Hell and Back

by Patricia Blackmoor

  “Fuck if I care,” I said, throwing up my hands in exasperation.

  “We have more time; we can do something else before we have to go back.”

  I turned to face him. “Like what? The whole point of coming here was to give them the money back, and there’s no way in hell I’m doing that now.”

  “It’s the Fourth of July. Let’s do something fun.”

  I sighed. “I’m not really in the mood for fun.”

  “Let’s do something. Let’s get out of here.”

  “Well,” I said, thinking, “we could go see your family.”

  He hesitated. “I’m not so sure that’s such a great idea.”

  “What do you mean? Don’t you want to see them? Wasn’t that the driving force for you coming here?”

  “Yeah, but…”

  “But what?”

  “After seeing how everything went with you and Mitchell and Courtney, what if I go see my family and find out things I didn’t want to know?”

  “No, no, no, it’s different,” I protested.

  “You don’t know that.”

  I took a few steps back to him, my hands on his chest. “Yes, I do. Because you’re a good person and your family is good, too.”

  “What if they’re happier without me?”

  “There’s no way that’s possible.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because my life is happier with you in it.”

  He paused, looking at me for a moment while he considered. “Can I think about it?”

  I reached up, my palm against his cheek. “Of course you can.”

  We looked at each other for a moment, the tension tight in my chest as I gazed into his eyes. After a moment, I pulled my hand away. I was overwhelmed with so many emotions, and to have this little slice of happiness felt odd.

  “Are you okay?” Parker asked after a moment.

  I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head, swallowing tears that would never come. “I don’t know,” I finally said.

  “Let’s walk,” he told me, putting a hand around my waist. We left the neighborhood, walking along the edge of the river.

  “I’m angry,” I admitted after several moments of long silence.

  “You have every right to be,” Parker said. “I’d be surprised if you weren’t.”

  “They were the people I trusted the most in the world,” I said. “I honestly thought I was going to marry Mitchell.”

  “You wanted to marry that guy?”

  I shot Parker a withering look. “Hindsight is twenty-twenty.”

  “Sorry. You were saying?”

  Normally I appreciated his attempt at levity, but I was still reeling. “I trusted them more than anybody. I told those two things I’d never told anyone.”

  “Did you have any idea?”

  “That they were going to kill me? I had no idea. No clue. I felt like something was a little off—that’s why I hid the money in the first place—but I never dreamed that they were going to kill me. God. I didn’t even know they had a gun.”

  Parker took a moment to choose his words. “I can’t imagine the type of person that would willingly shoot someone.”

  “I can’t either.” I shook my head. “I thought I knew him. Apparently I didn’t. And you know what makes me even angrier?”

  “What?”

  “That they were sleeping together behind my back.”

  “That’s what makes you angrier? More than him killing you?”

  “You know what? Yes. If he was so unhappy, why didn’t he just break up with me?”

  “I think he thought you would report them.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t have. Probably.”

  He raised his eyebrows at me.

  “I just wish they had been honest, you know? I never thought that the two of them would be so underhanded. It feels like I never knew them at all.”

  “And you wonder why I’m nervous about seeing my family?”

  I nodded. “Okay, I get it.”

  We continued walking for a little while before I turned to Parker. “Can I say something?”

  “Of course.”

  “I know that what happened with Mitchell and Courtney made you nervous to see your family, but in a way, I’m grateful for what I saw. Now I know how I died. And now I know that the future I dreamed of—Mitchell and I getting married, me in a fluffy white dress, Courtney as my maid of honor, moving to California, all the things I kept thinking I was missing out on—those were never going to happen anyway. And so even though I’m angry, furious at the people I thought I could trust, at least I have closure. I can go back to hell knowing that I’m not missing out on anything.”

  “I appreciate what you’re trying to say,” he said. “But I have this image in my head, my sisters and brothers in our apartment, more space now that I’m gone. They have the money I left behind for them, and Hope is getting ready to start college. I might be gone, but they’re set and they’re happy. I don’t want that image shattered.”

  “You don’t know that it will be.”

  He shook his head. “There is nothing I can do to help them. So if I find out that I’m wrong? I’ll return to hell with that guilt resting on my shoulders.”

  I reached down and took his hand, threading my fingers through mine. “I won’t push you. But please, reconsider.”

  “I will,” he said. “Now, we’re getting close to the transit station. Where do you want to go?”

  We spent the day walking in the sun, enjoying the warm beams of light and the soft wind. This could have been a normal day when I was alive, but now that I had spent so long in hell, I savored every moment of freedom. I appreciated every step along the sidewalk, every breeze through my hair, every touch of Parker’s skin against mine. We wandered through the city, visiting museums, watching people, all the things we would never be able to do again once we were back in hell.

  “It’s getting dark,” Parker murmured, looking up at the sky as it turned from a pink to purple.

  “You know what that means?”

  “What?”

  “Fireworks,” I said with a grin.

  “You want to watch them?”

  “Hell yes. When are we going to get this chance again?”

  He laughed. “All right. Where do you want to go?”

  I considered. “I know this place, it’ll probably be a little bit different, but it has a good view of the lake.”

  “Sounds good to me. How do we get there?”

  I looked around, unsure of where exactly we were. “Um, let’s find a transit station.”

  We found the right bus and piled on. The bus was crowded with riders, all going to watch the fireworks displays the city put on. Many were dressed in red, white, and blue, little kids in their shirts with American flags, teenagers with sparklers stashed in their bags. I was pretty sure that was illegal, but no one cared today. Today we showed the world just how great we were, even as people like Parker’s family resorted to making deals with demons just to survive.

  The fireworks would be launched above the Mississippi river, a few miles down from where I had lived with Mitchell and Courtney. When we got off the bus, Parker followed my lead as we followed the crowd toward the park. We didn’t go in, however, and instead walked past it.

  “You don’t want to go in here?” Parker asked.

  “Nope. I know a better spot,” I said.

  We walked a little farther up the hill, my legs burning. How unfair that I couldn’t eat or sleep, but my legs could still feel tired with exercise. After a few moments of a steep climb, I turned onto a side street. Parker stayed behind me as we took a stone staircase up to a little cottage at the top of the hill.

  “Whose house is this?” Parker asked me.

  “It’s my grandparents’ house,” I told him as we sat down on the grass and leaned against the porch. From here, we had a perfect few of the riverfront and the clear black sky. “They’ll be at the cabin for the holiday, so there’s no one here.” />
  “Nice and quiet. Not often you find that in the city.”

  “Exactly,” I said.

  The temperature had dropped a little bit, but the air was still warm. Parker’s skin was hot against mine as our arms touched, and he reached over and took my hand. I was comfortable here, happy, even though as soon as our vacation to Earth was over, we’d be going back to hell.

  I glanced at Parker, who was looking out over the lake. I was worried about him. He had risked everything to get us here, and what had been the purpose? I wasn’t about to give the money over to the people who had betrayed and killed me, and Parker was having second thoughts about seeing his family. I could only hope that when he went back to hell, they’d take it easy on him. I was terrified we were never going to see each other again. With the way things had been in hell so far, that wouldn’t have surprised me at all.

  The first firework exploded into the sky, a spray of purple and yellow against the pitch-black canvas. I had to smile; fireworks always brought so many happy memories, and even wallowing in the betrayal of my friends, they gave me joy. When I was a child, my mother had told me that the fireworks were an early celebration of my birthday. Of course, I knew she was lying, but it was a celebration just the same.

  “When I was younger,” Parker said, leaning over to speak to me, breath hot on my ear, “we had a dog who hated fireworks. I mean, he hated them. He’d get terrified, try to hide in every corner, pee himself, you name it. We had to get a special jacket for him to wear, and even that didn’t help. In the end, we had to put him in the jacket, then in his kennel, wrap a blanket around it, and hide him in the basement with music playing until it was over.”

  “Really?” I asked. “We had a dog too, but she didn’t give a shit. She was the most laid-back dog ever. Someone could try to steal her and she’d go along willingly with her tail wagging.”

  “Our dog died a few years before my parents did. He was hit by a car. I always wanted to get another one, but after my parents died we moved into an apartment, and having a dog was extra. Once I made the deal, we could have afforded it, but I didn’t want to leave them with the burden of caring for an animal and having another mouth to feed. Besides, space was cramped as it was.”

  “I would have loved to have a dog, but Courtney is allergic,” I said with a sigh. “Besides, drifting post-college students are not the best dog owners. I had no idea where I was going to be in a year, and with so many rental places not allowing pets, I didn’t want to risk getting one. I had thought that once we moved to California we’d buy a house and we’d get a dog, but clearly that didn’t happen.”

  “It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Parker murmured.

  “What?”

  “All the little things that you don’t realize you’ll regret until after you’re dead.”

  “There’s so much,” I said with a nod. I turned to look at him, warm skin illuminated in the glow of the moonlight and fireworks. He turned to look back at me and our eyes locked. I was so easily lost in the green of his eyes, the little flecks of gold, the way they crinkled in the corners when he was laughing and squinted when he was deep in concentration.

  Parker leaned in closer and I tilted myself toward him, drawn together like magnets. Our lips met, his warm and soft against mine. The kiss was gentle at first, brief. He pulled back and I leaned in, connecting the two of us again, deepening our kiss until he pulled apart.

  I sat back as he buried his head in his hands.

  “Sorry,” he said as he rubbed his temple. “The thing with Mitchell… I didn’t mean to move too fast—”

  “Too fast?” I asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. “No, Parker. Mitchell is the last thing on my mind right now. I promise. We only have a little time, a finite amount of time until we’re tossed back into the pit of hell for all eternity. Once we’re there, we may never see each other again. I want this.”

  “Are you sure? Because—”

  “I’m sure,” I told him. “I’ve never been so sure of anything.”

  “To be fair, you don’t have the best track record with trusting people—”

  I cut him off with another kiss, pulling him toward me, relishing the feeling of his body molding together with mine. “Parker,” I finally said when we broke. “This could be our last chance. Don’t you want this too?”

  “More than anything,” he told me, his voice like gravel. Once more we met in a kiss, deep and unbreaking as I pulled him on top of me. The grass prickled my skin as I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck, drawing our bodies as close together as they could possibly be with a layer of clothes still between them. Fireworks exploded around us as his lips trailed from my mouth down to my neck and my collarbones. As my hands grasped his shirt, his slipped under my top, rough hands warm on the skin of my stomach, working their way up to my bra. His hand pushed aside the cup, gently teasing the nipple with his thumb. My back arched, enjoying every sensation, every touch as if it were the first time.

  Parker pushed the hem of my shirt up and kissed my stomach. I closed my eyes, visions of fireworks still flashing behind my eyelids. One of his hands traveled up my thigh and between my legs, pressing hard, the seam of my jeans rubbing against my most sensitive places. I had arched my back off the grass once more when I began to feel funny.

  “Wait, hold on, Parker, stop,” I said, and immediately he was off of me, sitting beside me, brow wrinkled in concern.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I struggled into a sitting position, bending my head down. “I feel nauseous; funny,” I said.

  “How so?”

  “Lightheaded, and like I’m going to throw up.”

  “Was it something I did?”

  “No, it came on suddenly,” I said. I propped my elbows on my knees and supported my head in my hands, trying to get the dizziness to go away.

  “Meg,” Parker whispered, and I looked to see his eyes had gone wide.

  “What, what is it?”

  “You’re fading?”

  “What?”

  Parker grabbed my hand and I squeezed it tightly just before my world went black.

  Chapter Fifteen

  When my sight came back, my vision swirling around me, and I realized we were in a familiar place. The taupe walls, the gray carpet, the blue overstuffed furniture, the windows overlooking the quiet street.

  “What the hell?” I asked Parker. “Why am I back here?”

  Parker glanced around my old home. “Um, I’m not sure,” he said. His eyes fell on the coffee table. “Oh. That’s why.”

  I followed his gaze. On the center of the coffee table was a ouija board, the sort that you could buy at Target or Walmart. Around the board were tall candles, all lit and flickering in the dark room. Courtney and Mitchell were sitting side by side in front of it.

  “Are you kidding me?” I asked, crossing my arms as I tilted my head at them. “A ouija board? Those things work?”

  Parker shrugged. “They warned me that certain things like seances could pull you.”

  “So people can pull anyone from wherever?”

  “Only if the people they’re trying to contact are already on Earth.”

  “And this—” I pointed at the ouija board, “this works? It says ‘Hasbro’ on it!”

  Parker shrugged. “I don’t make the rules. Hell, I didn’t even know all of them.”

  “Meg, are you here?” Courtney asked.

  I looked over at Parker. “Seriously?”

  “I told you this was stupid,” Mitchell said, annoyed. He began to get up from the table.

  Courtney put her hand on his arm to stop him. “We’ve just started. We can’t give up yet.”

  Mitchell rolled his eyes and sat back down, crossing his arms.

  I glanced back over at Parker, who had a sort of silly grin on his face.

  “What?” I asked.

  “How mad are you at them?”

  “I’m pissed,” I said. “I thought we covered that. I’m furious, and I�
�m mad they brought me back here.”

  Well,” he said with a shrug. “Maybe you should tell them that.”

  I pursed my lips, thinking. “You know, that’s actually not a terrible idea.”

  I knelt down on the opposite side of the table, motioning for Parker to come join me. “Did you know Hasbro invented the ouija board?” I asked him.

  “I didn’t.”

  “Yep. It’s basically a board game. I went through a phase where I was really into horror. I still can’t believe it actually worked. To be fair, I never believed that ghosts existed either.”

  “Looks like they did a seance to get you here,” Parker said, looking around at the candles and incense. “Since you can’t talk to them, a ouija board will be an easy way to tell them what you want to tell them.”

  “Might as well have gotten a magic eight ball,” I muttered.

  “This could be more fun, though,” he pointed out.

  “True,” I said, looking over the board. It looked just like the ones in the movies, a sun in one corner, a moon in another, a plastic piece to move over “Yes,” “No,” all the letters of the alphabet, and “Goodbye.” I couldn’t wait until I could use the “Goodbye.”

  “Meg, are you with us?” Courtney asked again.

  I sighed and put my fingers over theirs on the plastic piece, using all my hatred toward them to guide the piece to the “Yes” option.

  “She’s here!” Courtney said in an excited whisper. “I told you!”

  “I think that was just you,” Mitchell said annoyed.

  “I swear, I didn’t move the planchette at all.”

  Planchette. That’s what that plastic thing was called.

  “Meg, is it really you?” Courtney asked again.

  The planchette was already on the “Yes.” What was I supposed to do? I frowned and glanced at Parker, who only shrugged. I moved the planchette off the “Yes” and back on to it.

  “It’s her! It’s really her!” Courtney said.

  Mitchell rolled his eyes again. “I don’t believe it.”

  “Meg, where are you?” Courtney asked.

  Parker and I exchanged a glance. I began to move the planchette.