by Brent Roth
I was entering the stomach now… I was near the heart.
My air nearly gone and my blood loss already nearly fatal, with vision blank and only the senses of my burning body contacting the flesh of the squid, I made up my mind. Curling up as best as I could, I began to draw what little power I had left as my consciousness began to fade.
Fading in and out as I mentally mouthed the words.
“Through power.”
“Darkness turns to light.”
“Render all to ash….”
“Dis….”
“…char….”
“…ge.”
And then as if I had reached salvation, there I was in the realm of blues and grays as the pain had left me and my mind had returned to a state of normalcy. A sense of calm washing over me as the world turned to emptiness.
I had died yet again and the results of the hunt scared me.
Sitting down in spirit form, I stared up at the river in the sky and watched as the currents took it far out to sea. If my knowledge of the game was right, this was Bergenheim’s spirit graveyard. This was where players went when they died.
The fight was quick, maybe no more than a minute in actual action yet I watched multiple warriors get knocked overboard and into the ocean. One man was severely wounded but Katherine had started a holy light to heal him. Kate was still standing behind me when I dove down… I only hoped she was still standing now.
If I accepted the resurrection penalty and came back to life, all of my current questions and doubts would be answered. Yet if those answers were bad… I, well, I didn’t want any more bad news. My eyes began to grow heavy as my emotions got the better of me, thoughts of losing Kate after losing Selene… of losing more men and women to the fight after losing so many already, it was beginning to affect me.
To be left with nothing but the ashes of the fallen once again… or in this case, perhaps left with nothing but the memories of the drowned. Maybe that’s why I did it. I wasn’t sure why I dove down into the depths after the creature. A spur of the moment decision, an instinctual reaction to the monster getting away after having suffered casualties.
The creature was killable, I knew that.
I realized that during the fight, that we had the upper hand and that we were making progress… that the monster could be killed. When it retreated, my hopes and dreams went down into those depths with it. My chance to save my image in the public’s eyes, my chance to prove to Annalie that no task was too difficult, and lastly, to prove to myself that it could be done.
It had to be done.
My decision was made and my resolve was tested, this was the result. I couldn’t run from the outcome as the ending had already been reached. One would have to face the consequences of his or her actions. That was a lesson I knew all too well.
Accepting the resurrection, I was immediately hit with four golden beams of light as my level increased the same respective amount. A gigantic amount of experience had been granted as I opened the combat log and glossed over the details.
The [Minor Armored Colossal Squid] had been killed.
It was dead… the kraken… was dead.
Standing in the center of Bergenheim near their bonfire, all of the feelings of regret faded for an instant as a surge of pride hit me hard in the chest.
“I did it,” I mumbled to myself as I struggled to contain a grin.
But no sooner than the feeling had arrived, all sense of pride disappeared in an instance as the reality sunk in once more. I still didn’t know who survived. Activating the Soul Link with Katherine, it opened without issue and a sigh of relief escaped my lips before I telepathically messaged her.
“Katherine are you okay?” I asked in a hurry.
“Oh Sigurd, oh you’re alive!” she said with a panic that was out of character. Sighing over the mental link, she then hesitated for a second and seemed to regain her composure. “Hah… I suppose you don’t die though. Even so it sends my heart into a flutter… I wish you wouldn’t do that to me.”
“I’m sorry, I had no other way,” I said with some reservation as I paused to ask the next question. Scared of the answer that might come, I forced myself to ask anyways. “The… the troops, how are they… we-were casualties suffered?”
A long pause came after the end of my question that only served to worsen my feeling of remorse and guilt. Ten seconds lead to twenty then eventually to thirty as no reply came back. My nerves were being tested as my emotions were on a rollercoaster of highs and lows, my patience running thin, I couldn’t wait for an answer any longer.
But I did wait, I held my tongue and waited.
Then almost three agonizing minutes later the reply finally came.
“I’m sorry for the delay dear,” she said with a cheerful tone. “We lost the ship.”
Confused by the tone and the word choice, I was completely baffled and dumbstruck by the response. Standing in the middle of Bergenheim with players now staring at me due to my sudden appearance and the four golden beams being a very rare if not highly improbable sight, I was completely lost as to what Kate had meant.
Waiting for her to clarify, I stood there with blank eyes and vision blurred. Focusing on nothing as the people stared and walked by, they were invisible to me as my mind tried to process what all had happened.
“Sorry again,” she said after another minute had passed. “Busy swimming at the moment, we’re all accounted for and are being helped aboard the sister ship. Where are you now Sigurd, where should we head to?”
Hearing her words brought instant relief to me as a single tear escaped and rolled down my cheek. A single tear of happiness that everyone had made it out… they were all safe. My emotions had been wound up more so than I had realized. I was emotionally compromised and no matter what I told myself, the loss of these… people, these individuals were hard to take.
They were more than NPCs to me.
Days, weeks, and months spent with them had established them at the level of friends… they were nearly inseparable from a real friend, save for the fact that I could only interact with them in-game. The thought of losing them was as bad as the thought of losing a friend in real life… and that was a problem.
I had a serious problem.
“Sigurd?” she asked again. “Are you there dear?”
“Ah… yeah, I’m in Bergenheim,” I replied while my mind wandered. “Take your time getting back… make sure everyone is safe, be careful please.”
Sitting down and leaning my head back into the fire, I let it burn away some hairs as I ignored the pain and tried to clear my mind. Leaning forward after the majority of my hair on the backside had been singed off, I decided it was time for some personal changes. We would return to Dragon’s Breach and carry on with my original plans but there would need to be distance between me and the men and women that served me.
Maybe… maybe not.
Accepting the fact that friends could be lost in war was a reality I faced and in this game it was no different. There was no need to distance myself from my friends out of fear of mourning their deaths. We all die. Everyone will die at some point, to grieve is normal.
There was nothing wrong with worrying about the safety of your friends.
My problem was with the level of emotion, I didn’t want it to be as strong as it was… but that was one of my flaws. Nonchalant and uncaring, apathetic to life in general but when it came to losing someone, that was the one real emotion that hit me hard.
It was the one thing that told me, I was still normal.
There was nothing wrong with me.
“Just a little emotional,” I whispered as I let out a laugh and stood up.
Kate would be arriving in thirty minutes most likely, given that the location of the kraken wasn’t all that far from the port town. Heading over to the inn where we had gathered in the morning, the daylight would soon pass but with the night came the opportunity for a new day.
I lost a longship but gained something
in return. The ability to captivate an audience. In my possession was the only game footage of a successful fight with a sea monster. A kraken… a [Minor Armored Colossal Squid] that granted far too much experience. It was a raid encounter on the high seas. Open world Player versus Environment at its core.
“Oh I almost forgot!” messaged Kate after almost ten minutes had passed. “We salvaged some goods before the ship went down… there’s almost twenty feet worth of that creature’s tentacle arms… do you want us to keep it?”
“Really?” I replied with genuine shock. “Yeah, bring it back… maybe those hooks might be worth something. Wait, how fast did the boat sink then, I thought you were swimming while talking to me?”
“I was swimming with a tentacle under my arm, we all were!” she said with a laugh. “Proof of victory, Annalie even carried two!”
Joining her in laughter, I couldn’t help but grin.
“Hey old man,” I said with a smile, as I waved at the barkeep that had always taken care of me here at the inn. “Know any recipes for squid?”
Chapter 99: Winning the Heart
(Friday, January 14th Game Day / Saturday, May 8th Real Day)
“Sigurd, I was wrong… and only now do I understand the meaning of your words.”
Turning to face Annalie, I could see that she was visibly upset as she began to initiate a conversation with me. Waiting for her to continue as I kept silent, the others on the boat appeared to look the other way in order to pretend as if they weren’t here.
“There is no one here that can match my skill with the shield and spear,” she said with a voice marked by depression and eyes that were filled with sorrow. “But despite my skill, I have been defeated in one-on-one mock combat by every senior warrior in your ranks. For all my confidence, you… and your warriors, have shown me the errors in my ways.”
Taking a deep breath, Annalie paused as she tried to regain her composure. Continuing to listen without wanting to interrupt, it seemed as if she was attempting to have a heart-to-heart conversation with me. This was unexpected, but welcomed.
“The gods have provided me with a cruel lesson in humility,” she muttered as she fought back tears. “For I am but a peasant with dreams of nobility.”
As she remained silent for some time, I decided it was now appropriate for me to respond. She had bared it all, for all of us to see and hear without shame or hesitation. She was certainly shamed, but she accepted it and admitted it. I could respect that.
“There’s nothing wrong with having a dream Annalie,” I began to explain kindly, with a soft voice that was easy on the ears. “To dream, is to live… it matters not that you dream but why. What is it that drives you and for what reason do you wish it? Tell me if you can, why do you dream of nobility?”
“Because I am powerless,” she answered with her voice cracking. “Because I had nothing and continue to have nothing. My family… we saved for that voyage, so that we could have a better life. Then the Gods took it away. They allowed the dream. It was fool of me to think a dream could become reality… that we could move and prosper. I believed in my power, my skill. That I could protect them!
“Then the kraken showed and I was powerless to stop it… but I still believed deep down that I was strong. That it was only a monstrosity with powers beyond that of mere mortals that defeated me. I was still a strong warrior… I believed that. Until I came here and was shown the truth. I am truly a peasant, unfit to carry a shield and spear. I am not worthy to dream of grander things.”
Wanting to scratch my head, I resisted the urge as I thought over her words. She was certainly a troubled warrior and I knew that from the start but to think she struggled with the weight of responsibility. Another case of survivor’s guilt, similar to Selene’s yet different in its own right. I wasn’t sure how to respond. Well, I struggled with the weight of responsibility too… and I wanted to believe that we all did.
“I don’t believe the Gods are as invested in our lives as we like to think,” I said quietly after thinking my thoughts out. The Gods in this case were the developers but I still had my doubts that everything had been planned. The numbers were out there and eventually your number would be called.
It was unfortunate when it happened but that was how it worked in this game. Monsters were roaming around the world for the player’s experience, this was for our immersion. The NPCs were simply along for the bumpy ride.
“Though I cannot claim to understand the why or how of the world beyond, I can say that maybe our meeting was fate,” I said with a hint of seriousness. “Not designed to show you humility in the way to crush your dreams but in a way to open your heart, to the idea of forward progress.”
“And what is left besides my failures?” she asked with her head between her knees.
“You are left,” I said sternly. “You are your family’s blood and memory, and you are left to preserve it. One day we will all fade from this world and when we do, all that will remain of us will be the memories left behind with those still here.
“The question you must ask yourself then, is what kind of memory do you wish to leave? I have said this before and will say it again, to dream is to live. It’s all right to dream but one must take steps towards the fulfillment of those dreams. If one’s dream is possible, then one has the opportunity so long as they seek it.”
“I am but a lowly peasant, power is not within my grasp, it is not a possibility,” Annalie replied with her head now held between her hands. “My dreams are but that.”
“Then you’ve lost yourself and simply need to find the way,” I said with sympathy as the underlying ideas had hit home. I was empathetic to her plight, it was a theme I was familiar with. “You’re welcome to stay with us, until you find the way.”
Placing my hand on her shoulder, she didn’t react and stayed silent for the rest of the trip. We were headed back home now. The hunt for the kraken had come and passed, and my hopes that a successful hunt would turn her in the right direction seemed to have materialized. She was starting to see the light, even if she didn’t realize it yet.
“Thank you, for allowing me to assist in the hunt,” she said with puffy eyes.
“There is no need for thanks, instead praise yourself for taking the steps to move forward,” I replied sincerely. “Take pride in our accomplishments for they are all we have. The kraken was but a monster of the sea, a creature of the depths. We conquered that foe and now move on to face greater challenges. Prepare yourself for the future, Annalie.”
Relaxing and turning my head back out to face the ocean under the light of the moon, the calm waters brought comfort to us all as we took solace in the fact that another day had passed. Some people say the only easy day was yesterday… and that was something I believed in. Another in-game day had passed and another one would come, with greater challenges and greater rewards.
For now, my focus would have to return to the side of video editing.
There was plenty of footage to use and it would all come down to my creativity, my ability to weave a story in a way that could interest the masses. There was plenty of action and enough emotional content to sway anyone… and there was a world first. A rather quiet world first but it was still something that had yet to be accomplished until now.
If it had happened, then no one had publicized it.
And at the very least, there was time for me to work on it. The voyage from Bergenheim to Dragon’s Breach wouldn’t be a long one though. Despite the length remaining the same as all of the other trips that came before it, the duration seemed to be shorter after it had been repeated a handful of times.
Slightly more than half of the troops had been left behind in Bergenheim as well, so as not to overcrowd the small longship that was now filled with hundreds of hooks from the kraken’s tentacles that had been severed during the fight. Using the meat to feed the town, the only leftovers were the hooks and they were large and sharp enough to be turned into weapons. Daggers, spears, maybe even somet
hing else.
It wasn’t a rare item unfortunately but it was a rare resource. We would find some use for them… maybe even sell them as novelty items. A collector item for random people to enjoy. Someone would be interested at the right price.
Ah, there were also two goats joining us on the journey.
A gift from the town of Bergenheim for killing the kraken and freeing up the shipping and fishing lanes. It wasn’t a real quest but it had its rewards. One male and female goat to hand off to Kaia. The start of my animal kingdom had begun.
“I’ll be back before we arrive,” I said to Kate and Annalie as they were the closest to me. Annalie showed no reaction to the words but Katherine looked puzzled as she seemed to be thinking over something.
“Do you have business to attend to?” she asked.
“Yeah, preparations… I have work to do, to win the hearts and minds of the people,” I said with a chuckle. It was a little corny, though it was also the truth.
“I see, we will be here then,” she replied with a flat tone.
Logging out of the game and returning to the real world, my destination was the computer terminal a foot away from my head. Inside was the stored data and accessing it was as easy as a few touches on the monitor. Pulling all of the archived data from my first day in the North, when I spawned in the Northern Triangle on January 1st, all the way up until now, May the 8th, every minor and major moment would be compiled and used in this propaganda war. The only things to be excluded… would be the relics and pertinent information that might give away my secrets.