’d saved dozens of lives by taking out that one truck. It didn’t change those we’d already lost.
And not a single one of us had even entered the city.
It was a resounding defeat, and a reminder that the Rising had a massive technological advantage over us. We would have to overcome that advantage if we wanted any chance of defeating them.
Chapter 21
Retreat
We were broken.
We listlessly traveled across the wasteland back to Paris. The sprinting retreat from the charging trucks of the Rising gave way to stumbling and malaise once we reached a safe distance. Our numbers had been culled by over a hundred, dipping back below five hundred. Yes, it could’ve been worse, but not by much.
Not only had they taken lives, they’d taken the spirit of those who’d survived. The only solace I could take was that Hannah, Gehn and Belenie had escaped. Adi, too, though not without emotional scars. I’d found her huddled behind three dead bodies, trying to tend to their wounds though their hearts were no longer beating. One of them had been Lustak, sending a pang of regret through my heart. He’d wanted to be a part of something important, not this. I’d had to drag Adi away, tears streaming down her cheeks. Of th
e injured, we managed to tend to only six. The other two dozen or so died of their injuries during transport. Each death left another scar on my soul.
For hours, it was all we could do to shuffle our feet forward, our boots scraping across the dusty desert landscape.
Nobody wanted to unpack the situation. Nobody discussed the counterattack launched by the Rising and how efficient it had been. And certainly, nobody said a word about the fallen brothers we left behind.
Initially, I hung my head in defeat and shame.
These men trusted you. They marched into battle for you. After all that? After putting in so much time and effort into earning their trust and worrying about whether they would be loyal to you? You let them down.
Our loss wasn’t just a defeat. It was a humiliation. Everything about it was embarrassing. It was a stark reminder that we were less than them, just like everyone believed.
After three days of solid marching broken only by sleep and meals, we approached Paris. This was supposed to be our glorious return. Already I could see the citizens gathering, watching us from a distance. I looked over my left shoulder at the men trudging along. They were battered and bloody, their clothes ripped. Many of them wore the “thousand-yard-stare” on their faces. I’d seen it before, too many times to count. I wondered how many of them would rip my arms from their sockets if given the chance.
The city grew in the distance. I could see the frowns on the faces of the onlookers now. They knew something was wrong. Whether they guessed what had happened, I knew not.
This was not the exuberant, victorious homecoming I envisioned when we left the city more than three weeks ago. Still, the Ender citizens flowed around our flanks as we marched into the city in silence. No one asked for information, they just silently supported us until we reached the city center.
A few of the men nursed their bandaged wounds. Adi and her team of medics tended to them. Belenie had been healing as many as she could over the last few days, sapping most of her energy by nightfall. Now, she took a deep breath, readying herself for the monumental task of healing the rest.