by L. G. Davis
“Maybe I’ll change my mind tomorrow. I’ve made enough decisions for the day.”
“I guess that’s fair.” Thalia reaches for my grocery bag, which I completely forgot about. “What have we here?” She brings out the box of cookies and rips it open. “I hope these are for me. If not, too late.” She laughs and bites into a cookie. Crumbs fall onto her lap.
“Of course.” I’m laughing as I reach into the bag for my chips. “You know what? I feel good. I’m a little scared, but the feeling of being free trumps everything else. I can finally breathe.”
“I can’t tell you how proud I am of you.” She squeezes my hand. “Please, promise me not to go back.”
“Back home?”
“No, back to the person I knew a couple of hours ago. I like this stronger version of you. Fight for yourself and your life. It might end up being good for both of you.”
“Ryan made it clear he doesn’t want me dating anyone. I’m a little terrified of what he’d do if I go out with Dylan.”
“Don’t let him stand in your way. If you do decide to go out with Dylan, I’ll help you.” She shrugs. “I could drop by your apartment a few minutes after you leave, pretending to be looking for you.”
I raise an eyebrow. “I don’t see how that’s supposed to help.”
“He’ll probably tell me you’re not home, but instead of leaving, I’ll insist on waiting for you to come home. While I’m there, I’ll keep an eye on him and let you know if he does something scary.”
“What did I do to deserve you? You’re the best friend ever.”
“I know I am.” She beams at me. “No need to remind me of that.”
Once the sun has set, we disappear into the cottage. She cooks us garlic roasted potatoes that are both crispy and tender. We enjoy them with sausages and green salad.
After dinner, we settle in front of the TV to watch a few episodes of Friends.
I leave her place shortly before midnight, wishing I didn’t have to go.
I find Ryan outside our front door, gazing down the hallway at me. I’m about to fall right back into his trap, to show him my fear, but I hang on to Thalia’s words.
Promise me not to go back.
I pull myself together and keep walking until I reach the door. He follows me into the apartment but says nothing. He’s trying to intimidate me.
I’d be damned if I give him what he wants. As I get ready for bed, I hear a scratching sound outside my locked door.
He’s out there, doing his best to frighten me, but I don’t care. I’m done bending to his will.
CHAPTER 12
I’m up early on Sunday morning. I’m going to church today. It’s been a while. My relationship with God is a complicated one. I could never understand why he didn’t stop the bad things happening in my life.
Now I realize, he might have needed a little help from me. Attending church would also give me another chance to get out into the world, to prove to Ryan that things are not going back to the way they were.
I’m still excited by the changes I made yesterday, still strong. Even though at the back of my mind I’m praying Ryan hasn’t done something stupid during the night, something to prove he still has power over me.
After my shower, I dry myself off, and gaze at my reflection in the mirror. A small smile dips a corner of my mouth. “You’re doing great, Paige,” I whisper. “Just keep going.”
I’m worth it. My life is worth it. I can’t let anyone get in the way of me and my freedom ever again.
I rummage through my wardrobe for something that isn’t black and find a pink floral vintage dress in the back, bought a year ago along with several other pieces that never had a chance to be worn.
Today, like yesterday, I put on a little makeup, brush my hair to a sheen, then step out of the room.
I expect to find Ryan at my door, but he isn’t sitting in wait for me.
I’m surprised to find him in the kitchen, at the table, eating scrambled eggs and toast, a glass of orange juice close to one of his hands.
“Hi.” I open the fridge and take out the orange juice. I don’t care that no response comes my way. I pour myself a glass. The yellow stream of liquid hits the bottom of the glass. I follow its journey as it swirls upwards, racing toward the rim.
I drink it while watching him.
Something certainly changed. I can’t remember the last time Ryan prepared food for himself.
Maybe I really did reach him this time.
His food gone, he drinks up the juice then leaves the kitchen, slamming the door behind him. I eat a quick bowl of cereal and leave the kitchen.
Before I leave the house, I stop by the living room door and shout over the sounds of gunshots.
“I’m going to church. See you later.” From the surprised look on his face, one would think I told him I’m going to climb Mount Everest. But he says nothing.
I leave the apartment, more alive than ever before. In the car, I call Thalia to tell her that I’m okay. She had called several times while I was in the shower.
“Nothing has changed today, I hope.”
“No way. The new Paige is here to stay.” I start the car. “And guess what, Ryan made himself breakfast. Can you believe that?”
“That’s a first.”
“You can say that again.”
“Do you think you got through to him, then?”
“I don’t know. With him, I never know anything. There’s no harm in hoping, though.”
“What are you doing today? If you’re free, we could spend the day on the beach to celebrate your freedom.”
“A day on the beach sounds fantastic, but later. I’m actually going to church right now.”
“Church? Since when do you attend church?”
“There are many things I’ve neglected over the past year. It’s time to get them back.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“We could hit the beach later in the afternoon, if you’re still free. How about we have a picnic on the sand?” I ask.
“Yeah, that would be great. Come to the beach near my place. It’s less crowded. Call me when you’re on your way.”
“Sure.”
INSIDE THE COOL INTERIOR of St. Peter’s Catholic Church, I slide into the last pew.
My body is present, but my mind is scattered. I’d woken feeling confident and determined to live my life, but sudden thoughts of Ryan now cloud my mind. I tuck them into a dark corner and listen to the sermon. I sing and pray with the congregation, my earlier nervous energy melting away.
At the end of the service, I greet everyone who greets me on their way to the door, and stand so the lady next to me can get out, then I sit back down.
Once most of the people have trickled out, Father William, a stocky man with a shock of white hair and matching beard, notices me from the pulpit and approaches me. He welcomes me to the church, then leaves me to have my moment alone with God.
In the space between the beats of my heart, I utter a single prayer.
“God, if you’re listening, please save Ryan from himself.”
I remain in my seat for another fifteen minutes, enjoying the peace, listening to myself breathing. When I finally get up to leave, I feel ready to deal with any side of Ryan.
I return home to find him where I’d left him, in front of the TV, a pizza box on his lap, a bottle of gin between his knees. It’s almost as if nothing had changed since I left, except for the pizza and the bottle of booze, of course. He doesn’t acknowledge my presence and I don’t strike up a conversation.
I head to my room, where I flop back onto the pillows, my high spirits still intact. It feels incredible to be inside my home, free from the fear of what Ryan might say or do.
I’m about to drift off to sleep when my phone vibrates. I forgot to crank up the volume after the church service.
“How was church?” Thalia asks.
“Amazing ... freeing in a way. I think I’ll go more often.”
&nbs
p; “Great. Maybe I’ll join you next time. When can we paint the beach red?”
“How about in an hour?”
“Wonderful. We still have some snacks left over from yesterday. I’ll bring them along.”
“And a good book. Bring me something from your library.”
“Wait, you mean you won’t be doing Sudoku puzzles?” She laughs.
“I’m choosing to take a break today.”
“What genre are you interested in? Gritty or something sweet?”
“Something light.” I’ve had enough darkness in my life. It’s time to shine a light into my soul.
“I have to say, I’m really liking this new Paige.”
“So. Am. I.” A smile stretches across my lips. “See you later.”
After the call, I save the number Dylan Baxter called me from yesterday and drop the phone next to me on the bed, link my hands behind my head and close my eyes.
When I reopen them, Ryan is in my doorway. I shudder at the thought that he opened my door without me even hearing him.
“What are you doing here?” I pull myself to a seated position.
“What does it look like? Watching you.” He plants his hands on his knees.
“Don’t do that,” I say through gritted teeth. “Next time, knock.”
“Quit telling me what to do.” His voice is edged with steel. “You think you’ve got it all worked out, don’t you?” He cracks a knuckle. “You think you’re free of me?”
“I don’t think. I know I’m free of you.” My drowsy eyes don’t waver as they meet his. “You have no control over me.”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“That’s never been my intention. You’re my brother and I don’t want to get rid of you. I just want to live my life.”
“I’m sorry I’m such a burden.” It’s not an apology, it’s a sarcastic statement, a weapon meant to inflict pain.
“You said that, not me.”
“You don’t need to say the words. It’s written all over your ugly face.”
I let out a stream of air. “Ryan, I’m not in the mood for a fight.”
“Whatever.” He moves his hands from his lap to the armrests of his wheelchair. “I just came to tell you that nothing around here has changed.”
My hand grips the bedspread, forming a fist around the cotton fabric. “I ...”
“What’s that? Something you’d like to tell me, Sis?”
“Yes. Get the hell out of my room.”
“I’m not inside your room. I’m in the doorway, or have you suddenly gone blind?”
Heat flushes through my body and I slide off the bed and charge toward him.
I plant my hands over his large ones and push him into the hallway, then slam the door, lock it, and lean my back against it before sliding to the floor.
Tears burn the backs of my eyes, but I refuse to cry. That was a test. He wanted to see if I’m still as fragile as I used to be. The moment he detects my weakness, he’ll strike.
I pull myself off the floor, grab my striped beach bag and toss everything I need into it: swim suit, towel, sunscreen lotion, my phone, tests that need grading, a Sudoku puzzle booklet, and pens. When I leave the room, Ryan is no longer in the hallway.
I walk out of the apartment without bothering to tell him where I’m going.
He may think things are still the same, but he’s wrong. I’ve changed. There’s no going back to yesterday, not for me.
The day on the beach with Thalia is invigorating. In between my dip in the ocean, I read half a chick-lit novel, do some puzzles, and take naps.
By the time I return home, exhausted but happy, the sun is just about to set. After a quick shower, I prepare two potato and sausage casseroles. One for dinner and one for freezing.
I eat alone in the kitchen. When Ryan is hungry, he knows where to find the food.
Halfway through my meal, he shows up. He says nothing. After a few minutes of glaring at me, he turns and leaves.
I go to bed early, but I’m jolted awake by water pouring over my body. I’m inside the shower in my pajamas with no idea how I got in. The water is fast changing from warm to hot by the second.
Panic courses through my body as I step out of the shower and grab a towel. I look into the steamy mirror at my face.
I do know how I got into the shower. It can only mean one thing. I’m sleepwalking again.
My sleepwalking episodes started in childhood. When things were hardest at home, I woke up in strange places around the house or garden.
The last episode was right after Ryan’s accident.
Why now, when I’ve finally come to a place where I’m experiencing the kind of peace I’ve never felt before?
A shudder races through me as I peel off my wet clothes and wrap the towel around my body. I open the bathroom door and freeze. My room looks as though it was hit by a tornado.
Clothes are everywhere, bed covers on the floor, bedside lamps lying on their sides, torn papers scattered on the floor. A total mess.
I’m holding my breath as I take cautious steps into the room, turn to the door. It’s wide open. How’s that possible? I swear I locked it last night.
As I continue to stare through the doorway, I hear a squeaking sound and then Ryan wheels himself past, a creepy smile on his face.
Does he have a spare key to my room?
CHAPTER 13
I wake up an hour earlier than planned and spend the time straightening out my room. I’d been too weakened by shock last night to do anything but lie on my bed, staring up at the ceiling in a daze.
My temples throb with rage as I gather the torn papers, and piece some of them back together as best I can.
Ryan reminded me last night that he’s out to ruin me, but the fear of being stuck in a life I don’t want is greater than the fear of him.
Still blinded by fury, I move from one corner of the room to another, gathering shoes, bags, and other belongings, returning everything to its usual place.
Today is a new day, another day for me to prove to him that he doesn’t get me back, that he doesn’t get to win.
When everything that’s not broken is back in its place, I get ready for work, and leave the apartment without confronting him. I get to school a few minutes before six.
Instead of dwelling on what happened last night or what Ryan will do next, I throw the windows open and settle at my desk.
I pull out my phone. I find Dylan Baxter’s number and give him a call. He called while I was in church yesterday, but I didn’t hear the call as the phone was on silent.
“What a great way to start the week,” he says.
“Dylan, I’m sorry I missed your call yesterday. Do you still want to have that drink?”
“Sure. I take it your answer has changed.”
“I think ... yes.” I smile. “Yes, it has.”
“How soon? The sooner, the better for me. We’ve already wasted a couple of hours, don’t you think?”
“You’re really pushy, aren’t you?” I shake my head.
“I’m a businessman.” His laughter fills my ear, deep, warm, and smooth like honey. “This kind of skill gets me far in business and in my personal life.”
I glance at the calendar standing at one corner of my desk. “I can do tomorrow evening.”
“I’d very much prefer tonight.” He pauses. “Unless you’re extremely busy, of course.”
I lift my shoulders and allow them to fall. “Fine, you win. Let’s meet tonight.”
“Lacey’s Place at eight? That work for you?”
“Yes, that’s fine.” Lacey’s Place is one of the more exclusive restaurants in town. I can’t afford anything expensive, but I have to get myself something fancy to wear. I’m short on cash, but I deserve a gift to celebrate the new me.
We end the call and I pull the gift card from my bag, the one Thalia gave me for my birthday. It’s time to use it.
The school day goes by in a blur. By the end of it
, I’m exhausted but also excited about the evening.
Thalia walks into my classroom just as the last kid leaves, and eyes me suspiciously. “I hope you haven’t changed your mind.” She looks great in a canary yellow linen dress suit that makes her rich skin glow.
“Not a chance.” I gather up some papers from my desk and slide them into a folder. “I’m ready if you are.”
“Perfect. Where do you feel like going first?”
“Let’s go shopping.” I push back my chair and grab my bag.
We end up spending too much time shopping for the perfect dress because Thalia rejects all my choices, pushing me to get something a little sexier. In the end, we both agree on a brown and cream chiffon peplum dress in a length that makes my legs look longer than they actually are. Since it’s on sale, I spend way less than I thought I would.
The next stop is The Goddess Parlor, where thanks to Thalia’s gift, I’m treated to a facial, a manicure and pedicure as well as a hairdo.
“Wow,” Thalia breathes, putting aside the gardening magazine that she had been reading while she waited for me. “I can hardly recognize you. Those highlights sure do bring your hair to life.”
“I agree.” A smile spreads across my face as I do a little twirl, my new vibrant hair sweeping in soft curls across the tips of my shoulders. The pearl blonde highlights make my hair look rich and striking.
Thalia gets to her feet and approaches me, making a circle around me. “How do you feel inside?”
“Renewed. I can’t believe I never took advantage of your gifts before.”
“There’s always a first time. Let’s get out of here; you’ve got a date to prepare for.” She had proposed that I get dressed at her place so as not to get attacked by Ryan, but even though he tried to scare me last night, I’m not going to tiptoe around him.
Outside The Goddess Parlor, I open my car door and turn to Thalia. “Are you really sure you want to come over after I leave? You don’t have to.”
I didn’t tell Thalia what Ryan did last night, because I don’t want her to be too worried about me. But it makes me uncomfortable to think of her in Ryan’s presence. What if he’s really more dangerous than I think?