After less than an hour in the room, she couldn’t take it anymore. Being in the same room with Owen and getting Kristin’s laser death glare was a little too much for her all at once. She told Ronnie she was leaving to get Ronnie something to eat. She had to get out of that stifling room.
Owen followed her out of the hospital room and into the hallway.
She looked up at him and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry about what happened to your brother.”
He nodded. “Thanks.” It wasn’t fair for him to still look so good to her. He was so tall. Strong. She fit nicely into his arms, her head coming in just under his chin, she knew from experience. She wanted what they’d had back, but she could never have that. He’d always been the relationship type, and eventually the relationship type wanted marriage. She was supposed to know that. However, her common sense had decided to go on an inopportune semi-permanent vacation the moment they’d met. It hadn’t come back yet.
“How’s your mom?” Marci asked. “I know you said ever since…well, that she’s not good with car accidents.”
Owen lifted his eyebrows for a moment, as if she’d caught him by surprise. Then, clearing his expression and his throat, he said, “Fine. She’ll be okay. Thanks for asking.”
Marci nodded. She wanted to say something else, but none of the words she had seemed to fit this moment.
He shifted and glanced back at the door to the hospital room.
This was too hard. Obviously, neither one of them knew what to say. And neither one of them wanted to talk about It. The huge ass stinking elephant in the room—or hallway.
“I should go,” Marci said. “Ronnie won’t eat if I don’t pick something up and bring it back. I doubt very much she’s going to leave your brother’s side any time soon.”
“He’s lucky to have a friend like her.”
“Yeah.” Marci started to leave, but then stopped. She turned around and grabbed Owen’s hand as he was about to walk back into the hospital room. “I miss you.” The words were out before she could stop them. “I miss everything about you.” She looked up and found his gray eyes moving from their hands to stare into hers. “Everything.”
Before Owen could say anything, Kristin came out of the room. Marci dropped Owen’s hand.
“Is everything okay out here?” Kristin asked. She shoved herself under Owen’s arm and wrapped her arms around him in a possessive gesture.
“Everything is the way it should be,” Marci said. “Congrats again on your upcoming marriage.” She folded her arms under her breasts and hurried away.
By the time she got outside to the parking lot, she was shocked and horrified that the raindrops finding their way under her umbrella in the gusting wind were mixing with her tears. Tears? Was she actually crying? Over a boy? Bullshit.
She came to a stop by her car and gasped in utter shock. “How did you beat me out here?”
Owen leaned against the driver’s side door, the icy rain pelting and drenching him, with his arms by his sides. He shrugged. “I was determined to see you again before you got away.”
“I’m coming back,” Marci said. “With the food.” She moved closer so that her umbrella covered them both.
“Not for me, you’re not. And I wanted us to have a chance to talk. Alone.”
“What’s the point?” Marci asked, hating the quaver in her voice. She swiped at her cheeks. “It’s rain, okay? I’m not crying, so don’t you even think that.”
He ran the back of his cold, wet hand over her cheek. She leaned into his touch without even thinking. “Marci,” he said softly. “I hate that things are like this between us now.”
“There’s no us, and there’s no between.” Marci saw red. “You know what your problem is?” Marci hissed, wanting to punish him for the weakness she’d shown earlier. “You don’t know how to not be in a relationship. What, did you call her as soon as I left?”
“And your problem is you don’t know how to be in one,” Owen countered. “I don’t think we should be throwing stones from our glass houses.” He crossed his arms over his chest and glowered down at her in a reproving manner that pissed her off. Who did he think he was, giving her that look? “Do you?”
“I’m happy just the way I am,” Marci snapped. “I like being free to do whatever I want. I’m glad it’s over.” Her voice faltered on the word “over”, and she hated herself just a little bit for that. “And another thing,” she added before she lost any more ground or verve or whatever. “Why does your girlfriend hate me so much when she doesn’t even know me? Did you tell her about us?”
“She knows,” he said in that quiet-yet-powerful very Owen way of his.
“Why’d you tell her?”
“Why not tell her?” Owen shrugged. “There’s nothing to hide.”
“Did you tell her that you love me?” Marci asked. “Or…at least…that you did?”
“I never wanted things to end between us. You made it necessary.”
“Do you still love me?”
Owen caressed her cheek, ran his thumb over her bottom lip, pulled away. “Why does it matter now?”
“This isn’t the place for this. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m bringing all this stupidity your way when you clearly have enough to deal with right now.” She shook her head. “I really am sorry about Jeremy. I know how…” All the things she knew seemed inappropriate to say. “I really should go.”
Owen nodded and stepped from under her umbrella. “Maybe you should.”
She opened the driver’s side door.
“The answer is yes.” His voice came from close behind her. Very close. She didn’t dare turn around. “It was never about that.”
Marci got in the car, closed the door behind her, and slumped against the steering wheel. She’d gotten herself into a real good mess this time.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Owen sank into the bed next to Kristin, exhausted. He closed his eyes and listened to her babble on. His brother was still in the hospital two weeks after the accident but they’d had to fly up to New York to keep their appointment for engagement pictures. It was either that or face the wrath of Kristin. And hear yet another rant about how they were so far behind on yet another wedding thing.
“All I’m saying is it’s late March, and the wedding is in September,” Kristin had said in that annoying you-know-I’m-right voice of hers. “If we put these pictures off, if we don’t make it to the appointment, there won’t be any point in taking them.”
Owen did see the point in taking them at all, but he knew after over four years of Kristin and counting, you picked your battles with her, and you chose carefully, unless you wanted to live in constant misery.
“So is your brother an in or an out for best man?” Kristin asked.
His eyes popped open, and he looked over at her.
She raised her eyebrows. “Well?”
“I can’t believe you just asked that. He’s still in the hospital.”
“Hospital or not, you name a best man or I give you one. We’re already way behind on the tuxes, I don’t know how many guys you want in the wedding party, and I have girls waiting on the word to know if they’ll be in the party or not.”
“You can’t even ask how he’s doing, or how his physical therapy is going, but all of a sudden you remember I have a brother when this damned wedding comes up.”
“Jeremy is a grown man, he makes his own bad choices, and he gets himself into these messes. You seem to like to take responsibility for the trouble he gets himself into, but I’m not going to waste a whole lot of time and energy getting all worked up about yet another Jeremy episode.”
“You know what?” Owen rolled to a sitting position at the side of the bed. “Do whatever you want. This whole thing is your plan, your idea anyway. You pick. I’ll show up, I’ll try not to mess up anything for you, and you do the rest.”
Kristin’s mouth dropped open in obvious shock. “Owen. What is with you?”
“I just don�
�t care about any of this crap,” Owen stood and ran his hands through his hair. While they’d been taking their pictures earlier that day in Central Park, he’d been agitated. The agitation went back farther than that if he were being really honest with himself.
“Do you still want to get married?”
Oh, she didn’t want to play this game.
Everything was rubbing him the wrong way lately, from the fancy hotel room her parents had put them up in for the weekend to every word out of Kristin’s mouth. How had he never realized how shallow and materialistic she was when they were together before? Because he had been too blinded by wanting to be with her no matter what. So what had changed? There’d been a time not so long ago when he would have given his right arm for what he had this moment. But something had definitely changed. He pushed Marci’s name from his mind with no small and inconsequential amount of effort.
Kristin was definitely getting to him. The way she’d talked to the photographer earlier that day, so self-assured of her importance. Talking about the overpriced this and designer that they’d have at the wedding. Name dropping from the guest list that included many of her parents’ important and influential friends.
He thought back to the disdainful way Marci had talked about her mother’s sense of self-importance. And how Marci considered it her job to keep her mom grounded. Marci herself had always seemed so grounded. Sure of herself but not conceited. That was one of the many things he missed about her. He still couldn’t believe she’d admitted at the hospital that she missed him. That’d been a shock, for sure, but it wasn’t enough.
“Owen, I asked you a question,” Kristin looked up at him in that infuriating and demanding way of hers.
Owen took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m agitated. I need some fresh air.”
“At ten o’clock at night?”
“Yep.” Owen searched for his jeans.
“You’ve been acting so strange lately. Is this about that Marci girl you were screwing? She’s not even that cute. Personally, I don’t see the attraction. I mean, truly, there’s no comparison.” Kristin gazed lovingly at her own reflection in a mirror across the room.
“Why do you have to drag her into this? There’s no reason to say such hateful things about her.” And completely untrue things. “I chose you, okay?”
Kristin laughed. “Chose me? More like you’re lucky I let you be a part of my life again.”
“Whatever, Kristin.” Owen tugged on his jeans and grabbed his CVU sweatshirt.
“I know you’re not going to leave this room. Didn’t you hear me say we need to get the wedding party figured out?”
“I told you. Do whatever you want. I’m done.”
“What about your brother?”
Owen pulled on his North Face and pocketed his key card to the room. “I’m done.” With that, he was out of the door.
Owen walked down the street, leaving the posh hotel on Park Avenue behind for at least a few blissful moments. There was a very important question on his mind at the moment that he had no idea how to begin answering: what in the world did he want?
He’d thought the answer to that question was simple. A few months ago, before she’d broken his heart and left him for Justin, and before he met Marci, the answer would’ve been Kristin. Hands down. And he should have been thrilled to have her back, but so much had changed in the few months they’d been apart. He’d had too much time to think about what he truly wanted out of life and what kind of woman was right for him. Not only that, but he’d had some incredible times with Marci. And not only in bed.
He’d invested so many years in his relationship with Kristin. They’d been through so much. He’d put in entirely too much work to walk away, hadn’t he? But this was a relationship he was talking about, not some investment account for his retirement or something. This sort of thing should be about love, not practicality and vested interest and other such things.
The chilly night air whipped around his face, and he hoped it would do something to bring him the clarity he needed. Kristin could be fun. She was definitely on top of things socially. He wouldn’t have to worry about planning anything. He’d always just showed up when and where he was told. She was beautiful, and she knew that very well. But she could also be so selfish and mean and petty. Everyone had their flaws, though. What he couldn’t figure out was where that tipping point was. Where did that point come where the bad outweighed the good?
He certainly hadn’t had to go through this sort of deliberation where Marci was concerned. She’d made the decision for him. And he’d known from the beginning how she felt. It’d been foolish to think he could be different. That he could mean more to her, and even if he did, that he could get her to admit it. It still hurt, though, that it hadn’t bothered her at all to lose him. At least he was pretty sure it hadn’t. What had that been that one night at the hospital? He’d almost thought, for a moment, but no. If it was anybody else but Marci, there might be room to hope. But it wasn’t, so there was none. He sighed and shook his head as he continued down the street.
The lights and bustle of the vibrant city were lost on him. He barely noticed as people walked past him at a brisk, clipped speed or as groups of them passed at a slower pace, sharing laughter and stories with each other. No, he was almost entirely alone in his own head.
It wouldn’t be fair to Kristin to not go through with this, but there had to be a better reason than that. He’d been in love with Kristin for four years. Of course he still was. They had a shared history. He was crazy about her.
Maybe he was having second thoughts about making the lifetime commitment he’d always been so eager to make since he and Kristin had first gotten together. That didn’t make sense, though. He’d always wanted to be with her. Still, he felt restless. Something was off—something hadn’t felt right the whole time he’d been back with Kristin. Almost like maybe they shouldn’t be together. But that was crazy because Kristin was perfect for him. He’d always known that.
Lots of things you’ve “always” thought were true turned out not to be. You thought Dad and Liz would “always” be around for one, came the unbidden thought.
As he slowly, reluctantly, made his way back toward the hotel, he thought of the sample save the date cards and wedding invitations Kristin had shown him the other day. There’d been oh so very many. She’d sat him down for literally two hours to go through them, and he really couldn’t care less which ones she chose. That wasn’t symptomatic of a bigger problem, right? It had to be perfectly normal not to care about such things. The wedding was the bride’s show. It had nothing to do with him thinking he made the wrong choice. Because anybody in his right mind would want to marry Kristin. Yep. Only one question remained.
Should he have to work this hard to convince himself of that?
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Marci checked her latest text message from Brad and rolled her eyes.
“Not again,” she muttered.
Ronnie, who was sitting on the other end of the couch with a Game of Thrones novel, said, “Huh?” without looking up from the book.
Marci set her tablet aside. She’d been planning the rest of her week since she was all caught up with work at the moment. She was always done with things ahead of time these days. She tried to remain busy because not doing so gave her too much time to think. “This guy I hooked up with months ago. He was sending me texts every now and then. I guess he’s convinced we’ll get together again. I ran into him the other week at the library, and he’s been really persistent ever since.”
“Oh.” Ronnie closed her book and looked up. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Not really anything to talk about. He doesn’t seem to get that I have a one-time-is enough-with-any-guy policy.” Honestly, most of them weren’t good enough to warrant a second shot anyway. Most.
“Any guy, huh?” Ronnie raised her eyebrows.
“Don’t start,” Marci said. Speaking of most.
“Just saying
.”
“I’ll kindly thank you not to say it.”
“Touchy touchy,” Ronnie said in a singsong voice.
“No, I’m not,” Marci answered in a similar voice.
“Marce, I’m getting kind of worried about you,” Ronnie said in a more serious tone. “You never go anywhere. You’re always holed up in your room or at the library. Sadie’s wondering if you’ve fallen off the face of the Earth. And those poor students of yours. You’re probably taking this funk out on them.”
“I’m very good to my students, thank you very much.” She thought she was doing a pretty good job of channeling her anger. So far, she’d completely redecorated her room, finished planning her TA sections through the end of the year, and was even ahead of schedule on all her final projects and papers for the year.
“Tyler put me in charge of looking after you, and I’m worrying I’m not doing a very good job.”
“I don’t need anybody to look after me. I’m a grown woman for crying out loud.” She picked up her tablet and hit the icon for her Pinterest app. Maybe she should redecorate the living room. She was pretty sick of looking at the same old colors. “What do you think about an accent wall? Or what if we turn that extra bedroom into an office or lounge area for chilling out instead of getting a new roommate?”
“We have a whole giant living room for chilling out.”
“We could make it into an office.”
“You could stop avoiding the issue. And admit that you have feelings like everyone else.”
“Not about boys, I don’t. They’re disposable. One’s just as good as the other.”
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