Jesse forced himself to look away and go to his own desk, brushing the intense moment of tenderness toward him aside. He absolutely didn’t want Spencer waking up to find him hovering. Besides, he wasn’t supposed to feel like that toward him. They’d had their fun, but now they were just friends.
He sat down and focused on responding to emails and finalizing the notes for his lecture that afternoon, and didn’t look up again until he heard movement on the couch.
Spencer sat up, blinking, then yawned and stretched. He looked adorable, but Jesse tried not to make his fond smile too obvious. He didn’t want to make Spencer uncomfortable by having a really obvious crush on him.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep,” he said, running his hand through his hair. It did absolutely nothing to make it look neater, instead making the shorter strands stick up in all directions. Jesse couldn’t quite stop himself from smiling.
“Well, you probably needed it,” Jesse responded. “You look tired.”
Spencer chuckled. “Thanks. Way to boost a guy’s confidence.” He yawned again, then stood and retrieved his glasses, cleaning them with the edge of his cardigan before putting them back on.
“You know what I mean. I’m just worried.”
“Your concern is both noted and appreciated. The people living above me like to have loud arguments in the middle of the night, so sleep was… elusive. And I’m too old for all-nighters now.”
Jesse opened his mouth to offer his own apartment as a refuge from the noise, but he wasn’t sure Spencer would appreciate that. They’d just gotten to the point where the awkwardness of their history had started to fade. The last thing Jesse needed to do was remind Spencer that it had been a thing.
“So, uh. Can I show you an email from a student and get your opinion on how to respond?” he asked instead. He had wanted Spencer’s opinion, and sooner would be better than later.
“Sure,” Spencer said, moving to stand behind Jesse at his desk.
He leaned over Jesse’s shoulder, his chest brushing against Jesse’s back. Spencer was so close that Jesse could hear his heartbeat over the rustling of fabric between them. If he closed his eyes, this would have been exactly like being in bed with him again.
The thing was, he still couldn’t stop thinking about that. He usually got over one night stands immediately, but he’d wanted something more with Spencer from pretty much the moment they met. Spencer had an almost magnetic pull about him, as far as Jesse was concerned. He didn’t get how no one else saw it.
He got the feeling that other people did see it, but that Spencer was oblivious unless they were direct with him. Being direct was Jesse’s style, because he hated to be misinterpreted. That was probably the only reason Spencer had noticed he was being flirted with in the first place.
Jesse didn’t have time to think about any of that now. He was in the middle of trying to figure out what to do to help one of his new students, and he couldn’t sit and dwell on how much he wanted to kiss Spencer instead.
He did want to kiss Spencer, though.
Brushing the thought aside, Jesse turned his attention firmly to his laptop. If he had to fantasize, he could do it later.
“Umm.” Jesse pulled up the email. “So, this kid is already asking for an extension on the first assignment and it would take literally fifteen minutes to do. I don’t wanna be the guy who refuses to be considerate, but if they can’t handle this in the allocated time, they’re not gonna pass the rest of the course.”
Spencer sighed, his breath ghosting over Jesse’s neck, making the hairs stand on end. Jesse fought a shiver, not wanting to scare Spencer off. He actually needed the advice, he wasn’t just asking for it to get closer to Spencer.
Getting closer to Spencer was kind of a fringe benefit. Jesse felt bad for enjoying it as much as he was, but Spencer didn’t need to know. Besides, it wasn’t as though their attraction to each other was a secret between them. They were just avoiding acting on it.
“Well, it’s your call, but I’d grant it and see what happens. If they fail, they fail, but sometimes there’s something they feel they can’t tell you. There’s only so much you can do. If it’s important to you, tell them they need to come in for an in-person meeting after the assignment is due, and that no question is too stupid, and it’s not like you’re gonna tell anyone they asked.”
“Sounds good.” Jesse swallowed. He was sure Spencer was giving him good advice, and he’d take it later, but right now his skin was too hot, too tight.
He turned his head and found his nose within an inch of Spencer’s neck. So close he would only have had to tilt his head to kiss him there, suck on his pulse, reduce him to soft moans and needy gasps.
To Jesse’s surprise, Spencer’s breath hitched. Almost at the same time, he jumped back as though he’d been burned.
He was blushing. Jesse was blushing, too, his whole body tingling with anticipation.
Jesse still wanted to kiss Spencer. He could tell himself a thousand times that he was over it, but he wasn’t.
Between the wave of tenderness he’d felt when he saw Spencer asleep on the couch and the jolt of arousal he’d felt just now, he couldn’t lie to himself.
Jesse wished he could lie more convincingly to Spencer, but he’d clearly just given himself away. That was the opposite of what he wanted. Regardless of his feelings, he wanted Spencer to believe that he was no threat to him, that he wouldn’t dream of making another move ever again.
It was pretty obvious that Spencer realized now that Jesse still felt the spark between them. Jesse got the impression that he still felt it, too.
“I, uh.” Spencer rubbed the back of his neck, still blushing. “I have to go,” he said, backing away in a hurry.
“Wait,” Jesse pleaded, but Spencer was already heading for the door. He hadn’t bothered to so much as pack up his laptop, instead letting the door slam closed behind him.
That meant he’d be back, but Jesse wasn’t sure he wanted to be there when he was.
How were they supposed to get through a whole semester of this?
Chapter Eleven
Spencer got as far as the end of the hallway before he realized he’d left all his things in the office, and he had a lecture in fifteen minutes. He needed his laptop for that, and he couldn’t afford to wait around and hope Jesse would leave first.
He headed back toward the office, stomach tied in knots. He’d been so close to kissing Jesse. So close to just turning his head a little, bringing their lips together, crawling into his lap and begging for his touch.
He’d barely stopped thinking about it since they’d met.
He wanted to stop. He wanted to put the whole thing behind them and focus on work and his career and maybe even finding someone he could have, but he wanted Jesse more.
Taking a deep breath, Spencer opened the door to his office—his and Jesse’s office—and literally ran into the last person he wanted to be pressed up against right now.
Or the first person, depending on how he looked at it. Spencer’s pulse pounded in his ears.
Jesse stepped back, letting Spencer inside.
Jesse opened his mouth, presumably to say something, but he never got the chance. Spencer lunged forward, pushing Jesse up against the wall and kissing him eagerly, gripping his shoulders as the door swung closed behind them. A soft moan escaped Spencer as they made contact.
The force knocked his glasses askew and left them pressing uncomfortably into the bridge of his nose, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Jesse was warm and solid and smelled of cloves and cedar, and his lips were soft and pliant.
Kissing him felt like stepping into a warm room after being out in the cold for hours. It was so good, such a relief to finally act on the desire after denying himself for so long.
Jesse was obviously stunned at first, barely responding to the kiss for a few seconds. Once he figured out what was going on, though, he pushed away from the wall and switched their positions so that he was pressin
g Spencer against it instead.
Spencer moaned again, lower and louder, thrilled by the heat and pressure of Jesse’s body against his own. Arousal flared up in the pit of his stomach, a low, slow burn of need warming him up, making him melt into Jesse’s touch.
His clothes felt too tight, too confining. He wanted to strip them both off and let Jesse take him over the arm of the couch. He’d imagined it while he’d been napping and woken half-hard, having to hide it when Jesse called him over.
Jesse’s hand came up, stroking through Spencer’s hair and cradling the back of his head so it wouldn’t bang against the wall. He kissed hard, nipping at Spencer’s lower lip, then lapping at it with the tip of his tongue to soothe the hurt. The double assault barely gave Spencer time to breathe, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. A jolt of arousal hit him, need making his stomach tight as Jesse kissed him as though the secrets of the universe were in his mouth.
Spencer wasn’t sure he’d ever been kissed like this before. It knocked the breath out of him, left him clinging helplessly to Jesse’s shoulders. He wasn’t used to being wanted, and it was addictive. He wanted Jesse to want him.
More to the point, he wanted Jesse to have him.
“I was hoping you’d do that,” Jesse murmured against his neck, kissing his way up it and along Spencer’s jaw. Spencer shivered, painfully turned on by the much more intimate attention.
“I want you so much,” Jesse added between kisses, his breath brushing over Spencer’s ear. The hairs on the back of Spencer’s neck stood on end, his skin tingling.
Spencer wanted Jesse, too. His body ached with need for him every time they brushed past each other. He wasn’t going to get over it. It wasn’t going away.
He bit his lip as Jesse nuzzled the crook of his neck, tightening his grip on the other man’s shoulder in response. It was too much and not enough, all at once. Overwhelming, but only a tiny fraction of what Spencer really wanted.
“I need…” Spencer gasped, moaning as Jesse’s hips rocked against his. He was well and truly pinned to the wall, Jesse leaning almost his full weight against him and trapping him there. Not that he wanted to be anywhere else right now. “God, Jesse, I need…”
Something in the back of his mind reminded him of what he actually did need. He needed his laptop so he could get to his lecture.
“Crap.” He pushed Jesse away. The other man’s disappointed whine made his heart twinge, but if he didn’t show up to his lecture, they’d definitely get caught. He took a last look at Jesse—his kiss-swollen lips, the dazed look in his eyes, the pretty flush of his cheeks, and sighed.
Jesse was beautiful, and Spencer couldn’t resist him. He wasn’t strong enough, and he didn’t really want to be.
The knowledge that he was ready to risk his career for this man sat heavily in his gut. Could he do it?
He needed to come up with an answer to that, but he didn’t have time right now.
“I have to go for real,” Spencer said. “I’m sorry. It’s not you.”
Spencer shoved his laptop into his bag and left the room, ignoring any response Jesse might have been about to make. He got as far as the men’s room at the end of the hall and ducked inside, pausing by the sink to splash his face with water.
His lip was swollen and his hair was a mess—though not significantly more than usual. In the mirror, he couldn’t help but see a man who’d just been making out with someone he absolutely shouldn’t have been.
The rational part of his mind told him that no one would really notice. Even so, he felt as though guilt was written all over his face.
He closed his eyes for a moment, taking a few deep breaths and willing himself to calm down.
His students wouldn’t care enough to notice. By the time he’d gotten to the lecture, he wouldn’t be blushing so hard, and his lip wouldn’t be so red. No one would ever know.
Spencer looked up as the door to the bathroom opened, expecting to see Jesse following him. He’d run away twice in the space of five minutes now, so it wasn’t as though Jesse wasn’t right to want answers.
It turned out to be Professor Watts.
Spencer swallowed. If anyone was going to notice, it was him.
“You okay?” Watts asked, coming to stand beside Spencer at the sinks. It didn’t sound like a sincere question, but Spencer knew he wasn’t in a position to be anything other than perfectly polite right now.
“I’m fine,” Spencer lied. “I think I might be getting a cold.”
He hoped that would explain away his distress and encourage Watts to go away at the same time.
To his relief, Watts did take a half-step away. Spencer could still feel his beady little eyes on him, though. He wasn’t free and clear yet.
“How’s the new guy going? I hear you’re sharing an office with him.”
Watts didn’t share an office with anyone. That was because people begged to be moved away from him within a week of being assigned to his office. Spencer was sure he knew that, and was proud of his efforts in getting them to leave.
Spencer didn’t exactly know him well, but everything he knew about him suggested he wasn’t a nice man. As far as he knew, no one actually liked him. Except, apparently, human resources. Spencer didn’t doubt that he was a good scientist, but that didn’t make him a good teacher. All the same, he’d managed to keep his job for years.
“He seems to be settling in.” Spencer hefted his bag over his shoulder again. “Excuse me, I have a lecture to give,” he said, pushing past the other man to get to the door.
For a moment, he thought Watts might follow him, and he was relieved when it didn’t happen. Spencer told himself that he was only asking about Jesse because they were sharing an office. He couldn’t possibly know. No one knew.
Spencer hadn’t even told Cassie about this yet. All she knew was that he’d managed to pick someone up a few weeks ago. She had no idea, as far as he was aware, that it had been Jesse.
It was a coincidence, and it only seemed like a big deal because he felt guilty. That was all.
If that was true, though, why was Spencer’s stomach tied up in knots?
Chapter Twelve
After Spencer kissed him, Jesse almost expected to never hear from him again. Sure, they shared an office, but Spencer could move. Or just stop using it.
Hell, he could leave town entirely, maybe take a job overseas.
Jesse didn’t think he was that bad a kisser, but Spencer had run away on him twice today. He was starting to worry.
He didn’t want to lose Spencer, and he wasn’t sure how to accomplish that anymore. He’d thought that abiding by Spencer’s wishes and forgetting the whole thing was the right way, but then there’d been a whole bunch of mixed signals after that.
And then a very brief, but still very hot, makeout session. That didn’t even count as a mixed signal, Jesse thought. That was a signal to go in exactly the opposite direction he’d been trying to go in.
Now he was left not knowing how to react, waiting for Spencer to make the next move.
Jesse was the kind of guy who liked to take action. Sitting on his hands made him uncomfortable. But there was no action to take, here. Nothing he could do to fix things without being sure about how they were broken.
He hadn’t realized how tense he’d been about the possibility that he’d just screwed everything up—even if it was Spencer who’d kissed him, not the other way around—until he got a text from an unknown number.
Sorry about earlier, it read. That had to be Spencer—he never had called after their night together—but he wanted to be sure.
Spencer?
Yes. If you’re not already tired of my crap, I’d like to make it up to you. Tonight. 9pm.
An address popped up a second later. Jesse looked it up on his laptop—it wasn’t Spencer’s apartment. It looked like it was the middle of nowhere.
Still, though. If Spencer wanted to meet him, he wasn’t going to say no. He couldn’t say no.
Okay, Jesse texted back.
Thank you. Dress warm and wear sensible shoes.
Jesse laughed at that. He didn’t own any shoes that weren’t sensible, but he appreciated Spencer’s concern. He sent off another quick text to confirm that he understood and would be there, and sat back in his chair.
He had no idea what was going on, but it was exciting. After all the back-and-forth, the torture of being close to Spencer but not being able to touch him, it looked like there was a glimmer of hope for them.
Or maybe this was Spencer’s way of letting him down gently.
Either way, he’d find out tonight.
* * *
When Jesse pulled up to the address Spencer had given him, he saw Spencer leaning on the hood of what he had to assume was his own car. A beat-up hatchback that looked like it was nearly as old as he was.
Something about it suited him. Nothing fancy, but reliable and practical. Not more than it had to be.
That was what he liked about Spencer. For a guy who studied the stars, he was very down-to-earth. Normal, or at least as normal as academics were capable of being. He daydreamed, sure, but he wasn’t pretentious in the least. That was all Jesse cared about. College had left him tired of people who thought that their degrees meant they could treat other people like idiots.
“Hey,” he called over as he got out of the car, heading toward Spencer. He was glad he’d taken the advice to dress warmly. Spencer looked like he was wearing about ten layers, hidden under a huge coat that made his silhouette about the same shape as a Christmas tree.
“Hey.” Spencer waved, then immediately shoved his hands back in his pockets. Unlike California, Montana was not warm in early February. Jesse’s breath turned to frost in front of him as he walked over, the sun having taken the last of the day’s warmth with it when it had set hours ago.
“So, this is the middle of nowhere,” Jesse pointed out.
Spencer shook his head. “No. This is… this is the center of the universe. Let me show you.” He nodded toward the tree line. Jesse could see the hint of a trail leading into it.
Spring Fling Page 6