by May Raymond
Bingo! There was a flight out at nine from Pearson. Then it occurred to him that he had no chance of reaching the airport before it left. On a good day it was a two-and-a-half-hour drive but with the impending snowstorm, it would probably take nearer four hours to get there.
Thumping the door as he left the office, he tried to think straight.
Did I scare her off or was she just not interested? I could have sworn we were getting along OK. What to do now? I can’t lose her. I love her!
He pulled himself up as he realised the depth of his feelings for her, despite only knowing her for a short time. Her innocence and shyness made him want to protect her and the thought that he might never see her again made him go cold with dread.
Jan! She’ll know what’s going on!
Running back out to the truck, he started up and edged along the lane which was now covered in a blanket of white.
I hope to God she got to the airport before this snow came down or she would have been scared and worried about driving in it.
* * * *
In spite of the slippery road, he made it to the store in short time and ran up the external staircase to the apartment above. Banging on the door, he heard Brett’s voice from inside.
“Hold your horses…I’m just coming.”
The door opened and he almost fell inside. Brett stared at him and asked, “What’s got your tail in a spin, mate? You look like shit. You ill or something?”
“Jan? Is she in? I need to talk to her,” Aiden almost shouted at his friend.
Brett indicated the lounge and he went through to see Jan sitting on the sofa, curled up with her e-reader, obviously just out of the shower, judging by the turban on her head.
“Aiden! Hi. What’s up? Is Aly with you?” She peered around him and frowned as she looked up at his face. “What’s happened? Where’s Aly? Is she OK?” Dread crept up her spine at the look on his face.
“She’s gone.”
In a flat voice he explained all that had happened. He didn’t leave anything out, including the incident with the condom the night before. Jan listened with growing horror as she realised that her friend was leaving the country, going back to a place where she would be homeless and without a job. She might also be pregnant, but that was a long shot, so she put that to the back of her mind for now.
Voice thick with unshed tears, Aiden pleaded with his friend’s partner.
“Jan, where would she go? She hardly has any money and she has nowhere to live over there. How will I ever find her?” He groaned in despair.
He didn’t much like her blunt reply.
“Do you want to find her though? Seems she didn’t think you would worry if she left.”
Now he did raise his voice as he shouted, “Of course I want to find her, woman! I love her. Why wouldn’t I want to find her?”
His friend of almost thirty years now stood in front of him and held up his hands.
“Hey, buddy. I know you’re upset but I would appreciate you not talking to my woman in that tone.”
Rubbing his hands through his dark hair, wet with snow, Aiden apologised.
“Sorry, Jan…Brett…I’m just out of my mind with worry. This is madness. I barely knew her two days ago and now I can’t imagine living without her.”
Brett clapped him on the back and gave a shout of laughter. “You’re forgiven, buddy. I know what it’s like when you get caught!”
Jan gave him a dirty look but quickly snatched up her cell phone as she received a message.
“Maybe this is from her.”
The guys waited whilst she read the text message, both impatient to hear what it was.
Another message came in swiftly after the first and then yet another after that. Jan read all three before turning to them to bring them up to speed.
“Well, she takes off at nine. She was convinced that you didn’t really want her and that you just wanted a sub to train. She decided to cut her losses before she got too involved with you. She also said she didn’t want you to ‘deal with’ a pregnancy if that happened. Her car is at the airport waiting for me to collect and sell in lieu of notice for her job. As soon as she has an address she will e-mail me.”
Aiden fell into an armchair, head in his hands as he realised how bad he must have sounded last night when the condom split. She must have thought he would want her to get rid of any baby that might come along as a result of what happened.
Brett looked at the man who had been his friend for most of his life. He had never seen him so bereft. Aiden had always played around a bit, never getting serious with any one woman, and it was obvious that he had fallen head over heels in love with the shy little English girl.
Jan looked across at Aiden and wondered if she should tell him the final part of the text. In it, Aly had confessed that she loved Aiden but didn’t believe he could love her back. It had been the main reason she left. Jan knew that Aly’s self-esteem was low but hadn’t really guessed how low. If she told him, she knew that he would move heaven and earth to find her, but she had to be sure that Aly wanted to be found first.
Erring on the side of caution she walked across and gave Aiden a big hug.
“If I hear any more I promise I’ll let you know. I’ll also ask her to contact you. I can’t promise that she will but I will ask.”
Declining a cup of coffee, Aiden took leave of his friends and headed back home.
* * * *
The house seemed strangely empty when he let himself in, which was ridiculous as he had lived here alone for the past five years without feeling lonely. But in forty-eight hours, Alyssa had already seemed to fill the house with her presence and it seemed cold here now without her.
She had been so thrilled with the house and surroundings. On their walk this morning she had been childlike in her joy in all that she found new. He had enjoyed showing her things she’d never seen before and had been looking forward to walking with her in the snow and across the lake when it froze.
Shaking his head, he headed for the kitchen. The teapot was still sitting on the counter where she’d last used it and in the fridge the muffins he’d baked still sat in their container. Taking them out, he tossed them in the bin, container and all. He didn’t want to be reminded of watching her nibble at the one she ate yesterday, her tongue flicking around her mouth to catch the crumbs as they fell, the look of enjoyment on her face as she confessed that they were her favourite.
Making coffee and taking it through to the lounge he left the lamp off and stood by the window looking out over the lake. Thick snow was now falling, swirling in the wind, settling on the ground leading down to the water. It wouldn’t be long before he and Brett couldn’t work outside and he now dreaded the fact that he would have long days to fill until spring melted the land again.
Finally, he threw away the coffee which had gone cold and headed upstairs. The scent of Alyssa still hung in the air from when she’d showered this morning. Looking in the bedroom she’d had for so short a time, he saw that very little had been taken and was surprised, but secretly a little pleased, that she had left her special quilt.
Pulling it from the bed, he took it into his room and laid it on his own bed, shucked his clothes, and climbed in. The bedside clock said nine fifteen and he knew for certain that she had left him. The ache in his chest felt like a lump of lead and he turned onto his side, pulled her quilt over him and tried to sleep. The scent of the jasmine perfume she always wore surrounded him, a poignant reminder of the one person he now knew he wanted to spend the rest of his days loving and cherishing.
Chapter Nineteen
The flight was long and bumpy. By the time they reached London she was overtired and had a thumping headache. Listlessly she collected her case and went through the customs barrier. At the other side, she made for the train station with a view to getting to Southampton, then finding somewhere cheap to live until she found a job.
The train was overcrowded and stuffy. It was raining so the overpowering
smell of wet coats filled the air. By the time she arrived in the city of her birth she was at the end of her tether. She was cold, hungry, and so tired she could sleep for a week. But first she had to find somewhere to live.
A short walk from the station in the pouring rain found her at London Road, where she recalled all the estate agents were based. Wet and bedraggled she wondered if any of them would actually be interested in letting her a flat, but a short time later, she was viewing a small one-bed flat, close to the city centre, where the rent was reasonable and the landlord was happy with a year-old reference from her previous letting agent.
Thankfully, the flat was furnished, albeit basically, and all she needed to provide to start with was bed linens and towels.
After handing over a huge chunk of her savings as deposit and first month’s rent, the agent handed over the keys and left, leaving her alone in her new home.
Sitting on the edge of the worn sofa, she felt so weary she could barely keep her eyes open. It was late afternoon and already growing dark, so she switched on the lamp on the side table. Walking to the lounge window she looked down on the street. People were bustling past, making their way home after work in the heavy rain, the lights of passing cars shining brightly in the queue of traffic heading out of the city.
Closing the blinds she decided to sleep on the sofa tonight and go out tomorrow to buy the bed linen. She had a towel in her case which she could use for now so with that sorted she lay down on the sofa. Within minutes she was sound asleep, the long journey and the events leading up to it catching up with her at last.
* * * *
Waking up with a very stiff neck, still fully clothed, Aly took a minute to work out where she was and why she was sleeping on a sofa.
Reality flooded in and she groaned as she slowly sat up, trying to ease the crick in her neck. The room was freezing cold and she shivered as she looked around for some form of heating that she could put on. There was a small electric fire in the corner and she switched it on quickly, grateful for the instant warmth that it threw out in her direction. When she felt warm enough to move, she figured she needed to really explore this place she now called home, having just given everything a perfunctory look last night.
The kitchen was small but seemed to have everything necessary. The bathroom was tiny but had a fair-size shower and was clean. The bedroom was a small double. The bed almost filled the room but there was a chest of drawers and a wardrobe for storage and a bedside table on each side.
The lounge was just big enough for the sofa, a coffee table, and a TV stand in the corner, which held a small flat-screen TV with built-in DVD player.
It was all more than enough for her needs, if vastly different from the warm and cosy home she had just left.
Shaking her head against the negative thoughts threatening to invade, she searched around for the controls for the central heating, finding them in the tiny hallway.
Maybe I’ll be able to think straight once I’m warm again.
Taking stock, she realised that her first job was to shop. She had no food, drink, or bedding and she needed towels so she could have a much-longed-for shower. She also needed to find a coffee shop with Wi-Fi so that she could check her e-mail and send a message to Jan.
For now, she had a quick wash and brushed her teeth, then let herself out of the flat, aiming for the large supermarket in the city centre.
Chapter Twenty
A week had gone by since she had gone and Aiden couldn’t settle. He was worried sick about her and the fact that he knew she had left believing him not to care. Jan still hadn’t heard from her so he had no idea if she was OK or sleeping rough in a doorway somewhere. Anger, at himself for his stupidity, and at her for not trusting him, simmered under the surface. He hadn’t slept more than an hour or two each night and his nerves were on the edge.
Last night had been no exception and at five a.m. he gave up trying to sleep and had gotten up to make himself a coffee. As he waited for the kettle to boil, he was startled by the phone ringing, the sound loud in the empty house. Snatching up the handset which sat on the countertop he barked into it, “Yes?”
Jan’s voice held laughter as she spoke. “Well, that’s a nice way to greet someone who might have some news for you.”
Aiden’s heart pounded in his chest. Had Alyssa called? Was she all right?
“Jan? Have you heard from her?” He realised the time. “What are you doing up so early anyway?”
She sighed, but her voice held a note of relief, and she seemed more positive than she had been when he had spoken with her yesterday.
“I couldn’t sleep. I haven’t really since last week. Anyway, I thought I’d check my e-mail as I didn’t want to disturb Brett. There’s a message from Aly at last. She’s OK.”
He let out a breath he didn’t even known he’d held.
“Where is she? Do you have an address?”
Impatience gave his voice an edge as Jan continued, “Hang on there. Let me read it out to you.
“‘Dear Jan,
“I’m so sorry I left in such a hurry last week. I was so confused and I didn’t see any other way I could deal with what was happening.
“I hope you don’t think badly of me but I did what I felt was best.
“Have you managed to get the car from the airport? When you do, please sell it and keep the money in lieu of my notice. It was the only option, leaving it there, as I had no other way to get to Toronto.
“I have found a small flat and I have a job in a supermarket which I start on Monday. Not brilliant but it will at least pay the bills.’”
Jan paused, seeming to not want to continue, but he wasn’t going to let her off without telling him everything.
“Go on, what else?”
She paused again.
“I’m not sure she will want you to hear the rest.”
“Jan…please…I need to know,” he begged.
“‘Yesterday I found out that I’m not pregnant so would you please tell Aiden not to worry. I know he would have felt responsible and I didn’t want that. I’m sure you know by now that I love him. That’s the reason I couldn’t stay. I know he doesn’t love me back and I couldn’t continue as we were, knowing that it was all one sided. You were right though. I am definitely submissive. At least I found that out. I just don’t think I could ever be that way with anyone else though.
“But, life goes on and I would have been in this position come February anyway. Thank you so much for all you’ve done for me. You’ve been like the sister I never had. I just feel awful that I treated you all so bad but could I please ask for one more favour? I miss my quilt and although I will have to wait until I can afford to have most of my other things sent over, I can stretch to having that sent by post now. My address is below. Let me know what it costs and I’ll send it over to you.
“Well I must go now. I don’t have Internet at home so I am sitting in the local coffee shop. It’s starting to get busy and I’m getting dirty looks from people wanting to sit.
“I will e-mail again soon. Love to you all.
“Alyssa x’”
Jan finished reading, silence emanating from the other end of the line.
“Aiden? You still there?”
With a voice filled with emotion, he answered, “Yeah, I’m here. Jan, I have to go to her. She’s wrong. I do love her. I thought she knew that we had something special. I’m an idiot. I need to get her back here. Give me the address.”
“I don’t know, Aiden,” she stalled. “I’m not sure she would want me to tell you.”
“Jan. If I have to I’ll come over and steal that laptop to get it. Give. Me. Her. Address.”
“Don’t you go all Dommy on me, Aiden Price. I have a Dom thank you very much, and I don’t have to take orders from you. Ouch!”
She squealed as Brett came up behind her and swatted her backside.
“Give him the address.”
Despite the situation Aiden smiled as he heard the ex
change between his friend and his sub. As she spoke again her tone was contrite.
“OK, OK. Sorry, Aiden. I’ll e-mail the address over to you. But what are you going to do? I don’t want her hurt again.”
After giving her an assurance that he didn’t ever want to hurt her friend again, he rang off and waited impatiently for the e-mail.
As he waited, he searched the airlines for a seat to London. Alyssa wanted her quilt? Well she was going to get it.
Chapter Twenty-One
The flat was warm when she let herself in after her first day at work. Her feet ached and she had a hundred details in her head to remember but the job paid well and it meant she could start building up her life here again.
Walking through to the kitchen she switched on the kettle and put a teabag into a mug. A few steps into the lounge and she kicked off her shoes and switched on the lamp and the TV. She rarely watched it, but it was company on the cold, lonely nights when all she could do was dream of past mistakes and shattered dreams.
Making her drink, she debated dinner, opting for a ready meal again. She had no appetite but knew she had to eat so it was the easiest option. Throwing it into the microwave, she took her drink through to the lounge and sat looking at the local news on TV until the beep of the microwave indicated her meal was done.
As she sat down with her meal on a tray on her lap, there was a loud knock on the door. She jumped in surprise. As far as she knew nobody was aware that she had returned to England. Perhaps it was just a neighbour or salesman?
A little nervous, her heart was thumping as she went into the hallway, peering through the peephole to see who might be out there.
The shock she had as she saw what was on the other side had her gasping.