“At the end I felt like crying because it was hard to talk about the relationship, especially in a roomful of strangers some of whom want to harm the President. I feel that for the last year everyone has spent so much time on my relationship, my emotions, my love and I’m tired of everybody picking it apart. It has been taken away from me by these people.
“I just miss him so much right now.”
Even though there will always be a small room in Monica’s heart for “Handsome,” she no longer opens that door frequently. This evening was one of those occasions. As she admits, however, compared to how she used to see him as a man and a president, she now sees him as all politician, all of the time.
The impeachment trial, for all the antics of the House Republican prosecutors, was winding down, and it was clear that the Republicans could not muster enough votes to remove the President from office. Monica did not provide the “bombshell” the prosecutors needed; the trial was ending, to quote her beloved T.S. Eliot, “not with a bang but a whimper.”
The nation was moving on, and so was Monica Lewinsky.
Index
The index that appeared in the print version of this title does not match the pages of your eBook. Please use the search function on your eReading device to search for terms of interest. For your reference, the terms that appear in the print index are listed below.
Ackerman, Elise
Adler. Renata
Bacon, Kenneth
Beckett, Tracery
Behre, Kirbe
“ballistic” over tapes
differences with Tripp
Bennett, Bob
Bennett, Jackie, Jr.
Berger, Sandy
Bernice (grandmother)
Bittman, Bob
Bleiler, Andy
betrayal
marriage
on-off affair
Portland move
presents from White House
press conference
wife’s accusation over affair
Bliss, David
Blumenthal, Sidney
Bowles, Erskine
Bredhoff, Bob
Brill, Steven
Bronfman, Edgar
Brothers, Dr. Joyce
Brown, Ron
Bryant, Ed
Buckley, Kathy
Bumpers, Dale
Burton, Preston
Cacheris, Plato
Carlson, Margaret
Carter, Frank
Clinton, Bill
affairs confession
affair, terminations of
apologies
back pains
birthdays
broadcast to nation
chastising “Dear Sir” letter from Monica
divorce possibility
farewells to Monica
first kiss with Monica
first meeting with Monica
gifts to Monica
Grand Jury testimony
and Germaine Greer
guilt about affair
“Handsome” nickname
handwritten note from Monica
and Hillary
impeachment
Jones case
Jones case dismissed
Jones claim settled
knee injury
“memorandum for: Handsome”
missed by Monica
Monica, denial of affair with
phone calls
phone row
phone sex
“POTUS” acronym
prayer breakfast
refusal to see Monica
resumption of affair
soldier’s death in Bosnia
stern lecture to Monica
subpoenaed
Willey, denial of sexual impropriety with
womanizer reputation
Clinton, Chelsea
Bumpers speech
dancing
Monica’s sympathy for
Clinton, Hillary
attacks “vast rightwing conspiracy”
“Baba” sobriquet
and Vince Foster
Clinton, Virginia
Couric, Katie
Currie, Betty
advice to Clinton
brother killed
FBI’s betrayal request to Monica
frantic messages to Monica
interface in affair
Monica’s concerns over Clinton’s “silence”
sympathetic
Dash, Sam
Dave, Adam
Michael’s attack on
tabloid TV
Davis, Catherine Allday
allowed to visit Monica
on Bleiler
e-mails to/from Monica
Grand Jury testimony
on Monica—Clinton affair
private e-mails published by Starr
Tokyo move
on Tripp
Demir, Ishmael
Densuk, Sheri
Dershowitz, Alan
Diana, Her True Story
Diana, Princess of Wales
Dowd, Maureen
dress See Gap dress
Drudge Report, The
fueling gossip
Duke, Kacy
elections
Clinton reelected
Congress, 1998
effect on affair
1996 campaign
Ellerbec, Walter
Emmick, Mike
bluff called
Erbland, Neysa DeMann
on Clinton affair
media offer
Estep, Kathleen
Estergard, Linda
FBI
proposal to bug conversations
threat to prosecute mother
see also Chapter
Finerman, Bill (uncle)
Finerman, Debra (aunt)
and Clinton affair
media siege
Monica’s Room 1012 ordeal
moral counselor
“scary” experience
on White House jealousy and mistrust
Foster, Vince
Tripp’s tell-all book
Friedrich, Kate
Fuhrman, Mark
Gap dress
DNA testing of
handed over to investigators
Gingrich, Newt
Ginsburg, Bill
advice on speaking out
American Bar Association address
attacks “torture” of Marcia
correspondents’ dinner
Emmick exchange
immunity deal
magazine article: “An Open Letter to Kenneth Starr”
managing the media
Marcia’s concern over handling of media
“misogynist” accusation against Clinton
opposes publicist plan
prurient interest in affair
surrogate father to Monica
tumultuous relationship with Monica
Vanity Fair photographs
see also Chapter
Glazov, Michelle
Goldberg, Jonah
Goldberg, Lucianne
and media
taped conversations with Tripp
Tripp’s book
Gore, Al
Grand Jury
Clinton’s testimony
friends’ testimony
Jordan’s testimony
Lieberman’s testimony
Marcia’s testimony
Monica’s testimony
Nelvis’s testimony
Scott’s testimony
Tripp’s testimony
Greer, Germaine
Guardian, the
Hall, Fawn
Hanna’s War
hat-pin gift
Henderson, Carly
Hernreich, Nancy
Hoffmann, Sydney
Hofsetter, Richard
Holloway, Kit
Hubbell, Webster
Hutchinson, Asa
Hyde, Senator Henry
Immergut, K
arin
immunity deal
legality argument rejected
watertight agreement
withdrawn
impeachment
Independent Counsel See Starr, Kenneth and Starr Report
Isikoff, Michael
compromise attempt
“Harvey” code name
Tripp dealings
Johnson, Judge Norma Holloway
Jones, Paula (case)
affidavit
case dismissed
claim settled
Monica subpoenaed
Monica on witness list
Rutherford Institute involvement
Tripp subpoenaed
Jordan, Vernon
exoneration in e-mail
Grand Jury testimony
and Tripp tapes
and Whitewater
Kaczynski, Ted
Kassorla, Irene (therapist)
Kaye, Walter
Keating, Tim,
Kelley, Virginia (Clinton)
Kendall, David
Kennedy, Edward
Kerry, Bob
King, Larry
“kneepads” remark
Kopechne, Mary Jo
Krasne, Nancy
lawyers, change of
Leaves of Grass
legal fees
Lewinsky, Barbara (stepmother)
marriage to Bernie
media siege
Presidential radio address
Lewinsky, Bernie (father)
anger at House managers’ summons
on Bleiler
cooking
defense fund
divisions reopened by Tripp tapes
divorce
“Doctor No” sobriquet
early relationship with Monica
on fingerprinting procedure
first marriage, breakdown
hurt by Clinton’s denial
marriage to Barbara
media siege
mending fences with Monica
Monica’s birth
on Monica’s presence of mind
Monica’s “Rock of Gibraltar”
Monica’s Room 1012 ordeal
nightmares
Presidential radio address
radio-show criticism
refusal to criticize President
respect for authority
Starr’s harassment
on Starr’s “sex video” demand
subpoena attempt
support for Monica
turns against Clinton
TV appearances
Lewinsky, Marcia (mother) See Lewis, Marcia
Lewinsky, Michael (brother)
Bar-mitzvah
bond with father
college
coping strategy
FBI men’s visit to college
on “friends” making a buck
Internet discovery
on Monica
road accident
Lewinsky, Monica
antiques
Bat-mitzvah
birth
Bleiler, Andy See Bleiler
chastising “Dear Sir” letter to Clinton
Clinton affair, terminations of
Clinton, first meeting with
and Clinton’s address to nation
and Hillary Clinton
college
constant fear of arrest
early life at home
FBI
fingerprinting
first kiss with Clinton
Fox TV offer
friends’ Grand Jury ordeal
graduation
Grand Jury testimony
handwritten note to Clinton
humiliation
immunity deal
mail from well-wishers
media attention
media denigration
“memorandum for: Handsome”
mending fences with Bernie
missing Clinton
“Monica-and-Bill” jokes
National Security Council job
new legal team
new relationship
“the Other” concept
parents’ marriage breakdown
Pentagon post
photographic memory
poetry, love of
psychology studies
resumption of Clinton affair
ring gift from stranger
Room 1012 ordeal See Chapter
school
self-esteem, low sense of
strong-willed child
subpoenaed
suicide, thoughts of
testimony to House managers
therapy
Thomas affair
Tripp betrayal
Tripp, in thrall to
Vanity Fair photographs
weight
wit
Lewis and Clark College, Oregon
Lewis, Marcia (mother)
on Bleiler affair
on her children
constant fear
early relationship with Monica
divorce
FBI confrontation
first marriage, breakdown
and Gap dress
and Ginsburg’s handling of media
government seen as enemy
Grand Jury testimony
legal jeopardy
media attention
media’s “faked breakdown” lies
and Monica—Clinton affair
Monica’s birth
Monica’s Room 1012 ordeal
Monica’s suicide, fears of
on Pentagon post
Private Lives of the Three Tenors, The
publicist hired
spirit broken by Starr
and Starr Report on Internet
Starr’s harassment
state of shock
Straus, first meeting
suggests Washington move to Monica
suicide fears
on Tripp
Tripp’s obsession with
on Tripp tapes
Washington move
wits’ end
writes to Hyde and Starr
Lieberman, Evelyn
Grand Jury testimony
leaving post
Lieberman, Joseph
Lindsey, Bruce
Maas, Peter
Marshall, Jonathan
Martin, Billy
concern for Marcia
family’s “Minister of Defense”
on the law
McCollum, Bill
McDougal, Susan
McElvoy, Anne
media
besieged by
estranging effects
denigration by
feeding frenzy
Fox TV offer
gauntlet
Marcia’s concern over Ginsburg’s handling of
misogyny
offers
paparazzi insults
ramming tactics
weight gibe
White House “attack dogs” see also individual publications
Mills, Cheryl
Mondale, Eleanor
affair accusation
Moody, James
Morris, Dick
Morris, Susie
National Enquirer
National Security Council
no job
NATO conference, Madrid
Nelvis, Bayani
Grand Jury testimony
President’s tie
New York Daily News
New York Post
New York Times
New Yorker
newspapers See media and individual publications
Newsweek
Tripp dealings
Office of the Independent Counsel (OIC) See Starr, Starr report
Panetta, Leon
paparazzi insults
Pentagon
notice handed in
transfer to
Peters, Charlie
phone sex
Podesta, John
President’s radio address
press See media and individual publications
Private Lives of the Three Tenors, The
Raines, Ashley
Reese, Lenore
Remick, David,
Revel, Pamela
Revlon
Richardson, Bill
Ritts, Herb
Rutherford Institute
saxophone
Schiff, Debra
Scott, Marsha
Grand Jury testimony
hindering return to White House
questions about relationship
Seagram
Seligman, Nicole
Senesh, Hannah
“sexual relations,” definition of
Shabani, Danny
O.J. Simpson trial
60 Minutes
Smith, Judy
“covert operations”
Ginsburg’s opposition to
Special Prosecutor See Starr, Kenneth
Speights, Nathaniel
Spelling, Tori
Starr, Kenneth (Special Prosecutor)
attack by Hillary Clinton
and Vernon Jordan
leaks
and Marcia Lewis
and Susan McDougal
Monica’s continuing dread of
Orwell’s “Big Brother”
pact with Trip
publication of private e-mails
“puritanical”
questionable means
squeeze tactics
strong-arm tactics, public concern
subpoenas Clinton
tenacious after Jones case dismissed
video questioning. of Monica, demand for
zealous crusade to bring down President
Starr Report
errors
Internet publication
portrayal of Monica as sexually precocious
submitted to Congress
Vanity Fair verdict
Stein, Jake
Straus, Peter (stepfather)
engagement announcement
on Ginsburg
Marcia Lewis, first meeting
on media attention
Streisand, Barbra
Sullivan, Andrew
“Talking Points” memo
Tapper, Jake
television See media
ties
and Bayani Nelvis
no significance, says Clinton
Time
Today show
Torkelson, Jody
Tripp, Linda
avoiding Monica
Monica's Story Page 41